Keep Fighting
by omgg8764
Summary: When Peeta's is rescued, he arrives back at 13 free of Jacker venom, and still in love with Katniss. They are then selected for an elite team designed to destroy Snow, but so is Gale. Katniss only loves Peeta, but Gale won't give up. M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

NOTE: I've decided to practice my editing on this story. It was the first thing I wrote, and it is near and dear to my heart, but some of it is sloppy, so I want to make sure it's the best work I can do. For new readers, I hope you enjoy (and review 3). If you're re-reading, tell me what you think.

SUMMARY: Thirteen manages to cure Peeta of his tracker jacker hallucinations with a simple antidote. But he still has flashbacks, still has moments where he wonders if he'll hurt the one person he loves. The story starts out right before Peeta, Annie and Johanna are brought back, and continues from there. Gale and Katniss have unfinished business, but her feelings are set for Peeta when she realizes he is no longer lost. The story started as Everlark fluff, but it's turned into so much more. Action, terror, and an impossible decision await Katniss as she tries to take down the Capitol once and for all. There are friends to be made and lost, and the most unlikely ally comes in her moment of need. Through it all, Peeta is by her side, and the two of them will never stop fighting for each other. Rated M for later Everlark moments, of course. ;)

"They're back." A voice called from the door. Without turning my head, I knew it was Haymitch. And I knew who they were. And I knew that he knew I didn't care about they. I cared about him, but Finnick was here. He also didn't care about they. He cared about her. "We're needed in the hospital."

It was hard to tell from his tone what state they were in. For once I wished Haymitch had other emotional states besides angry and bitter. Every word out of his mouth ended up as a combination of the two. Right now I didn't need angry and bitter. I needed: _Will it be like it was before?_ Or more importantly, _does he still love me?_

"Haymitch—" I started, feeling the anxious longing and anticipation fill my throat.

"That's all I know." I could see him without seeing him, holding his hands in the air and backing out the door slowly, his eyes never leaving the back of my head.

Part of me wanted to stay in this meadow filled room forever. If I never went outside, never faced it, then I could go on pretending like everything would be ok. But if I was being honest with myself, I hadn't really pretended everything would be ok. I had pretended the opposite. The image of Peeta cast in my mind was a hate-filled, twisted snarl, fixed intently and completely on me.

"Come on Finnick." I said, getting to my feet. "She's back."

"Hopefully." He said, his eyes still trained on the grass out in front of us. "Hopefully it's Annie. Who knows what they turned them into."

"Don't say that." I snapped. I wanted the loving image of Peeta back, the one of him in the cave or on the beach. The only way to get that would be to face him now. "We don't know anything for sure, and we never will if we keep cowering in here."

With a pathetic shake of the head, Finnick took my outstretched hand and let me lead him out the door. He followed me through the corridors of thirteen like a reluctant child, always pulling back, afraid of what he would find at the end of our journey. I had never met Annie, but only true love could tear you up like that. It would be bad if Peeta hated me, and I felt like I would never be able to move on, but for Annie was Finnick's whole life.

When we reached the hospital doors, I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. With a sudden burst of bravado, Finnick let go of me and pushed open the double doors, charging into the emergency floor with newfound courage. As I broke through the barrier separating the sanctity of ignorance from the reality of truth, I sucked in a breath. The last thing I had expected was this much blood.

The first person I saw was Gale. A nurse was tending to him, wrapping his arm in a thick white gauze. From where I was standing, I could hear him crying out in pain and cursing at her to get it over with. He was injured, but alive. He noticed me and sat up a little, expecting me to come over to him. At another time, I would've run to him. He would have been the source of my inner turmoil. But now all I could give him was a quick glance and a hopeful nod. Peeta. I had to find Peeta.

"Finnick!" I heard a soft shout to my left. A girl with dark hair and brilliant green eyes was running towards us, her eyes never leaving my friend. As soon as he saw her, I noticed his shoulders collapse, and he opened his arms as she reached him, enveloping her in a hug. This was one of the few times I saw Finnick Odair cry, and it was certainly the only time it was out of joy. I couldn't help but watch them, jealous of the way they just knew the other would be waiting for them. All of Finnick's fears were for nothing.

That was what I wanted, but I knew that even if Peeta were a hundred percent ok, I wouldn't get it. Because I had been stupid. For months I had ignored him, then when I finally realized that he was what I wanted, it had been too late. I had to mend the injuries I had given him before we started to grow together. Then the Capitol had taken him, so there was no way of knowing at which point I would have to start.

The next person I noticed on my tour of the emergency room floor was Johanna Mason. She was laying on a table, limp in the doctor's arms. Her head was shaved and her arms and legs were covered in burns and scars. I could only imagine how much they had tortured her. After all, she was the only one who had actually known anything. As I passed her, those dark eyes scanned over me, and she shook her head, but pointed to the right.

Then I saw him. Peeta was already awake, sitting up as a doctor shone a light into his eyes. His mouth was moving furiously as he pushed a nurse's hands away from a bandage on his arm. His face, much like Johanna's body, was covered in cuts and bruises. A coating of sweat stuck his hair to his forehead, but honestly, Peeta had never looked more beautiful to me. As soon as he looked up and saw me, the world seemed to mute. It was like dipping my head underwater, where everyone's voices suddenly become far away and you can't quite feel it when people touch you. There were questions swimming around me: _ma'am, I need to see your identification, who are you, you need permission to be here._ But they didn't matter. Because at that moment, a very small half smile broke out on Peeta's lips.

"Peeta." I couldn't help but let it slip out as I reached his bed. The smile is still there, but it's exhausted and full of trepidation. He looks happy to see me, but his eyes are muddled, confused, looking at me like he doesn't quite know how to feel.

"Kat-" he started to say my name, but I interrupted him with a kiss, pushing my lips into his. They're dry and chapped, and I'm pretty sure someone knocked out one of his teeth, but in that moment I didn't care. He's back in thirteen, and I want him to know that no matter what has happened, I haven't changed.

Once the surprise leaves him, his body relaxes under my arms. He reaches up and touches my cheek, deepening in the kiss and opening his lips into mine. My heart felt like it was about to explode out of my chest. Peeta was kissing me back. Peeta hadn't forgotten. Then there is a tapping on my shoulder, and someone pulls me away from him.

Haymitch was standing next to me, half-grinning and half-frowning, a concerned look on his face. "Slow down sweetheart. You're not helping his oxygen issue."

Heat crept up into my cheeks as I looked back at Peeta. His smile had widened, spreading all the way across his lips. But he was breathing a little heavily, holding onto his chest. I backed up a little, letting the doctors step between us.

"Sorry." I exhale. I needed oxygen as much as he did right now.

"Don't be." Peeta answers before Haymitch can. That gets a snarl and almost a slap on the head, until Haymitch realized Peeta was still injured and pulls back, muttering to himself about young love.

"Go home, Katniss. Get some goddamn sleep. He's not going anywhere." Haymitch followed up. And he was right. Peeta was finally safe, here in thirteen, with me. I could go home and rest and he would be here when I woke up. So I left, knowing that now there was nothing that could tear us apart.


	2. Chapter 2

The assignment sheet has my name, outlined in thick black ink, followed by a number, 451. The uniform I held was stiff and smelled like it had been washed with too much bleach, but it would do. As I reached the elevator doors, a guard asked to see my card and I hand it over proudly. The doors open behind him and, to my surprise, he follows me through. A scan of his own identification card follows, and he presses a button below one, engraved with a letter S.

"Where are we going?" I asked. No one else had a personal escort to their assigned training area. Then again, no one had been pointed down this hallway when they received their assignment card. Most had gone through a large set of double doors. I hadn't thought anything of it until now.

"You didn't honestly think you were going to be assigned to any old squadron did you?" The man chuckled. "You're the god damn Mockingjay."

Of course I was special. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't just be another citizen, another soldier, another fighter. The Capitol had made sure of that when I wont he games, and now thirteen was doing a fantastic job with the follow up. I groaned and asked the man beside me what he meant, but he only shrugged and shook his head.

I wasn't even supposed to be a soldier, but ever since Peeta had returned, my attitude about everything had changed. I threw myself into physical training with new fervor. On the third day of my new life, I had resolved to join the army. It was time to come out of hiding and do my job, and what better way to inspire people than to lead them into battle?

"Absolutely not." Haymitch had said when I came to him with my idea. "Why the hell would we risk the face of this rebellion so you can go do what any old soldier is capable of?"

"How can I ask these people to lay down their lives for our cause when I won't even do it myself?" I wasn't going to budge on this. Hell, I didn't even need his permission. But it always helped to have him on my side, so I had come to him first.

"I'm with Haymitch." Gale chimed in. "You can't go out there. You're way too important to the effort back home."

I glared at him. When Peeta had returned and I had essentially tuned Gale out of my life, he hadn't responded well. When he wasn't nagging me, he was shooting daggers in my direction or trying to get my mother and sister to reason with me. The days of us hunting together in the woods faded with my feelings for Gale.

They had argued and argued with me, but in the end it didn't matter. Free will was an amazing thing, and I had stalked out of the room and down to the enlistment service right after our little meeting. After a short physical and mental evaluation, they had told me to come back that night. So here I was, riding an elevator down to some mysterious top secret training area, wondering what Haymitch had done to thwart my plans.

We finally got to our final destination, the elevator winding to a silent halt. The doors slid open and the guard urged me into a large room, completely covered in stainless steel. There was a chair in the middle in front of a desk.

"Sit." He instructed. I considered protesting, but I was worn out from the physical tests, so I complied.

He set down a manila folder in front of me. A small black pen was attached on the outside, and when I turned to ask the guard what to do, he had already gotten back on the elevator. So I was alone with no idea what I was doing.

I decided to fill out the forms in the folder. It was basic stuff. Name, date of birth, parents names, occupation, work history, blah blah blah. Then there were health and safety forms, essentially having me sign my life away to the service. It was mind numbing work, and as the minutes ticked away, my mind began to wander.

Naturally my mind went to Peeta. I had barely seen him since he came back a few days ago. There had been a total of four visits which involved us exchanging awkward small talk. I was instructed not to touch him or talk about anything too emotional, as they were worried it would be a trigger for his hallucinations. But he still laughed when I tried to be funny and smiled when I came into the room, so I didn't care. Hearing him laugh was enough for now.

Everytime I saw his eyes go far away, back to some dark time in the Capitol, I felt a tinge of guilt in my stomach. I couldn't imagine what he had been through. Most likely tortured visions of me killing his family and beatings from the peackeepers. He always came back within a few seconds, but he was never the same right away. Those flashbacks were usually the reason I left. I didn't want to stand there and think about how I should have saved him in the arena.

On my second visit, we began to play the game. "Cato sliced my leg open with a sword." He said, his face twisted in concentration. "real or not real?"

"Real." I grimaced, perched on the edge of his bed waiting for him to get the memory back. He shuddered at the thought.

"There were dogs with human eyes. Real or not real?" He asked

"Ugh. Real, unfortunately." I answered. The questions went on like that for a while. Effie's hair was pink during the first reaping. His house in the Victor's Village was two down from mine. True questions. Real answers. But there was also: you let the Capitol take me in the arena, you didn't try to save my family, I would live if you were dead.

He seemed to avoid discussing our relationship, until finally he let out a choked question. "You kissed me on the beach during the Quarter Quell." He said, his blue eyes boring into mine. "You felt something that night, something more than just panic and survival. Real or not real?"

I paused, unsure of how to respond. The truth would probably be best. "Real." I answered. Just as I was about to follow it up with _and I think I love you_, his eyes glossed over. When he came to, I left, giving him a solemn and unreturned smile.

"Everdeen." A voice snapped me out of my memory. "Are you done yet?" There was a different guard, this one standing at what I had thought was just another wall panel. It turned out to be a door.

I nodded and stood up, closing the folder and handing it to the man as he ushered me through the door. I stepped into a massive warehouse, only it wasn't a warehouse. There were boxing rings covering one corner, a shooting range in the other, an enormous, box like structure against the wall, and a track surrounding the whole thing.

"Welcome to squad 451." The man said.

"What exactly is squad 451?" I said, marveling at the room around me.

"The ones who are going to end this war." Finnick O'dair was standing to my right, getting up from a chair and making his way over to me. "The best of the best." He followed up. There were several others there, each one slowly making their way towards me.

"Welcome to the team." Another voice chimed in. Gale.


	3. Chapter 3

NOTE: The two new soldiers are NOT NOT NOT in the book. They and commander Jacobs were made up, I didn't want to confuse anything and I needed new character types for this story anyway.

"Thanks." I replied curtly. Gale was just giving me this half-smirk that managed to piss me off even further. We were clearly not on friendly terms, so why was he acting like it? Only yesterday he had nearly cursed me out for wanted to become a soldier. Now here he was, standing in the same squad as I was. Hot anger flooded my extremeties, but I bit my tongue. Gale issues could wait. Finding out what the hell I was doing here seemed a little more imperative at the moment. A snarl from behind them broke up the tense reunion.

"I'm glad you all are already aquainted." I turned on my heel and saw a huge, hulking man with a grey beard and shiny salt and pepper hair. His jaw was comically strong, and there were several odd bends in a nose that had clearly been broken far too many times. A long scar ran over his right eye and down that side of his face, but the set of his brown eyes was icy and proud. "And hopefully you hate each other. That will make this much easier."

"Commander Jacobs sir!" Finnick snapped to attention. "This is Katniss—"

"Everdeen." He said, a small, amused smile crossing his thing lips. "Trust me. I know." His eyes never broke contact with mine as he spoke. "So you're our famous little Mockingjay? If you think I'm going to stand here and blow sunshine up your ass, you've got a lot of waking up to do. On this squad, you are just another soldier. You will fight like one of them, and, if God wills it, you will die like one of them. Those big bad politicians upstairs seem to think you need to be babied. Do you need to be babied Everdeen?"

His words startled me. "Trust me, _sir_." I said with sarcastic emphasis. "I know exactly what I'm getting into."

"O, I don't think you do." His smile twisted upwards, looking incredibly unnatural on his face.

Just then, the door I had come through opened up, and my heart jumped into my chest. Peeta was being ushered into the room with the same precession I had been. "Well they seem to want all of the remaining victors to die at the same time." A voice I identified as Johanna Mason's rang out behind me. "Doing what the Hunger Games never could."

Exhaling to slow my heart down, I smiled at Peeta as he walked over. He shook hands with every member of the squad, and when he came to me, I pulled him in for a hug. It was the most physical contact we had since that day in the hospital. He tensed up at first, but I felt him soften in my arms.

"Alright, alright. That's enough." Jacobs grunted. Our attention was immediately pulled back to him as he grabbed a megaphone and held it out in front of him. It seemed a little superfluous for only seven people. "Let's begin." He boomed. "Everyone to the track."

Johanna and Finnick led the pack, with Gale following close behind. I fell back, hoping to get Peeta alone. As we walked, I took the time to notice there were two people in the room that I did not know. One was a skinny guy who seemed to be around Finnick's age. He had dark brown hair and grey eyes, but wore an easy smile and thick rimmed glasses. The other was short and stocky with a short blonde buzz and a fierce look in his face. Then they walked closer, and I realized that it was not in fact a he, but a woman who had opted to get the traditional military cut. I subconsciously pulled on my braid, grateful I decided against it.

I waited to move until everyone was significantly ahead of Peeta to speak. "I feel like I've barely seen you." I said quietly. "They let you out?"

"Yeah, yesterday." And he hadn't come to see me. "Then they made me go down and do physical evalutions and all these weird logic puzzles. Then I was in this room for hours with no idea what was going on. Haymitch came and got me, told me about the military assignment, and I agreed. Not like I have anything else to do."

He shrugged and let out a small laugh. I tried to return it, but couldn't find it in me. It shouldn't bother me that Peeta didn't come to see me. It wasn't like we were…together. But I thought he would want to, after everything. "But enough about me. All we've talked about is me. How are you?" 

"When did they let you go?" I asked.

Somehow Peeta always knew when something was up with me. It's why he was prodding right now. He tried to get me to admit when something was wrong because my tendency to bottle everything up usually came back to haunt me. I wanted to tell him the truth. That I was lonely and I wanted him beside me. That I didn't want to go back to how things were, I wanted it to be more than that. Most importantly I wanted to tell him that I had missed him, and that I loved him.

"I'm fine," is what I came up with.

He gave me a skeptic sideways glance, but in true Peeta fashion, let it go. I would talk when I was ready. Or at least I hoped it was that, and not that he actually just didn't give a damn about me.

"I'm really glad you're here Peeta." I followed up, biting the inside of my cheek.  
>After everything we've been through, there isn't anyone I trust more with my life. Next to me on the battlefield, all of that. Maybe we could start hanging out again, like before—"<p>

"Katniss." He sighed. "I can't…I want to…I need…" Peeta only struggled with words when he knew exactly what he needed to say, but didn't want to say it. Finally he spit it out, "I missed you, ok? But we can't be…like before. Not yet. It's not safe for you."

"They think you'll relapse." I shook my head. "I know you won't hurt me." It had been naïve to think Peeta would just fall back into loving me. I should have just stayed in the meadow room. "And I don't care if there's a risk. I'll take it."

"Well I won't." He snapped. "I won't risk hurting you, because that would kill me. I wouldn't be able to come back from that. I couldn't—" His hands were balled into fists. "Just accept that all we can be is friends right now. The slower we take it, the easier it will be."

I stopped moving, but he kept walking towards the track. As he got farther and farther away from me, I realized that even though Peeta had come back, he wasn't truly here. I didn't know if he ever would be. But I had to keep going, put on a brave face, and make him understand that I couldn't live without him. Right now Peeta Mellark was my reason to live, and I couldn't lose that when there was so much reason to give up.


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't think winning will help me at all." Peeta turned to face the camera. His smile was bittersweet. 

"And why not?" Caesar Flickerman asked. Bright lights zoomed around Peeta's face, the shadow's clinging to his cheekbones.

"Because…she came here with me." He said.

The crowd gave a collective gasp. For a moment, I can't breath. My chest feels tight, and I don't fully understand what I'm hearing. Peeta stands up and takes two steps forward. I see his lips open, forming my name.

Then he falls to his knees. "You don't love her!" Flickerman shouts angrily. He beats Peeta with an electric baton, smacking his leg, his arm, the back of the head. I want to move, but I can't. It feels like I'm paralyzed, forced to watch Peeta die before my eyes.

"She killed them! You're family and friends! Its all her fault." It's no longer Caesar holding the club; it's President Snow. He kneels down and pushes a needle into Peeta's arm. His screams pierce my ears, but I can't even raise my arms to cover them.

"How do you feel now, son?" Snow asks, his smile touching his icy blue eyes.

Peeta turns towards the camera, his face distorted. "I hate her." He said. "She killed them. She did it. Its her fault." My knees buckle, and I look to Haymitch for help, but he's just standing there, shaking his head at me. When I turn back to the screen, Rue stands next to Peeta.

"It's her fault I'm dead. She let me die. Anyone that goes near her is in danger." Her eyes face the camera, turning an intense, fiery red. "YOU DID IT!" She screeched. "KATNISS!" I heard her screams from the forest in the first games.

"NO!" I'm yelling, but no one can hear me. "NO!" No one can hear me. But I know they're telling the truth. It's my fault their dead. My fault. Now I can move, and I pound my hands on the ground, trying to bring them back, trying to make it all ok, but I can't. Their voices get louder, echoing off the walls until tears stream down my face.

I woke up when my head hit the concrete. Sitting up, I tried to regain my bearings. _A nightmare. It was just a nightmare._ I wondered if my screams had woken anyone else. Sweat dripped down the back of my neck as I struggled to stand. It all felt so real. I could see them standing there in front of me, blaming me for their hardships.

After a while of sitting on my bed and trying not to hyperventilate, I got up to go to the restroom. The hallway was dark, the lights in everyone else's room out. Johanna was laying half on and half off her bed, her arms wrapped around her head. Craig's door was closed, though I was sure she slept just fine.

Jacob's had forced us to live together in this apartment. The women shared a bathroom on the east hallway. There were four rooms here, though only three were occupied. The boys were across the hall, separated from us by a spacious kitchen and sparsely decorated living room. The apartment was designed for soldiers. It didn't look like it could be lived in for very long.

I splashed cold water on my face and neck and ran my fingers through my hair. The sweat made it stick to my skin, but I had gotten used to that by now. Ever since Peeta had been captured, my nightmares had returned with vengeful fury. It was always a similar dream. The people I loved suffering because of me. There was nothing I could do to stop them, so I learned how to tread quietly and face the pillow so no one could hear me scream.

My eyes were dark in the dim bathroom light. There were purple circles beneath them, the result of consecutive nights of little to no sleep. The training kept me busy, but it also wore me down. I shut off the bathroom sink and started to walk back to my compartment. When I reached my room and laid down, my eyes refused to close. The fear was there, clinging to my throat and making it hard to breath. The last good night's sleep I had was the night before the Quell, when Peeta was holding me and it felt like the rest of the world just fell away.

Before I knew it I was up and out of bed and headed down the hallway. I passed through the kitchen and the living room and started to walk towards Peeta's room. The whole time I was reminding myself that this was a horrible idea. Other than an awkward hug, Peeta and I had made no physical contact. Going to his room in the middle of the night wouldn't just surprise him. It would probably freak him out.

At the doorway, I hesitated, standing on my tiptoes at the threshold between his room and the hallway. The fear of having another nightmare overcame my fear of rejection, and I quietly slipped in, closing the door behind me.

He was asleep on his side facing me. Peeta always managed to look so peaceful when he slept. When I told him that, he had laughed and told me I always looked like I was fighting some sort of battle. He said my eyebrows were constantly knit together, and that I tossed and turned more than anyone he had seen. My stress carried over into the night, while Peeta's expression had none of its useful concentration or worry. I had missed seeing him like this.

"Peeta." I whispered. He stirred a little, then rolled over onto his back. Biting my lip, I reached my hand over and put it on his shoulder. "Peeta, wake up." I said a little bit louder.

He opened his eyes with a start. He grabbed my hand, hard, and his eyes were filled with a panicked fear. For a second I thought he might attack me, but when he came too, he relaxed. "Katniss?" He whispered back, not letting go of my hand. "What are you doing here?" 

If I was a better liar, I would have come up with a sensible excuse. Instead, I told the truth. "I couldn't sleep. My nightmares have been horrible since…well I just thought that on the train you helped me sleep…I'm just exhausted."

"Katniss…you can't just…do this to me. I could've hurt you. If the doctor's were wrong, this would have been the perfect situation for me to get out of control. Then what would I do if I had hurt you?" Peeta was frowning, but it was more desperate than sad, like he was trying to convince himself that was a possibility.

"You can't be afraid of yourself for your whole life." I said, raising my voice. "This was a bad idea." I shook my head. "A moment of weakness that I should have ignored. I'll just let myself out."

When I turned to leave, I felt him grab onto my hand again. When I turned back, a smile had replaced his worried frown. "You honestly think I could let you leave?" He said.

He pulled me down next to him and wrapped the blanket around us. When his arms reach around my back, I can feel how warm he is. It feels good. Peeta feels good; strong and secure and safe. He smells like soap and freshly baked bread, and being with him reminds me that there are things I could dream about instead of horrible nightmares.

"You're safe now." He whispered into my hair. "I can't be afraid of them. So I can promise you'll be safe with me."

He started to run his fingers across my lower back. I think it was a subconscious gesture, and I remembered him doing it when we were on the train or in the Capitol. Usually it calmed me down, but ever since the beach, my feelings for Peeta had changed. Now when he touched me, I felt something stir in my stomach. It was a burning desire for Peeta's touch. These were light caresses, meant to calm me down, but now all I could think about was him kissing me and how I never wanted him to stop touching me.

Sex had never been something I concerned myself with. When it was an issue for everyone else, I was busy fighting for my life in an arena. Now that we were in thirteen and the immediate danger was hundreds of miles away, I had a lot of time to think about what Peeta's hands would feel like. A shiver ran down my spine, even though I was suddenly incredibly hot.

"Cold?" He pulled another blanket from the foot of the bed over us. I tried to stutter out an answer.

"Yeah a little bit." I said. When he wrapped his arms around me, he was careful to place them outside my shirt.

"That probably didn't help." He said nervously. "I'm sorry. I just forgot how soft your skin was. It feels good."

He turned his head down to face me, and if I wanted to, I could reach up and kiss him. He even moved his head down, like he was thinking the exact same thing. He hesitated.

"Taking it slow." He let his head fall back onto the mattress. "We're taking it slow."

I considered just ignoring his protests and kissing him, but his eyes were already closed. In a few minutes, his breathing was even, and he had fallen back asleep with a smile on his face. For the first time in a very long time, I fell into a long, dreamless sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

NOTE: This is a really long chapter. Its worth it! Please review!

A grenade exploded to my left. I ducked behind a building and covered my head, but my ears were ringing. I reached up and pulled my hand back. No blood. That was a good sign at least. I can hear gunshots going off around me. I panic, but slowly get my bearings. "Move Everdeen!" I hear a voice shout. Craig. I get out of my hiding spot and run to the next checkpoint, dive rolling behind a barrier. I loose an arrow and hit one of the Capitol soldiers in the chest. I hear a single shot from behind me then the crash of another body going through a window. I turn and see Craig finishing off another soldier. "Go now! I've got your back." She said angrily. I nodded, then broke into a dead sprint.

I ran towards the bunker where they were holding Snow and slid through just as the doors were about to close. I took out my knife and slit the throat of the nearest guard. Snow and his other guard ran down a hall, but I shot the guard in the back as he tried to cover the President. I finally had Snow cornered. He smiled. All I could smell were roses. I pulled back my bowstring and aimed it at his face. I stared into those blue eyes, and suddenly I was lost. I was in the Capitol, meeting him as a tribute in the first games. He was sitting in my kitchen, threatening my little sister. He was on the screen, calling me a liar and a traitor. Telling me that if I didn't back down, he would kill everyone I love. I struggled with my bow, I wanted to loose that arrow, but I knew he'd kill them. My family. My friends. Prim. Peeta. Then I felt something hard hit my back, and the buzzers went off.

"Game over Everdeen." I heard a rough voice yell. "You lose." I relaxed my arms and sighed. The lights came on and the walls were raised. I saw Craig about twenty yards away, splattered with yellow paint. "You're done for the day. Seems like if it were up to you, the president would live to see another day. Pathetic." Commander Jacobs growled through the loud speaker. There was a strange mix of anger and disappointment in his voice. I hated when he was angry, but I hated disappointing him even more.

I knew it was just a training mission, so there were no serious implications, but he was right. If it were a real combat situation, I was done for, and so was my team. "Way to go Everdeen." Craig sneered. "You failed." She walked towards me, rage and disgust written all over her face. "If that had been a real mission we would both be dead. Just pile that up on your list of casualties. If you think that I'm going to put my life in your hands, you better think again. I don't know why they let you be a soldier. You don't deserve it." She partially ran into my shoulder and pushed past me stalking into the changing room.

Ever since day one Craig had been on me about not being good enough, but what she had said stung. My chest felt heavy as I followed her through the doors to where we were supposed to change out of our target outfits. I passed a few soldiers who were dressed up in the white uniforms of the Peacekeepers, my red paint splattered all over their uniforms. That was how you determined if you killed or not. The suits were sensored to detect when blood was shed, and they responded by dying themselves red. We called it paint, but it was really just an automatic dye that would fade within a few hours and be ready for another use. The technology in the simulator was amazing and realistic.

The simulator was usually my best area of training. I was so excited to go in because real combat was where I did my best. My quick thinking and strategy were my two best attributes, and me being a good shot didn't hurt. I like the shooting range and sparring, but this was where I truly shined. I stripped off my suit and threw it into the cleaning shoot, then donned my squad 451 uniform and walked out towards the control room in the simulator building. This was where Jacobs and the rest of the team watched whoever was in the simulator. It was a bird's eye view that gave him every opportunity to criticize. The simulator building was interesting. It was inside the larger underground arena/building where all of our training was done, but the actual simulator was another building itself. However, the walls were able to raise and lower according to the situation. Peeta called it the greatest feat of military training technology.

The thought of Peeta made me smile. Ever since that night I had crawled into his bed, our relationship had completely changed. When I opened my eyes that morning, he was staring at me. "Good morning beautiful." He said with a smile. For a second, I thought it was a dream. "Hi." I said yawning and stretching. He leaned in and kissed me. A real kiss. It was so unexpected, but so amazing. His lips were soft and warm against mine. I tried to deepen the kiss but he pulled away, laughing. "Let's take it slow. Ok Katniss? Not as slow as before, but it would be best if we eased into it." I nodded in agreement.

We went to training that day holding hands. I saw Gale, and immediately recognized the look of anger in his face. I expected Peeta to let go, but instead, he gripped my hand firmer. "Hey Gale," he said, eyes narrowing. Gale looked at me and snarled, then turned around and waved us off. "He's jealous." I said warily. "He must have seen me walk out of your room."

"Who cares?" Peeta said. "He has no right to be angry." He spun me towards him and looked me in the eyes. "You're mine Katniss. You always have been. You always will be. Gale doesn't stand a chance against what we have." He smiled and kissed me again. I was a little taken aback by his possessiveness, but I realized he was just articulating what I was feeling. He was right. Gale never stood a chance.

Two nights later, it was my turn to clean up after the squad ate dinner. I didn't mind because Peeta volunteered to help me. We began to clean up and he was quiet. When everyone had cleared out of the kitchen, I heard him say "Katniss…"

"Hmm?" I started to question turning towards him while washing a dish. He was closer than I thought, our noses nearly touching. Before I knew it his lips were on mine. This kiss was different. This wasn't the light kisses Peeta had been giving me for the past few days. I could feel the hunger inside of him. He wrapped his hands around my hips and pulled me into him. My hands ran through his soft blonde hair. He ran his tongue around my bottom lip, begging entry into my mouth. I opened my lips and met his tongue with mine. He was pushing hard against me, and I pushed back wanting more. I ran my thumb across the top of his shorts and felt him shudder against me. He moaned softly into my mouth and his hand was up my shirt. I felt heat in my cheeks. I wanted him. No. I needed him. He grabbed my breast and I gasped. I felt desire rising in me. He started to pull back, startled, but I pushed myself into him and forced our lips back together. I felt him smile against my mouth. My hand dipped lower and I felt him hard against me. I stroked him through the soft fabric of his shorts. "Katniss…" He moaned against my lips. It drove me crazy when I heard my name escape his lips like that. He dipped his head against my shoulder. I heard his ragged breathing, and it turned me on even more. "Katniss." He kissed my neck, then as my stroking became faster, he started sucking. I moaned softly into his ear. His hand moved from under my shirt to undoing my pants so quickly I thought he might rip them off. He slid his hand in past my under wear and slipped one finger into me. My body sank into his and I groaned. "Oh my god. Peeta." He started to move his finger in and out of me, speeding up with each stroke. It felt like my nerves were on fire, like my heart would explode. I couldn't think, I only knew I wanted more. I didn't want him to stop. Then I heard voices on the other side of the kitchen door and it snapped us back to reality.

I quickly rebuttoned my pants and fixed my shirt as Peeta shifted his to hide his arousal. I turned back to the sink to wash the dishes just as Gale and Finnick walked through the door. I forced myself to not turn around until the heat in my cheeks was gone. "Hey guys." Finnick said, still chuckling about some joke that he had just told in the other room. He walked over and set a glass down next to me. "I would wash it, but…"

"Its fine." I said, surprised my voice came out evenly. Peeta smiled as he washed his hands off.

"You alright Katniss?" He asked. I forced myself to look him in the eyes. "Yes Finnick. I'm good. Thanks for asking." He raised his eyebrows, looked at Peeta, then looked back to me. "Ok. Well. I'm gonna leave." He said with a smile. He hit Peeta on the shoulder as he walked out.

"Whatever Finnick." I said as he walked out. I turned to watch him, but I only saw Gale. His eyes were dark. It must have been clear what we were doing, and Gale was not happy. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but Finnick grabbed his arm. "Come on man." Finnick said. Sometimes I thank whatever God there is for Finnick Odair. Peeta turned around, and Gale stared at him. For a second, I was legitimately afraid of him. I thought he was going to jump across that kitchen and kill Peeta, but he didn't. He just turned and followed Finnick out the door. I turned back around.

"So…" Peeta started. "Let's just do dishes." I looked at him initially upset, but that quickly melted away. He was smiling at me. That pure, broad smile. Unblinking and never ending. I smiled back, there was no way I couldn't.

That had been last night. When we crawled into bed, we started again, but I stopped him. "Peeta, I'm not ready…to…do everything." I said, not knowing how to properly say I'm not ready to fuck you right now. I expected him to be upset, but he just looked at me. "Of course not. Slow, remember Katniss?" He said as he rolled on top of me and began kissing my neck. "Yeah." I said breathily. "Slow."

That had been last night. I snapped out of my memories and found myself outside the control room. Is this where I was headed? Thinking of the things Peeta and I had done last night made me lightheaded. I walked through the door and remembered the beating I was about to take. "Well Everdeen." Jacobs said. "You failed the mission, got Craig killed, and you, the Mockingjay, are also dead. And you thought you could be a soldier." He scoffed. "Sit down and watch the rest of your team do it right. Hawthorne, Mallark, you're next."

Gale was clearly still angry about what he saw last night, so he reluctantly stalked out of the control room into the changing area. Peeta came over and kissed me.

"Good luck." I said with a small smile.

"It's ok Kat. Everyone messes up sometimes. You're amazing." He smiled his amazing, charming smile and somehow, it cheered me up despite the terrible training. How can it be possible for him to make me so happy in these times where everything was so terrible?

"Be careful Peeta." I worried about him being with Gale. "Gale and I are on the same team remember?" He laughed. "Besides, I'm not afraid of him." He kissed me on the forhead when I began to protest and walked out of the room. The weapons we used were fake, but sometimes hand to hand combat was involved, and then it always got dangerous. The "Capitol" soldiers were told to not hold back and so were we.

The walls went back up and the room darkened. I could see the shadowy figures of Peeta and Gale moving around the arena. They were supposed to be going into a hostage situation in the dark, using night vision goggles to replicate a night time rescue. I saw the first silent bullet throw a red streak across a guard that had flinched. Peeta. He had the gun, Gale had a bow and arrow. I saw them move flawlessly through the course and began to relax. They seemed to be working well together, if not as a team at least they weren't arguing. I saw Peeta signal to Gale to cover him while he went in to rescue a hostage. The point was for them to be completely stealth. Their presence could not be revealed or else they lost. Gale nodded and Peeta walked up the steps towards the hostage on the opposite side. He slit a guards throat and shot another point blank, I saw him begin to untie the hostages ties and carry "him" back to the pull out point. Then Gale stood up. I saw him pull something out of his pocket. A flash bang. He threw it directly towards where Peeta was standing, and it went off with a bang. I heard Peeta yell in agony as the sound blinded him. The guards were also unable to move, but the grenade had hit right under Peeta, so it had effected him the most. He writhed on the floor. The guards regained their bearings and turned towards him. One hit him with the butt of his gun, the other picked him up and held him while a third punched him repeatedly. "Stop them!" I yelled at Jacobs. "Its just a simulation!" Jacobs hit a button and the buzzer sounded. The "guards" dropped Peeta to the floor and he fell down. He was bleeding from both ears. I ran out of the control room and towards Peeta. I fell on my knees next to him.

"Peeta! Are you ok?" He groaned in pain and continued to writh on the ground. "Wheres the medical team?" I felt the panic in my voice as I realized that he was actually hurt. They rushed up and pulled him onto a stretcher. I watched them carry him off, but when I began to follow, Furman pulled me by my arm. He was usually a joker like Finnick, but the look on his face was serious. "Jacobs said the whole team stays." He lead me towards the control room by the arm. When we got there Jacobs was just standing in front of the controls. Craig, Johanna and Finnick were standing with frowns on their faces. They clearly did not approve of Gale's actions. I was steaming. How could he do this? It was a drill and he had brought a flash bang on a silent mission?

He walked through the door with a smirk on his face. "I guess loverboy couldn't handle a trick situation." He said with a laugh. I stood up. I wanted to hit him, to hurt him like he hurt Peeta. "We are on the same team you asshole!" I shouted. "He didn't do anything!" I could feel my anger bubbling over. Gale was not the person he once was. Jealously had overtaken that guy. "O relax. He'll be fine." Gale said.

"What did you say Everdeen?" Commander Jacobs finally turned. His face was cold and hard as he stared at Gale. "We are a what? O that's right. A team. And what did you do Hawthorne? You threw away your mission, and you brought an illegal weapon for that particular course. You completely disrespected me, and everything my training stands for." I had see Jacobs angry. He always got angry, but this was different. This wasn't me being a shaky shot or Finnick goofing around during cardio training. This was rage. "How dare you Hawthorne. You don't deserve to be amongst these people. If it weren't for Coin forcing you to be here you'd be gone. You're attitude is terrible, and I don't give a DAMN how jealous you are that she loves Peeta. I don't give a DAMN if you think you have rights to her or whatever. You have nothing. You deserve nothing." I looked at Gale and saw fear start to creep into his features. I think he was afraid that Jacobs would kill him, but his voice calmed down. "Get out."

"What?" Gale asked, confused.

"Get the hell out of my sight." Jacobs replied curtly. "We were assigned a mission to be carried out two days from now. You won't be coming. We are better off without you until you figure out what really matters to you as a soldier. Grow up Hawthorne. This is a war, not some stupid love triangle bullshit. If you wanna take your personal problems onto the field, you'll do it in someone elses squad. You won't be back at training until after our mission." He said with finality. "Let's see how jealous you are when you sit at home watching your teammates die, and realize that maybe if you weren't such an immature ass, you might have been able to save them." He turned back to the control panel. "We're done for the day."


	6. Chapter 6

NOTE: Another long chapter. This is about a mission, so there isn't as much Katniss and Peeta, but I didn't want this story to be only about that. I wanted it to have a core with the squad and such. It's also needed for the next chapter, which is what you've all been waiting for! Review!

"This is not a drill. Remember that." Jacobs said as I walked towards the end of the ramp. I looked out onto clear blue sky, with the ground far below me. I could see little black dots falling towards the ground. I was the last of my squad to parachute out. "Good luck Soldier Everdeen." I nodded at him and gulped. Then I jumped out of the hovercraft.

It was an ingenious plan really. We had to go in to district two and destroy a capitol arms production facility that was inside a mountain. The only way we could get in discretely was to go when they least expected us: during the day. Jacobs had been observing them and knew that they posted more guard at night because they expected an attack, so he decided to risk being seen in order to catch them off guard. The next part was getting in.

"Seriously?" I asked as Furman handed me a small bag. "We are gonna parachute?" It was hard to scare me with stuff like this after all I had been through with the games. I didn't understand why we would choose this method, plus the idea of jumping out of a flying hovercraft with only a piece of cloth to save my life was not my idea of safe.

"We're gonna catch 'em with their pants down." Jacobs said with a smile. "Hovercraft have a maximum height limit of about 5000 feet. So we're gonna go a little higher to drop you in. They're sensors won't register us up there, and we'll be going in under the radar." It was dangerous and risky. So many things could go wrong, but I guess that's why they sent us, the best trained squad in the rebellion. I put the small pack on my shoulders and fastened the harness around my legs and chest. I walked back to my seat next to Peeta.

I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. "It'll be alright Katniss." He said. "You trust Commander Jacobs don't you?" I nodded. "He wouldn't send us in there if he wasn't sure this plan would work." He had a point. I had gained a new level of respect for our commander. He was a tactical genius, and he had outsmarted the Capitol in five separate missions before becoming commander of squad 451. If anyone would lead us in safely, it would be him.

I pulled my chute and felt it tug hard on the harness. I started to slowly float down to the ground. This was the worst part. When I was slowing down with a huge chute to identify me was when I was most likely to get shot out of the air, then it was a long fall to the ground. I looked down, felt nausceous, then quickly looked back up at my white chute. I couldn't think about that now. Jacobs told us to go somewhere else on the flight down. There was no way to defend ourselves, so we may as well try to be happy for what could be the last time. "Go to your happy place." He would say. "You might even get to stay there." He snapped with a snarl.

So I thought of Peeta. I thought of the last two nights and of all the nights before them. Falling asleep with his arms wrapped around me was all I could ask for. Things were getting harder. Coin was even more angry because Gale, who had become her new pet, was temporarily banned from training. The other day I had done a propaganda video and had broke down in tears when I remembered that I was encouraging people to die for a cause I wasn't even sure I believed in myself. Tears were plentiful, but somehow knowing I could come back to the shared compartments and talk to Peeta made everything better.

Peeta and I had been doing a lot of talking. After training, we would stay up all night talking about the games and about our families. I told him about my mother. How I was often frustrated with her, but it was only because I loved her and couldn't stand to see her in pain. I told him about how I still harbored negative feelings towards her because of mine and Prim's near death all those years ago. I felt the rage build up inside me. These were feelings I had suppressed for so long, unable to talk with anyone, but Peeta was such an amazing listener. He would ask questions at just the right times, stroke my hair, and hold me when I got emotional. Emotional moments were a thing I only shared with Peeta. In public or with others, I wore a hard, unreadable mask so I wouldn't appear weak. I couldn't afford that. After all, I didn't know who to trust ever since I was unsure of whether or not President Coin and I were on the same team.

Getting Peeta to talk was a little more difficult. He spoke of his family; old memories about the bakery and him hanging out with his brothers. He talked about his friends, but sometimes he got uncomfortable. I think somewhere deep down in his mind a part of his brain still blamed me for their deaths, so talking about them made it hard. He loved to talk about me though. He was constantly complimenting me. Every morning it was "good morning beautiful." During random parts of the day he would come up to me and say things like, "don't frown too much. You're way too gorgeous when you smile." Then he would flash his adorable grin at me and walk away. Of course my heart melted when he said things like that. Even I could act like a typical girl at some moments. The past two nights had been the greatest part of mine and Peeta's new relationship. We would talk, but eventually his lips would find mine, or his hands would find their way up my shirt. Then the talking was over. I didn't think I would ever feel this way about someone. When Peeta slipped his fingers inside of me, it felt like I had caught on fire. The first time he made me climax was a sensation that can never be replicated. I pushed my body into his and felt all of my muscles tense. "Peeta." I moaned into his ear. Then everything relaxed and I shuddered against him. I was most turned on after I had finished him though. When he moaned my name into my ear or bit down on my neck while in the moment, I would close my eyes and stroke my hand faster against him. Sometimes I would pull back and tease him until he begged for more. In these moments I became a different person. I was in control of everything, and I was doing something I wanted to that was pure ecstasy for me. Those moments were rare for me in the insanity that was being the Mockingjay. This was the farthest it had gotten between us. We only talked about sex once, when I told Peeta I wanted to wait. He said he would wait forever if he had to, and that was something he only wanted with me when I was absolutely ready, but I knew he was a guy, and the way he pushed the limits of what we were already doing suggested that he wanted more. When we were done, I would lay on his chest and he would run his hands across my back, a small smile on his lips. I would close my eyes and fall asleep to the sound of his steady breathing. This was where I went when I thought of my happy place. This was where I wanted to stay if I died.

"You're almost to ground level Everdeen." I heard Jacobs voice in my ear piece. It brought me out of my happy place and forced me to look down. The ground was rapidly approaching, and I tucked my knees to my chest to meet it. I hit the ground harder than I expected to, and ran with it like we were taught. I unattached my parachute and took got my bearings. I was in the middle of a forest, and I had to move now. Any stillness would make it easier for them to track and catch me. I started to walk in the general direction of where I believed our meeting point was. "To the left 15 meters through that crop of trees." I heard the commander's voice. "That's where you'll meet."

I walked through a clearing to the spot he indicated and saw Furman, Craig, Finnick and Johanna all there already. Finnick had a map out and was checking our coordinates with Craig. Jacobs would stay in the hovercraft and command lightly from above, but for all intense purposes Craig was the team leader on the ground. She was the oldest, the best soldier, and the most experienced, so it made sense that she would command our first mission. She still hated me, however, so I would be given the nasty duties. I nodded at Furman, who was cleaning his gun, and stood next to Johanna. "Where's Peeta?" I asked.

"How should I know?" Craig sneered from behind the map. "If your loverboy doesn't get here soon though, we have to move without him." I knew she couldn't be serious, it was all planned out. We had to go in with Peeta. I started to panic inside my head. What if she was serious? Would she really leave him out here to be Capitol bait? Just then, I heard footsteps behind me, and Peeta walked into the clearing. He limped slightly and I noticed it was his artificial leg. I went over to help him, but he shook me off.

"I'm fine." He smiled. "Its just a little harder landing when you only really control one of your legs." He turned to Craig. "I assume its time to move out?" 

"You assume correctly." She pushed the map back towards Finnick. "Let's move team. Finnick and I will lead. Furman and Johanna take the middle. Everdeen and Peeta, you're bringing up the rear." We got into formation and moved through the woods. We were at the base of the mountain, so now we just had to hike up about fifty yards to get to our entry point. It took us about an hour because the terrain was slightly dangerous, but finally we got to an opening of the cave. Craig held up her fist, signaling for us to stop, then pointed forward, the signal to move. We stepped through the cave and into formation, we walked down a long tunnel that was used for sewage. It smelled awful, and I crinkled my nose and tried not to puke. We finally came to the end of the hallway, where there was a cavern that had a service ladder on one side, which was how we would enter the base. We stripped off our camouflage uniforms. There would be no need for them now. Underneath we wore the dark green shirts and pants of factory workers. Each of us had a badge. Of course there were guns and grenades in the pockets of our belts instead of the normal hammers and screw, but we looked the part. Johanna and Peeta each had packs. Johanna's had a charge in it that would make the room go deaf and blind, it was for our extraction. Peeta's held a first aid kit and some supplies in case our extraction was botched and we ended up alone in the woods. Craigs pack was the largest and hardest to hide. Inside it held backup clothes, but those were only to hide the real thing, a bomb that we would set up inside the core of the mountain. It was inside a small metal case, but it had enough force to blow up the entire factory, and hopefully none of would be inside when it went off.

We walked out the door and tried to act as naturally as possible, laughing and joking like any other group of workers. We split into two groups. Peeta, Craig and I went to the left, towards the central hub of the factory, while Finnick, Johanna and Furman went off to cover our backs, stationed at various positions in the room. We stopped at a small door, where Craig punched in a bunch of codes. The door slid open with a beep, revealing a long dark hallway, and Craig looked at me. "If I'm not back in five, get the hell out of here." She said, turning down the corridor with a look of fierce determination. I watched her disappear until the door slid shut again, then I turned and waited on the right side, with Peeta on the left.

I was on constant alert. Every soldier that passed by us was a potential threat. Everytime someone turned the corridor, I would flinch towards my gun. Peeta gave a wary look. "It's gonna be ok." He said quietly, turning away from the security camera we knew was mounted in the corner of the hallway to our left. The seconds ticked past like hours, and it seemed like Craig would never be returning. Peeta looked at his watch, then back at me worriedly. "It's been five minutes. She told us to go." I looked at the door, then back down the corridor. I didn't want to leave Craig. Sure she hated me and thought I was worthless, but she was still a member of our team, and I had a soft spot for her because I knew she had a rough life growing up, but this is what she would want; me to obey orders. I nodded and Peeta and we turned to head down the corridor. Then the door slid open and I heard shouts.

Craig sprinted out the door and hurriedly pressed the code to slide it shut. She into my eyes with a look that was a mixture of fatigue, uncertainty, and something I had never seen in her before: fear. She pointed down the corridor, so out of breath she wasn't able to talk, and pushed Peeta and I towards it. We started to sprint back the way we had come, and that's when I heard the sirens.

They were blaring from all sides, and suddenly I realized what had happened. Craig had been noticed by soldiers and forced to run. But did she finish what she was told to? We slid into a small passageway as a group of guards ran past. "I set up the bomb." Craig gasped, trying to catch her breath. "It's us getting out of here before it goes off that's gonna be a problem."

When we thought it was safe, we ran out into the open, and were immediately surrounded.

At least fifty guards all pointed their rifles in our direction. "Take them in," said one guard in the middle. Craig raised a pistol.

"Not without a fight." She answered defiantly.

"Weapons down!" The supposed leader answered. "You're way outnumbered. Give up now—"

"COVER!" I heard a familiar voice scream. I forced my hands to my ears, but it couldn't totally block out the deafening blow of the flash bomb Johanna had just set off. I looked around, my ears pounding and my heart in my chest. I saw Craig, Peeta, and Finnick running towards the door where I assumed our extraction point was. I was still stunned by the bomb, so I couldn't really remember exactly, I just started running to follow. Then, just as the world came into focus, I my feet come out from under me.

I stuck my hands out to catch my fall, yelling on the way down, and rolled to the side, but before I knew it, three guards were on me. Two had my arms, the other stood right in front of my face. It was the same one who was shouting orders and telling us to run. "On your knees." I looked into his eyes defiantly, but the two guards pushed me down. I could see Peeta behind the commander, he had stopped and turned around, starting to run back towards me, but Finnick caught him. "KATNISS NO!" I heard him scream. "Let go of me Finnick!" Finnick had about five inches on Peeta, but apparently seeing me in this state gave him unhuman strength, because Furman had to come over and help wrestle him down. They dragged him out the door as he screamed for me, but I knew this was how it was supposed to be. Commander Jacobs had given us specific instructions that if someone were to fall behind, we couldn't go back. They couldn't risk more lives for one team member. Of course Peeta wouldn't listen, but Finnick and Furman and everyone else wouldn't want to lose two of us.

I looked into the eyes of the guard leader as he pulled out a pistol and pressed it to my forehead, then I looked back at the door, I could still hear Peeta's screams, but he was gone. Johanna was the one holding the door open for them, and I could see a tear roll down her cheek as she looked back at me. She touched three fingers to her lips, then saluted me. I felt like sobbing, but I wouldn't give this man the satisfaction. I wouldn't give Snow the satisfaction. I heard the door close. I looked at the commander again, and I saw Prim. I saw my mother and Peeta and District 12, back in the good days. I was at Greasy Saes eating a bowl of dog stew. I was joking with Gale in the woods. I was laying with Peeta on the train during the Victory Tour. I saw my father and I hunting in the woods. All of these moments were what ran through my mind as I faced my death. I had survived two hunger games and the deaths of so many loved ones, and here I was, about to be executed.

"The order is to kill you immediately." He said with a grin. "I'm so glad I get to do it." He cocked his pistol. "Bye bye little bird." He said. I wouldn't close my eyes, I couldn't. If he was gonna kill me, he was going to look into my eyes and watch me die. Watch me die like I watched Rue. I heard a shot go off.

But it wasn't towards me. I saw the commander slump over. He had been shot once, straight through the head. When I looked behind him, I saw Craig standing there, gun in hand. "Did you really think I could leave you behind?" She snarled. Two more shots finished off the guards holding my arms, and I was up and sprinting. I was through the door and down the ladder before I knew it, rolling and sliding down the mountain top. I just had time to take cover under a shelf of rock with Craig, when the world turned red, and the mountain base rained in pieces over our heads.


	7. Chapter 7

Note: Sorry this took so long. This is, in my opinion, one of the most important chapters, so it took me a while to figure out how I was going to make it. I hope you enjoy it! Review!

"Are you sure?" Peeta asked, pulling away from me and staring into my eyes. I paused for a moment, then kissed him, his soft lips parting to meet mine. I was nervous, I was scared, but I knew that I was ready. I couldn't wait anymore, because I didn't know if I would live to see another day, and I knew this is what I wanted. I wanted to be as close to Peeta as I possibly could, to give him every part of me because I needed him to know that I loved him and only him, and that I always had.

When the hovercraft had finally picked us up, everyone on the team was cheering. We had succeeded in our mission and destroyed the main supply line for the Capitol's weaponry. We had every reason to celebrate, but somehow I couldn't. All I could think about was how close I had come to death, how close I had come to never seeing Prim's face or Peeta's smile. I realized in that moment, with that pistol pointed at my head, that nothing is certain. Every time we went on a mission, it was possible that I wouldn't come back. After surviving the games, I thought I knew what it was like to face death, but even then I had never been so certain that I was about to die. I sat down in one of the chairs inside the craft and put my head in my hands. I could hear my squad members laughing and recounting our adventure, but they sounded so far away. It was as if a mute had been placed over the rest of the world, and when I looked around everything was blurry and there were black spots in front of my eyes.

I felt a familiar arm across my shoulders, and I looked up to see Peeta sitting next to me. He didn't say a word, just looked right into my eyes. In that moment I lost it, I collapsed into his arms and sobbed the entire ride back to thirteen while Peeta stroked my back and held me close to him. I could feel his arms locked around me, like he was never going to let me go. When we finally got back, I tried to force myself to move, but it was like my entire body was frozen. The shock and fear were finally sinking in, and I felt like I would never move again. Peeta must have realized this because he adjusted his grip and picked me up. I had finally stopped crying, so I just buried my head in his neck. "Katniss, can you stand?" He asked me gently.

I nodded my head, but when he set me down and started to pull away from me, I put my arm around his waist and tightened my grip. I could stand, but I needed his support. I would've let him carry me the whole way, but I didn't want the stares. I couldn't let them see me as weak. The world was slowly coming back into focus for me, and I noticed Finnick was saying my name. "Katniss…Katniss are you ok?"

I snapped my head up and muttered something to the effect of "Yeah, I'm fine." He hesitated like he wasn't going to accept my answer, but then I guess he decided to leave me be and turned to Peeta.

"We're gonna go celebrate our victory." I could hear the smile in his voice. "Do you guys wanna come?"

Peeta shook his head. "I just want to go back to the apartment." He said to Finnick. "I'm exhausted, plus you know I can't keep up with you when you party." His laugh was almost too fake, but I think Finnick bought it because he clapped Peeta on the back and gently touched my arm, then turned to follow the rest of the squad. Peeta and I walked back to our apartment silently. I couldn't read what was going through Peeta's head; I only knew that he was never this quiet. I briefly glanced at his face and saw that his brow was creased and he was frowning. He didn't return my glance, only stared straight ahead.

He opened the door for me and I walked past him. I turned around to ask him what was wrong. Why was he acting like this? Why would he shut me out? I opened my mouth, but before any words could come out, his lips were on mine. He kissed me with urgency, with a ferocity that he never had before. He was kissing me like he would never get the chance to again, and after what had happened today, there would always be a chance that he never would. I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, pulling him closer to me. I needed his warmth and his strength. All I wanted was Peeta. All I had ever wanted was Peeta. If I was going to die, I wanted to have him first, and I wanted him to have me, all of me.

I pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. I was afraid, but when I looked at Peeta I knew everything was going to be ok. I knew that what I was about to do was right. "I was so afraid I was going to lose you today." He said, pressing his forehead against mine. "I tried so hard to save you. I fought against Finnick, but he wouldn't let me go. I never want to see you like that again. I can't bear to lose you Katniss. I love you. I've always loved you. I need you and I can't live without you, and if you leave me, I don't know what I'll do…" He shut his eyes, and I saw his jaw tense.

"Peeta…Peeta look at me." I put my hand on the side of his face. He opened his gorgeous blue eyes and stared intensely into mine. "I love you too. More than anything. What happened to me today made me rethink everything I had ever thought was important. I realized that the reason I wanted to live through that, the reason I wanted to get out of there alive was you. I wanted to do more with you, experience more. I didn't want to leave you because you mean everything to me." I kissed him softly on the mouth and grabbed his hand. I pulled him down the hallway towards his room. We walked in and I shut the door behind me. I was nervous, and I realized my hands were shaking. "Katniss…what're you…" I pulled myself into him and kissed him. I reached my arms around myself and pulled off my shirt. He started to stutter, but I could see him suppressing a small smile. I put my hands under his shirt, and he let me take it off over his head. I could feel the hard muscles in his chest and abs, and when he threw his shirt to the side, I had to smile myself. Peeta's body was amazing. He was fit from training, and I his hard muscles rippled every time he moved.

"Peeta, I know that I said I wanted to wait, but I can't. I want to do this with you because I realized that we can't wait. We might never get the chance, and I can't die without loving you…in every way." I kissed him again, this time much deeper. Our tongues twirled around each other and he moaned into my mouth. I realized I was aching for him. I needed Peeta, and I needed him now.

"Are you sure?" Peeta said, pulling away from me and staring into my eyes. I paused for a moment, and then kissed him, his soft lips parting to meet mine. I was nervous, I was scared, but I knew that I was ready. I couldn't wait anymore, because I didn't know if I would live to see another day, and I knew this is what I wanted. I wanted to be as close to Peeta as I possibly could, to give him every part of me because I needed him to know that I loved him and only him, and that I always had.

He stopped me and put his hands on my shoulders. "I need to know that we aren't just doing this because you want to do it with someone before you die. I want it to be meaningful…special…I want it to be because we want this with each other."

"Peeta…it is. It's only you. It's been that way ever since the cave in the first hunger games, maybe even since the bread outside of your doorstep. You've always been there saving me, and I know you'll always be there saving me. I love you. That's why I'm doing this." I smiled at him and he smiled back. He leaned in slowly and kissed me, and I knew there was no more stopping. This was a definite kiss, a starting kiss.

He reached down and unbuttoned then unzipped my pants, they slid down to my ankles, and I stepped out of them as I did the same to him. He shivered when I touched his hardness, gasping slightly. I smiled but didn't stop. I led him over to the bed and he lay down on top of me. His lips moved from my lips to my neck, and I moaned as he kissed the soft spot right above my collarbone. I could feel his smile as his hands reached behind my back and undid my bra strap. I shrugged my bra off of my shoulders and he stared at me for a second.

"What?" I asked. I was surprised I didn't blush because usually nakedness made me so uncomfortable, but I felt so natural with Peeta.

"You're…incredibly beautiful." He said breathlessly, looking back into my eyes. "And I am so lucky." I laughed and kissed him again. He pulled down my underwear, and I kicked it carelessly off the bed. Once I had done the same to him, we were exposed, both completely naked underneath his sheets.

"I love you Katniss." He said as he positioned himself over me.

"I love you Peeta." I took a deep breath, and he entered me. I gasped because I was surprised at the pain. Peeta pulled back and looked at me worriedly.

"Are you ok?" He asked, starting to pull out. I nodded at him. "Yeah, just keep going."

He pushed back into me, then pulled out slowly. After the first few thrusts the pain went away, and was replaced by unbelievable feelings of pleasure. "Peeta…" I moaned as he began to speed up. I couldn't think or breathe or hear anything besides him saying my name and his ragged breathing in my ear. I bit down on his collarbone as he thrusted harder and harder into me. His hands held my hips and my breasts and he kissed and bit my neck. I could feel the orgasm building inside of me. "Katniss…" he said, "I'm going to finish…I can't wait any longer." He moaned into my ear, and I kissed him hard on the lips. He sped up even more, and I felt my muscles tense and Peeta shuddered against me, then I felt a strange but wonderful sensation as he exploded inside of me. He collapsed on top of me, and we just laid there for a while in silence. This was the greatest night of my life. I had never felt this close to one human being. For my entire lifetime I had been alone. I had fended for myself, never relying on anyone else and never letting anyone close enough to see my true emotions, but in this moment, I had given everything to Peeta.I had been completely open with him, and I had let him break the barrier around my mind and my emotions.

He rolled onto his side, and I propped myself up on one elbow and looked at him. I couldn't stop smiling, and I realized that neither could he. He reached over and ran his hand up and down my side, making me shiver. "That was…incredible." He said finally, leaning in and giving me a soft kiss.

"You are incredible Peeta." I said quietly. He lay on his chest and pulled me down to lie on top of him. I drew circles in his chest, and I remembered something from what seemed like so long ago, before the Quarter Quell. I laughed at the memory, and how much it applied to me right now.

"What?" He asked, noticing my laugh.

"I was just thinking about that time before the Quell, when we were on the roof, and you said that you wished you could freeze that moment forever."

"What about it?" He seemed confused, but he laughed light-heartedly.

"Well this is my moment." I answered. "I wish I could freeze my life here, laying in your arms where nothing can hurt me. I want to stay here in this bed with you forever, and never face what's on the outside of that door."

"Me too." He sounded so serious now. I looked up, my chin resting on his chest. His blonde hair fell over his right eye, and he looked towards the ceiling. "Katniss Everdeen." He said, lifting himself up on his elbows to look down at me. "No one will ever love another person as much or as deeply as I love you. What we have is like nothing anyone has ever had. We've been through so much, and you're the only person I would ever want to share my life with."

"I feel the same way Peeta. You're my life now, and you always will be." I laid my head back on his chest. I felt sad all of a sudden. "Please don't ever leave me. I don't know what I would do without you here."

"If you're here, how could I possibly not be?" He laughed like I had said the most ridiculous thing in the world. He laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. "Goodnight Katniss, I love you." I shook my head and tightened my arms around him.

"Goodnight Peeta, I love you too." I kissed his chest lightly. The sadness was gone. It was a brief, panicked moment where I was afraid Peeta would leave me, but he was here with his arms wrapped around me. I was safe now. I closed my eyes, and just as I drifted off to sleep, I heard the front door open and slam shut.


	8. Chapter 8

Note: Sorry it took so long! I've been really busy this weekend, and this is an extremely long chapter. Make sure you review!

I raised my bow and knocked an arrow, aiming for a small rabbit about fifteen yards away. I shifted my weight so I was balanced on my toes. The branch I was in let out a small groan, and I saw the rabbit lift its head curiously, but by the time it registered that it should run away, my arrow had already pierced its skill. It was a clean kill; right between the eyes. I gathered my catch and headed through the woods. I walked down a familiar road to the Victor's Village. I waved at Greasy Sae as I saw her handing out food from her own restaurant. I walked into the house and took off my muddy hunting boots. I smelled fresh bread from the kitchen, and just as a I looked up Peeta was there, smiling at me. He gave me a peck on the lips.

"So hunting went well?" He asked, pointing to my bag and grinning. He was so handsome, even after all this time.

"It went very well. I caught a rabbit, maybe we can cook it for dinner—" He kissed me again on the lips, this time deeper and stronger. I dropped my game bag and wrapped my arms around his neck. He pulled me in closer to him I felt butterflies in my stomach as our tongues twirled around each other. "I love you Mrs. Mellark." He said as he pulled away from me and pressed his forehead into mine. I loved him too, so much. That was why I had married him after all.

"Mommy's back!" I heard a small voice from the top of the stairs. A little boy ran and hugged my legs. Holding on as tight as he could. "I missed you." He closed his eyes tight and I knelt around to wrap my arms around my son. "I missed you too." I kissed the top of his head. I nearly fell over as another tinier set of arms wrapped themselves around my neck.

"I missed her more!" The little girl said angrily. Her brother frowned at her. "Mom, I went to school again today to drop Tommy off!" She said excitedly. "Then we went to visit Grandma and Aunt Primrose at the medicine place! She let me mix up this weird medicine that she says heals people's wounds. I also…" _Katniss_. I heard a voice whisper. My daughter's words began to slip away, becoming more and more muted. Her mouth kept moving, and I could see her beautiful blonde curls bouncing as she talked, but I couldn't make out what she was saying. _Katniss._ I heard the voice say again. I looked up at Peeta because I thought it was his voice, but he was smiling down at our daughter, laughing at a certain part of her story. I couldn't hear it, but I saw his chest rising and falling. "Katniss." The voice became more and more real. "Katniss!" My kids faded away and so did Peeta, then the image of my house shattered, and I woke with a start.

Where was I? How did I get here? What did they tell me to do again, recount my memories? My name is Katniss Everdeen. I thought. I'm seventeen years old. I grew up in the Seam with my sister Primrose and my mother. She was reaped for the hunger games, but I volunteered. I met and fell in love with my fellow tribute Peeta Mellark. We both survived and came back home only to be thrown back into the Quarter Quell. I came out alive, but Peeta was captured. I moved to district thirteen to join the rebellion. Peeta is safe now and he's here. "Katniss. Are you alright?" His voice snapped me out of my thoughts. The events of last night flooded back into my eyes, and I smiled at him.

I kissed him on the lips. "I'm wonderful actually. How are you?"

A toothy grin spread across his face. "Wonderful doesn't begin to describe it." His face got serious for a moment. "Were you having a nightmare? You weren't thrashing around or anything, but you looked confused when you woke up." 

"I…I wasn't having a nightmare. It was a dream. A really good dream." I looked down at his bare chest, trying to remember the last time I had a dream. It was before the first hunger games. It was about my father being alive again. It had been so long since I had felt peaceful and happy enough to have a dream.

"Well…I'm glad. Maybe now the nightmares will be replaced by pleasant dreams. Hopefully of me." His smile drove me crazy.

I moved up and kissed him, smiling into his lips. I realized we were still both naked, but that only made me smile more. I wanted last night to happen again. His hands reached down to touch my hips, and I moaned into his mouth. He rolled over on top of me and ran his hands down my side, slipping his finger inside of me. He teased me, slowly running his fingers along the outside of me, grinning each time I moaned or my legs involuntarily switched.

"Please." I heard myself beg. "I want you." He climbed on top of me and positioned himself to enter me. Then I heard a banging on the door.

"Mellark!" I heard Finnick's voice booming from the other side of the door. "Are you up? Guys have combat training today. Starts in ten minutes so you'd better get your ass moving or you're gonna have to run laps!"

"Yeah…Yeah I'm up. I'll uhhh…." He looked back up and down my body, seemingly contemplating whether sex was worth pissing off Commander Jacobs and having to run fifty laps. "I'll be right there."

I heard Finnick's footsteps grow faint as he walked down the hallway. Peeta rolled off of me and lay on his back. I propped myself up on one elbow. "You should probably go." I said. "We have all the time in the world for this, but you really don't want to piss off Jacobs."

He nodded in agreement but said, "this is the hardest decision I'll ever make. Leaving a naked you in my bed to go possibly get my ass beaten by a bunch of guys. What sick world do we live in?" When I laughed and pushed on his shoulder he kissed me, then groaned and got out of bed. He threw on a tshirt and running/sparring shorts. He gave me a peck on the forehead. "I don't think you train today." He said. "So just…don't move. And stay naked!" He shut the door before I could argue and I heard him disappear as well. I giggled and laid back down on my side. I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep, hoping to dream again.

When I woke up, light was streaming through the little window in the door that lead out to the hallway. I rolled over onto my back and sighed. I kept my eyes closed, enjoying this peaceful moment. I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that I had managed to sleep until 2:30. Physical/combat training starts at nine o'clock, so Peeta had been gone for a while. I threw the covers off of myself and got redressed in the clothes I had on yesterday. I frowned as I realized that they were what we wore during missions only, which meant that if I passed anyone on the way to my room, they would realize I hadn't changed since we had gotten back. I blushed at the thought, but then I realized I didn't care. Peeta and I were together, so eventually this was going to happen. I often slept in his room, but everyone knew that we were only sleeping, well, until last night.

I walked out of his door and quietly closed it. I walked slowly towards the living room to walk back to the women's compartments. I kept my gaze straight ahead, but I heard a voice say, "long night I see?" I looked up and saw Johanna at the kitchen table cooking something. She smirked at me laughed.

I just ignored her and went towards my room. I headed to the shower, and turned the water on to its highest setting. Despite the fact that I had had access to running hot water for over a year, I still never stopped taking advantage of it. When I stepped into the shower, I looked down and realized that my legs were partially covered in blood. Of course they would be. I hadn't even thought about that. Peeta's sheets probably would be too, so I made a reminder to change them myself before the housekeepers came. I realized for the first time that I ached. Maybe Peeta and I had been a little too vigorous for our first time because by the time I was done in the shower, walking around was a little bit painful. When I got out of the shower I realized I was ravenous. I hadn't eaten since before the morning of the mission, so I hurried back to my room and got dressed.

When I headed back to the kitchen, Johanna was still there cooking. I tried to ignore her as I reached into the fridge to grab left over stew. "So I guess you and Mellark were celebrating the mission in your own way last night?" She said.

I started to mumble a denial, forgetting my plan of confidence and uncaring, but she stopped me. "Look Katniss, I'm not here to judge you. You and Peeta love each other, there's nothing wrong with doing whatever you're doing, but obviously I'm gonna make fun of you because that's just who I am." She finished with a confident smirk.

"Did you guys…uhm…hear us?" I asked thinking about it for the first time.

"No no no." She answered quickly. "We didn't come back until almost four. The only reason I know is because Finnick checked in Peeta's room to make sure you guys were ok, and you could tell that you were both naked."

I felt relief at first because this way of them finding out was slightly less embarrassing, but then I remembered the door slam which I thought was them coming back. That had definitely been before four, because I had looked at the clock right before we fell asleep and it was only one-thirty. "Johanna…did someone come back to the apartment for something?"

"Nope. Furman, Finnick, Craig, myself and even Commander Jacobs never left the dance club until we came back for good." They had installed a "dance club" in thirteen as a way for people to blow off steam and forget about the war. There was no alcohol of course, but it was still fun and people went there all the time to celebrate.

"I heard the door open and close before I went to sleep." I said, confused. "Someone had to have come back." Maybe she had missed someone leaving because they needed to change clothes or something.

She looked back down at her food and frowned. "No, I'm pretty sure everyone was there…no wait! I know who it probably was." Her face turned white, like she was coming to some sort of awful realization. I tried to think about what it could be. Why would she be scared? No one on the team cared if Peeta and I were together. No one except…my heart dropped into my stomach. I put my hand up to my mouth and felt all of the breath go out of my lungs. I knew what she was going to say before she even spoke the words.

"Gale came to the dance club at around two. He caused quite the scene. He tried to get in, but the men at the door wouldn't let him. He raged at them and started yelling, saying he just needed to blow off some steam. He broke a chair against a wall, so they escorted him out. He was so angry. It was odd, but I forgot about it until now."

"So you're saying," I choked out, "that he was here. He was in this apartment all night until he left to go to the club He was here during…while…he heard…" I started to panic. "And where is he now?"

"Well, he wasn't in his room this morning. I was up when they all went to training, and Finnick said something about Gale not being there when he tried to wake him up. He must've gone somewhere. I'm sure Jacobs would've been here looking for him if he wasn't at training though. Maybe you should…" But I was out the door before she could finish her sentence. I sprinted through the halls and through the doors. I punched in the code to go down the elevator. I needed to see Peeta. I needed to make sure that Gale hadn't killed him. If I hadn't seen what I did with the flash grenade, I would think that Peeta was safe with Commander Jacobs, but I knew that nothing could protect you from someone you thought was your ally. I needed to warn Peeta. He was already asleep, so he probably thought nothing of Gale.

When I got to the bottom floor, the elevator door opened and I ran out into the training area. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw Peeta in the ring, looking exhausted but smiling, sparring against Finnick. I walked over to where they were training. I saw that Furman was running laps around the track. That meant he had lost a sparring match. A chill ran down my back as a saw Gale. His was watching the match, his back facing towards me as I slowed down to a quick walk. I heard a grunt and a painful yell, and I saw Peeta pin Finnick to the ground. Finnick tried to hold on for a few seconds, but he tapped out. Peeta let him go and got up, laughing. I was relieved to see that other than the normal sparring wear and tear, he seemed unhurt. Finnick got up and put his hands on his knees. "Well, well, well girly," Commander Jacobs said to him roughly, "looks like you let little Mellark here beat the shit out of you." He called Peeta "little Mellark" sometimes because he was at least a head shorter than all of the guys in the squad, but he was one of the best fighters because he was so quick.

Finnick nodded and looked up seeming to notice me. "Katniss?" I saw Commander Jacobs, Peeta, and unfortunately Gale's heads whip around. "What're you doing here? You have the day off. Or did you forget?"

"O. Uhmm…" I realized that I hadn't thought of an explanation in my haste to reach Peeta. "Well, I just needed to ask Commander Jacobs if I missed a uhm…debriefing from the mission." I looked at their faces. Peeta had a huge grin on his face as he looked at me. Finnick was puzzled, but nodded anyway. Jacobs was angry, as usual. His expression never changed. The last face I looked at was Gale's. As I looked into his eyes, I saw a deep burning anger hidden behind the cold mask he was wearing for the others. His normal brown eyes were deep black with loathing, and I knew everything I feared was true. Gale had been there, and he had heard us. This wasn't my Gale. The guy from the woods who hated the Capitol and fought fiercely to feed my family when I was away. This was the Gale who had loved me and lost me. I could see in his face that he would never forgive me, that we would never be friends again. I had offended and betrayed him by loving someone else. I couldn't help it. Tears came to my eyes as I realized that my Gale, my friend, was gone. This man in front of me was unpredictable, and I worried for Peeta's safety and my own.

"Well…there is no debriefing Everdeen." The Commander looked back at the ring. "Odair! Ten miles around the track for barely even putting up a fight. Everdeen here could probably do better than you." Finnick swung himself under the ropes and jogged to the starting line of the track. "Well Mellark, you're almost done with your gauntlet. Hawthorne!" He shouted at Gale, whose eyes turned away from me. "You're up, let's see if you can beat fancy feet over here. No mercy right!" He clapped Gale on the shoulder as Gale ducked under the ropes. Jacobs was joking, but he didn't realize how true his statement was.

I walked over to Peeta's end of the ring where he was getting a drink. "Hey…" I started, but Peeta kissed me, interrupting my thought. I almost gave in, but I pulled back from him. "Peeta…Gale heard us last night. He was there the whole time." I saw him stare at us from across the ring. "He's going to hurt you. He's—"

"Katniss!" Peeta said, interrupting my hysteria. "I can handle myself. Besides, we've been training together all morning, and he hasn't tried anything. Maybe he didn't hear, and maybe if he did he doesn't care, and finally realized he'll never have you and accepted it. I can fight him Katniss. I'm better than him. Besides, Jacobs won't let him kill me." He laughed, but turned his head as the door from the elevator opened. In stepped my number one fan, President Coin.

"Commander!" She said in a cold, unfeeling voice. "I need to speak with you." I thought she would come over to him, but when she stayed where she was, he seemed to realize that the President moves for no one, and headed over to her.

"You boys play nice." He yelled over his shoulder. I had felt safe with Jacobs there. He wouldn't let Gale seriously injure Peeta, but now he was fifty yards away, distracted by Coin. I turned my head and looked around. Finnick and Furman were running together, even farther away on the other end of the building. I looked back to Peeta, but he was already headed to the center of the ring to spar Gale. I stepped down from side of the ring and backed up. I would try to help Peeta if anything happened, but there was no way I was stronger than Gale.

Peeta held his hand out for Gale to shake. "Good luck man. Fair fight." Peeta said with a small smile.

"Wipe that stupid smile off your face Mellark." Gale said with a snarl. "Because if you don't, I'm gonna do it for you." He turned around to head back to his side of the ring and so did Peeta. I saw a moment of worry in Peeta's eyes, but his confidence in his fighting abilities seemed to win over as he turned to face Gale.

They circled each other for a few moments, both deciding when to strike. Peeta swung first, but Gale blocked it and tried to counter. Peeta was too fast though and side stepped him, landing his own counter kick into Gale's side. Gale stumbled a little, but shook his head. He lashed out at Peeta, but his anger was making him careless. Peeta side stepped this one even more easily, and kicked at Gale's leg, knocking him to the ground. Then he landed another shot to the back of Gale's head, stunning him. Gale got back up, but every time he swung at Peeta, he ended up getting kicked or punched or he almost got locked. The last time he was hit, he kneeled on the ground and I didn't think he would stand. I was relieved, thinking that his best chance at Peeta was over. Peeta's was a better fighter, I should've had more confidence in him.

"Just give up man." Peeta said, slightly out of breath, sweat dripping down his brow. "It's just not your day. Why are you fighting me so hard? It's just training Gale." He walked over and tried to help Gale up, but Gale pushed him away.

"Alright look Gale! I've had enough." Peeta said angrily. Gale was struggling, but managed to stand up. "I know this is about me and Katniss. I know it isn't just a training match for you. You want to kill me. You want to rip my head off because you know she loves me and only me, and she will never have feelings like that for you."

"I know you fucked her last night Peeta, trust me I heard." Gale said gasping for breath. "But eventually she will come to her senses and be away from you. She loves me Peeta. Maybe she hasn't said it out loud, but she does. She thinks about me all the time I'm sure. She would never say it to you because she's probably afraid to admit the powerful thing we have together! She wants me. I know it."

Peeta looked like he was about to explode. I realized that Gale was living in a delusion. He truly believed that I loved him and not Peeta. He thought we would be together. I stepped up to say something, but Peeta spoke first. "Well it sure wasn't you she was begging for last night. It wasn't your name she was moaning, and it never will be Hawthorne. So accept it. I know you really want to kill me Gale, but you should realize that even if I was dead, she would never want you." I was shocked by the bluntness of Peeta's statement, but my gasp seemed to remind Gale that I was standing there.

He looked at me, and I finally opened my mouth. "He's right Gale. I love him and only him, and I always will. You and I were friends, we can still be friends, but that's all it will ever be…" I stopped talking because he was no longer paying attention. He turned his attention towards Peeta, who was still smiling at me. "Peeta look—" I shouted out to him, trying to warn him, but by the time he turned his head and tried to block, it was too late. Gale kicked him as hard as he could right between the legs. Peeta doubled over in pain and rolled on the ground groaning. That was one of the first rules of sparring in the ring. No eye gouging and no "crotch shots" as Jacobs called them. You can't recover from that, and the cup they wore couldn't protect from a hit like that. I thought Gale would leave, but he kept walking towards Peeta. He wound up and kicked him again, this time in the back. Peeta had enough sense to slightly cover his head, so Gale kicked him in the stomach.

"Stop it!" I heard myself yell. "Someone stop him!" I saw Peeta attempt to tap on the floor, hoping to shake some sense into Gale's head, but Gale ignored him. He picked Peeta up and slammed him to the ground. He started punching him. In the head, the stomach, the sides. Then, he got him in a choke hold. Peeta was somehow still conscious, so I watched as he grasped for breath and furiously pounded the floor. "Help!" I yelled out. I jumped into the ring and tried to pull Gale off of Peeta, or at least loosen his grip, but anger made him even stronger, and he lashed out his foot, kicking me in the stomach and knocking me back. Tears welled in my eyes as I saw the life drain out of Peeta, this morning I had seen our future together, but that would never happen. We would never get married, we would never have children. I reached out for Peeta, but someone else got to him first.

Commander Jacobs yelled as he pulled Gale off of Peeta. Gale might have rage strength, but no one alive was stronger than the Commander. He picked Gale up and shoved him against the ropes. "You wanna play dirty?" He yelled in Gale's face. He punched Gale in the stomach and Gale doubled over. He kneed him hard in the face and Gale fell to the ground. "If you wanna fight dirty, you'll fight me." He held Gale up by his shirt and looked like he was going to hit him again, but a voice stopped his fist mid air.

"That's enough." Coin said as she stepped under the ropes. Jacobs considered his options for a moment, but lowered his fist. "Let him go Commander." I had never loved Jacobs more in that moment, and I had never hated Coin more. I wanted Jacobs to hurt Gale for hurting Peeta.

"Then you take him with you." Jacobs said, shoving Gale towards Coin. "I tried suspension, but that doesn't work. You take him. Use him as personal guard, send him to serve food, have him wipe your ass for all I care, but I will not have this insolent…boy…in my squad." Coin looked like she would protest, but even she seemed afraid of the coldness in his voice. It was the same voice he had used after the flashbang incident, multiplied by a hundred. Coin led Gale out of the ring and to the elevator. He passed out as they reached the door, and Coin had her guards carry him through the elevator. Coin shot Jacobs one more cold look, then turned and headed out.


	9. Chapter 9

Note: I strongly considered a different ending to this chapter, but I though this was better for the story.

I sat in a hard metal chair on the outside of the operating room. I hadn't left this spot in what felt like days. It had only been a few hours, but it had been the hardest few hours of my life. I had survived the hunger games twice and still had never been so afraid and uneasy. I knew that eventually someone would walk outside of that door and give me news that would give me great relief or would shatter my entire world. I didn't know how I would handle the latter, but it seemed inevitable. Everyone I knew and cared about died because of me. It was only fate that Peeta would too.

After Coin had dragged Gale out of the door, I had come out of the shock of being kicked and watching Peeta die before my eyes and I had crawled over to him.

"Peeta!" I yelled at his lifeless form. "Peeta please…you can't do this to me; you can't leave me now. Just stay here…I…I need you…" I choked out, holding his head in my lap and stroking his hair. There were district thirteen medics there in seconds, and Commander Jacobs was following them. I got up and ran after them, refusing to leave Peeta. I tried to hold his hand and call out to him, but he didn't answer. Blood dripped from the corner of his mouth and the only sign that he was still alive was the occasional sudden twitch of pain.

When they got to the double swinging doors of the operating room, I tried to follow them through. I couldn't leave Peeta, not now when he needed me. He was everything to me, and I had to stay, I had to save him. When the staff looked me in the eyes and told me I had to stay back it was like they were speaking a different language. I started to scream at them, to tell them that I had to follow him, but they wouldn't let me. I felt strong arms pull me back and hold on to me while the nurses followed the gurney through those doors. Finnick pushed me down into a chair and held me there. I was still protesting, but by then it was nonsense. He tucked my head into his chest and that's when the sobbing started. I wasn't sure how long he held me there, trying to rub my back and calm me down. Eventually I stopped crying, but only because I ran out of tears. Finnick and I stayed like that for a few minutes until he was sure I calmed down.

"Katniss…there's nothing you can do. He's in the best hands in Panem. They'll save him. They have to." He looked into my eyes, trying to be reassuring, but I could see the same fear and anguish I felt reflected in them. I just slumped backwards against the wall, and that's where I had stayed until now. I didn't move a muscle. They had tried to offer me food and water, and Furman had tried to coax me into coming back to the apartment to sleep, but I ignored them. I heard there words, but how dare they suggest that I leave Peeta?

Finnick and Furman had been the only ones who had come to the hospital, but eventually they left. They went back to go sleep in the apartment. Johanna came by and tried to talk to me. She said she should've seen it coming, that they should've done something. She talked to me for about an hour, but still I didn't answer her. Eventually she sighed and hugged me, then left to go back to the rest of them. Jacobs had been there too, but he had to go talk to some higher ups about something.

All I could think about was Peeta. I thought about that day he gave me the bread. He had saved my life and given me hope when there was none. For some reason, he loved me even then, when I was nothing, when he barely knew me. He had known we should be together, so why didn't I? I felt like I had wasted so much time. I could have had so much time with him. We could have visited the Hob and eaten dog soup together. He could have gotten to know Prim and been like another protector for her. I knew he would have been.

I thought about the first games. I had thought he was putting on a show for the cameras. He did such a good job convincing everyone that he loved me that I should have known it was real. I thought about that moment on the train, when I told him I was just pretending to love him. Was I?

Back then, I thought that it had been for survival. I had questioned those few amazing kisses, but wrote it off to exhaustion and trying hard to play the part. Now, I was positive I had loved him starting the moment I saw him laying in the ground covered in mud. That was the first time I had tried to save him. That was the first time I realized that I didn't want him to die, that I couldn't live without him.

I also thought about Gale. We had been friends. We had hunted together, and he had kept my family alive when I was preparing to die. I knew it had been hard for him to watch Peeta and I fall in love, but what could drive him to do this? Did he really think we had a chance? _Of course he did Katniss_, I thought angrily. _You kissed him. You led him on._ I had never had real feelings like that for Gale. I wish I had realized that earlier. Maybe telling him before he fell even more in love with me would have been easier for him. It was my fault after all. Everything was.

It seemed like I was never going to stop being in Peeta's debt. He had saved me so many times, and how did I repay him? I let this happen. I should've done more. I should have never let them fight. I should have said something to Jacobs, to Finnick, to anyone. I felt the tears start to well in my eyes again. I bent over, moving for the first time in hours, and put my head in my hands. I could still feel the stickiness on my cheeks from my previous tears. It had to be impossible for someone to cry this much. I knew I was weak for it. I knew I shouldn't let Coin see me like this. She was watching, that much I knew, but I didn't care. I didn't care about any of that. All I cared about was Peeta being ok.

I felt someone sit down next to me, and I slowly lifted my head. There was Craig, sitting next to me with her usual hard expression. "If you're here to see about Peeta," I managed to croak, "there's no news." She shook her head.

"While I do care about Peeta and how he's doing, it's not him I'm here to check on." She said, raising her eyebrows and staring at me. "I would ask how you are, but that's just a stupid question." I knew I owed her my life for saving me on the mission, but I didn't want to talk to her. I wanted to be alone.

"I just want to be alone." I said, turning back to look at the wall. "Just please…leave me alone." I felt myself start to cry again, but I wouldn't let her see this. Craig was such a strong person, and she was my harshest critic. If she ever saw me cry it would just prove I was too soft for the squad, and she would be right. I tried to hold back the tears, but all I managed to do was let out this pathetic choking sound.

"Katniss…you don't have to stop yourself from crying." She said, her voice softening for the first time since I had known her. "I know what it feels like…to lose someone you love. I know what it's like to sit there and wait to find out if they're ok. I also know what it's like to hear the news you were dreading. I'm hoping that won't be the case for you, but if it is, I'm here for you." She put her hand on my shoulder.

"Who…what happened?" I asked, unable to stop myself. "You don't have to tell me. I know it's must be hard to talk about…" 

She held up her hand. "Actually, it would be nice to just talk for once. I'm always so quiet, I may as well talk to help someone." She took her hand off of my shoulder and leaned back in her chair.

"Do you know why I joined the rebellion?" She asked, looking off into the distance. I shook my head. "Well I did have a life before I was a soldier. I was an artist, a dying profession, I know, but my husband was a government official, so making money wasn't something I needed to worry about." I didn't know Craig had been married. She always seemed so cold, I didn't think anyone could love her. Come to think of it, I didn't really know anything about Craig. I didn't even know what district she was from.

"We lived a charmed life in the capitol. I spent all day painting and taking care of Melissa and Joshua, my two children." Kids? What else had Craig done in her former life? She never seemed like the family woman to me. Suddenly I found myself realizing I had never asked her about her past. To me, she was always just a soldier. I didn't consider that she could have had a different life. "I loved how I was and how I lived, but one day, my husband did something that at the time he thought was his right. He spoke up against President Snow. He suggested that they end the Hunger Games. He said the districts had learned their lessons, and that the time for the brutality had passed. When Snow laughed in his face and told him the idea would never be considered, my husband snapped. He called Snow a bastard and said he wished Panem should elect a new leader. Eventually some coworkers got him to calm down, but it was too late."

She squinted as she recalled the story, like she had repressed it for so long that it was hard to remember. "When he came home, he was worried. He told me to not go out in public tomorrow. He was afraid for me and the children. I was supposed to be home painting all day, but Melissa got sick, so I stepped out for a few moments to go to the store. When I came back, our building was on fire. The other residents gave me these sorry looks as I walked up to the police and told them my apartment number. They said the fire had started in my apartment, then shoved me into a police car and drove me to the hospital. I don't remember the next few hours. It was just a bunch of people asking me how I was. The same will probably happen for you. All I remember is the anxiety while I waited for news on my children.

When the doctor stepped through those doors, I knew almost instantly that they were dead. When he spoke the words though, I didn't cry. I just nodded my head, then turned and walked down the hallway. I was in shock. I didn't understand. When I saw the policemen at the end of the hall, I realized that they were after me. I was supposed to die too, so they were here to finish me off. I turned and ran down another hallway, stopping when I heard the clack of the Peacekeeper's boots from the direction I was headed. I hid in the door way and listened to what they were saying. 'The bitch is still alive, apparently she's in the hospital, so we have to get her.' The first one said.

'But the husband? He's dead right?' I heard another ask.

'O yeah, he's gone. Shot in the forehead as he walked into work. You don't speak against Snow and walk away from it.' My heart dropped when I heard the words. I guess I knew he was dead, but hearing it out loud drew all of the hope out of me. I wanted to die, but not like this. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of killing me. I stole some nurses garb and snuck out of the hospital. I headed west, hoping to find a sympathetic district. I got lost and ended up here, so that's where I've stayed. I shaved my head and never looked back. I swore that I would destroy the Capitol, and that I would never get close enough to someone to feel the pain of losing them."

As her narrative ended, I found myself feeling more than sorry for this woman. She had lost so much, and yet here she was, fighting all the same. I thought about my mother. I thought about how she had given up when my father died. She would never have been strong enough to fight. She had left Prim and I to starve.

"I…I'm sorry. That's horrible." I wanted to say more, but I couldn't find the right words.

"Yeah." She said with a small chuckle. "It's terrible, but it's made me fight, and I know I'll see them again." She turned towards me and gripped my arm, her face turning serious. "Never let them win Katniss. President Snow, President Coin, Gale, they're all trying to hurt you. You can't give them the satisfaction Katniss. You promise that you'll fight. That you'll fight until your last breath, and that you'll never let them control you. You're an amazing person Katniss. You're strong and independent and most importantly, you're a survivor. So you survive, and you never give up. Promise me that."

I nodded my head. "I promise." I couldn't believe she thought of me like that. I had always thought that she hated me. I had always believed she thought I was just some brat who everyone treated too well, but she had saved my life. Then she did something I never would have expected. She put her arms around me and gave me a small hug. I leaned my head on her shoulder, and from now on I knew that when I looked at her I would no longer just see the unforgiving, ruthless soldier who fought beside me on the battlefield. Now, I would see the woman who had lost everything she had, but who had gotten the strength to not give up, and to fight the people who had wronged her until her last breath.

Eventually she broke away, standing up and turning towards the stairs. "Craig." I said, looking at her. "Why did you save me? There were orders not to. Why would you risk it?" I had been meaning to ask this question ever since that day, but hadn't gotten the chance.

She stared at the ground hard, pondering her answer. "I guess its because you remind me a little of someone." She smiled a little. "You remind me of myself a little, but more importantly you remind me of her, of my little Melissa. She was only eleven when she died, but you have the same fierce determination. She was also stubborn and independent, and I see that in you. I think…I think if she had grown up she would've been a lot like you. So I guess that in you, I see the chance for her to grow up and be happy, and I have to protect that." I was too stunned to answer, so I just watched her disappear down the stairs and slumped back in my chair.

I didn't have much time to ponder what had just happened because at that moment, the doors opened from the E.R. A doctor walked towards me, but he wouldn't look me in the eyes. I remember Craig saying she could tell the bad news was coming, and for some reason I felt it. I knew he was dead. I tried to find her strength. I tried to find Craig within myself. I had to be strong. I couldn't let them win.

"Ms. Everdeen?" He asked, finally looking at me.

"Yes that's me." I gulped. I could feel my chest muscles tighten. The panic and the pain were ready to set in. How would I live without Peeta? How would I avenge him?

"You're here for Mr. Mellark." It was supposed to be a question, but he already knew the answer, so I didn't even bother nodding. "He…he just got out of surgery." My heart pounded in my chest. He looked at me like he expected a reaction, but I didn't register the meaning in his voice.

"He's going to be ok."


	10. Chapter 10

"He's going to be alright." The doctor's words echoed in my head. I couldn't believe them at first. I had been preparing myself for Peeta's death, but somehow he had found the strength to survive. Relief watched over me, and the tears found their way into my eyes again, only this time they were tears of joy.

"But…" The doctor started. I knew there would be a but. Nothing would ever work out perfectly. "He had severe head trauma. As is usually the case, we aren't sure how his memory will be affected." Suddenly, my heart dropped into my stomach. It was everything I had feared about his rescue from the Capitol. I wouldn't be able to escape it. What if he didn't know who I was? What if he didn't remember everything that had happened between us?

"Can I…can I see him?" I asked cautiously, my voice catching in my throat.

"Yes you can. He should be awake now." I followed the doctor through the double doors and through a maze of narrow hallways until we stopped outside of room 3215. I looked through the window and saw Peeta laying there peacefully. His eyes were closed as if he was just sleeping. I smiled slightly as I thought about those nights I had watched him sleep next to me. I wondered if that would happen now if he didn't remember me.

"I guess not…" The doctor said apologetically. "He should be awake. We took him off of anesthesia a while ago." A nurse walked out of the room and softly closed the door, a worried look strewn across her face. She turned towards the doctor and began to speak, but noticed me and her face went blank.

"Are you the patient's wife?" The nurse said skeptically. "Because only family is sup

"No…we aren't related. He's my…we're…" I didn't know what we were exactly. I had never had to explain it to anyone. The people on the team didn't talk about it or question us. I guess I was Peeta's girlfriend, but it was different. It had never been clearly defined, so I wasn't sure how to answer her.

"This is Katniss Everdeen." The doctor answered for me. The nurse's face immediately changed. She looked confused for a moment, but then I guess she realized that Peeta and I were practically family.

"I'm..I'm sorry. I didn't know. You can stay of course. He isn't awake, but you can go in there with him." She said hurriedly. "Dr. Young, can I talk to you in private?" I took that as my cue to leave, so I walked into Peeta's room and closed the door. I nervously crossed the room to his bed. There was a chair in the corner and I pulled it over to the side of the bed.

"Peeta." I whispered his name and took his hand in mine. His face was bruised and bloodied, and there was a wrap around his head. I could see that his nose had been broken, but they had set it back in place and there was a small bandage over it. Seeing him like this made me want to track down Gale and kill him. The last time I had seen Peeta look this bad was during the first games, when I had uncovered him from the river, and even then he was up and talking to me at least.

Unlike back in the arena, there was nothing I could do here. I could bring him food or clean his wounds or take care of him. Thirteen did all of that. We were supposed to be safe here. I wasn't supposed to have to protect him, yet here we were, in a hospital room. I sighed and stroked his arm. "Peeta…come back to me. I need you." I whispered.

I lifted my hand up to his forehead and ran it through his hair. I sat like that for a long time, holding Peeta's hand and running my fingers through his hair. I knew Peeta would come back to me. He always did. Every time I thought Peeta was going to slip away, he came back stronger than ever. First it was in the cave, when I was sure he would die of blood poisoning. Then it was during the second games, when his heart stopped because of the barrier. Then finally when he was captured and tortured by the Capitol. He would pull out of this. He had to. I noticed that Peeta was shaking. I hadn't felt it at first because it had been so subtle, but I could feel his hand shake in mine. Then, his leg twitched underneath the blanket. I thought at first he was waking up, but then his leg kept twitching methodically every minute or so. His head turned back and forth and he groaned. It looked like he was in so much pain.

Why wasn't he waking up? The doctor had said he should be up by now. The surgery was done and had been successful, so shouldn't Peeta be awake and talking? I was frustrated. I had been sitting in this room for hours, then before that I had been sitting in the waiting room for even longer, and yet still no one kept me informed on anything. Because Peeta had no family, I was closest to him out of anyone, and yet no one thought it was important to keep me in the loop. I finally pressed the nurse call button, determined to get information.

I waited for another half and hour, pressing the button every few minutes, then I let out an exasperated sigh and got up. I let go of Peeta's hand and stormed out into the hallway. I didn't want to leave him, but he needed help, and no one was coming on their own accord. I walked in the direction I had seen the doctor and nurse go. I ended up in the lobby of the hospital wing, and I went to the front desk to question them.

"Excuse me. My name is Katniss Everdeen. My boyfriend Peeta Mellark is a patient, and he was supposed to be awake by now. He's shaking and his limbs are twitching. He keeps groaining in pain, and I'm starting to get concerned, and I've been pressing the call button for the past half an hour, but no one has come."

The woman at the desk looked at me with a sickly sweet smile, then said, "I'm sorry ma'am, but you'll just have to wait for the doctor to return. I can't give away any information to non-family members without his consent. If you'll just go back to the room and wait, I'm sure he'll be—"

"I don't want to wait!" I yelled, gaining the attention of everyone in the waiting area. "Its been hours, and I haven't heard one word. Why is it that I give everything to this cause, and no one has the decency to just answer me when I ask a simple question? Is the doctor too busy to be bothered with his patients? There is obviously something wrong, and he needs help now! I can't just sit around and wait—" I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around. There was Haymitch staring back at me.

"Calm down, Katniss." He said angrily. "Come with me." He pulled my arm and dragged me down the hallway. We walked for a while, then went through a sliding metal door into a dimly lit room. Haymitch pressed a code into a panel on the wall, and another door slid open. I was disoriented for a second, before I realized we were in the control room. Standing around a table were Commander Jacobs, our entire squad, President Coin, and the last person I expected to see, Gale.

When I saw him, I felt all of the anger that I had been holding in rise up inside of me. I couldn't think, all I felt was rage. Before I realized exactly what I was doing, I lunged at him. I didn't know what I was going to do, all I knew was that I wanted to hurt him. Before I could reach him, two of Coin's guards holding my arms.

"Let me go!" I yelled. My training kicked in, and I lashed out my leg and kicked one of the guards in the knee. He yelled in pain and his hands dropped to hold his injured leg. I lashed my arm around and before the other guard realized what was happening, I had hand off of my arm and in a lock-hold. I twisted my hand around and felt his elbow break. He fell down next to the other guard and I turned back towards Gale, but Haymitch was there standing in front of me.

"Katniss!" He yelled, putting his hands on my shoulders and looking me in the eyes. "They're not the enemy. I know you're angry, but try to control yourself, sweetheart." I grunted and shoved his hands off of me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There were other guards standing warily with their weapons raised. I closed my hands into fists and looked at President Coin.

"I'm fine. Tell them to relax." I said through gritted teeth. She waved at them and they pointed their weapons back at the ground. "How could you do that?" I said, turning my attention towards Gale. "How could you hurt him like that? He never did anything to you. I didn't think someone could be so selfish, least of all you. You were my best friend. You're supposed to protect me. You're…you're supposed to…" Then I realized just how upset I was. Gale was supposed to be there for me. He was supposed to support me in every way. When had he become this person? When had he changed from the lovable guy who just wanted me to be safe into this terrible human being?

"And now I guess nothings going to be done?" I said to the entire room, looking from Haymitch to Coin, then at each member of my team. "I guess he's just going to get off scotch free even thought he almost killed someone?"

"It was just a training exercise gone wrong, nothing more." There was no expression on Coin's face besides cold disdain. "He didn't realize he was hurting Peeta, and it just went a little too far. Gale will be put on probation, but he is too valuable to lose. He will continue training with his unit. You need every man you can get."

My mouth dropped open. I looked at Commander Jacobs. "How can you let this happen? You know it was on purpose…you know he did it on purpose." Jacobs clenched his jaw and his hands tightened at his sides. I saw a look of pure anger cross his face, but it quickly disappeared and was replaced with a look of attempted indifference.

"It's like she said." He answered painfully. "It was just a training accident." Then I realized what was happening. Gale had become President Coin's little pet. He was the insider into our training group. It was clear that Jacobs had no love for Coin, so to prevent him from disobeying her, she had essentially planted a "spy" into our group. Of course he wouldn't get punished. She wouldn't allow it. She was playing it off as some sort of an accident, and as I looked at the faces surrounding me, I realized that no one would argue. Finnick had his hands in his pockets, his eyes fixated on some distant point halfway across the room. Furman and Johanna both had their arms crossed and hard looks on their faces. Craig had a snarl on her face. I thought maybe she would speak up, that maybe I could convince her to stick with me, but she wouldn't look at me, she just stared at the table in front of her.

I shook my head and looked away. It made me want to storm out, or cry, or scream, or all three at the same time, but I didn't. I just stood there wishing so badly I was strong enough to go against all of them, but I knew that was a battle that I could never win, so I just stayed silent.

"So Ms. Everdeen." Coin said, drawing attention back to herself. "While youe were occupied, the Capitol decided to launch a counter attack on us. We blew up their main supply line, so they retaliated. They attacked our base in district seven, and they've taken our men hostage there. They're also holding all of the citizens for ransom."

"Every day they send us a new execution video." Jacobs said, looking up for the first time. As he looked into my eyes, I saw something I didn't expect, shame. He was ashamed that he couldn't stand up for me, for Peeta. I felt bad for him. There was nothing he could do really. If he disobeyed Coin, he would be removed as leader of our squad, and he had to know that we needed him. He was in a bad position, and I knew that he hated being powerless like this. "Sometimes it's a soldier, sometimes it's a citizen. They usually start with beating them, then they set them on fire. They record every second of it and send the videos to us."

"So what are we going to do?" I asked him.

He began to answer me, but Coin interrupted him. "We're sending you in. Squad 451, along with some other District soldiers, is going to go into seven and rescue the hostages. You leave tomorrow morning."

"Wait. Shouldn't we wait until Peeta wakes up and recovers? You said it yourself, we need every man we can get, and Peeta is the smartest soldier we have. Our team operates best when its whole." I was convinced they would listen to me on this. We could wait a few days. I knew that sacrificing the lives of those hostages would be terrible, but it would be hard without Peeta. All of our tactical operations were built around having seven people. There was no plan that worked with six. As I looked eagerly at Jacobs, he just stared at the floor. "It can't be too long. The doctor said he would be awake soon, then with the treatment he'll get, he should be ready to go in a few days." No one would respond to me.

"Sweetheart." It was Haymitch who finally spoke up. Normally he only called me sweetheart when he was being sarcastic, but this was softer. He spoke to me like he might a small child. I knew where I had heard that voice before. It was the same voice my mother had used when she told Prim and I that our father had died. "We don't know…we don't know when Peeta is going to wake up. Or even…even if he will."

"But they said…the doctor told me he would wake up. He said he was fine. He said the surgery went perfectly. How can he not wake up—"

"He just…won't. When they took him off the anesthetic he should've woken up, but he didn't. The nurse was concerned, so she told the doctor and they monitored the machine hooked up to his brain. There is activity, but not a lot. They aren't sure what is going to happen to him." I looked away in disbelief. How could he be telling me this? Peeta was supposed to be fine. I thought maybe he would have some memory problems. I thought the worst thing I would have to deal with was making him love me again, but now they didn't know if he would wake up. "Katniss…Katniss look at me. Please." I felt his hands on my shoulders again. He shook me, but I could feel the shutters close. I shut them all out. The world was muted again. I didn't care about them. They hurt Peeta. It was all of their faults for not stopping Gale and for not standing up to Coin. I wished they would all just go away and leave me alone. I wished it was one of them who was hurt and not Peeta. Peeta would stick up for them, but they couldn't do it for him.

I looked at Gale, and I saw he was staring at me. I expected him to look away and pretend like he hadn't been, but he just kept staring into my eyes. I hated him, but when I looked at him, I didn't see a smug smile or a triumphant grin, instead, I saw remorse. His eyes were slightly squinted and his brow was furrowed. Then I saw tears fill his eyes. I could see his lips move, like he was speaking to me, and the world came back to me.

"Katniss…I…I'm so sorry." A single tear rolled down his cheek. Coin snapped her head back to stare at him, anger written all over her face. "What I did was wrong. I wasn't thinking, I wasn't…I'm sorry. I didn't know this would happen. I just lost control—" Coin grabbed his arm and he looked at her. She glared at him, and I saw fear creep into his face. He wiped his hand across his eyes, then stared at the ground in front of him. I realized that it was her fault. He controlled him. She had clearly fed his anger, had planted the seeds for this rage. There was nothing he could do. I knew I was still angry at Gale for what he had done, but I also knew I was more angry at him for letting himself be controlled by this woman. She was no better than Snow. At that moment, I knew that I could never let her win. We had to overthrow the Capitol, but then I had to overthrow her. She couldn't rule us. Nothing would change.

"So tomorrow morning?" I said, turning towards Jacobs.

He nodded at me. "We better get going team." He said, looking at all of us. "It's been a long couple of days, and we all need our rest before tomorrow. I'll brief you on the hovercraft." He turned and walked out of the room, and the rest of our team followed. Gale stayed behind with Coin, and I was walking out the door, I hesitated and turned back towards him. He looked up at me, and I could tell that the brief moment of remorse was gone. My Gale was gone. This was Coin's Gale, but I would do anything I could to change that. I took one last look at him and stepped out the door, following my team.

"I think I'm going to go visit Peeta." I said when I caught up with my team. They said goodbye and they would see me when I got back. I tried to remember how Haymitch had taken me, here from the hospital, but that would require me to go back through the control room. I decided to try a shortcut I was pretty sure would get me back to the hospital. I turned left and headed down a small, dimly lit corridor. It was a service hallway, so not a lot of people were passing through it. I had discovered many of these when I first came to thirteen and spent my days roaming around finding somewhere to be alone. I made a sharp right, but I saw Coin and Gale walking towards me. I turned quickly into a small closet, and quietly shut the door. I was worried they had seen me. I didn't really want to be alone with the two of them in this deserted hallway, so I just held my breath and waited. I could hear their voices. It seemed like they were having a heated argument.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to slip. It was an accident." I heard Gale say.

"Well you showed weakness, and you made it clear to everyone that it was no accident, although I'm sure they already knew that. You slipped Gale. How could you almost kill the Mellark boy in training? You knew we were planning on disposing of him anyway, but you let your emotions and jealousy get in the way." I had to put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from gasping. Dispose of him? So they were planning on killing Peeta. They walked past my closet, but paused right outside. I could see them through tiny slits in the door.

"I just…I loved her first. I don't know why she would choose him. He's weak." Gale looked upset.

"I don't understand why that girl has you both so riled up. She's so simple. Let him have her Gale. You're better than her. You deserve something…more." Then I saw her hand reach up and stroke his hair. My eyes widened.

"I know." He reached back and touched her lips with his thumb, holding her face in his hand. "I just—" But he never got his sentence out. Coin reached up and touched her lips to his. He looked like he was going to pull away, but he gave in and pulled her towards him. Her hands gripped his hair and he wrapped his arms around her. Eventually she pulled away from him.

"And you have one. So there is no reason to fret over Katniss Everdeen. Eventually she will be gone, and you won't have to feel jealous anymore." She said with a wicked smile.

"Wait. Katniss? You won't hurt her. You said you wouldn't." He pushed her away.

She scoffed at him and rolled her eyes in disgust. "All in good time, Gale. All of your problems will be gone." Then she kissed him on the lips and walked away. He stayed where he was, staring at the ground. "Well, are you going to come with me, or just stand there?" For a second I thought he would defy her, but he turned around and walked off.

I didn't move a muscle. I could barely even breath as I processed what I had just seen. Gale was in it deeper than I thought with Coin. They're relationship was deeper than I had thought, and she had total control over him, but more importantly she was planning on taking care of all of his problems. She was going to kill Peeta. She was going to kill me, and if I didn't stop her, she was going to be the downfall of us all.


	11. Chapter 11

NOTE: Give me feedback about this chapter. It's not as action packed or twisty as the last few, but its building up to the next chapter, when something tragic happens.

_At least there aren't parachutes this time. We got to walk slowly to our possible death, instead of flying right into it._ I thought as I looked at the bumpy road that led into district seven. This was going to be one of the most dangerous situations our squad would face, but it was necessary. If we couldn't get the Capitol out of district seven, it would show weakness, and we couldn't afford that now.

"Halt." I heard Jacobs order gruffly. He held up his hand, and we stopped moving. We were about two miles away from seven at the top of a hill that sloped down right into the middle of the district. "We'll stop here for the day. It's getting light out, so we'll want to take cover off of the road."

I looked at the outline of the buildings in district seven and thought about the hostage that would die today. Every day at noon, they gathered a hostage in the center of the city and taped their public execution. The Capitol had started streaming the executions for all of Panem, so we watched them on our portable television. I should have protested with him. I should have insisted that we hurry and make our strike today, but as I looked around at the members of my squad, I knew that wasn't an option.

We had been walking for eight nights straight. We walked from sundown to sunup, then rested for the day. This was the strategy that Jacobs thought was best to avoid detection, but it was the worst for our stamina. No matter how exhausted you were, it was hard to sleep with the sun blazing in your eyes. The past three days had been particularly hot, so dehydration had become a problem. It wasn't that it was hard to find water, but it was hard to drink enough to sustain you during the day and the long walks at night. Usually the area around district seven was relatively cool because it was north, but even here it got hot in the middle of the summer.

Finnick was sprawled out on the ground, breathing heavily with his eyes closed. Johanna was sitting on a rock in the shade of a tree, chugging down what was left of her water bottle. Furman had his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. Even Craig and Jacobs looked fatigued. Gale was the only one who looked like he was holding up relatively well, which I hated because he was the one I wanted to suffer.

Despite the fact that we all had the same training, the rest of them were too used to comfort. Johanna and Finnick had been living the victor's life for years. They were used to being well-fed and living in comfort. Craig had spent the majority of her life living in the Capitol. Furman had been an office worker there until a year ago, so neither of them understood what it was like to go hungry. The only other person besides me who knew how to suffer was Gale. The group relied on the hunting he and I did, but it was nearly impossible for us to catch a deer here because the others just scared them away, so we had to rely on rabbits and birds. It reminded me of the games, when Peeta had tried to hunt with me, but he made so much noise that he scared off all pray.

"You can always gather." I heard myself say. "I'll hunt, and you can cook." I smiled at him as we sat in the cave discussing how to survive.

I forced myself to end the flashback. Thinking of Peeta was too hard. It hurt to remember his laugh or his smile. It hurt even worse to remember kissing him or touching him, so I avoided those memories especially. I didn't know if I would ever see him again. If I didn't die on this mission, the fact that no one was sure if he be awake if we got back still hung over me. I wish I had told him to stay that morning. I wished he had skipped training and just layed in bed with me all day. I wanted to rewind to that day and change everything, but I couldn't. I sighed as I remembered my last goodbye with him.

It took me a while to overcome the mixture of horror and shock I was feeling after seeing Coin and Gale. I eventually left the supply closet and kept going the way I had been originally. I couldn't believe that Coin and Gale were…together…in that way. I had a hunch that maybe Gale didn't have a choice, but then again this wasn't the Gale I knew, so I couldn't predict the reasoning behind his actions. I made my way through the corridors, praying that somehow Peeta had woken up. I needed him right now. I needed to confess this to someone, and there was no one else I trusted.

When I reached his room, I nearly yelled in frustration when I realized he was still comatose. I walked over to him and sat back down in my chair. "Please wake up Peeta. I need to talk to you. I need your help…" I held his hand and looked at his face, willing his eyes to open. I knew they wouldn't. He needed to wake up. I was leaving in the morning, so I wouldn't be here to protect him. After what I had heard from Coin, I was almost certain that they were trying to hurt Peeta. I didn't know how, but I was sure that they had done this to him after his surgery.

If I left him here with Coin, I knew he would be dead before I got back, so I needed to warn someone. I needed someone to watch over him. There was only one person who could do that. He was the only person who had ever really looked out for us.

"You rang, sweetheart?" He said, leaning against the doorframe. I had asked a nurse to get him, and I wasn't totally sure he would show up. His eyes were watery. He was still suffering from the withdraw, but I was glad. A sober Haymitch was much more useful than a drunk one.

"Yes." I smiled at him, hoping kindness would win him over. "I need you to…watch over Peeta. I'm going to be leaving, and besides me, you're the only person he really has. Just make sure that—"

"O don't worry." He said with a smirk. "I'll make sure our lovely president doesn't hurt your boyfriend, and, tell you what. I'll do you one better. If that cold hearted bitch has already harmed him, I'll find out how, and I'll figure out a way to fix it."

So he knew. He was as suspicious as I was. Haymitch may be an alcoholic, but there was a reason he won the games all those years ago. He was one of the smartest men I knew, so if anyone was going to uncover what Coin was doing to Peeta, it was going to be him.

"Thank you." I said firmly. "But how did you know? I thought you were on Team Coin?" I said sarcastically.

"HA!" He laughed a deep, throaty laugh. "You think there's a Team Coin? Sweetheart, the only reason people agree with her is because they are afraid, and for good reason. Look at what she did to him because of you. Everyone hates her, but everyone's too afraid of her to do anything about it."

I looked around the room, realizing that this was probably being taped. I panicked for Haymitch, but he shook his head. "Don't worry about that. I had Beetee do a little rewiring. It shows a constant feed of Peeta just laying here. No one will ever know about this little conversation." He turned and began to walk out the door. "I'll always be on your side Katniss. Hell, I've kept you around for this long, why would I want you to die now?" He chuckled once more, then disappeared down the hallway.

I stayed with Peeta all night, forgoing my last night in a real bed. It would have been too strange to sleep there without him. I slept in the chair, resting my head on his bed. Finnick shook me awake, and when I opened my eyes, I realized the whole team was there. One by one they went up and said their goodbyes to Peeta, just in case they didn't make it back, or I guess in case if he was gone by the time they did. Johanna and Craig kissed him on the forehead. Furman just said to hang in there. Everyone left until it was only Finnick, Peeta and I.

"I remember when I brought him back to life in the arena." He said. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or Peeta, but I nodded my head. "He was strong. It was me who brought him back, but it was Peeta that had the will to survive. " I saw a tear come to his eye, and surprisingly he let it fall. I had respect for Finnick because he wasn't afraid to feel. "He really loves you." Finnick said, still staring at Peeta, but this time speaking to me. "He told me so during the Quell. We were both keeping watch while you, Johanna and Beetee slept. I asked him why he volunteered to go into the arena again. He looked at me, then looked at you.

'You really love her, don't you?' I asked.

'More than you could ever know. She means everything to me. I know I'm going to die here, but as long as she lives I don't really care.'

'I love someone too, man, so I get you. They told me it was all fake. They said you two just did it for the camera's, but I should play along because everyone hates Snow, so anything to spite him was good.'

He laughed. 'It is fake, at least for her. I think she's half in love with this guy from our district. She's known him forever, so I guess they have a history and stuff.'

'HA!' I laughed. 'If it's a history you need, then I think you win in that category my friend. You two survived the most difficult situation you could possibly be put into. You risked your lives for each other. No other person can understand that, Peeta.' I looked at you, asleep on the ground. 'I think she loves you.' I said. 'You should've seen how she freaked out when you almost died. You only react that way to someone that you love.'

'Maybe.' He said wistfully. 'She's just amazing. She's beautiful and smart and strong. I've never met anyone who stood up for what they believed in like Katniss. There is no one else like her. I've loved her my whole life, and I'll never love anyone else. I promised myself I would get her out of here alive. Now I just have to convince her to stop trying to save me!.'"

I felt terrible. I knew I had led Peeta on, but he had loved me so much, and I couldn't even see it. I wish I had realized my feelings for him then. If there was a way to go back in time and yell at myself for wasting so much time, I would. I just wanted to be with him. "Wow. I didn't know—"

"You do now." He said, looking at me for the first time. "He won't leave you Katniss, he can't. Did you hear me?" He said, addressing Peeta's lifeless form. "You can't leave her. Not again. She needs you. Hell, we all need you." He turned around and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. I just sat there for a few moments, replaying Finnick's story in my head. I looked at the clock and realized I was holding everyone up. I leaned over and laid my head on Peeta's chest.

"Haymitch will take care of you." I said. "He'll make sure you're ok. Just come back to me, and I'll be here when you wake up." I brought my head up and kissed him on the lips. Then I squeezed his hand one more time, and let it go as I turned and walked out of the room.

I shook my head and pulled myself out of the past. I looked back up from the ground and realized Gale was staring at me. I scowled at him and walked over to a rock. I set down my pack and pulled my bow and sheath of arrows out. I slung the sheath over my back and headed out into the woods. Hunting would take my mind off of things. It could make me forget the pain of the past few weeks, and besides, my team needed to eat. I turned on my heel when I heard footsteps behind me.

There was Gale, bow in had, running after me. I rolled my eyes. "Why are you here? Can't you just go hunt on the other side of these woods and leave me alone?"

"It'll be easier if we're together." He said, panting. "Maybe then we can actually catch something with a little meat on it. We have to invade the district in a day, and it would help if we had some food in us. Besides, it's always worked best when we were together." I stared angrily at him. He had a point though.

"We aren't friends Gale. This isn't district twelve. You're a different person, and you've hurt me beyond repair, so we can hunt together, but it doesn't change anything." He started to say something, but I turned and continued to walk through the woods.

We hunted in silence. The old way we used to do things was still there though, and we managed to catch a deer. Gale lured it out, and I shot it straight through the eye. I smiled triumphantly as we walked over to collect our kill. Gale had set traps along the way, so we checked them on our way back to camp. We got two more rabbits and a small fox. We would eat well before we marched tonight.

As Gale bent down to undo his last trap, he paused for a moment. I was looking around for possible predators, when I heard him say, "I really am sorry Katniss." I turned my head to look at him. I didn't want to have this conversation. I didn't want to hear Gale's fake apologies.

"No you aren't Gale. You tried this in the command room, but you're friend Coin set you straight." I answered angrily. "You knew what you were doing. It wasn't an accident. You wanted to hurt Peeta because you were jealous, which I don't understand because I know you've got Coin to keep you company." I said it before I realized exactly what was coming out of my mouth.

His eyes widened and he stood up. I backed away from him because for a second I thought he was going to hurt me. I knocked an arrow, ready for him to attack. Instead, he leaned against a tree and sunk down to the ground. He put his head in his hands. This was not the reaction I expected, and I realized that I felt bad for him. It was clear he was being manipulated and used. Maybe my friend Gale was still there, but he was being oppressed by this terrible woman. I kneeled down next to him and put my hand on his knee.

"I didn't…I didn't think anyone knew. I don't want to, but what am I supposed to say. She'll kill me if I don't listen to her. I told her that I didn't want to spy. When she first approached me I said she was ridiculous. I said that I would never betray you, and that she could threaten me all she liked. I wouldn't do what she wanted because I didn't care about dying, but it wasn't me she threatened. She said she would kill everyone I loved if I didn't help. She threatened my family, and I figured that the only way to protect them and you would be to stay close to her. I thought that if I was on the inside, I could convince her not to hurt you, and maybe figure out a way to stop her. It's worked so far, but in the process, I just hurt you myself." A tear rolled down his cheek.

"Gale…why would you…why did you…" I tried to find the right question. Why would he do that? He was risking the lives of his family to be a "double agent" and try to destroy Coin from the inside, and for what? To protect me?

"Why would I do it? Because I love you Katniss. I've always loved you. Ever since that day in the woods." I took my hand off of his knee and started to stand up. I didn't have feelings for Gale, and I remembered what happened the last time I had told him that. I started to say something, but he shook his head. "Don't be scared, I know you don't love me. Trust me. I see the way you look at him. The way you care about him. When I heard…what I heard that night, I was upset because I knew then that you were gone." He leaned his head back against a tree and closed his eyes. "Plus she kept telling me things. She said you were just trying to hurt me and that you were an awful person. She kept trying to justify that it was your fault my home had been destroyed. She said you were leading me on, and that you neverI knew it wasn't true, and I had fought it because it didn't make any sense. But I let the jealousy overcome logic. When I hurt Peeta with that flash grenade, it was because Coin had said to scare him. She wanted me to be the bully, and I realize now that it was to drive a wedge between us. The more she pushed you away from me, the closer I would be to her. I guess all of the feelings just came out that day at training. Hearing you guys…together…just sent me over the edge. I shouldn't have hurt Peeta. I should have promised to protect him, too. If you care about him so should I." He looked fiercely into my eyes. "I'm not asking for forgiveness Katniss. I know I'll probably never get that. I also know that I'll never have you, so I won't fight for you in that way. I'll let him win because I know he makes you happy, and I support the two of you, but I will never stop protecting you."

With that, he stood up and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, then he wrapped his arms around me. I hesitated at first, unsure of how to respond to this Gale again. I tried to let myself forgive him. I tried to forget all that he had done, but I couldn't. When I resisted and pulled away, he let me go. His head dropped to the ground and he just nodded. I could never truly forgive him after what he had done to Peeta. I knew he was just protecting me by being close to Coin, but she had planted ideas in his head about me that had gotten to him. He had chosen to believe her over what he knew was the truth about me. Maybe this wasn't Coin's Gale, but it sure wasn't my Gale. Things would never be the same, so there was no use pretending like we were ok.

"I can't Gale. I can't forgive you right now. If he doesn't make it…I don't know what I'll do, and despite Coin's manipulation, I can't ignore that it was still you that almost killed him. If you truly mean what you say about protecting me, you'll have to prove it. You have to show me that you're still on my side." He nodded in agreement, then turned on his heels and walked back towards camp. I watched him walk away, then when he disappeared, I started walking back. I didn't want to arrive back with him. I didn't want anyone to question the obvious tension between us, because it wasn't just hatred. Now it was a screwed-up understanding between us. Gale would risk his life for me because he loved me, but I couldn't and wouldn't forgive him because he had hurt me so badly. What kind of person was I to let someone die for me, when I couldn't find it in myself to care about them?

But did I care about Gale? I was angry with him because of what he had done for Peeta, but it was hard to wish death on him. In the hospital when it had first happened, it was easy to think of Gale as only the evil maniac who had hurt Peeta, but now, it was hard to convince myself that he was totally lost.

I cooked the deer and we all ate together in relative silence. Finnick and Furman tried to stir up conversation, but everyone was too nervous about the mission. We would walk the rest of the way tonight, then wait outside the gates of seven until right before noon. Thirteen had sent encoded messages to the leaders of seven, which hopefully they had passed on to everyone. All hostages knew they were supposed to start running and head towards an old storage facility near the back of district center. The plan was for our squad to run into the district center during the filming of the executions, when we knew most people in Panem would be watching. We would start firing, and when the confusion began, all of the hostages would run. A thirteen hovercraft would then blow a hole in the wall for the hostages to escape through, while hundreds of ground troops would drop into the district to finish off the Capitol soldiers.

The problem was, we had to protect the hostages and try to fight off the Capitol soldiers by ourselves for at least twenty minutes. The thirteen hovercrafts had to be parked that far away to avoid radar. The camouflage and radar confusion technology only worked so well, and if they were any closer to the center of the district, the Capitol would have detected them. So for twenty minutes, it was going to be the seven of us against hundreds of Capitol soldiers. The possibility of dying was very high, and I guess it put all of us a little on tilt.

Eventually, Finnick told a joke that made everyone in the squad laugh. This led to Furman pulling out a deck of cards and them playing a game. Everyone seemed to lighten up, and they decided to enjoy their possible last day. I excused myself to go sit against a tree and look at some maps. They may be able to forget that we were about to go to our death, but I couldn't. I knew the reasoning behind sending us in was that we were the best, so we had the best chance of keeping the hostages safe. If they were taken back and thrown back in with the Capitol soldiers, our men would just end up killing hostages too. I just couldn't shake the fear of death. I also wanted to be alone. If I couldn't spend my last few hours with Peeta, I didn't want to spend them with anyone. As I pulled out a map and started to examine it, I felt someone sit down next to me.

"Now I know you have those maps memorized Everdeen." Craig said, smiling slyly at me. "So why are you sitting over here alone?" I thought about lying to her, but there was no point.

"I just…I can't pretend like we aren't going to die tomorrow. I can't pretend like the person who means the most to me isn't dying right now. I can't act like it'll all just go away."

"Just because they aren't sitting around crying doesn't mean they're ignoring it." She said matter-of-factly. "It just means they're choosing to deal with it differently. You think Finnick isn't thinking the same thing about Annie? You think he doesn't wish he was with her just like you wish you were with Peeta? He does, but he knows he has a job to do. I guess they've accepted their fate, and they want to die with a smile on their lips."

"I know." I answered solemnly. "That's just…not how I see it. I wish I could be like that, but I can't." I hesitated, picking at some weeds on the ground. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything Katniss." She answered seriously.

"What do you think about when you think about dying? What makes it less frightening? How do you fight back? I've been so close to death so many times, and I can't seem to figure out how I faced it, or why I had the will to live."

"Well…" She thought for a second, staring hard at the ground. "I guess the reason I can face it is my family. I know that if I die, I'll get to see them again. I don't know if I believe in an afterlife, but I just know that I'll see them in some way. I've been suffering so long, it would be nice to just relax." She looked up and squinted into the sun. "I guess the reason I fight back is because I remember why I'm fighting in the first place. I could have given up. I could have just given myself over to the soldiers in the hospital, but I promised to fight the Capitol, so every time I feel like surrendering to death, I know I have to keep fighting to avenge my family. You know Katniss, you're stronger than you think. All of these people are here to protect you, but they trust you with their lives as much as you trust them with yours. If you weren't strong enough, you wouldn't be here. Does that help?"

I thought for a second. "I guess…I guess I fight for my family. At least it was that way during the first games. I fought to go back to Prim and my mother. I knew they needed me, and I wasn't ready to die yet, but after the berries, it was more than that. I was living for something. I knew that I meant something. All of these people put their faith in me, and I knew I was the person that had the power to change things. I had the power to change Panem and to overthrow the Capitol, and I knew that if I died, hope would die with me." I said finally.

"And there is your answer." Craig looked at me. "You, Katniss Everdeen, are someone to believe in. You give people hope. You give them something to fight for, and you show them that there is always a way to win. Never give up on yourself, no matter how hard things get. People like Coin and Snow will always try to bring you down because you are a threat to them. They're the same person, and you know as well as I do that even if we win this war, nothing will change. Maybe there will be no more Hunger Games, but that was just a symbol for the larger problems that Panem has. Coin is a dictator, just like Snow, and she will rule just like he does."

"I know." I answered with a sigh. "I guess I've always known. I just don't know what to do. She'll kill them all if I try to fight her. She doesn't care about anyone but herself and her power. I want to win this war, and I know I'm fighting for the right side, but once we win I don't know what I'll do."

"You could be president if you wanted to." I laughed sarcastically at her comment. "I mean it! I know you wouldn't be, but the fact is, you're the one they love. You have the people, and that's the most important thing. When the time comes to take over, and Coin asks you for her support, you have the power to take that away. Why do you think she hasn't just let you die? She's waiting for you to give her approval, then she'll get rid of you so you can't take it back."

"So what do I do?" I asked, almost in tears. This was a hopeless situation. There was no way to beat her. I might have the people on my side, but I had no doubt she would hurt everyone I loved if I tried to rise against her. It was a war within a war. "I can't risk the lives of my family. I can't risk Peeta's life. I—" She grabbed my arm and I looked at her. She was staring at me intensely.

"Never let them own you Katniss. You're stronger than you know. You're better than them. Don't ever let them tell you what to do. I believe in you, and I know that when the time comes you'll make the right choice. Just promise me something. Promise me that you'll never let Coin or Snow or anyone else change you." I nodded. "Good. Now try and rest. We finish the march at sundown." She smiled and started to stand, but then she hesitated. She reached out and put her arms around me. She held me there for a while. I knew she was thinking of her daughter. Finally, she pulled away.

"Sundown." She said, getting up and heading back to the group. I laid down on the ground and closed my eyes, covering my face with a piece of cloth. Craig was more of a mother to me than my own mother had ever been. She really cared about me, and she always seemed to know the right thing to say or the right advice to give. As much as I resented Coin, I couldn't help but thank her for putting me in squad 451. These people were as much my family as Prim and my mother, and I would do anything to protect them.

Sundown, I thought as I drifted off to a restless sleep. That was when I would begin the fight for my life.


	12. Chapter 12

Note: Next chapter will hopefully be posted soon. I have exams but I can't stop writing this!

I took a deep breath and held it. My heart pounded in my chest. I could almost hear my blood pulsing. I watched Jacobs fist, poised in the air. I counted the seconds until his hand opened, giving us the signal to charge into seven. Fear and anticipation made my throat close. This was it. All of my training had led up to moments just like this. Ten…eleven…twelve…thirteen…fourteen. Then it happened.

His hand opened up and he pointed forward. I raised my gun into the air as Furman pressed a button, setting off a series of charges, which blasted open the gates of district seven, and it began.

We charged through in a V formation. Jacobs led on point. Furman was on his immediate right with Craig on his left. Finnick and Johanna were behind them, leaving Gale and I in the rear. We entered the city square, and I immediately realized that our plan of confusion had worked. There were two people on a platform directly north of us. I tried to make out their faces, but I could only see that one was a woman and the other was a small child. They were surrounded by Capitol guards, who had their weapons raised as they tried to peer through the smoke to try and make out the source of confusion. We had been ordered to target them first.

I heard the first set of bullets fire from my right. It was most likely Finnick, but I couldn't tell. I pulled the trigger of my own gun and fired a series of short blasts into the guard right behind the child hostage. He went down immediately, and, once I realized my team had taken down the rest of the guards on the stage, I turned my attention to the crowd.

It was mass panic, which I guess was good because it meant that district seven had gotten our message. The hostages were all running towards the stage because the paths behind it led to the storage house where they would wait to be freed. We knew that the Capitol wouldn't have many guards here in the district center. They would all be guarding the gate and various areas on the outskirts of the district. They would attempt to stop us before we could even enter, rather than try to fight us inside the cramped quarters of the district center.

They had clearly failed, so I knew the guards from the outside would soon be heading straight for our position. I fired a few shots and took down some of the Capitol soldier's who remained in the crowd when I heard a shot from above.

I quickly ran behind a building and took cover with my gun raised, trying to find out where the shot had come from. Then I noticed the towers. They had snipers set up in guard towers around the district center, and they were firing into the crowd of hostages. I saw Gale hiding behind a building adjacent to mine, and I pointed at the towers, signaling for us to try to take them down. He nodded at me and loaded a sniper attachment to his rifle. I did the same, attaching a scope and loading in a new set of bullets.

I aimed at the first tower, taking down the guard with a single shot to the chest. I turned my attention to the one next to that, but the guard quickly hid himself when he noticed his neighbor go down. I fired and missed a few times, then realized I was wasting ammo. I looked at Gale. He held up two fingers, signifying that he had taken down two guards. I had counted six towers, so we still had three left to eliminate. They were going to hide from our sniper fire now, but they were still in a position to kill hostages. I grunted in frustration, and then I came up with a plan.

I ran back out into the square and weaved between buildings until I was directly below the fourth tower. I stopped for a second to catch my breath and looked for a small hole in the base of the tower. I felt around, touching each brick until I found one that was loose. I used my knife to pry it out, and it left behind a perfect hole.

I pulled a grenade from my belt and took another deep breath. The timing would have to be perfect, and I would have to run for my life. If I tripped or fell, I would be blown away. I exhaled and pulled the pin on the grenade, dropping it into the hole.

I turned and sprinted away from the tower. I counted the seconds down in my head. I figured I had about five to run away and find shelter. Four. I needed to get farther away. There was no way I would survive the falling rubble if I was this close. Three. I could feel my legs giving out. I looked over my shoulder and saw the guard turned the other direction, so at least there was no chance of getting shot. Two. He would have no idea what hit him. He probably wouldn't live long enough to realize what was happening. One. I didn't know why this bothered me so much, but I didn't have that much time to think about it. I dove behind the nearest building and crouched, covering my ears with my hands.

I could feel the tremble of the explosion. The grenade wasn't powerful enough to create the kind of heat filled mega-explosion like the blast in the mountain had, but the rumbling wasn't from that. It was from the tower imploding on itself. Pieces of rubble rained down around me. I heard a couple hit the roof covering right above my head. I stayed there for a while, but I realized I had to get moving. I slowly uncovered my ears. They were ringing, but the sounds of the world were slowly coming back into focus.

I ran back out into the square, taking down Capitol soldiers as I went. I eventually found Gale, crouched behind a building, picking off guards as they ran by.

"Was that you?" He shouted between bursts of bullets.

"Yeah! I knew I had to take down those towers, and I figured we could use more confusion as cover, so I think this worked." I heard him laugh back at me. I looked out into the square and realized it had done more than I expected. Guards were confused and unstable. Not only had I gotten rid of one tower, but it had been close enough to the next one to cause it to fall too. The rubble had served better than all of the bullets in the world, taking down dozens of guards. I guess helmets didn't really help against giant pieces of stone and brick.

"How much time is left?" I shouted to him.

"Five minutes! We're almost there." He grinned at me. I nodded back and turned my rifle on the square, firing at guards heading towards the hostage bunker. I tried to count down the time, but it all blurred together in my mind. I kept thinking about that guard in the tower. Sure he was a Capitol soldier, but he was caught totally unaware. I had killed so many people, and for what? I hated this rebellion. I hated the Capitol for what they turned us into. Craig had told me to not let them change me, but I had obviously failed at that. Ever since the first games I had become a killing machine. Sure I felt remorse, but that hadn't stopped me from doing it. I had done it to survive, but isn't that what they were doing? Fighting for their cause and to defend their Capitol?

A loud whirring sound pulled me out of my thoughts. I heard another explosion, this time in the direction of the storage facility, then hundreds of screams tore through the air, and I knew that backup had arrived. I saw them rush past and start picking off the Capitol guards. They were confused and dazed, but they realized that they were outnumbered. They started to run, but that only made it easier for thirteen soldiers to pick them off. One by one by one I watched them fall. Those must have been the orders. Show no mercy. Kill them all. I could practically hear Coin saying the words.

"Time for extraction!" Gale said hitting me on the shoulder. "Our job here is done!" I followed him out from behind the building as we ran to our extraction point. We got away from city center and the fighting for the most part, now it was just a few Capitol guards who we either avoided or took out easily.

As I ran down the road I noticed something in an alley that made me stop. "What are you doing?" Gale shouted at me. I waved him off and told him to just keep going and I would meet him there. It wasn't dangerous here. All of the fighting was behind us.

There was a thirteen soldier, who had someone pinned up against the wall, gun pointed at his face. It looked like a kid who couldn't be older than fifteen. I ran down the alley and shouted at the thirteen soldier. "Hey!" I yelled. "What are you doing?" I pulled him away from the kid. He was wearing the all white uniform of a Capitol guard. "He's unarmed! Let him go." I stood between the thirteen soldier and the Capitol guard, baffled as to why one of the "good guys" would murder this unarmed kid.

"We can take him as a captive. Maybe we'll even get information out of him." I said firmly.

"Orders are orders. Coin said, leave none alive. She's the boss," he said, taking a step towards me. "Not you." He pushed me out of the way and raised his gun. I stepped between them.

"Then you'll have to shoot me too I guess." I wasn't going to move. This was murder. I wouldn't have thirteen be known for this. This was no better than the Capitol. I expected him to lower his weapon, but instead he just laughed. He tried to push me aside again, but I was ready. I grabbed his arm and pushed the gun off to the side, twisting his elbow and locking it behind his back.

"I have seniority over you." I was a second lieutenant after all. I guess that's one of the perks of being the Mockingjay. "And I said stand down." I felt my feet lift off the ground as he got himself away and flipped me onto the ground. 

"And she said not to listen to anyone else, especially you. So I'll do as I please!" When I hit the ground, all of the air went out of my lungs. He kicked me in the side and I groaned. I rolled onto my knees, clutching my ribs. Every time I took a breath there was unbelievable pain. I was sure at least one of my ribs was broken. I saw stars, but managed a couple small breaths. I looked back towards the soldier as he raised his gun.

"NO!" I shouted, jumping towards them. I tried to grab his back, and when he turned towards me, I heard the gun discharge right before I felt the bullet rip through my stomach.

It was hard to identify just how much pain I was in. I fell to the ground and clutched my stomach. When I pulled my hand away, it was coated in blood. I tried to cry out but I couldn't. I heard a second gun shot. I knew it was the Capitol soldier being executed, but it all felt so far away. I tried to look up, but I couldn't move. I heard the thirteen soldier run away, not even bothering to help me. No one could now. Gale and the rest of my team were probably already on the hovercraft, waiting for me to come back. I told him to go ahead. He wouldn't come back for me. It was up to me now. I tried to remember what Craig had said about the will to survive.

I thought about Peeta. I saw his smiling face. I heard his voice calling out to me. I couldn't die now. I couldn't die without making sure he was ok. I couldn't leave Prim with my mother. I had to come back, just like I had come back from the games. I had survived so much. I couldn't die now. I couldn't let Coin win. That was the thought that got me to stand up. I took one step, and thought about Gale. What she had done to him. How she had manipulated him. Step.

How she had pulled me down. How she tried to control me. She was evil. Step. She had to be destroyed. I couldn't let her hurt the people I love. Step. I thought about Snow. How he had tried to kill me. How he had forced me to murder other children. Step. I thought about Rue. How it was his fault she had died. It was his fault all of them had died. Step. That's how I moved. Each step was a reason I hated them and a reason I had to live. I stumbled back to the main road and kept going. I had to make it to the extraction point. I had to keep going.

"Katniss!" I heard a voice yell my name. I couldn't identify it. I might even be imagining it. I didn't know what was real and what was fake. All I could think about was how I had to survive to destroy them. "Katniss!" I heard the voice again, but it was so far away. It wasn't just one voice. It was all of their voices, yelling out for me to help them. "Katniss!" I heard Rue yelling my name while she was trapped in that net. I could see her. She was right in front of me. I walked towards her. I heard her yell. I saw the spear pierce her stomach.

"Katniss!" This time it was Peeta, yelling for me in the woods during the first games. Searching for me. I had to get to him. I had to find him. To make sure he was ok.

"Katniss!" Now it was Prim. Yelling my name at the reaping. Begging me not to leave. Making me promise to win for her. She stood next to Rue, both of them calling out to me. I had to make it to them. I had to save them this time.

"Look behind you. Katniss watch out!" The voice yelled. This time it was more real. I tried to focus back on reality. The images of Rue and Prim disappeared, and I saw the blury outline of the road in front of me. I turned around, and there was a Capitol soldier, dressed in all white, with his gun pointed at me.

I knew I was going to die. Hell part of me even wanted to, but I had fought so hard. I had walked this far. I couldn't die now. I tried to reach for my gun, but I must have dropped it in the alley. The world was so blury. I couldn't make out his face. I could only see his eyes. They were grey. Not the grey of the seam, but pale grey, like the life was sucked out of them. I knew those eyes. They were hers. Coins eyes. This man wasn't Coin, but at the same time, he was. He was doing her job. He was killing me, and destroying all hope of defeating her.

"Katniss!" There was the voice again, only this time it was right on top of me. I heard the gunfire, and expected to feel the same fiery pain as in the alley, but this time I felt something hit me like a boulder. I fell to the ground, rolling to the side. I heard two more shots, but they weren't directed at me. They were directed at the person who had just saved my life. They were directed at Craig.

I saw her get hit once more, then crumple to the ground. The soldier turned towards me again and raised his rifle, but he never got the chance to fire. She shot him twice from the ground, right through the eyes. She always was our best shot.

The world came back to me. I could hear the vague shots and explosions from the city center. I saw the guard fall backwards and become still. Then I looked towards Craig.

It took everything I had, but I crawled over to her. It couldn't really be her. Not Craig. She would never get hit. She was invincible. I turned her over onto her back. Her eyes were still open, and she coughed blood.

"Craig…Craig talk to me. Say you're ok." I croaked, my throat closing. Her eyes fluttered, and she half-laughed/half-coughed. I held her head in my lab, trying to help, but I knew it was useless. I looked at her torso. Four shots. One in the leg, two in the stomach, and the last one, straight through the heart. I felt tears filling my eyes, and I tried to blink them away. "Please Craig. You can't leave me. Not you. I need your help."

"Katniss…" She whispered. Why hadn't I listened to her? Why hadn't I turned around? Not Craig. Not her. Not this woman, who had taught me more about life in two months than my own mother had in seventeen years. "Katniss…don't give…don't…don't give up. Never…never give up." She grabbed my hand. "Promise…promise….me…" she gasped and coughed blood.

"I promise! I promise! Just please don't leave me. I'm gonna get you help. They'll be here. They have to. HELP!" I screamed at everyone and no one. "HELP ME!" I needed someone to come. Gale, Jacobs, Finnick, anyone. Just someone to help her. "HELP!" She gripped my arm harder.

"Katniss… there's…no chance for me." I wouldn't accept that. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I bent over and sobbed. She had to live.

"You won't die for me. Not you too. No one else will die for me."

"It's too…too late. I already did." She laughed again. Even in death she had the strangest humor. "I'm going….I'm going to them Katniss. It's ok because…because I'm going to them. Going…home." She shuddered and coughed again, her breath shallow. "It's…it's up to you…now. It's up to you…to make it right. You have to…to avenge them. Only you can…can make this right. Make…make the right choice."

"I can't! I'm not worth it." I did this to them. I did this to everyone. It was my fault. Rue, Cato, Clove, Mags, Peeta's family, all of district twelve. It was all my fault. "I'm not worth any of it!" I yelled.

"That's what you don't see Katniss." She said softly. This time she didn't waver. This was strong. This was the voice of the Craig I knew. Her last words were a whisper. "You are." She took one last, shuddering breath, and she was still. I lifted my hands shakily and closed her eyelids. She was gone. Craig was gone. Pain gripped my entire body. I could feel the hole the bullet had ripped through my stomach. I could feel the breaks in my ribs every time I moved. I couldn't make it. I was going to die here. I didn't want to give up. I didn't want them all to have died in vain, but I wasn't strong enough.

I turned my face to the sky. There were black clouds swirling in the air, covering the district in shadows. The black clouds parted, and I saw pure, blue sky between them. I thought about Peeta, Prim, my mother, my squad, even Gale. I was leaving them all. I wasn't ready to go, but I had too. I wasn't strong enough to survive this. A final wave of pain washed through my body, and a tear rolled slowly down my cheek. I cried out one last time, and the world went black.


	13. Chapter 13

I don't know how long I walked. It was a meadow similar to the one that Gale and I used to go to in district twelve, only this one was much larger. I looked in front of me for the ending, but it just went on and on until it joined the blue sky in the horizon. It was then I realized I was no longer in pain.

I could breath again, and when I looked down there was no longer blood covering my stomach. I was wearing the blue dress, the one from the reaping where I had volunteered for Prim. I was shoeless, but I couldn't feel the ground under my feet. I couldn't feel anything. The world around me was numb and empty. It was just me and the meadow. I looked to either side, but there were no trees or lakes or fences like in district twelve. The meadow stretched out in every way as far as I could see.

I didn't know where I was going, or even why I kept walking. I should probably stop. I should probably just sit down and stay here. There was no ending, no final destination. This walk was pointless, but for some reason I couldn't stop. Where was I after all? How had I gotten here? It didn't really matter. I was here now, and I was here to stay. I forced myself to look around. I looked down and saw the tall grass whipping at my calves, but I couldn't feel the familiar uncomfortable tickle it left there. I also couldn't feel the wind on my face, but I knew it was there because the grass was moving. I looked back off to the distance, and suddenly, a streak of fire appeared across the meadow.

It started on my left and ripped across the field. I watched in horror as it set the meadow ablaze. I couldn't feel anything else, but I felt the heat of it on my face. I was afraid of it. It burned so brightly it was hard to look at, but as I stared into the flames, I saw a figure in the middle of them. Someone was caught in the fire.

I started running towards them, yelling out that I was coming. Why weren't they moving? How could they stand it? _Maybe because they were already dead._ I thought as I finally made it to within ten yards of the giant wall of fire. _Isn't that what I am now? Dead? _I shuddered at the thought, and paused as I reached the giant wall of flames.

It was taller than I thought, towering at least ten feet above my head. I saw the shadowy figure begin to move through the flames, heading towards me. I wanted to go in and help them, but I was afraid, so I waited, and eventually they came to me. As the figure emerged from the fire, I realized in horror that it was my father.

"Dad?" I asked in a choked whisper. How was he here? His face was untouched from the last time I saw him. He was still in his mining uniform, clean shaven, just like when I had said my final goodbye to him, but it wasn't a final goodbye. Here he was, standing in front of me. "What are you doing here?"

"Katniss Everdeen, the Girl Who was on Fire. I hear that's what they're calling you now." He said with a smile. I ran to him and threw my arms around him. I felt his arms wrap around me. That was all I could feel. My father and the flames.

"I guess so." I said with a sobbing laugh. I was so happy he was here. "So I guess it's just the two of us now? I missed you dad, but now we get to spend…" I looked around at the flames and the meadow. What was the right word? "Eternity together. Waiting for the rest of them." The thought made me sad for some reason. I was so happy to be with my dad again, but I wasn't ready for this. I had so many things to do. _Peeta_. His name echoed in my mind, and suddenly I was crying for a different reason. I needed him here. I couldn't live here or anywhere without him.

"Woah woah." He said, pushing me back and holding me at arms length. "We aren't here together Katniss. You're not…where I am. You're not ready yet. I hear you have many things left to accomplish, and many…" he smiled with his next words, "people you have that still need you." So he knew about Peeta? Of course he knew about Peeta. If what he said was true, this was just a dream. A figment of my imagination, so he knew everything I knew.

"Well, I was walking that way." I said, pointing past the wall of flames. "I don't know why. I just…was." Maybe he knew how to get me…back. Even if I knew it was a dream, I didn't know how to get out of it.

"Well, that's the right way." He said, his face becoming serious. "You were just…lost for a while, but I guess the time has come." He took my hand. "I'll let you go. Just this once Katniss, but don't worry, someday you'll be back, but this time when you're ready, once it's all over." What did he mean let me go? This wasn't my real father. This was just my imagination. He smiled at me. "You'll understand eventually Katniss." He led me towards the wall of flames, but I dug my heels into the ground.

"Wait. I can't go in there. I'll burn." Fire scared me. It always had.

"What happened to the girl on fire?" He said with a hearty laugh. I loved his laugh. It was so familiar. "Don't be afraid Katniss. Never be afraid. Besides, where you're going, fire is the last thing you should be worrying about." Coin. Snow. The names were slowly returning to my head. "You've got work to do, so you better be going. Give them a fight they won't soon forget." He kissed me lightly on the forehead. I nodded. He was right. I had to go back. I had to leave him, but I knew he was right. I would be back. I would see him again.

I started walking with him towards the flames. They grew brighter and stronger with each step, but I wasn't afraid. I had to face it. I couldn't run anymore. I had to face it head on. I gritted my teeth as I took my first step into the flames. I felt my father's hand slip out of mine. I saw his shadowy figure disappear into the distance, and I kept walking. I kept moving, knowing that this time I would reach a destination.

It was the pain that brought me back to consciousness. Not the pain of the flames, but an aching, ripping pain in my stomach. I didn't open my eyes. I didn't know where I was, and I wanted to make sure it was safe, after all, I had a lot to be afraid of.

"I don't know when she'll wake up sir." I heard a foreign female voice say as I regained consciousness. "It's been five days and she's been totally unresponsive. I can't tell you what's happening, only that her body is taking time to heal."

"Can't you do something?" _Peeta_. He was alive. He was awake. I needed to see him, needed to open my eyes, but I waited. "If she's in pain can't you give her some sort of medicine to make her heal faster?" I could hear the anger in his voice. I knew it well. It was the same frustration I had when it was him laying on the hospital bed.

"She'll be alright Peeta." Haymitch. He had figured it out. He had saved Peeta. I reminded myself to hug him. "You were out for a long time, and you had worse head injuries. She'll wake up, just give her time."

"I can't…I just want to know she's ok. I can't wait." I could hear the anguish in his voice. Peeta and Haymitch were here. It was safe now. It was ok to wake up. It was time to start fighting back.

My eyes fluttered open, and it took a few seconds for the room to come into focus. I stared at a grey ceiling. I could hear the faint blips of the heart monitor. The steady drip of the morphine. I tried to sit up, but as soon as I did, a burning pain blew through my ribs, and I remembered they were broken. Not a good first move.

"Katniss!" I heard Peeta yell. "You're awake. You're ok." I looked up at his face and saw the broadest, brightest smile spread across his lips. I had missed that smile so much. Peeta was ok. He was finally ok, and so was I, or at least I would be. I didn't care about the pain in my ribs or my stomach. I couldn't feel any of it. All I felt in that instant was a burning fire in my heart. I sat up and kissed him. I had missed the softness and fullness of his lips against mine, but most of all I had missed this feeling, this need I had for him. I wanted him to be closer to me. I wanted to hold him and never let him go again. Never let him leave me again.

"Ah!" I couldn't help but cry out. I broke away from him and layed back against the bed, gripping my stomach. The pain was unbearable. I felt tears stinging my eyes. I tried to breath in, but I couldn't.

"Are you ok?" He asked with concern. "I didn't mean to…did I hurt you?"

I looked back at him and smiled through gritted teeth. Even with all of the pain, I couldn't help but smile at Peeta. His blonde hair fell carelessly over his eyes, and he was dressed and shorts and a plain white t-shirt, but he couldn't have ever been more handsome.

"Maybe you should take it easy for a while. Try to contain your…excitement…until you're better, sweetheart." Haymitch said, stepping up behind Peeta.

"I'll call the doctor. He'll need to check on you." She exited the room and closed the door behind her. I laid my head back and let go of my stomach.

"So…who was my guardian angel this time?" I asked with a wry smile. It was all coming back to me. The alley. The guards. The soldier with his gun aimed at my head. Holding Craig while she took her last breath. _You are._ I would never shake those words. I could hear her voice like she was right next to me. I remembered looking towards the sky, but then nothing.

I looked to Haymitch and then Peeta, waiting for one of them to give me an answer. Peeta's face had darkened. His smile had gone away and his face was serious. "Gale." He said shortly.

"Of course it was Gale." _I will never stop protecting you._ I heard him say. "He was the only one who knew where I was. I guess they sent out Craig, and when she…she…didn't come back, Gale went looking for us." I couldn't think about it. It hurt too much to think about her sacrifice, to think about how she had died for me.

"I see you…figured it out." I said to Haymitch, nodding towards Peeta. "Thank you." I could tell Peeta was upset, and I wanted to change the subject.

"They were poisoning him." Haymitch said angrily. "If you hadn't been suspicious…he probably would have been dead by the time you got back." Poison? So it was Coin. She definitely wanted Peeta dead, and she had almost gotten her way.

Peeta was staring at the ground, clearly still dwelling on Gale. "Peeta….it's ok. You're ok now. I'm ok. We're gonna be—"

"No its not Katniss." He walked away from me and rested his head against the wall. "I should have been there in district seven. I shouldn't have taken Gale on like I did. I should have been smart enough. I shouldn't have been so cocky. If I hadn't made him so angry, I would've been on that mission. I would've saved you." He punched the wall, leaving a dent in the plaster. "If I had lost you…I never would have forgiven myself." He walked back over to me with tears in his eyes. "That will never happen again. I won't be that stupid. I promise…I promise."

I sat up carefully, watching to not ignite the burning in my stomach, and wrapped my arms around him. He rested his head on my shoulder and hugged me back, gripping me tightly. "It's ok Peeta. I know you would never knowingly put me in danger." I pulled back and smiled at him, planting a small kiss on his lips.

"Unfortunately." Haymitch said, interrupting us. "We have other problems to deal with now that you two are ok. Coin is angry. She talked about putting you on trial for trying to usurp her. Of course the soldier you got into the argument with came back and told her everything. How you had tried to get him to defy her. How you said she was wrong for ordering the death of the Capitol soldiers. She was ranting and raving like you wouldn't believe. Fortunately you have a lot of people on your side, which of course only makes her more angry."

I looked at him quizzically. What did he mean I had people on my side? "They love you." Peeta said, sensing my confusion. "The people of thirteen. Hell the people of Panem. You're still their hero, now more than ever. They saw you fearlessly go out onto the front lines, and take a bullet for the cause. You're more than just a symbol now. You're a warrior."

"But wouldn't that be good for Coin? She thinks she has me in her pocket."

Haymitch snorted. "She knows you despise her Katniss, and you know what the best part is?" He whispered, moving closer to me. "She's afraid of you."

Coin afraid of me? That was an interesting turn of events. Why would the president of the rebellion be afraid of me? Then I remembered my conversation with Craig. She said I had the people on my side. She had said I could be president because they loved me. I had the power to take away Coin's hold over all of Panem given we won this war. That thought made me smile slightly, but I knew it wasn't that simple. I couldn't divide our army. Not now. And when the time came, I had to be careful about how I went about taking her down.

"So what's the plan?" I asked him.

"There…isn't one. Not just yet. Luckily, this war with the Capitol is almost over. Our successful mission in district seven basically secured our victory. Now all that's left is invading the Capitol."

"And when will we do that?" It had to be soon.

"Well, considering squad 451 is going to lead the charge, we have to wait for you to get better. Now that you're awake, the healing should go faster. We've been very…hesitant to let them give you any medication." He said. "After what happened to Peeta, we didn't want to risk anything. Now that you're up though, it should be fine." Just then the door opened, and all of squad 451 burst through it into the room.

I smiled at my team members. "Katniss! You're ok!" Johanna said, running over to me and pulling me into a hug. Peeta got up from my bedside, and I panicked for a moment. I didn't want him to be away from me, but I had to welcome my team. I was glad to see they were all ok.

Finnick was in a sling. Apparently he had his elbow broken in a fist fight with a Captiol soldier. Furman had a deep scar above his left eye, but besides that he was ok. Jacobs was untouched of course. He was like a bull. I wouldn't be surprised if bullets didn't just bounce off of him. Johanna looked fine, but she said she was recovering from a concussion she had gotten from the rubble of the falling tower. Seeing them all brought back the memory. I had to face it now. I had to face the fact that there were only seven of us instead of eight.

Jacobs came up and sat on the edge of my bed. I knew it was coming. "Katniss…I know you're still recovering, but we have to know what happened to her. No one else was there, so you're the only one that can tell us."

He was being gentle. That was unusual for Jacobs. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to relive her death, but I knew I had to. They deserved to know how their teammate died. They would hate me. I knew they would. Craig was a better soldier. It would've been better for the whole squad if it had been me who had died out there.

"She…she died for me." I said quietly. "After I was shot by the thirteen soldier, I tried to make my way to the extraction point. I was struggling, and I didn't notice that there was a Capitol guard following me. He fired his gun at me, but Craig pushed me out of the way and took the bullet, then he shot her three more times. He turned his gun on me again, but she…she shot him. She saved my life. It should have been me. I should have died out there. I don't know why she would save me."

I hung my head and played idly with the sheets in front of me. I felt like crying, but I didn't want my team to see that. The next thing I knew, Jacobs had his arms around me. I had never seen the Commander show any emotion other than anger, so I was shocked. I knew in that moment that they would forgive me. It was my fault, but they would let it go.

"It's ok, Katniss." He said softly. "Craig thought you were worth it, and I haven't ever seen that woman make a mistake." He let me go and held me at arms length. "Don't let her sacrifice be in vain. She believed in you. We all do."

"We all know." Johanna said. "About Coin. What she did to Peeta and is trying to do to you. We have to take her down. After we destroy the Capitol, we've got a bigger fight on our hands."

"She won't hurt you." This time it was Finnick who spoke. "If she fights one of us, she fights all of us. We're a team, which means your battle is our battle. This is going to be harder. We can't fight with guns and swords. We have to win this one with words and alliances."

"We're all in." Peeta whispered. "All we need is you." He looked at me, and so did everyone else. I could feel their eyes boring into me. This was the moment I had been dreading. I didn't want to get into this fight with Coin. I didn't want to risk the lives of my family and my squad members. This was more dangerous than any mission, but I knew it had to be done. Coin had to be taken down, and I was the one who had to do it. I nodded and looked up at them.

"I'm in. All in. I won't let this rebellion turn into another dictatorship. It has to be done, and I'm the one that has to do it." I thought about that time in training when I had hesitated before shooting President Snow. I couldn't do that now. When the time came, I had to take Coin down.

My squad mates each gave me one last hug and said they'd see me in training. They left one by one until it was just Peeta and I. For the first time since the morning after our last mission we were alone together. He waited for the door to close behind Finnick, then walked over and sat down next to me. He just stared at me for a long time, and as I looked back into his deep blue eyes, all I wanted was to be with him forever. I had missed him so much. I had been suppressing all of the romantic and sexual feelings I had towards Peeta because it hurt too much to think about them when he was asleep, but they all came back to me now.

Finally he leaned down and kissed me, softly at first, but then hungrily. I could tell that he had missed me just as much as I had missed him. I could feel my heart screaming inside my chest. He put his hand on the back of my head and deepened the kiss. He tasted so good. Like cinnamon and freshly baked bread. I didn't want this to stop. I put my hand on his chest and grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer into me. I wanted more. I didn't care where we were or how hurt I was. I wanted Peeta.

He pulled away from me, and I groaned, trying to pull him back towards me. He put his hand on mine and held it to his heart. I could feel it beating beneath his shirt. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were red. He smiled at me. "You're injured Katniss." He said with a laugh. "We'll have plenty of time for…that," he looked up and down my body playfully, "once you get better."

I relaxed back into the bed and closed my eyes. For the first time since the fight between Peeta and Gale I felt peaceful. I knew that I had two very powerful people who wanted me dead, but for some reason I wasn't afraid. With my team behind me and Peeta by my side, I felt something I hadn't in a long time: hope. I felt like I could win, like maybe there was a chance to make it out of this alive.

"You look happy." Peeta said. I opened my eyes at the sound of his voice. "That's kind of odd under the circumstances." He ran his hand through my hair. "You should sleep now, Kat. You've still got a long way to go before you heal." I lifted my hand up to his and held it against my cheek.

"I love you, Peeta." Had it only been a week since I last said it? It felt like a lifetime ago that he had held me in his arms and I had told him that I loved him.

"I love you too, Katniss." He kissed my forehead. "And I always will. Now sleep." He started to get up, but I grabbed his arm.

"Don't leave me…please. You said you wouldn't."

"I'm just going to get a chair, Kat." He chuckled. "It'll be hard for me to sleep next to you without hurting you, but don't worry, I won't leave you." He pulled one of the puffy chair/couches up next to the bed and sat down. He held my hand and leaned his elbows in the bed. He stroked my arm and stared at me. I felt myself drifting off, and let sleep take me.

I woke up slowly. I hadn't had any dreams, or nightmares for that matter. Maybe it was the morphine, or maybe it was the peaceful feeling. I looked around the room. Something felt odd. I had a strange sense of dread. There was nothing out of place in the room. It was the same as it had been since I fell asleep. Peeta rested his head on the bed. He had fallen asleep too. I watched his chest rise and fall and heard him snore slightly. He was fine. So why was I so panicked? Then I heard the door creak open. I looked up with a start, and realized that my subconscious must have seen this coming, because the person leaning against the doorframe was none other than President Coin.


	14. Chapter 14

"Hello Ms. Everdeen." She said with a sly smile. At the sound of her voice, Peeta awoke with a start and looked around. He saw Coin standing against the doorframe and looked back at me alarmed. He stood up in front of me protectively.

"Why are you here?" He asked. "Don't you have better things to do? She's safe now. You won't get to her here." I could tell he was trying to be brave, but I could sense the fear in his voice. She stared at him with her icy grey eyes.

"I need to talk with Ms. Everdeen….alone." She said coldly.

Peeta laughed sarcastically. "Do you really think I would leave her alone with you?"

Coin smiled. That was dangerous. I hated when Coin smiled. "Do you honestly think you have a choice my dear?" I knew she was right. Even if Peeta wanted to protect me, if Coin wanted me alone, she would have me alone. Disrespecting her was dangerous, and Peeta was in enough danger as is.

"Its ok Peeta." I said, putting my hand on his arm. "I can handle myself. She won't hurt me. She can't." I looked past him towards Coin. I stared at her defiantly. Her eyes narrowed and I could see her weighing this statement. I was challenging her, but she knew I was right. The word had no doubt spread that I was ok, so if I dropped dead now, suspicion and mistrust would hang over her.

Peeta looked back and me and frowned. I could tell it was killing him to leave me. "I promised I would protect you." He whispered.

"I know, but I have to do this alone." I had to face her. I had to show that I wasn't afraid of her. No. That wasn't it. If I wasn't afraid of her I would be a fool. I had to show that even though I was afraid, I had the courage to stand up to her. I had to prove I was strong enough. He hung his head and looked to the floor. He debated what I had said for a moment, then nodded.

He walked towards the door past Coin, pausing to give her a look that suggested he would kill her if anything happened to me. She didn't acknowledge him. She was still staring at me. As Peeta walked out of the room and down the hallway, Coin closed the door behind him.

"So as I was saying, hello Ms. Everdeen." She smiled again. It made me shiver. The contrast between her tightly knit expression and the smile playing at her lips was unnatural. "We have a lot to discuss, you and I."

"O do we? About what?" I spit back at her.

"A little bird told me that you tried to disobey a direct order from me, and you tried to get one of our honest soldiers to disobey me as well. How do you think that looks for me Katniss?" I was taken aback when she said my name. It was too personal. I didn't like the way she addressed me, like a mother scolding her child.

When I didn't answer her, she continued. "You don't know?" Again I didn't answer. "It looks bad for me Katniss. It looks like the mockingjay defying the president. Saying that what I'm doing is wrong. You see, many of these people think of you as a hero. They see you as the savior of Panem, but you aren't the president are you? No. You have no idea what its like to rule. If you have any intentions of trying to come into power yourself, I would strongly suggest you drop them."

I scoffed at the idea and rolled my eyes. "Do you really think I want power, President Coin? If I wanted to be in charge right now, I would be." There it was. I had to be direct. I saw her eyes widen. This was a direct challenge. I was making a bold move by stating that I had more support then her.

I expected her to yell or continue scolding me, but instead, she laughed. It was a short, maniacal laugh. I realized I had never heard her laugh before, and honestly I didn't think she was capable of it. "O please, save it. If you're trying to scare me, it will never work." She turned away from me and strolled around the room, casually picking up and smelling the flowers that people had sent for me.

"You may not see it, little mockingjay, but I have complete and utter control over this entire rebellion. You think you have the people, and maybe you do. They certainly love you, but do you really think that's enough?" I looked down, confused. "It isn't. Do you feed them? Give them shelter? Keep them safe? The answer is no, Katniss. No you don't. Do you know who does? Me. I'm the one who brought them here. I'm the one who supplies the guns and soldiers that are currently out there fighting the rebellion. You may be a symbol for justice and truth. You may be the spark that started the fighting, but if you're the spark Ms. Everdeen, then I'm coal. You started the fire, but I keep it going.

"I keep you around because your support is useful. If you tried to usurp me, who would follow you? Could you get them food or water? No. Could you supply them with somewhere to live? No. You cannot do anything that is needed of a leader. You're brave Katniss. I'll give you that. You make a fantastic mockingjay with your rash decisions and senseless boldness, but boldness and courage don't win a war. Cunning and deceit win a war. Knowing how to manipulate the right people into doing what you want, that's how you win power. The ability to kill whoever is necessary to get where you want to go." She paused and turned back towards me, staring straight into my eyes. "That's what will win you power."

I was shocked by her revelation. She was so calm about admitting that she had murdered people to get to where she was. "You're no better than him." I said slowly. "We may as well let President Snow stay in office. I won't let you win, _President _Coin. I'll do everything I can to stop you."

Her mouth hardened into a thin line and I could see the muscles in her jaw clench. "You think you're untouchable don't you? You think you can do whatever you want? You're wrong. I can't hurt you. You're right about that, but I can hurt the people around you." She turned back towards the window that looked into the hallway. She crossed her hands behind her back and gazed through the blinds. "How is your little sister anyway?"

Not Prim. I had worked so hard to protect her. I wouldn't let Coin hurt her. "She's fine." I said shakily. She wouldn't hurt Prim. She was just a child.

"That's good. I'm glad she's ok…for now. How about your mother? Or how about Peeta? Is he recovering well from his head injury? That was a nasty fight he got into."

"His head is fine. The poison that you gave him almost killed him though." I shot back. I didn't care if she knew that I knew she had poisoned Peeta. The game had changed. She was directly threatening my family. Now I understood how Gale felt.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." I saw the smile grace her lips again. I wanted to scream at her. To make her admit she had poisoned Peeta and would've tried to kill me if I hadn't woken up. She turned back towards me. "You see Ms Everdeen, you seem to have this delusion that I won't do whatever is necessary to stay in power. You think I won't hurt your little sister because she's a child. You think Mr. Mellark won't get into a little accident or ingest some deadly toxin while enjoying his dinner. You think I won't have your entire team blown to pieces by a well-placed 'enemy' land mine on their next mission. For some reason, Ms. Everdeen, you think these people are safe because you think there will be repercussions for me if I hurt them.

"Let me make this clear. There won't be. There are no repercussions for me. I can't get punished. You can't hurt me, so stop trying. Go on and live your life. Have sex with your boyfriend. Enjoy training with your team. Play games with your little sister. Be peaceful and obey me, and I will let you live your pathetic life. However, if you continue this ridiculous notion of trying to overthrow me, I will kill every single person you've ever cared about. I will destroy your entire life until you have nothing left to fight for." By the time she was finished, her voice had dropped into a whisper. I knew I had lost. There was nothing I could do. I knew that she would kill them. I couldn't risk the lives of the people I loved. I wanted to hang my head. To bury my face in my hands and cry, but I didn't. I just stared right back at her. She studied me for a moment. "Get well soon." She said. Then she turned and walked out the door.

When she closed the door, I realized I was shaking. I took deep breaths to try and calm myself down. It was déjà vu. It was President Snow sitting in my house threatening me if I didn't stop the rebellion. Coin was more direct, but it was the same principle. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't win against these people.

"Katniss!" The door opened and a tiny figure walked in. My little sister ran to my bed and threw her arms around me. "I'm so glad you're ok!" I forced myself to stop shaking. Prim couldn't know something was wrong. I would protect her from this. 

I pulled her back and gave her a shaky half smile. She was wearing the white uniforms of the nurses in the hospital. I forgot she was working with them. I was so happy to see that my sister was ok. Coin hadn't hurt her. Not yet. "What've you been up to little duck?" I asked, trying not to sound frightened.

"Working in the hospital." She answered proudly. "I take care of patients. I give them medicine and check up on them every hour. I'm learning new things every day. I'll be an official nurse soon. Right mom?" She turned around and looked behind her. I saw my mother, standing in the door with Peeta. I might be able to fool Prim, but these two knew something was wrong. Peeta was frowning. My mother's brow was creased worriedly. She crossed the room and gave me a light hug.

"How are you Katniss?" She asked with worried eyes.

"I'm ok. A little…shaken up, but I'll be fine." I looked back into her eyes. She was too frail for this. I wouldn't tell her about the danger she and Prim were in. I hadn't told her about Snow, and I wouldn't tell her about this. My mother and I were getting along now, but I could never see her as strong. I couldn't trust her with this.

"Ok." I knew she didn't believe me, but it didn't matter. She accepted that I would never confide in her. They stayed for a little while, and we chatted about their jobs at the hospital and my training. It had been a while since I had seen them. I had been so busy with Peeta getting injured, then having to go out on a mission right away, that the only time I had seen them was to say goodbye. I told them about my injury, and Prim laughed at me when I told her that getting shot didn't really hurt.

As I sat there and watched my sister tell an animated story about saving a soldier who had been stabbed in the battle in seven, I knew I would back down. I watched my mother smile and correct details where Prim over exaggerated them. She looked happy for the first time in a long time. They had a good life here in thirteen. I looked sideways at Peeta, who had sat down in one of the chairs next to my bed. He had relaxed a little bit and was laughing at my sister's story. We would talk about Coin later, but for now, he seemed content to just relax and enjoy himself. I thought about how happy he made me. If I woke up next to Peeta Mellark every day for the rest of my life, I would die a happy woman.

Coin had won. She had found my weakness. I wouldn't let these people get hurt. I felt tired. Defeat does that to you. When my sister finished her story, my mother must have sensed my sadness because she made Prim kiss me goodbye, and they left.

When they were gone, I let out a choked sob. "She won Peeta." I said. The tears ran down my face and his arms wrapped around me. I cried into his shoulder for a long time. When we won this war, Snow would be executed, then Coin would take his place. Nothing would change. The Hunger Games would stop, but new problems would arise. She didn't care about the people. She only cared about herself and her power. The districts would continue to starve while Coin lived comfortably in the Capitol. I had fought so hard, and for what? To replace one dictator with another? I was stupid to believe that someone with power would actually care about the people of Panem. Politicians were all the same. They didn't know what it was like to go hungry. Why should they care about us?

I thought of the children in the Seam who would go without food for a week. I thought about the time before I could get Tessirae, when Prim and I had almost died of starvation. There were families like that all over Panem. It made me so angry, but there was nothing I could do. Coin was right about that too. I could never be a leader. I wouldn't know where to start. When I had cried so much that my head ached and my throat was dry, I pulled back from Peeta and wiped my eyes.

"She threatened them Peeta. She said she would kill Prim and my mother. She said she would kill you. She won't stop. She doesn't care that Prim's a child. I lost Peeta. I have to give up." I laid back against the bed and closed my eyes.

"It's ok Katniss. We'll figure something out. We'll—"

"There's nothing to figure out Peeta! We lost!" I yelled at him. I didn't want to hear him tell me there was still hope. I knew there wasn't. "It's over. We can't beat her."

"Kat, we can still do something. We can get Jacobs to try and raise some troops against her. We can do it." He said desperately.

"There's nothing! Stop trying to make it seem like everything can be ok again. It can't be. I'm going to live my life while all of the people of Panem starve, and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't deserve to live. I wish I had died out there. I wish Craig had just stayed on the hovercraft and that Capitol soldier had just killed me. I wish she were here instead of me."

"Don't…don't ever say that again." Peeta was angry. I had only seen Peeta truly angry once or twice. He let go of my hand. "Do you even know what you mean to these people? You give them hope Katniss. You're the reason this god damn war is even happening, and you wish you could just die like it was nothing? What about your sister? You're everything to her. Your mother? She needs you to survive. What about the team? You're the best fighter we have. You hold us together." He stopped yelling and stared down at the blanket covering my legs.

"What about me, Katniss? Do you know what would happen to me if you died? I wouldn't…I wouldn't be able to live without you. When I woke up and found out you had been shot, my heart broke. I thought you were dead. I almost got my gun and…I just can't live without you." He stood up and walked towards the door. "So don't ever be so selfish as to wish you were dead." He started to leave. 

"Please don't go." I said softly. "I'm sorry. I just…I don't know what to do." He stood in the doorway for a while, then closed it and walked back towards me. I moved over in the bed. I didn't care about being hurt. I wanted Peeta to lay next to me. I needed to feel him against me.

He hesitated for a second, then carefully crawled in beside me. I laid my head on his chest. I could feel the stitches in my stomach stretch, and it hurt my ribs to lay like this, but I bit my tongue because I knew if he knew he was hurting me he would get up. I wanted to stay like this forever. I wanted to forget Coin and Snow. I wanted to forget the faces of Mags and Rue and Cato and Wiress, but I couldn't. Now I had to remember them every single day, and know there was nothing I could do to avenge them.


	15. Chapter 15

She told me to live, so I lived. I woke up every morning in Peeta's arms. He would kiss me and refuse to get out of bed, but I would remind him that we had training, and we would roll out of bed and get dressed. I went down to the training field and went through the rounds. I shot a bow and a sniper rifle. I sparred with Johanna and Finnick. I joked with Furman while we ran through the obstacle course.

I would eat lunch in the mess hall with my team. Joking and laughing and enjoying myself. At night, I would eat dinner with them, just like our old routine. Twice a week I made sure to eat dinner with my sister and mother. Peeta always came with us, and my mother fawned over him. He was so charming. They would talk about baking and healing and her job at the hospital. They would talk about me and she would make sure I was recovering properly. She worried, but she knew that I was safe with Peeta.

After a week in the hospital, they had let me go back to the apartment. I had taken the physical activity lightly at first, but eventually the hole in my stomach closed and the pain in my ribs disappeared, and I was good as new. I trained harder than I ever had. I put all of my focus into fighting the enemy I could actually defeat. My mother thought it was physical stress that put the dark circles under my eyes and made me almost fall asleep at the dinner table, but it wasn't. It was the constant thought that if I did one thing wrong, my mother and sister were dead.

So she gave Peeta a checklist of sorts. Make sure she eats. Make sure she rests. Make sure she doesn't destroy herself. The usual. Peeta would talk with Prim and we would play games with her. Watching Peeta interact with Prim made me think about what life would be like if Peeta and I had children. There would be no Hunger Games if we won the war, but I would have to live in constant fear of President Coin. I would never be safe and they would never be safe, and I couldn't put them through that. Maybe if we had a normal life in district twelve I would consider having kids, but we didn't have a normal life. It made my heart ache to watch Peeta laugh with Prim and know that he would never do that with our children. I wanted to, but I just couldn't. We had only touched on the subject of children once, about a week and a half ago.

Peeta collapsed on top of me, his breath coming in ragged gasps. I closed my eyes and let myself come down from the sexual high I was on. He rolled over onto his back and I laid my head on his bare chest. I could feel his chest rise and fall as he tried to catch his breath, and I turned my head and rested my chin on his stomach. His eyes were closed, but a broad smile was spread across his face.

"Every time I tell myself there is no way you can top what you did the night before, but every time you do." He said finally, looking down at me. I rose up and kissed him gently on the lips. His hands rested firmly on my hips and I could feel his smile against my own. "I love you so much, Katniss Everdeen." He said, breaking away from me. I love the way he looked at me. It made me feel special, like the most beautiful and amazing girl in the world. I rarely ever felt beautiful, but when Peeta gazed at me like this, I couldn't help it.

"And I love you, Peeta Mellark, but we really do need to get sleep. It's almost four." He groaned and tried to pull me back on top of him, but I had already rolled over onto my side. I slung one of my arms carelessly over his chest and closed my eyes. If I could stay here forever and never move, I would. Peeta was so warm and comfortable, and I felt safe here with him. I forgot about Coin and Snow and the war and all of my other problems and thought about nothing but how much I loved him. I think that's why I changed so much when we had sex. I forgot myself and just let go. It was the only time I didn't have to be in control, so I relished it.

"Katniss…" Peeta's whispered quietly.

"Mmm?" I said, half asleep.

"Have you ever thought about…about the future? About…our future." I opened my eyes and propped myself up on one elbow. He was staring hard at the ceiling. His brow was furrowed and his face was serious.

I thought for a moment before answering him. "I mean…I know I want to be with you forever. I just don't know how long that's going to be." I couldn't think past the war. The past two years had felt like much longer, and I couldn't remember what it was like to just live a normal peaceful life. I had never real thought about what would happen to Peeta and I if we survived this war. I was always so focused on not dying that I hadn't bothered to think about what would happen after it was all over.

"So let's just assume that we make it out of this alive because I'm going to do everything I can to make that happen. If we make it out alive, I want to marry you Katniss. I want you to be mine, forever. I want to propose to you for real and I want to give you everything you ever wanted." He looked at me seriously, pushing himself up so his forehead rested against mine.

I couldn't help but smile at the thought. Of course I wanted to marry Peeta. "I want to marry you too Peeta. If…no. When we get out of this, I want to be with you. We can live together, just the two of us. No war, no stress, just us."

"What about…kids." I pulled away from him suddenly and looked down. I had said many times I would never have children. I didn't want them to suffer. It had always been because of the games, but now it was because of me. I put them in danger.

"Peeta…I can't. Any child I have will be tortured by Coin. She'll make my life terrible, and I can't subject them to that." He clenched his jaw, and I could sense the sadness in his eyes. I hated disappointing him like this. I knew children were important to him, but I just couldn't put them through what I had been through. I couldn't risk them being tormented just because they were my children. I wouldn't do that to them. "I'm sorry…I just…"

"Forget it Katniss." He said quietly, laying back on the bed. "It was just a thought. It's no big deal." It sounded like he was going to cry. His voice was choked up. 

"Peeta I—"

"Goodnight Katniss." He said. I laid back down and tried to sleep, but I couldn't. Peeta deserved better than me. He should be able to have the family he always wanted. I was stopping him from that. He should be with someone else. I brought that up to him the next morning, and he laughed at me. 

"You're insane Katniss. I could never and will never be with anyone else, no matter what our…differences are. I love you and only you. Now let's get to training."

And that was the only time we ever grazed the subject of children. I knew he was too defeated to ever bring it up again, and I never wanted to talk about it in the first place. So my life went on in the same monotonous pattern. Coin had told me to live, so I lived.

Finally, the normal routine that was my life changed in an unexpected way. Peeta and I walked into the training center one morning, laughing about something Prim had done at dinner the night before, when I heard dangerous sounds coming from the combat rings.

I heard the thwack of a fist hitting someone's face, and I looked at Peeta worriedly. He shrugged his shoulders and we sped up, jogging to the rings. Standing on the outside were Furman, Johanna, Finnick and Commander Jacobs. They were intensely focused on the match happening between Gale and a girl whom I didn't recognize.

Peeta and I arrived just as the match was finishing. Gale looked exhausted and pained. He moved slowly and carelessly, limping on one leg. He threw a punch lazily, but his opponent blocked it easily, then in a series of movements that I could barely follow she swept his legs out from under him and put his arms in a lock. He cried out in pain and tried to struggle free, but eventually he tapped out. The girl let him go and stood up, holding out a hand to help him up.

"Wow Hawthorne." Commander Jacobs said with a gruff chuckle. "I thought you were supposed to be the best fighter on this team, but you just got your ass kicked to hell and back." Gale doubled over and held his stomach, groaning. Finnick went to go help him, laughing as he went. "Welcome to the team soldier." Jacobs said, addressing the girl Gale had been fighting.

She smiled and took out her mouthpiece. She stepped through the ropes and jumped out of the ring. Furman patted her on the back and Johanna sarcastically congratulated her. Who was this girl? I cleared my throat loudly.

They finally seemed to notice Peeta and I had arrived. "Hey guys!" Furman said excitedly. "Meet the newest member of our squad! Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellar, meet Syndey Harper, the new eighth man of squad 451.

She held out her hand to shake mine. She couldn't have been any older than Peeta, Gale and I. Now that she was closer I could tell that she was by far one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. She was tall and lean, with tan skin and an athletic frame. She had long light-brown hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. She had been sweating from her fight with Gale, so the bangs that would normally have swept over her left eye stuck to her forehead. Her face was perfectly shaped and she had an amazingly white smile that spread across her lips playfully.

These things alone could have made her much more attractive than any other person I had seen in thirteen, but it was her eyes that made her stunning. They were a brilliant bright green, but the outside rim of her iris was a deep golden color, unlike anything I've ever seen. When she looked at me, it was like she was staring into my soul. Her eyes ripped through layers of flesh and seemed to tell exactly what I was thinking. Looking into her eyes, I couldn't tell if I could trust her, and that bothered me. Her smile genuine, but there was a wicked quality there that made me wary. I held out my hand hesitantly to shake hers.

"It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you." She turned to Peeta and flashed a smile. "Both of you." She shook his hand.

"Uhm. Yeah. You too." Peeta stammered. I looked at him darkly. He could at least gawk when I wasn't standing right here.

"So whose next?" She asked, looking from face to face. The rest of the crew smiled and laughed, but no one took up her challenge. I hated how they seemed to accept her. There wasn't room on this team for a new person.

"I think that's enough combat training for today." Jacobs said. "Next test. The combat simulator. I think we'll do a two person mission. See if you can do more than just beat the shit out of someone." He looked around at each of us with narrow eyes. "Everdeen. Suit up."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't want to go into the combat zone with this girl who was supposed to replace Craig. No one could replace Craig. I didn't trust this new person who assumed she could just walk in here and be part of the team. I didn't care how much the rest of my team seemed to accept her. I didn't. I wanted Craig back, not this girl.

I knew there was nothing I could do, so I didn't bother arguing. I just turned on my heel and walked towards the changing area. I stripped out of my plain brown pants and black training shirt and put on the suit we needed to go into the training zone. I dressed silently, ignoring Sydney.

"So…I hear you're a pretty good shot with a bow and arrow." She finally said to me.

I nodded. Looking back at her. "I'm alright."

"You don't have to be modest. They've all told me how good you are. Besides." She turned towards me and smirked. "I've watched both of your games. I've seen you in action." She pulled her helmet over her head. "I'm glad. I've never been much of a long distance person. I'll need someone good covering my back. If you've got my back," she said, pulling the visor down over her eyes, "then I've got yours."

She waited for me to lead the way. I forgot she had never done this before. I pulled my helmet over my head. I wasn't buying the nice girl act, but after seeing what she could do in the ring, I definitely didn't want to be on her bad side. I wouldn't be her enemy, but I wouldn't be her friend. I wasn't looking forward to this trip into the combat zone. I was going in blind with someone who I had just met. I had no idea what Sydney could or couldn't do. I sighed as the doors slid open. We were gonna get our asses handed to us.

I knew as soon as the lights went out that I was wrong. It was like we had been training together for years. Sydney knew all of the standard military hand signals, and I guess the team had taught her our unique ones. It was like I could feel the next move she was going to make. She would go in close and take down a guard while I watched her back and took out snipers and tower guards. We moved like one person, disarming every trap and silently killing every guard that came into view. I didn't know what was happening, I just knew that it was natural.

The mission seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, I gave Sydney the final signal to cover me while I went in and saved our hostage. I pressed the exit button and the bell rang, signifying that we had successfully completed our mission. The lights in the training zone came on, and we made our way back to the changing rooms to take off our suits.

"That was awesome." She said enthusiastically, taking off her helmet. "I've never done that well in a duo mission before. I usually ask to work alone, but I'll go in with you anytime." 

I just sort of grunted in reply. I didn't want to be on a team with this girl, but I couldn't deny that that was the fastest and most effective mission I had ever been on. It was even better than the ones I did with Peeta, and I felt more natural with him than anyone else. No matter how good of a team we made, I didn't like this girl. I didn't trust her, and I didn't want her to think we were friends.

We walked down the hallway that lead into the command zone. When we walked through the doors, the squad stood up and gave us a round of applause. "That's the best team work I've ever seen." Finnick said. "You two were astounding."

"Great job ladies." Furman said with a smile.

Peeta hugged me and shook Sydney's hand. "That was pretty incredible, Kat." He said when Sydney had walked away to talk to Johanna.

"I don't trust her Peeta. She came in here like she owns the place, and she thinks she's automatically just a part of this team. She's not." I said, angrily.

"This is about Craig isn't it?" Peeta said. He knew me. I couldn't hide anything from him. "Katniss, no one will ever replace Craig, but the fact is, we need an eighth man, and Sydney is good, you can't deny that."

I stared at the ground, refusing to answer him. He was no doubt captivated by her charm just like everyone else. I wouldn't be. I refused to be pulled into it. There was something not right about this girl. How had she gotten on to our team anyway? You'd think there would be some sort of trial where a bunch of candidates got to work with us, but here was this girl who just automatically made the team.

He kissed me on the forehead and led me over to be with the rest of the squad. Sydney gave me a small smile, but I didn't acknowledge her. "Well done." Jacobs said to us. "I am truly impressed by that. That's the fastest time we've ever had someone complete that mission in the combat simulator. It's one of the toughest ones, and you two made it look like child's play."

The doors opened, and in walked President Coin. The hairs on my neck stood on end and a shiver ran through me. Why was she here? She shouldn't be here. This was a place for our squad. President Coin had only been here once or twice, and she didn't belong. "Well done. I was watching from the camera's in central command. I'm impressed by how well you two work together. Looks like my choice for the last member of your team was a good one."

So Coin had chosen Sydney. No wonder I didn't trust her. She was one of Coin's cronies. My muscles tensed. Coin always put me on edge, and now she had someone to watch over me day and night. No doubt Sydney would come stay in the apartment with the rest of us. I looked over and studied her. She stared at the ground, barely acknowledging Coin. That was strange. She wasn't soaking up the praise like I thought she would. Usually, any time a soldier was complimented by President Coin they took it as an honor, but Sydney just stared at the ground sullenly.

Coin walked over to her and put her arm around her shoulders. Sydney shot Coin an angry look, obviously annoyed and uncomfortable. Their dynamic was strange, but familiar. It was almost like…

My thought was interrupted when Coin spoke up and finished it for me. "Who would've thought that my daughter and the girl on fire would ever make a good team?"


	16. Chapter 16

"STEP-daughter." Sydney corrected her hastily. Coin's daughter? This wasn't just another one of her minions out to spy on us. This was someone who had been brought up by President Coin. She probably knew all the ins and outs of being an evil, manipulative bitch. If I didn't trust Sydney before, I sure as hell didn't now.

"I raised you." President Coin answered coldly. "Isn't that what matters?" She flashed us all her evil smile. I thought back to when Sydney had shook my hand earlier that day. I thought her smile had a wicked quality, but she held nothing against Coin. No one could replicate the perfect combination of cunning and spite that spread across President Coin's lips. "Well I better be going. District thirteen doesn't run itself." 

She walked back out the way she had come after shaking hands with Commander Jacobs. "Alright well don't just stand around." He said, addressing the rest of us. "Finnick, Furman. Combat zone now. Let's see if you can follow that. The rest of you go to the firing range. Rifles don't shoot themselves."

My team filed out of the room and headed to their assigned stations, but I stayed behind. Sydney held the door open for me to follow, but I shot her a dark look and she quickly closed it behind her. It was only Jacobs and myself in the control room. We were silent for a while. I stared at the ground, trying to control my anger before I talked to him.

"You have an issue Soldier Everdeen?" He said. I took a deep breath, attempting to calm myself.

"How could you let this happen? You've welcomed the enemy right onto our doorstep. No doubt she's going to report back to Coin on everything we do. She obviously doesn't trust Gale anymore ever since he and I started talking again, so she put another informer with us. It isn't safe. She could kill me while I sleep." I could hear the anger creeping into my voice.

"Katniss, I know you fear Coin. Hell, we all do, but I can't exactly refuse her. She 'recommended' that Sydney be put on the squad, and I had no choice but to give her the spot." I couldn't believe someone as strong as Commander Jacobs let Coin push him around like that. "She's only Coin's stepdaughter, so they don't share any blood. They don't exactly seem too chummy judging by their interactions, so maybe she isn't in with Coin. I've never seen her before, so obviously Coin doesn't think she's important enough to invite to command meetings."

I started to argue, but he held up his hand. "I understand where your coming from, but don't worry, we'll keep you safe. Besides, Sydney seems kind enough, and she didn't embarrass you in the simulator when she easily could have." I let out a frustrated sigh. Arguing with him was pointless. I walked towards the door and headed to the shooting range, hoping that a bow in my hands could take my mind off of this.

"Everdeen." Jacobs called from behind me. "You can't help who your parents are. It's not as if she chose Coin to be her stepmother. Just like you don't have a choice of who gets to be on this team, so it'll be a lot easier for you if you just give her a chance." I let his words sink in, and I started to reply, but I decided to just give up. It was hopeless to try to get Jacobs or anyone else to understand. Coin wasn't threatening their families.

I stepped out of the command center and headed towards the shooting range. Everything in my life was so far out of my control. I had to watch my every move. I had absolutely no say as to who I did and didn't spend my time with. Coin controlled every aspect of my life in district thirteen, and I hated it. As I got closer to the shooting range, I studied Sydney's movements. She was talking to Peeta animatedly about something, and even he seemed won over by her fake charm. It was only a matter of time before she had everyone fooled. She would put on this act so she won them all over. She would pull them away from me, and I would lose the only protection I had left.

Peeta looked up from his conversation with Sydney and smiled at me. He tried to say something, but I ignored him. I was frustrated with how he was acting, with how they all were acting. I grabbed a bow and walked to the far end of the shooting range to stand by myself. Usually I loved training with my team, but right now I wanted to be alone.

I pulled the bow string back and took a deep breath. My eyes narrowed and I focused solely on the target in front of me. The panel to my left lit up and I selected a target practice program. I took a few warm up shots and each one hit spot on in the center of the dummy that stood in the middle of the lane. Then, moving targets started to shoot out at me, and I took each one down easily. As time went on, the program got more and more difficult, and I lost myself in the shooting. I focused all of my anger and frustration onto those little clay targets and the dummies that shot across the lane. Finally, the buzzer sounded and my time was up. I let my bow arm fall to my side, satisfied with my work.

"Wow." I heard her voice from across the room. "You're better than I thought." Sydney sent me a friendly smile. I turned towards the rest of my squad and realized they had all been watching me. In that moment, I had a strange feeling I couldn't place. Fear? Doubt? Rage? No. It wasn't any of those. It was that for the first time since I joined squad 451, I felt like such an outsider. They would never understand what I was going through. They had promised to help me, but they couldn't see that the problem was right in front of them.

Peeta started to walk towards me, but I turned away from him and walked out of the training center. I couldn't be here now. I couldn't be with them. I got into the elevator and pressed the button that would lead me to our apartment. I knew I would get hell for this, but I didn't care. I wanted to be alone.

For the next two weeks, this is how training was. Every day I got more and more angry at my team as they grew closer and closer to Sydney. It became impossible for me to hold conversations with them. At lunch, I would stare down at my food and listen to their laughter. I could have easily joined in, but as long as she was there, I wouldn't. I had to fight Coin in every way I could, and that included showing that I wasn't going to give in to her games. She had put Sydney here to spy on me, but I was on guard. The more quiet I was, the less information she would get from me.

It was causing problems between Peeta and I. I could feel myself pulling away from him, but I couldn't stop it. He tried to tell me that Sydney was a good person, but instead of listening to him I yelled. I called him a traitor and asked how he could support someone who was so close with Coin. I saw him grow closer and closer with her every day, and I couldn't stand it.

"Katniss…Sydney isn't President Coin. She can't help who her step-mother is. Her father died a long time ago and she has no one else to care for her." He said during one of our particularly bad arguments, which had started with me chastising him for talking to Sydney.

"O I'm so sorry, Peeta. I didn't mean to insult your _friend_ like that. She must have had a really hard life growing up as the daughter of the most powerful woman in thirteen. She must have struggled every day." I spat back at him. "You know, I'm glad you have her to talk to because I'll never understand how hard it was for you to grow up with food on the table every day. You can share those misfortunes with her because I'll never relate." I knew what I was saying was harsh, but it was true. Peeta and Sydney had both grown up in privileged homes. He had more in common with her than he did with me.

"Don't be like that Kat…you know that—" but I had already walked out the door and slammed it behind me. That was the first night Peeta and I had spent in separate beds.

I expected Sydney to do everything she could to undermine me and make me look bad in front of my team, but for some reason she didn't. We continued to do our duo missions, and every time Sydney and I set a record for whichever simulator we were using. In the ring, I watched her fight every member of my team without mercy. She almost broke Finnick's arm, and Peeta got a concussion from a particularly nasty kick to the head. But for some reason, when I stepped into the ring, I always beat her. At first I thought it was because I was a better figheter than I had previously thought, but as I watched her kick the ass of every other member of my team, I knew something wasn't right. I started to throw the fights. I would leave an obvious opening where she could easily trip me and take me down, but she wouldn't. I would throw lazy punches, which she easily blocked, but she wouldn't retaliate and knock me out.

It was on a particularly difficult morning that I had had enough. Peeta and I had that vicious fight the night before, and we had slept separately. We still hadn't made up, and he hadn't said a word to me all day. When Jacobs announced that Sydney and I were supposed to fight, I knew it wouldn't end well. "Everdeen, Harper, in the ring. Boxing match."

We stepped into the ring and shook hands. I went to the side and wrapped my hands, then laced up my gloves and turned around. We wore gloves because this was a boxing match, which meant that tackles and holds weren't allowed, so having a good grip wasn't necessary. The padded gloves lessened the blows. Jacobs stood as referee, not trusting the team members to be alone ever since the fight between Gale and Peeta. He gave the signal for us to get ready, and I put my hands in guard. Then he lowered his arms. "Fight!" He shouted, taking a step back.

Sydney and I circled for a while before I decided to throw the first punch. I aimed it straight at her head, and she blocked it easily, pushing my arms aside. I stood there with my chest completely open, and she didn't swing back, so I lashed out and kicked her in the thigh. Her leg buckled slightly, but she backed away from me before I could follow up. Again and again I came at her, but she didn't hit me. Everything that had been building up for the last two weeks finally boiled over, and I just stopped in the center of the ring. I threw my gloves on the ground and looked at Sydney. She gazed back at me warily, unsure of what I was doing. Then I charged at her.

She tried to take a step back, but I tackled her to the ground. I pinned her down and punched her in the jaw. She put her hands up to protect her face and I hit her in the side. She leaned to the side and pushed me off of her, struggling to stand up. I got up and she was doubled over, coughing. I could see blood running down her face from where I had hit her. I ran over and shoved her shoulders.

"Hit me!" I said angrily, shoving her again. "Why won't you hit me?" I kept shoving her until she was up against the ropes, and still she didn't shove back at me. She blocked my attempts to swing at her again, but she let me push her into a corner. Finally, I felt Jacobs arms around me, pulling me back.

"That's enough Katniss." He said. "You aren't supposed to fight without gloves, and this was supposed to be a boxing match, not a wrestling one. Punches and kicks only, no tackles. In case you don't remember the rules."

"How is it a boxing match?" I said, wrenching free of his grip. "She won't even hit me." I turned back towards Sydney, addressing her. "You nearly kill every single other member of the team. I watch you. You don't hold back. Every time they leave you an opening you punish them for it, but when you fight me, you let me win. Why would you do that? Why can't you just—"

"Because you hate me!" She shouted. She slipped off her gloves and threw them onto the mat. "I don't know what I did, but for some reason you hate me, and I don't want to make you even more angry by hurting you. I thought maybe if it seemed like I was trying to help you, it would show you that I wasn't your enemy, but I guess it doesn't matter what I do." Her voice fell to a whisper, and I thought I saw tears well in her eyes. "You'll never accept me as a member of this team." She turned on her heel and ducked between the ropes. She walked straight out of the ring and towards the elevator.

I stood still, stunned by what had just happened. I didn't know what to think. She wanted me to accept her? It was almost like she wanted us to be friends. No doubt she was just trying to trick me, but for some reason I felt awful. I looked down at the ground. "You know Everdeen." Jacobs said. "For someone who has been ostracized for their entire life based on where they're from, you sure are quick to do the same. I thought that out of any of these people, you would understand that sometimes you can't help where you came from, but you were the quickest to judge and the quickest to hate." He turned away from me. "Alright team I think that's it. We have a party to get to! Try to look nice." He finished sarcastically.

I waited until everyone had left, then I headed back to the apartment. I didn't want to face them. I knew I was wrong, and I knew I was acting like a jerk, but I couldn't help it. I had to be on guard. I went back to the apartment and walked into my room. I found my prep team there, waiting for me with open arms and scoffs about how I had let myself go again.

The generals of thirteen had decided to reward all of us in the army for our continued service by throwing a ball in our honor. Everyone living in district thirteen was invited, and it was set to be the largest party anyone there had ever seen. I thought I had the last of balls and extravaganzas when the victory tour had finished, but it seemed like I would never escape frivolous dresses and shoes that pinched my feet. I had been living the life of a soldier for so long, that sometimes I forgot I was the Mockingjay. I couldn't just look like any other girl at that ball. I had to be extraordinary, and that's why my prep team was here. They rushed me into the bathroom to freshen up while they began discussing what to do with my hair and makeup.

I stepped into the shower and let the hot water run over me. I tried to forget what had happened earlier in the day. I tried to wash away the shame, but so far it wasn't working. I got out and dried myself off. When I stepped out of the shower, Octavia immediately shoved me into a chair and went to work on my hair. I sat back and closed my eyes, letting my prep team do the work for me. Usually I played along with them and made an attempt to laugh at their jokes and listen to their stories, but today I didn't feel much like laughing. Eventually they stopped trying to talk to me and just talked quietly amongst themselves. I felt bad because I knew this kind of thing is what they lived for, but I just couldn't share their excitement. When they had finished plucking my eyebrows and putting my hair into a ridiculous, albeit absolutely beautiful, updo, I got up from the chair and went to go pick out one of the dresses I had stored in the back of my closet.

"No no Katniss!" Flavius said excitedly. "We have something special for you to wear. Usually we have a strict policy about wearing a dress more than once, but we figured that we would make an exception just this once." Flavius moved aside, and Venia pulled back the cover to expose the dress I was to wear that evening. My jaw dropped to the floor and I felt tears sting my eyes. Venia was holding a brilliant dress covered in gems of red and orange and white. It was my dress from the interviews in the first Hunger Games.

I could see Cinna in every stitch. I remembered his soft smile, his words of encouragement. I remembered how he had made me beautiful. How he had made me into a symbol of hope and honor. He had turned me into the girl on fire with the same dress that I was staring at now. "I…I don't know…" I tried to find the words for my prep team. I tried to thank them for bringing Cinna back to me, but when I tried to say something the words caught in my throat. There was nothing I could say to this moment.

"It doesn't light on fire anymore." Octavia said finally. "But it is still as beautiful as always."

I went over to my prep team and hugged them. There is nothing I can say or do to thank them for this. I strip out of the bathrobe I had been wearing and put on my gorgeous gown. My prep team puts the finishing touches on my hair and makeup and gushes over how gorgeous I look. I thank them they seem to sense I need a moment alone, because they dismiss themselves and say they'll see me at the party.

When they closed the door, I took a deep breath. I walked over and stood in front of the full length mirror that stood next to my closet. I gasped when I saw myself in the dress. It was just like the first time I had worn it. The jewels that covered my body glinted and sparkled in the light, making the dress come alive. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I was transported back to a different time. I wasn't in district thirteen preparing for a ball in my honor. I was back in my room on the top floor of that building in the Capitol, waiting to be put on display for all of Panem.

In a way, things weren't really that different. I was still being oppressed by an evil President. I still fought for my life every day. I sighed and moved closer to look at my face. I tried to find the soldier from squad 451, but all I saw when I looked at my reflection was Katniss Everdeen, Mockingjay. I was no longer the helpless girl who stood by and let President Coin rule her life. Being here in this dress reminded me of who I really was. I wasn't just another pawn she could push around in her manipulative games. I was Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire, and I wouldn't let anyone control me.

"You look amazing." I heard a voice behind me and I spun around. Peeta leaned against the doorway. He was dressed in a tuxedo with red and orange detailing, similar to the one he wore to the interviews, only a little less obnoxious. He looked just as handsome as he always had, and I was glad that we matched. His blond hair was slightly jelled, and a small smile played on his lips. "Just like you always do." He started to walk towards me slowly, looking me up and down. "Déjà vu isn't it? Just like when—"

But before he could finish I kissed him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close to me. Coin wanted me to lose everyone, and by ostracizing my team and Peeta, I was only helping her. Being angry at Peeta was stupid, and I hated that I wasted that time with him. I pulled away and rested my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"You don't have to be sorry." He answered, resting his chin on the top of my head. "I understand that you feel out of control. This Coin thing is really stressing you out, and I don't blame you for being upset. You're right to be on guard, and maybe I was too quick to dismiss your opinions. So I'm sorry too." He pulled me back and rested his forehead against mine. "I know things seem hopeless right now, but we've been through so much worse. We survived two Hunger Games against all odds, and we did it because together we're unstoppable. I promise to stick by you no matter what, and I know that we can get through this together. And when it's all over, we'll move back to district twelve and grow old together, and our lives will finally be normal. I promise I will do everything I can to help you Katniss. We're going to survive this just like we survived the games, together." He kissed me softly on the lips and grabbed my hand, leading me out the door.

I was speechless. I couldn't describe how much I loved Peeta Mellark in that moment. He was the strongest person I knew, and I believed every word he said with all of my heart. This man would die for me, and I would die for him. I tried to find the words to tell him that I felt the same way. To tell him how much I needed him and loved him. I didn't know what to say. After all, words were Peeta's area of expertise. I decided there was only one way I could show Peeta how much I loved him.

"Marry me." I said softly. He turned around and stared at me.

"I will. We talked about this. When we're ready, when the wars over, we'll get married."

"I don't want to wait Peeta. I'm ready to marry you now. I don't care if we're too young or if there is a war going on that could kill either of us any second." I was done waiting. I felt like all I did was stand around and wait to be told what to do.

"I don't want you to do this because you need to control something. I want you to do this because you're ready. I want you to be sure."

"Honestly Peeta." I laughed. "I've never been more sure of anything." He smiled and kissed me again.

"Wait a second. I'll be right back. We have to do this the right way!" He ran out of the room and down the hallway. The right way? What did that mean? But before I could think about what he meant he was back.

He pulled out a small box that looked a hundred years old. "I had this in my room. It's one of the only things they found in the rubble near my house. It's the only remaining Mellark family heirloom." He knelt down and opened the box. Inside was a gorgeous diamond ring. It was a large single stone on a platinum band with three small stones on either side. It was as ornate and beautiful as any ring I had seen when we had visited the Capitol. When Peeta had proposed to me fakely during the victory tour, he had used some flashy stone on a gold setting that Effie had picked out. This was much more classic. It was much more Peeta.

"Katniss Everdeen. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" He gazed up at me with his perfect blue eyes and flashed me his signature grin.

"Yes." I took his hand and helped him up off of his knees. He slipped the ring over my finger and gazed into my eyes. Why had anything else ever mattered to me besides this boy? All of my problems seemed to go away when I looked into his eyes. In them, I saw my future. I saw myself growing old with Peeta. I saw passion and love and courage, but most importantly, I saw hope. We would survive this. I knew we would. He pulled me into him and our lips crashed together. He cupped his hand on my cheek and pulled me closer to him. This would be a moment I would remember forever. I felt his tongue moving against mine. I memorized the feel of his hands on my cheek and the small of my back. I never wanted to forget how strong the muscles in his chest were under my hands. I was going to be with Peeta Mellark forever, and that was something that no one could take away from me.


	17. Chapter 17

Note: I know this is one of the longer chapters, but I had to build to the ending. Please review! It means a lot.

"Mhmm!" I heard someone clear their voice, and I slowly pulled away from Peeta, annoyed at this disturbance. Finnick stood in the doorway with a smirk laying broadly across his face. "I don't want to interrupt you two, but we do have a party to get to." He looked towards me. "You look beautiful Katniss, as always." He walked over and took my hand to kiss it in that classic Finnick way. He stopped and stared at it, his face growing serious, and that's when I remembered the ring.

He looked from me to Peeta with narrowed eyes. I thought he would say that it wasn't a good decision, or we were being rash, but instead, the smile crept back onto his lips and he threw his arms around me. "Congratulations you two!" He let me go and embraced Peeta, patting him on the back. "And here I thought you were fighting!"

Peeta laughed. "We were, but then we made up, and we decided that we didn't want to waste anymore time. Life's too short you know?"

"Trust me man, I know. If anyone knows about love its me. Annie makes me the happiest man in the world, and I know you two do the same for each other. So all power to you." He threw his hands up excitedly. "I can't wait to tell everyone. They'll be so—" 

"Uh. Finnick?" I interrupted him. "We're going to wait to tell people until after the party. I want the ceremony to be small." I turned towards Peeta, mainly addressing him. "Just the squad and our families and Haymitch, of course. The people we're closest too. I don't want this turned into some sort of freak show like most of the things I'm involved in. I don't want to be the Mockinjay, not on that day."

Finnick noddd. "Of course. I really am happy for you two. If anyone deserves happiness it's the starcrossed lovers from district thirteen." He gave each of us another hug and looked at his watch. "Party time." He yelled, heading out the door. "Come on lovebirds, you can finish canoodling later."

Peeta rolled his eyes at Finnick's back, then smiled and took my hand. I hesitated for a moment. "Should I wear it? If we're waiting to tell people…" He looked down at the ring shimmering on my finger. He slipped it off and returned it to its box.

"I'll keep it for now. People will ask questions, and we don't really want all of that attention at a huge party." I smiled at him and he kissed my cheek. He slid the box into his inside jacket pocket. We walked down the hall hand in hand. When we reached the living room, the rest of our team was there, waiting for us.

"Finally!" Gale said with a sarcastic roll of his eyes. Then he smirked at Peeta and I playfully. "Women. They take forever to get ready." He hit Peeta on the arm. Gale was being overly nice to Peeta ever since the incident. It was strange to see them attempting to get along, but I was happy. It seemed like Gale was finally getting over me, partially. He seemed like he was doing a lot better these days, and I noticed that he wasn't around Coin as often. She had loosened her grip on him, and he was clearly better off for it.

I saw Sydney standing across the room playing with something on her dress. She wore a beautiful deep blue gown, and her hair cascaded around her shoulders in waves. She looked up when Gale spoke, and I saw she had a small bandage over the left side of her face right below her eye. I knew I had to apologize to her. What I had done had been wrong. I felt awful. I wanted to make my way over there now, but Jacobs gathered us all together and we started walking towards the ballroom.

When we walked through the doors, the intricate decorations and detail took my breath away. There were huge statues plated in bright gold and silver with black accents. An enormous flowing fountain stood at the center of the room and a grand piano in the corner, where a man was playing a beautiful song that filled the air with a soft, sweet melody. There were tables set up around the room, with a huge buffet at the front, containing every possible type of food. This could easily rival any Capitol party I had ever been too.

When we walked through the door, everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at us. At first I thought we had done something wrong, but then one man said, "Let's hear it for the heroes of district seven!" And applause roared throughout the room. Those that had been standing were on their feet, and everyone was cheering for us. I knew we had done well but being described as heroes was something I would never forget. I looked around at my squad. Everyone had a broad smile strewn across their face, and I realized that they had never been seen as anything special before.

Furman was just an average soldier. Finnick and Johanna were the Capitol's play things. Jacobs usually tried to stay as far away from glory as he could. Peeta had never gotten the attention before, as it had always been on me. I realized that the happiness I felt from my teammates was much better than anything I felt for myself. This was their moment, and I had never been more proud to be a member of squad 451.

Eventually the applause died down, and we made our way to our seats. Our table was directly in front of the buffet, and I noticed for the first time that there was another table sitting on a platform above the rest. This one was a long rectangle, while every other table was a circle. There were seven seats. I recognized Plutrarch Heavensbee sitting to the far left. Haymitch sat next to him, and an empty seat was next to him. On the other side, there were three generals who I recognized from command meetings, but didn't really know. In the center sat President Coin, sipping wine through pursed lips out of a golden cup. I realized that she was staring at me, and my eyes narrowed as I glared back at her. She smirked slightly, and gave me a mocking wave.

"Come on Katniss." I heard Peeta say, and I realized that I had stopped walking during my stare down with Coin. "Our table is over here." I broke eye contact with Coin and took Peeta's hand, following him to the table where our families and the rest of the squad were sitting.

We had one of the smallest tables, because a lot of our squad didn't have families there to greet them. Gale's mother and all of his brothers and sisters were there. I saw Finnick and Annie embracing lovingly when he found his seat. I saw Prim and my mother and went over to hug them. I looked back at Peeta and he stared at the ground. I knew he was thinking about his parents and brothers. They hadn't survived the bombings in district twelve, and even though he didn't talk about it, I knew it killed him every day. Eventually he snapped out of whatever memory he was in, and made his way over to me. He gave Prim a hug and kissed my mother on the cheek. Sydney and Johanna sat directly across from us. I didn't know much about Johanna's past, but I knew she didn't have family to speak of, and Sydney's only family was President Coin, and she could never sit down here with us commoners. I realized that Commander Jacobs wasn't sitting with us.

I looked around for him, and realized that he was sitting on Coin's immediate left at the rectangular table. I forgot he was a leading general in the army, and seeing him there in his tuxedo next to Coin, looking so uncomfortable, made me giggle. It was obvious that commander Jacobs hated these kinds of things, and that wearing anything other than his military uniform made him squirm.

Eventually everyone took their seats, and President Coin stood up to welcome us. She said some fake words about what an honor it was to be the leader of such a brave company of soldiers, and that we humbled her. I was disgusted by her display of fake courtesy. If I didn't know better, she probably could have fooled me. She was a good liar, I would give her that. When she was finished, everyone gave her a standing ovation. I was just going to stay seated, but I saw Haymitch shoot me a look from his seat, and I stood up and clapped, gritting my teeth. Coin waved graciously, and I felt like screaming. I loathed this woman, and she thought that these people actually cared for her.

We got the ok to sit down, and they started letting tables go to get food. We were one of the first groups to go, so when we got in line, I tried to make my way over next to Sydney, attempting to take this opportunity to apologize. I squeezed my way in front of Johanna so that I was standing behind her. I grabbed a plate and tried to start with small talk.

"This looks great!" I said, trying to muster up as much fake enthusiasm as I could. She didn't answer me, so we just continued to move down the line in silence. "So…I thought maybe—"

"Don't bother, ok Katniss? You don't have to pretend to be nice to me to make yourself feel better. Its fine that you hate me. I'm used to it. I've never been good at making friends, and I don't expect people to like me. Quite frankly I don't really care. I should just accept that we won't get along. The less fake you are to me the better. It'll be easier for me to accept." She said. Then she got out of line and walked back to our table. I stood there for a second, processing her words. _I've never been good at making friends. _I shivered, because that sounded incredibly familiar. Sydney seemed so perfect. It was hard to imagine her not being liked by everyone she met.

With a push from Johanna, I finished getting my food and sat back down. I conversed occasionally with the people at our table, but Sydney's words kept ringing in my head. _I don't expect people to like me. Quite frankly I don't really care._ It was like she was stealing the words from my mouth when I had spoken to Haymitch on the train during the first games. I kept trying to catch her eye, but she never looked at me. She talked to Johanna and Gale's family. She was sitting on Gale's immediate left, and as I was trying to get her attention, I began to notice how they acted. Gale would lean down and whisper in her ear. Sydney laughed at all the stories he told and occasionally touched his arm.

It seemed as though I had been so consumed in my own self-preservation, that I had stopped paying attention to the relationships around me. I lowered my head and stared at my food, unsure of how I felt about this. Gale and I could probably define ourselves as friends now, even though I hadn't fully forgiven him. I didn't like Sydney, well at least I thought I didn't. Maybe that's why Gale wasn't as close to Coin as he had been. It was Sydney who was manipulating him now.

But as I watched them, I realized that she wasn't manipulating him. Gale was charming, and when I took an objective look at their interactions, it was obvious that Sydney liked him. I had never been the flirty girl who had a ton of friends and talked about boys, but I could still tell when two people were interested in each other. If she made Gale happy, good for him. He deserved it after all that he had been through.

Suddenly, the fountain started to retract into the ground and a slick wooden dance floor slid over the opening. The lights dimmed slightly and music began to play. People started flooding the dance floor, and Peeta came up and took my hand. "Can I have the first dance?" He said, with mock suave. I laughed and stood up, following him out onto the dance floor.

I didn't keep track of time. I danced with Peeta for what must have been hours. Time just flew by. We were next to our squad and our friends, and despite everything, I was happy. I laughed when Finnick attempted to do a back flip in the middle of the dance floor, then he and Gale had a competition to see who was the better dancer. I didn't even know Gale could dance, and it seemed like he wasn't too sure about it either, but he wouldn't be shown up by Finnick. As I watched all of the people that I loved enjoying themselves and having fun, I couldn't help but smile, because for a moment, we weren't soldiers. We didn't have to fight for our lives. We weren't at the mercy of such evil. For that brief period of time, we were just people, living our lives and enjoying each other's company. In the back of my mind, I knew this wouldn't last, but for right now, I was content to just be.

Just like at the Capitol Banquet, I was a much sought after dance partner. Finnick was the first to cut in, sending Peeta over to dance with Annie. He twirled me around so many times, I couldn't see straight, and when he flashed me that sly smile, I was sure he had done it on purpose, so I pretended to accidentally step on his feet, and I almost collapsed I laughed so hard. Furman tapped him on the shoulder, claiming it was for his own good. Finnick kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear, "Congratulations again Katniss. I really am happy for you." I thanked him, and he was gone.

I only danced with Furman for a few songs before he was tapped on the shoulder, and Gale was standing next to him. "My turn?" He asked, looking at me for permission. I nodded, and Furman stepped aside.

Gale slipped his arms around my waste and I put mine around his neck. We just swayed in silence for a while. I thought it would feel awkward, but there was a silent recognition between the two of us that all was forgiven. Gale seemed different. I didn't know what it was, then I remembered his actions at dinner, and I smiled.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"So…you seem happy." I said with a smirk.

"I…I am. Why do you ask? Do you enjoy my misery?" He said sarcastically.

"No!" I laughed. "I just…I saw you at dinner, with Sydney. There has to be something going on there."

"O…yeah…well, it just kind of happened I guess. I mean, nothing happened. I wish it would, but it hasn't. Not yet. I don't know what exactly it is. I mean I do, I just—"

"Gale! You're rambling." He sighed nervously. "Look…I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you've found someone. Or you might have found someone. I know that I hurt you, and I'm sorry. You've been through a lot, and you deserve to be happy. I just want you to make sure that you don't get hurt."

"Katniss. I know you think that Sydney is some sort of spy for Coin, or that she is out to get you, but she's not. She has her flaws, but all of us do. She's a little arrogant, and she has a temper, but that sounds familiar, doesn't it?" He smirked, referring to me of course. It seemed like the more I learned about this girl, the more we had in common.

"She does make me happy. I'm just not sure…I'm not sure if she feels the same, or what I should do. I mean after all, last time I loved a girl, she fell in love with someone else." He looked up from the floor and stared into my eyes. "I'll always love you Katniss, at least a little bit. Maybe not in the same way, but we were best friends for years, and you mean a lot to me. I'll still do everything that I can to protect you, but I'm done being the tortured guy who is waiting for someone he'll never have. I have to take control of my own life, and I think I've found someone who could love me as much as I love them."

"Then do something about it!" I wouldn't let this go away. He and Sydney had something, and the more I pushed it, the less he would love me, and the happier he would be. "You have to go after her. If you don't ask, you'll never know whether or not she has feelings for you." 

"I don't know Katniss, I'm not—"

"No excuses!" I said, hitting his chest playfully. "Go now! And if it means anything, it seems to me like she is quite smitten with you. You've got a chance Gale. Not everyone is as cold and heartless as me." I finished sarcastically.

He laughed and pulled me in closer to him, giving me a hug. "Thanks, Catnip. We've been through a lot, and I think its time for us both to be happy." He pulled back and looked over his shoulder at Peeta, who was staring at us warily. "He's an amazing guy, you know, and he loves you more than anything. He would do anything for you, and I'm happy that its him you love. If it couldn't be me, I think Peeta Mellark is a damn good choice. Don't tell anyone, but I think I'm a little in love with him myself." He said, winking at me.

I pushed him away lightly, "Go talk to Sydney." I said with a laugh. He kissed me on the cheek and walked away, chuckling softly. Peeta came back over to me and pulled me in close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I missed you." I whispered.

"What did Gale want?" He said suspiciously.

"He…is in love with Sydney." I looked at his face to see his reaction, and his eyes widened. Then he smiled widely and shook his head.

"Well…that's good. He's over you, so I won't get any more severe brain injuries." I rolled my eyes and laid my head back on his chest. "He deserves to be happy. He is a good guy, despite the whole almost killing me thing. We've been talking more, and he apologized. I also think that he's on our side now. He's been telling Haymitch everything Coin does, so he's a triple agent…sort of."

"Wait, Gale's on our side now?" I had really been out of it. How had I missed Gale switching back to our side? "That's great, but it also must have made Coin angry."

"We've been challenging her in subtle ways. Trying to undermine her at command meetings. Planting seeds of doubt in the troops."

"Peeta…my family. She said she'd—"

"We've kept you out of it. That's why I didn't mention it to you, even thought I don't know if you would've listened based on how you were acting. The less you knew, the less you had to lie about, and the safer your family would be. I just wanted to protect you." I could sense that he was afraid I was angry, so I kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Don't worry, I'm not mad. I love you and I love that you want to protect me. I'm glad we're still fighting her. I'll find a way to help. I don't know how, but I will." We danced for a while in silence, just holding each other and enjoying the break from reality. These moments of peace were rare, and I wanted to enjoy every second of it with Peeta.

Suddenly, someone tapped Peeta on the shoulder, and he pulled away from me and turned around. Haymitch was standing there, hands crossed over his chest. "Can I cut in?" He said in his sarcastic swagger. Peeta shook it his head and kissed me again.

"I love you, Katniss, and I cannot wait to marry you. Don't forget that." He whispered in my ear. "I'll be back, but you can have her for now." He said to Haymitch.

"I love you too, Peeta." I said to him as he walked away, smiling at the thought of our marriage.

"So." Haymitch said as soon as Peeta was gone. "Baby or marriage?" I stopped at the abruptness of his question, stammering and trying to come up with an answer. How did Haymitch always know everything he shouldn't? Had he heard what Peeta said? "Don't try to hide it Katniss. I know something is going on."

"Peeta and I…decided to get married." I said finally. There was no point in trying to hide it. Haymitch would know eventually anyway.

"Well…I'm happy for you, sweetheart. I think you're hasty teenagers, but what the hell do I know?" I frowned and looked at the ground. "Don't take it that way Katniss. If you want to know the truth, if I could go back, I would change a lot. I have a lot of regrets, and I don't want you to end up like me. You're better than me, and you have something that most people only dream of. You and that boy are meant for each other, and there's no reason to deny that or pretend like you won't be together for a very long time. After what you went through, there isn't anyone else you can be with. You should do this, sweetheart. You don't want to look back and think, what if I hadn't been afraid? Trust me, its not a good feeling."

"Thanks, Haymitch. Your support means a lot." I realized that despite the fact that Haymitch was a depressing, sarcastic bastard, I loved him like a father, and he was one of the most important people in my life. "I've never thanked you. For keeping me alive. For looking out for me. You've saved me more times than I can count Haymitch, and I owe you. You were a fantastic mentor, but you're an even better friend." I was glad I had Haymitch on my side. Even though Coin had to power to destroy everyone I loved, if there was any group of people who I wanted to fight with, it would be the ones surrounding me right now. Haymitch, Gale, Peeta, Furman, Johanna, Jacobs. This was my family, as much as my mother and Prim.

"You're not so bad yourself Katniss, and I'll always be looking out for you." We didn't say anything for a while, then Haymitch spoke. "I hear you've been having problems with a certain President's daughter." He raised his eyebrows at me.

"I don't know Haymitch. I just feel like she's a spy. She's Coin's daughter, how can she be there to help me? I can't let my guard down…I just can't."

"You trust me, right?" He asked. I nodded my head. "Well, I've spoken with Sydney, and I don't think she's anything like Coin. I know she and her mother don't get along, so if Coin picked her as a spy, I think she thinks too highly of herself, or she's just oblivious. You can't choose who your parents are, Katniss."

I sighed. "That's what I keep hearing."

"So maybe you should start listening." He sounded so fatherly, like he was scolding me.

"I tried to apologize! She wouldn't let me. She said—"

"Did you mean it?" He interrupted.

"I did. I mean I was sorry I hit her, I just—"

"Did you MEAN it?" He said again. I thought about it for a second, and hung my head.

"No…I guess I didn't. Everyone's right, I judged her too quickly, and I feel terrible. I just don't know what to do…"

"Apologize again, and this time, don't put on a fake smile and pretend to be her best friend. Say what you mean, and tell her about your suspicion. Let her convince you otherwise. Just give her a shot . An honest shot." I knew he was right. I had to find Sydney and apologize for real. I had to give her a chance. Judging her and punishing her for existing made me just like Coin, and maybe if I showed her that I wasn't like Coin, I could win her over to our side too. After all, I had to have sympathy for anyone who was on Coin's bad side, and, according to Haymitch, Sydney was living a nightmare with Coin as her mother.

"I'm going now. Tell Peeta I'll be right back?" He nodded at me and let me go. I walked across the dance floor trying to find Sydney. I saw Gale, but he told me that she had gone to the restroom a while ago and hadn't come back. He was beaming from ear to ear, so I guess their talk went well.

I walked towards the bathrooms, deciding to start there because there were so many people on the dance floor it would be hard to find her in the crowd. I checked the stalls, but there was no one there, so began the walk back down the hallway to the ballroom. I got lost and realized that the upper floor of thirteen was confusing, and I turned around and tried to find my way back, but all of the hallways looked the same. I sighed in frustration, but forced myself to calm down. I started to retrace my steps when I heard a set of voices arguing in a nearby hallway. I recognized one of the voices as Sydney's, so I headed in that direction.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was doing something wrong." I heard her say. She sounded like she was on the verge of tears. I walked hastiliy to see her.

"You are a stupid, inept girl, and you couldn't serve me correctly if I told you every move you were supposed to make. I put you on that squad because I need a knew insider." I stopped in my tracks and pressed my back against the wall. The other voice was President Coins. I wanted to talk to Sydney, but I couldn't confront Coin.

"I don't serve you. I'm not going to spy for you. These people like me! They're friends of mine, and they've been nothing but nice to me."

"Your squad? Give me a break Sydney. They fear me, that's why they aren't mean to you. No one could ever like you. Why would they? They're just being overly nice to you because they are trying to use you against me, but obviously you wouldn't realize that."

"That's not true. Gale cares about me. "

"Gale? That boy is a joke. He doesn't like you. How could any boy like you Sydney? I used him for long enough, I would know, but now he has shown his true colors, and he shouldn't be trusted. You would do well to listen to me. He's using you Sydney, they all are. I'm the only one who looks out for, although I don't know why I do." Coin sounded angry, but in a different way. She was almost bitter, and then I remembered that she had…been…with Gale before, so it almost sounded like she was jealous, but imagining Coin with any feeling other than anger and icy disdain was impossible for me.

"If they are using me, then why does Katniss Everdeen hate me? Wouldn't it be a better strategy for her to get close to me? Isn't she the mastermind of the supposed plan to overthrow you? She is your worst enemy, isn't she? A seventeen year old girl." I heard Sydney laugh sarcastically.

"Katniss Everden may be the only person in this world who is more oblivious and idiotic than you. She doesn't think, she just acts. She wouldn't know how to manipulate someone if she tried. She will never amount to anything. She is a simple girl whose rashness will eventually get her killed." I peeked out from behind the wall slightly, and I could see that Coin was facing away from me.

"Katniss Everdeen is ten times the person you'll ever be. I know she hates me, but I believe in her. She's a good person, unlike you. You know what, I hope she overthrows you because I'd almost rather lose this war than have you be the leader of Panem—"

Her sentence was cut of by a sharp crack that filled the air. Coin had hit her across the face. She would up and backhanded her again. "Don't ever speak to me like that again. You're brave Sydney, but you're also naïve. I could crush you, and I would, don't doubt that for a second. You mean nothing to me. You need me to survive, and without me you're nothing, and you'll have no one." She pinched Sydney's cheek mockingly. "Now I have a party to get to dear. Enjoy the rest of your night."

Coin turned back towards me and walked down the hallway. I slid back behind the wall and hid in a doorway, praying she didn't turn down the hall I was standing in. She walked right past me, and I let out a sigh of relief. I waited until I heard her footsteps disappear, and I came out from my hiding place. I saw Sydney standing right where she had been. Tears streamed down her face, but she didn't move. I could never have been more wrong than I was about Sydney, but now I had a chance to make up for it.

"Sydney!" I shouted, walking towards her. She jerked her head up and looked at me. She turned around and walked quickly away from me, trying to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "Wait! I need to talk to you." I tried to stop her, but she had disappeared through a doorway. I picked up my pace until I was almost running, but the heels I was wearing prevented me from catching up to her. I went through the same door she had, and noticed it led to a set of steps. I looked up and saw she was going up. I could only assume these steps led to the surface because we had been on the top floor.

I sighed and began my ascent. The distance between the top floor and the surface was three times that between any two floors. Eventually, I stopped on a landing and took off my shoes. I left them there and figured I would just come back for them later. Now that I could actually move, I ran hastily up the steps. I opened the hatch that led to the surface, and pulled myself up into the cool night air.

I had always come through the main doorway, so I was disoriented when I stood up. I looked around, trying to figure out where I was, but the forest around me all looked the same. I saw Sydney's shadow disappear into the woods to my left, so I ran after her. I crashed through trees and shrubs, until finally I was behind her. "Will you just wait?" I said, gasping for breath.

She stopped and stared at me with her huge green eyes. I could see that despite her efforts, the tears were still falling. "Still think I'm in it with President Coin?" She said, her voice shaking. She tried to laugh, but she only sobbed. I don't know why, but I hugged her. We weren't friends. I had been nothing but evil to her over the past few weeks, but I wanted to comfort her. I expected her to push me away or scoff at me, but she just put her head on my shoulder and cried.

"No…I don't." I answered finally. She pulled away from me. Haymitch had said to be honest, so I did. I knew that Sydney wasn't in with President Coin. She couldn't be, not after what I had just seen.

"You have no idea what its like. You think you have it bad? I've had to live alone with her for twelve years. Whatever you think about President Coin, its ten times worse than that. She is a tyrant, and she needs to be stopped." She sighed. She had stopped crying, but I knew she didn't feel any better. She had just run out of tears. I knew the feeling, and my heart ached for this girl. I couldn't imagine having President Coin as your parent. "Don't pity me Katniss. I don't want that. I just want you to understand that the last thing I would ever do is work with my _mother_." She spit out the last word with disdain.

"I don't think that, not any more. I judged you, and I'm sorry. I tried to apologize earlier, but you wouldn't let me, but I really am sorry." I held my hand out as a peace offering. She stared at it for a second, then shook it firmly. We weren't friends, but we were no longer enemies. It felt good. "Let's head back to that party. No reason to let Coin ruin a whole evening." Sydney laughed and we began to head out of the woods and back towards the hatch.

Suddenly, Sydney stopped walking. "Do you hear that?" She asked. Her eyes were narrowed and it looked like she was concentrating hard on something.

"Hear what?" I asked, confused. "I didn't hear any—" but she held her finger to her lips, urging me to be quiet. I listened carefully, trying to determine what she was talking about. I turned my head to the side away from Sydney, trying to pick up a sound. Then I heard it, a quiet rustling noise. It sounded like footsteps.

"Its probably just some animal." I said, turning back towards her, but she wasn't there. She had been standing right behind me just seconds ago, but she had vanished. "Sydney?" I whispered. "Syd—" I heard a low hum fill the air around my head, then pain shot through my body, and I slumped to the floor. I couldn't move, I felt something prick my arm, and then the world began to fall out of focus. I heard a deep laugh before the sky started spinning, and everything went black.


	18. Chapter 18

Note: Another long one…review!

"Make a decision, Ms. Everdeen." President Snow said, a smile spreading across his thin lips. "It's up to you, who lives and who dies. It's your choice, so make one, before its too late." I looked at him with hatred. Another person controlling my life. Another person forcing me to bend to there will. I hated it. I hated him. I had to stand against it. If I didn't now, I never would. I knew it would come to this. A showdown between me and him. Ever since I realized who had captured me, I knew it would end like this, but he was right. I had to choose.

I woke up in a cellar. At first I thought I went blind because the world around me was pitch black, but when I looked to my left I saw a small stream of dim light coming through a slit against the floor. It was freezing cold, and it smelt like death. I realized I was laying on the ground, so I pulled myself into a squatting position. I felt around blindly, trying to see if there was a wall near me. When I finally found it, I sank down into it and sat on the ground.

The stone underneath me was extremely hard. I didn't dare move around the room because I didn't want to lose myself in the darkness. I tried to listen closely to see if anyone or anything was in here with me. I thought about saying something, but if there was someone here and they weren't friendly, I didn't want them to know I was awake. I tried to remember how I got here, but the last thing could think of was being in the woods with Sydney.

_Sydney_. I thought suddenly. At first I thought maybe I was wrong about her, and she had in fact betrayed me, but I shook that notion when I remembered she was the one who pointed out the noise in the woods. So where was she? Where was I? We were obviously attacked, but for some reason our assailants hadn't killed us, so they knew who we were, or at least who I was. There was only really one option. It had been the Capitol, but why were they by thirteen? My heart filled with dread. They had probably launched an attack on thirteen. They could have bombed it again, and we had no warning. Peeta, Prim, my mother. They were all there. I leaned my head back and tried to calm myself. I could feel my breath coming in brief gasps, and I knew hyperventilating wouldn't help me.

I tried to take slow, deep breaths, and eventually I calmed down and realized that there was nothing I could do about thirteen now. I had to take care of myself, and try to figure out what was happening to me. My head ached and my arm hurt a little, but I moved both of my legs and felt my ribs, and nothing else was broken. I noticed that I was no longer wearing my dress when I felt rough cloth beneath my finger tips. I couldn't check for scrapes and bruises because of the darkness, so I just stayed still and tried to keep myself calm.

I thought about going over to the slit of light and trying to see if I could gain any more information about my whereabouts, but it was so dim that it didn't even light up the space around , and the slit was so small I probably couldn't see anything anyway. So here I was. Alone and helpless in the middle of a dark room, a prisoner of my enemies. I didn't know if they would ever come for me, or if they would just let me die of starvation. For the first time, I realized just how thirsty I was. I swallowed, but that only made my throat more dry. I knew the very scary reality of dehydration from my first day in the arena, so the thought made me panic.

I slammed my hand into the ground and let out a grunt of frustration. I didn't care if anyone heard me now. This was one of the most frustrating situations I had ever been in. I sat there for hours. Time eventually lost its meaning when I realized that I had no way to tell if hours were actually passing or if every second just seemed excruciatingly long. I felt a tear roll down my cheek in frustration, but I wiped it away. I wouldn't let this make me weak.

Eventually I fell asleep. I had nightmares of Coin and the Capitol. I had a very vivid dream of thirteen being bombed, and my sister being shot in the head by a Capitol soldier. I woke with a start, disoriented once again, until I remembered where I was. The thirst was worse, and I could feel the ache in my stomach from not having eaten in a while. It was a good thing I knew how to be hungry. Growing up in district twelve had its advantages.

I wasn't sure exactly how long that went on. I would drift in and out of sleep, switching between dreams and hallucinations. I think I was awake when I saw Peeta standing in front of me. I stood up and walked towards him, trying to talk to him or touch him, but every time I took a step, he got farther away from me. I screamed in frustration and fell to the ground. Then I passed out again. I would never get out of this. I would die here, alone in this damp cell. I didn't want to give up, but there was nothing I could do. The thirst clawed at my throat, and I felt dizzy. I tried to stop myself, but eventually I threw up because of the dehydration. I made it back to my corner and sobbed, trying to be strong, but failing when I thought about how hopeless my situation was.

I heard a latch unlock, and light woke me from whatever half-asleep, half-dead state I was in. I was blinded at first, even though I would come to find the light wasn't very bright. I covered my eyes because they felt like they were on fire. "Get in there." I heard a gruff voice yell. Then I heard what sounded like a body hit the floor. I noticed the guard shuffling around the room, but I didn't dare open my eyes to the burning light.

I felt an arm around my shoulder, and I was lifted to my feet. "Walk." He ordered. I tried to take a step, but I was so weak that I stumbled and fell on my knees. Eventually, he put one of my arms around his shoulders and half-carried me out what I assumed was the door to the cellar. He shut it behind him, and I opened my eyes slightly. They adjusted slowly to the light around me, and I realized that I was in some sort of corridor. We headed up some steps and down another hallway. This one was decorated with cell doors on either side. The guard stopped and opened a shiny silver door at the end of the hallway, and I found myself in an interrogation-style room.

He sat me down in a chair, and I slumped onto the table in front of me. "She's no good like this." I heard him say. "She needs to at least be strong enough to talk."

"Fine. Give her water." I knew that voice. It was sly and manipulative, and it was in a tie for my least favorite in all of Panem. President Snow was here, which could only mean certain death for me. The guard pulled me up from the table and put a glass of water in front of me. I considered refusing it and letting myself die of dehydration, but I knew I couldn't give up without a fight. That would give President Snow way too much satisfaction.

I grabbed the water and gulped it down, feeling relief flood my dry throat and cracked lips. I finished it in a matter of seconds, and another glass was placed in front of me, along with a small piece of bread. I looked at it warily, knowing that it could possibly poisoned, but I realized they wouldn't poison me. That wasn't enough fun for him, so I shoved it down.

I put the second glass down, and suddenly felt sick. I remembered hearing something from Haymitch about not drinking water too quickly when your dehydrated, and I knew I was going to be sick again. The guard must have realized this, because he put a garbage can in front of my face. I threw up for the second time, and I could feel myself shaking. They gave me another glass of water, and I sipped this one slowly.

President Snow circled the table and sat down in front of me. I felt so weak, but I couldn't let him see that. I straightened up. I could see more clearly now, and I felt a little bit better. I crossed my arms and stared at him coldly.

"Hello, Katniss." He said. I could smell the signature blood and roses coming at me from across the table, and I was almost sick again, but I held it in.

"So…where the hell am I? And more importantly, how did I get here?" I asked him bluntly. I didn't have time for games.

"Right to the point I see. Well as a matter of fact, you are in the Capitol. Four stories below the ground in a prison we reserve specially for rebels. You got here in a hovercraft." He smiled.

"You know that's not what I mean, _President_ Snow." I said mockingly. "You captured me, but why were you in thirteen? Did you blow it into oblivion? And if so, why did you save me? There's no point for me to live now."

He chuckled and shook his head. "No, we didn't launch an attack on district thirteen. Our men were there doing some recon. They were just trying to get a little bit of information about future battle plans, but imagine my delight when they brought me the Mockingjay and the President's daughter." He was so smug that I wanted to punch the smile right off of his face, but I contained my anger.

"Where is she?" I had to know if Sydney was alive or dead. I hoped that she was alive. I needed an ally.

"You didn't see her? They dropped her in your cell so you could have a little bit of company. Don't worry, your friend is alive. I don't know if I can say she's well, but she's definitely alive."

"What did you do to her?" He didn't answer. He only kept smirking at me. "What do you want with me Snow? Torture me? If you're going to kill me, just do it. I'm not going to comply with any of your games."

"O, I think you will Ms. Everdeen. Trust me when I say that I have big plans for you. Game changing plans, but for now I think you'll just stay here in your cell for safe keeping. Wouldn't want you to make a harrowing escape would we?" He stood up. "Have a good day. I'll make sure you don't starve again, that would be unfortunate."

"What are you going to do to me!" I yelled after him. I was sick of the ambiguity. I wanted answers. I wouldn't sit in that cell and waste away.

"You're going to help me send a very important message to the people of Panem. I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to do with you, but it's going to be one hell of a show, that's for sure." He opened the door and I felt the guard's arms around me, pulling me out of the chair and towards the opposite door that lead back to the cellar.

"No! I won't be part of your stupid games anymore. You don't control me." I spat at him. "You've never been able to before, what makes you think you can now?" I laughed at him. He thought he was so powerful, but I had outsmarted him twice before. He had no power over me.

The smile faded from his lips, but his eyes sparkled with excitement. There was something evil there, and my stomach churned. Something in his eyes told me that I was very, very wrong. "It's been nice seeing you again Katniss. I certainly have missed you. And I'm sorry about that beautiful gown. I know how much it meant to you. A momento of your first hunger games. I would try to have it replaced, but I'm afraid I'm not quite as good as your lovely stylist…was." With that, he walked through the door and closed it behind him. How dare he talk about Cinna. I felt burning hatred flood every part of my body, and I clenched my fists at my side. I hated that man and everything he stood for. And to mention the first games? He wanted to get inside my head, but I couldn't let him.

I felt the guard lead me towards the door again, but I wrenched free of him. "I can walk myself, thank you." Any small act I could do to show that I wasn't under their control would help. This wasn't like being in thirteen and having to watch out for Coin. I had no one here. There was no Haymitch to look out for me, or Peeta to be by my side. I was alone. At least I knew that my family was safe, for now at least.

We descended back down the steps and to my cellar. I sighed as I stepped back into the dark room. I didn't want to go back to the blackness. I couldn't do that again. To my relief, the guard left an electric torch at the doorway, so the room was flooded with dim light. The door slammed behind me, and I looked around. That's when I saw her.

Sydney was lying on the floor on her side. I couldn't see her face, but she wasn't moving. She was dressed in the same grey prison clothes I was, but hers were ripped and covered in dark spots. At first I thought it was sweat, but I could see the red tinge, and I knew it was blood. I ran over and knelt by her side. I turned her over and gasped at what I saw.

Her face was bruised and bloodied. She had two black eyes, and numerous cuts and bruises covered her neck and the rest of her face. She groaned when I rolled her onto her back, so at least I knew she was alive. I quickly laid her back on her side, and noticed that there was a lot more blood seeping through the back of her shirt than any other part of her. I slid it up above her stomach, and saw that there were thing, but deep, gashes covering her back. I had seen this before. It looked the same as Gale's back had after he had been caught with the turkey. Sydney had been whipped.

So they had tortured her. I gritted my teeth in anger. They were trying to get information out of her, but from what I knew of Sydney, it would take a lot for her to give it up. But this seemed like a lot. She was stubborn, just like I was, but I didn't know if anyone could deal with this. So why hadn't they tortured me? _You're going to send a very important message to all of Panem._ Snow's words rang through my head. They needed my face intact. They didn't want to seem too cruel when I had to go in front of whatever camera they had set up and proclaim my loyalty to the Capitol. I shook my head and forgot about that. I had to stay in the moment.

I knew I had to do something. When my mother had treated Gale, she had salves and medication to use. I was in the middle of some cell deep behind enemy lines. These people didn't care if Sydney lived or died. Even if we weren't that close, I needed her. She was the only person who could help me.

I put my hand on her forehead. It was burning hot. I couldn't tell if it was pain or infection, but I hoped for both of our sakes that it was the former. I saw that the guard had left some bread and water by the doorway, so I grabbed the pitcher and brought it over to her. I couldn't lay her on her back, so I tilted her head to the side and tried to pour it into her mouth. She coughed it up, and I couldn't force her to swallow any.

I grunted in frustration. It was the same as it had been for Peeta and his leg. I could fight off a hundred Capitol soldiers, but when it came to healing someone, I was useless. Even more so now, because there were no resources for me. I wasn't in a jungle, where plants and herbs were plentiful. I was in a dungeon, where the only supplies were cobwebs and stones.

I rolled Sydney on her right side, and she flailed around in pain. I tried placing her on her stomach, but she whimpered at that too, so I set her how she had been originally, and she calmed down. I looked at her side, and realized it was covered in dark purple bruises and one deep slash. Her ribs were probably broken. Just add it to the list of problems. There was nothing else I could do, so I sat against the wall and just waited. I didn't know if they would come for her again, and I didn't know how to react if they did.

I was alone with my thoughts for a long time. I drew patterns in the dirt with my hand and thought about Peeta. I tried to remember his laugh and his smile. I tried to remember the last kiss we had shared before I had been captured. I wanted it to give me hope, but it just filled me with sadness when I realized that I probably wouldn't see him again. It was going to take a lot of luck for me to get out of this alive.

I kept going back to the Hunger Games. Somehow, no matter how hard I tried, I ended up in the Capitol's clutches. They had forced me to murder innocent people, then turned me into a target for their anger. I had to go back, and when I got out, they captured the person I loved the most and almost turned him against me. Now here I was, back in their clutches. My hatred for Coin had made me forget my real enemy. She was evil, but I could deal with her later. We needed to defeat them now.

The door opened again, and I stood up. A guard walked in, gun in hand. I guess he expected me to attack him or something, but I didn't. I just stood in front of Sydney's lifeless form. "We're done with her, don't worry." He said gruffly. "President Snow has graciously decided to let her live. She won't give us any information, but killing her creates problems that he doesn't want. Besides, he thinks she'll be useful to us later." He took a bag from around his shoulder and threw it to me.

"Make sure she survives." He said as he closed the door. I knelt back down next to Sydney and opened the bag. Inside was a roll of white bandages, a bottle of some sort of oral medication, a can of healing salve, three extra shirts, and a syringe filled with clear liquid.

I stripped Sydney of her dirty grey shirt wiped the salve on the gashes in her back. I could see them start to heal a little, but I still wrapped her in the white bandages. They didn't soak through with blood, so that was a good sign. I figured the syringe was in case any of her wounds got infected, so I saved that for later. I forced the medicine down her throat and slipped one of the extra shirts over her head. I waited anxiously for a long time. I expected her to wake up, and I looked towards the syringe, wondering if I was supposed to use it. Maybe it wasn't for infection. I sighed and laid down on the ground next to her. I stared at the ceiling. I had no idea what I was going to do. I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

I couldn't tell what time it was when I woke up because there was no sunlight, so I kept my eyes closed. If I didn't open them, I could pretend like I was back in my bed with Peeta in district thirteen. I hadn't even got to spend that last night with him. I could pretend this had never happened. I shouldn't have gone into the woods. I should have just stayed inside thirteen and enjoyed the party.

I tried to go back to sleep. Maybe this time I would dream about something nice. But I couldn't fall back to sleep no matter how hard I tried. I opened my eyes and I was staring at the grey wall. I had rolled over onto my side, and I was alarmed when I didn't see Sydney laying next to me. They had taken her away. To be tortured some more I was sure. Maybe they would make a cycle of it. They would torture her and then send her back here where I would heal her. Then they would take her again. They would force me to watch her suffer as some sort of cruel mind game.

"Have a nice sleep princess?" I heard a voice from behind me. I sat straight up and whirled around, backing away from the noise. I panicked for a moment, then I realized that it was Sydney sitting against the wall, holding one of her knees to her chest and resting her head on her hands.

"You're…you're…" Her face still had faint yellow outlines from where the bruises had been, but otherwise she just looked exhausted.

"Alive? Healed? All of the above?" She smirked at me and gave me a sarcastic laugh.

I felt tears well up in my eyes and I threw my arms around her. I couldn't help it. It was nice to not be alone anymore, no matter who my new companion was. "I'm glad you're ok."

"Me too. Unfortunately, I feel like I won't be like this for long. What happened to us Katniss?" She asked.

"They didn't tell you?" I knew the Capitol had to have talked to Sydney. They had tortured her like that, so there must have been communication there.

She shook her head. "They didn't tell me anything, and they only hit me or whipped me when I asked questions, so I stopped asking. The only thing they wanted to talk to me about was information regarding thirteen."

"Did you…say anything?" I didn't think Sydney was a traitor, but I didn't really know that much about her. Besides, I would find it hard not to crack after what she had been through.

"Of course not." She looked at me, taken aback. "I would die before I gave up information that could hurt this rebellion. I would never jeopardize us like that." We were silent for a while. I didn't mean to offend her. I nervously played with the hem of my shirt. "So anyway." She said finally. "What happened to us?"

I filled her in on my meeting with President Snow. I told her how they had captured us and how I had just woken up in this cellar. I told her about the dehydration and how they had led me to him. They were planning to use me for something. Then I explained what I knew about what happened to her. How I had tried to help her, but it had been the Capitol guards who had given her medicine because they had a use for her.

"What could that possibly be?" She asked.

"I don't know, but if President Snow is behind it, it's going to be equal parts evil and cruel." I sighed and sat down across from her against the opposite wall. We were silent for a while, both too exhausted to speak. A guard came and brought us soup and water, which we ate gratefully. The food seemed to put her in a better mood, and I instantly felt stronger.

When we were done eating, I laid down on the ground and used one of the extra shirts for a pillow. Sydney sat against the wall and stared at the door, hugging her knees to her chest. "I got us into quite the predicament didn't I?" She half-whispered.

I turned towards her and propped myself up on one elbow. "I know it seems hopeless, but we can't give up, Sydney. We can make it through this. We just have to stick together and maybe come up with a plan. I'm sure the team is already forming a plan to come rescue us, so maybe we just have to wait it out."

She shook her head. "I'm not giving up. The last thing I'll do is go down without a fight." She sighed. I admired her for that. If I was going to have someone on my side, I wanted to make sure they were strong. "The hunger is the worst part." She said finally. "I know it sounds awful, but I've never had to go hungry before. Having one meal a day that consists of soup and a cup of water is driving me crazy. Its like this burning, nawing feeling that's tearing my stomach apart."

I laughed, remembering that Sydney was the daughter of the President, and that she probably never had to want for anything. She didn't come off as stuck up, but she was privileged, so she didn't know what it was like. Fortunately, hunger was my area of expertise. "I've been through much worse. When my father died, my mother..." I stopped for a moment. I never talked about this with anyone. Peeta is the only person who I've discussed these moments with. Even Gale only knew the short version of the hardships I had been through, but when I looked up at Sydney, she was just staring back at me. She honestly looked interested, and for some reason I felt like telling her.

"My mother went into a depression. She didn't move or work or do anything. I had to attempt to provide for my family, but I was only eleven years old. I couldn't sign up for tesserae, so I tried to trade all of our possessions for food. One day, we had been without food for weeks, and I was watching Prim waste away in front of my eyes. I went to the local market to try and trade some of Prim's old clothes for food, but I couldn't. Peeta…Peeta saved me. I stumbled into his yard and he threw me some old bread. I've owed him ever since."

"But I thought you two were the star-crossed lovers of district twelve? You didn't know who he was until the reaping, but he had been in love with you for his whole life." She said dramatically.

"No, he saved my life that day. I didn't know it then, but I think I've always loved him. I know we were meant to be together. He reminds me of my father. They're both great men." There was an awkward silence again, brought on by the fact that I wasn't sure whether I wanted to keep up this conversation. I was never really big on talking, and I was usually uncomfortable discussing my past or my personal life. I don't know what it was about Sydney that made me trust her after I had spent so long being suspicious of her.

"My father was a great man too" She broke the silence. "He was the President of district thirteen before my step-mother. My real mother died giving birth to me, and my father married Coin under the pressure to find a new wife and a new mother for me. He's the person who planted the seeds for this rebellion. He was the one who kept thirteen alive. He didn't just help them survive, he made them thrive, and it's because of him that this rebellion was even possible. I'm proud to be his daughter, but for some reason people forget that he ever existed, and only acknowledge me as being related to President Coin."

"What happened to him?" I asked.

"He died when I was five years old. He had a heart attack at the dinner table. I'll never forget it. I didn't know what was happening. One minute we were eating, the next he was convulsing. Finally, he slumped over in his chair and he was just…still. His guards rushed in, and one of them took me out of the room. After a while, a general who I had been close with came in and told me that my father had passed away. Coin didn't have the decency to do it herself."

"That's terrible…" I wasn't surprised that Coin had been as cold and heartless back then as she was now.

"You know what's funny?" She said. She clenched her jaw and stared at the ceiling above her. "Every time I think about that night, I try to remember her panicking. I try to remember her trying to save my father, or reacting to his heart attack, but I can't. When I was younger, I convinced myself that she had. That she was just mad with grief and that was why she hated me so much after my father died, but as I got older, I realized that she didn't try to help him. She didn't even get up from her seat. Sometimes…" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Sometimes I think she did it. That she had a hand in his death. She stepped up as President the next day, claiming that he would want the job to get done. She mourned, but I know now that it was fake. I hate her Katniss, I really do."

I tried to change the subject away from Coin. She somehow managed to make even this situation worse, which I didn't think was possible. "My father died in a mining accident, the same one that Gale's father died in." 

At the mention of Gale's name, Sydney looked back at me. "Yeah he mentioned that, but I don't think he mentioned that your father was in the same accident. He said that's what made him become a man." She smiled, and I could tell she was thinking about him.

I laughed. "So what happened? I know he talked to you…"

"We are going to try it out, being together. Or we were. Before I got captured and thrown in this cell to die. It is a dire circumstance. They should write a great love story about us." She said sarcastically. "The couple that almost was. Of course we hold nothing over you and Peeta. You two are the king and queen of tragic love." Sydney had an odd sense of humor, but I liked it. She told things like they were, and she wasn't afraid to make light of our hopeless situation. Somehow she managed to make me laugh when I felt like crying.

"It's odd." I realized. "This is the first time in my entire life that I've sat around and talked about boys and relationships and…girl things, and it just happens to be when I'm a prisoner of war. That's just kind of how my life works." That made her laugh.

"I understand. I've never really had this kind of talk either. I had friends when I was younger, but any time that someone would get too close to me, my step-mother would drive them off. I'm sure that she thought the less people I had to confide in, the more control she had over me, so eventually I just stopped trying to have friends. People talked to me at the academy, but they were overly nice because I was the President's daughter. They were more afraid that friendly. So I kept a lot of acquaintances, but I've never had any true friendships."

"The academy?" Was that some sort of slang for school? I wasn't really sure what she was talking about.

"O right, sometimes I forget that you aren't from district thirteen. Well the academy is a school that all of the children of higher up citizens of thirteen go to. It's basically a military academy. They train you to fight and to survive. That's why I'm so good at hand to hand combat, I've been doing it since I was six. That was what I was best at." It sounded really familiar, then I realized that Sydney had grown up much like the Career tributes in districts one and two, only she was trained for a very different purpose. "When you turn seventeen, you graduate and are sent out into the military. It's a small program. There are only about twenty-five of us per class, and we're spread throughout the army to provide aid wherever it's needed. It's a hard life when you're in the academy, but once you get out you're highly respected, and most of us are put in leadership positions."

"Now I understand why you were so good at the combat simulator. You must have used it before?"

She shook her head. "Not really. I've used something like it, and I've done a lot of tactical training exercises, but the suits and the specialty weapons are technology I've never seen before. Squad 451 is extremely important, so they want to use every piece of equipment they have to keep us alive I guess."

I sighed and laid back down. "If we're so important, why do I feel like everyone is out to get me? I feel like an enemy, not a VIP. I've felt like that ever since I stepped onto the stage to volunteer for my sister. Like I have a huge target across my back that only the most important people in Panem are aiming at."

She was quiet for a second, but I could tell that she wanted to ask me something. I stared at the ceiling, waiting for her to speak. "What was it like?" She asked softly. "The Hunger Games. What was it like to be in the arena?"

I didn't answer her right away. I didn't talk about the games with anyone. It was a dark time that I tried to forget, but somehow it always seemed to come back and haunt me. "You don't have to tell me. I understand that's personal." She said when I didn't respond. "I just…I never had to fear the reaping. I was never oppressed by the Capitol like that. I don't know what it feels like."

"I will never experience something worse than the games." I said finally. "Whatever you imagine it to be like, the fear of being reaped, the realization that you have to fight other children to the death if you are chosen, the reality that you're probably going to die, its much worse than that." I looked at her, unsure if that was a satisfying answer. She just stared back at me, willing me to continue. I hesitated for a second, then I started to talk. "I guess it really started for me the morning of the reaping." And I told her the whole story. I told her about the dread I felt when Prim's name got chosen. I told her about my snap decision to volunteer, and the sinking feeling in my stomach when I stood on the stage next to Effie Trinket.

I talked about being paraded around like some sort of show-dog. I hated the Capitol and everything they were making me do, but I had no choice but to comply with them. I told her about Cinna and his amazing costumes. How much he meant to me and how I still missed him. I even talked about Rue and how that was what really started the rebellion for me. I told her about the moments between Peeta and I in the cave, and the look on Cato's face when he plunged to his death in the pit of dogs.

I just talked and talked for what must have been hours. I didn't stop at the end of the first games. I talked about the Victory Tour and what it was like to realize I was going back into the arena. It felt good to get it all out. I didn't know if I was boring her, but when I checked to see if she was still listening, she just stared back at me, looking genuinely interested, so I kept going. I had never talked about most of this stuff to anyone, so all of the emotions I had been holding back just bubbled over. I was finally vocalizing my rage and hatred of the Capitol, and I even told Sydney about the horrors I had experienced with Coin and district thirteen. When I was finished, my throat was dry and my eyes were brimming with tears, because I had just talked about Craig.

"She sounds like a great woman, Craig. I wish I could have known her. I feel bad taking her place." Sydney said after a short silence. "But I never would have known it was like that. We watched the games every year, but I didn't realize what was happening behind the scenes where no one could see. You've been through more than anyone should have to."

I nodded. "Thank you. For listening to me. I've never told anyone most of that stuff, but it just kind of came out."

"It feels good to talk about it doesn't it?" She smiled at me. Her smile was genuine, and I realized that we were no longer just allies. It was the same feeling I had when I was afraid Peeta was going to die in the cave. I didn't want to lose this girl who was a good listener, and who genuinely seemed to like me. Whatever was going to happen, we were in it together, and we would protect each other.

"Yeah it does." I smiled back at her. "I just want to apologize again for judging you. I guess I was intimidated by you. My whole squad fell in love with you, despite the fact that you were the daughter of my worst enemy."

She scoffed. "You…intimidated by me? You're the girl on fire. The hero of Panem. Why would you be intimidated by me?"

"You're perfect! Can't you see that? Forget the fact that you're stunningly beautiful and that even Peeta was falling over himself when you arrived on our squad. You're strong and you can kick the ass of anyone I know. You're funny and extremely intelligent."

"Well when you describe me like that, what's not to love!" She mocked my tone. "You may think that, but I know I have flaws. I'm stubborn, for one thing, which was definitely a weakness as I was being whipped repeatedly by the Capitol soldiers. I am also extremely judgmental. I had no idea what you went through, and I thought you were just being overly dramatic. I also thought you were kind of weak, but it really hurt when you punched me in the face."

"Yeah…I'm sorry about that too. I guess I have a little bit of a temper." I had forgotten that I attacked her.

"I understand." She said, shaking her head. "So all is forgiven?"

"All is forgiven. Now that we're friends, we can start with a clean slate." She looked a little taken aback, but she smirked back at me.

"Deal." She laid down against the wall. I was tired too, and I could feel my eyes getting heavy.

"So what happens now?" I asked her as I was falling asleep.

"We survive." She said finally, before turning over and facing away from me. I knew she was right. There was nothing we could do now but wait.


	19. Chapter 19

Note: This one took me a little longer to write, because I had two very different directions I was going to go with it. I decided on this one.

Every day was the same. Sydney and I sat in the cold, dark cellar for hours and hours. Eventually a guard would bring us our daily meal. At the beginning, we talked. Sydney told me about her life growing up in thirteen, and I talked about Peeta and my sister. I could feel myself growing more and more attached to her with each passing day, and I figuring out why the rest of my team liked her so much.

Her sarcastic sense of humor never failed to make me laugh, and she talked about the rebellion and the safety of Panem, there was so much passion in her voice it was hard not to admire her dedication. There wasn't much to do in the cell, so eventually we started to fight each other so we wouldn't become too weak. They were only light combat exercises, but Sydney taught me more advanced things than the military trainers ever could.

In exchange, I taught her how to survive. I taught her about fighting through hunger and dehydration. She asked me how to best make a fire and set up a trap when you hunt. I told her how to recognize certain plants, and how I had used the little skills I had to survive the games. We talked about tactics and battle plans, but we also discussed our relationships with Peeta and Gale. My friendship with Sydney was unlike any I had before.

Gale and I had been close, but there was always that awkward romantic stigma that came with a boy/girl friendship. The closest thing I had to a real girl friend was Madge, and the most we had done was eat lunch together and be partners for school projects. I guess it was the life and death situation we were in, but in what I estimated to be around two weeks, Sydney had become the best friend I ever had.

Finally, our routine changed. The door to our cell swung open, and a Peacekeeper stepped in. "Time to go." He announced roughly. He walked over to Sydney and tried to grab her arm, but she pushed him away.

"Are my legs broken? I think not." She shoved past him and walked to the door. Sydney had a habit of trying her hardest to upset the Peacekeepers. She thought it was funny, and it was, but I worried that it would get us into trouble.

"You too." He said, nodding his head at me. I got up and walked over next to Sydney. I shot her a worried glance, but she only shrugged her shoulders. It was happening. Whatever President Snow wanted with us, he was about to get it. The time had come. I was either going to make it out alive, or I was going to be executed by the Capitol.

He took us to a small room at the end of the hallway and pointed us through the door. It was a set of showers. We rinsed off, and he gave us a fresh set of clothes. These were a bright yellow instead of grey. Right as we were about to exit the room, the guard pulled us aside. He sat us down and pulled out an odd machine with a sharp tip. He ordered Sydney to sit, and used the tool to engrave a series of numbers onto her arm. She took a sharp breath inward at first, but I could see her gritting her teeth to hold back the pain. I sat down next, and he grabbed my arm. The sharp tool cut into my skin and left a faint trail of blood behind it. The searing pain made me want to scream, but I bit my tongue. When he was finished, he let my arm go, and I looked at the numbers. _1355_.

We got out of the showers and went up the same steps I had gone through for my first meeting with Snow, but when we began walking down the corridor with the cell doors, we stopped before the interrogation room. The Peacekeeper opened one of the cell doors and pointed inside. "This is where you'll stay now. President Snow has another use for the cell down below."

We headed inside, and the Peacekeeper shut the door behind us. I looked around. This cell was much more spacious. The door was made of a much thinner metal, and it had a barred window that let in some of the outside light. There was a set of bunk beds up against the wall in the corner, and a sink and toilet to the other side. The floors were still ridiculously dirty and the mattresses were thin and probably full of dust mites, but it was definitely an upgrade.

"Looks like we got the luxury suite." Sydney said with a roll of her eyes. "Bottom bunk!" I laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. Calling dibs on a prison bed. She walked over and sat down, bouncing lightly on the mattress. "It's definitely and upgrade from the floor." She raised her eyebrows.

"Why would they do this?" I didn't understand the reasoning behind it. Wasn't the point of capturing us to torture us and make us miserable? Did they think giving us beds would make us come over to their side and proclaim our love for the Capitol?

"You heard the man." Sydney answered. "They need our cell for someone else."

"But who? Who could be more important to keep isolated than us?" She shrugged again and laid back on the bed. I paced the room, trying to figure out what game Snow was playing. Who did he have in that room? Eventually, Sydney fell asleep, but I just kept pacing. I gave myself a headache from trying to figure out the web of lies he was laying out.

The door opening interrupted my thoughts. "Dinner time." The guard said. Sydney sat up expectantly, and I waited for him to bring the food to us. "No, you eat out here now. No more VIP treatment." He laughed coldly and stood outside the door, waiting for us. We followed him through a set of corridors, all lined with cells, then up another set of stairs and into a small cafeteria. There was a buffet line directly in front of us, and long square tables stood in skewed rows between us and it.

The guard left us, and I looked around for Sydney, but realized she was already walking towards the food line. I hesitated, but followed her. I didn't really have a choice after all. I stood in line behind Sydney, and we followed the group of prisoners through the cue. The woman behind the counter handed me a tray of what looked like some sort of stew, but it was grey instead of brown and it smelled terribly. She looked downtrodden and exhausted. The workers must be prisoners also. She looked so familiar, but I couldn't place her face. I shook it off, she probably just reminded me of someone from back home.

The next man handed us some bread and water to have as sides for our stew, and when we reached the end of the line, there was a man sitting there with a piece of paper and a pen, asking for names. Sydney passed him first, and waited for me on his other side.

"Name and ID please?" He asked, staring at the paper instead of me. He had on a white uniform. I guess this job was too important for just another prisoner, so they had a peacekeeper taking names. I looked down at the numbers that decorated my arm. I assumed this is what he meant.

"Uhm..Katniss Everdeen, number 1355." His head snapped up, and his eyes narrowed. Then a smile crossed his lips.

"So I guess the rumors are true." He said. "We've captured the Mockingjay."

I noticed then that the room had gone completely silent. I hadn't picked up on it, but before there had been a slight buzz of activity, what with people moving around and eating. Now I couldn't hear the scrape of forks on plates or the shuffle of prisoners moving through the line. I looked around the room, and every single person's eyes were on me.

No one moved. No one breathed. It felt like time was standing still. I looked from face to face, trying to gauge whether or not I was among friends or enemies. I noticed a little girl who couldn't have been older than six sitting with a man and a woman who looked so familiar. As I looked at each person, I got this nagging feeling that I knew some of them from somewhere. I looked back at the woman serving food, and my eyes widened. I did know them. I lived with them. These prisoners lived in district thirteen.

The woman had served me lunch every day in the mess hall where I ate with my team. The girl was a neighbor of my mother and sister. Why were they here? Snow said he hadn't captured thirteen. The silence around me was deafening. I could hear my own heart beating in my chest. They were all staring at me, and I could see the Peacekeepers closing in around us. I guess they were prepared for the sight of me to start a riot.

"Come on Katniss." I heard Sydney at my shoulder. She turned me around and pushed me towards one end of the cafeteria. I followed her, and I could hear the noises creep back into the room.

We sat down at the end of one of the long rectangular tables as far away from anyone else as we could. I kept my head in my plate, refusing to look at anyone. I felt someone standing next to me, and I looked up. A boy who looked to be about fifteen stood to my left, looking at me eagerly. A woman was with him. She stood across the table next to Sydney. "Can…can we sit here?" He said with a stutter.

"Uh…" I looked at Sydney, but she just stared back at me blankly. She had no clue what was happening either. "Sure." They sat down next to us, and we continued to eat in silence for a while. I didn't know what to say. What did these people expect of me?

"So…you..you're the M-M-M-Mockingjay?" The boy asked shyly. He had bright blue eyes and jet black hair. His glasses were square and crooked, and he had a large bruise over his left eye.

"Katniss." I shot back at him. He looked a little taken aback, and I realized that I had snapped at him. "My name is Katniss." I held out my hand. "Katniss Everdeen."

He grabbed it and shook. "I'm J-J-James." His head shook a little, and I noticed that his leg had a nervous twitch. I looked at the woman across from him, and she smiled at me.

"Excuse my son." She said softly. "When he arrived here, he accidently knocked over a set of expensive gels in the production room, so they electrocuted him as punishment. I'm Caitlin by the way." She finished, offering me a handshake.

"That's awful." I couldn't believe the cruelness of the Capitol. I looked back at James, but he stared at his food. He was skinny as a wire, and I realized that all of them were. The Capitol was starving these people. "So…where are you from?" I asked. I didn't really know what else to say.

She held out her arm. She had an engraving just like mine, except hers read 1324. "District thirteen of course." She said matter of factly. "The first two numbers are your district. The second two are just the order you arrived here." I looked at James, and he held out his arm. 1325. I noticed that Sydney was looking at her arm, and she showed me her number. 1354.

"Why are you here? No offense but you don't exactly look like soldiers."

She laughed. "We aren't, don't worry. We were part of a search party."

"A search party?" Sydney asked, speaking for the first time. "For what?"

James looked confused. "W-w-well. For you two of course."

I looked at Sydney and she stared back at me. I could see the guilt written across her face, and I knew that I wore the same expression. They had been captured while looking for us?

"Why were you looking for us?"

"Everyone thinks you're dead." Caitlin answered. "When you didn't come back from the woods, they went crazy looking for you. They sent search parties out to comb the area. The guards knew you had gone out there, but when you didn't come back they alerted President Coin. They thought you got eaten by some animal. We were captured on the outskirts of thirteen when we got isolated from our search group."

"So you're all from thirteen? You were all captured looking for me?" I asked, dumbfounded. Caitlin shook her head. 

"No no. There are only twenty of us from thirteen. The prisoners around you are from all of the different districts. The man who hands out bread is from five. That man over there," she pointed to a bulky man sitting alone at a table across the room, "he's from two. There are at least ten prisoners from each district. They were captured in various battles or raids during the rebellion."

"They stopped the search." I looked to my right. A small girl who couldn't have been older than fourteen sat down on my other side. "I'm from nine and was just captured about four days ago. They had all of the districts searching for you. President Coin said that you were either dead, captured, or you had run away, so we should stop looking. She claimed that you would turn up eventually."

Sydney was staring hard at her plate. Coin hated me, but Sydney was her daughter. Coin had just given up on her. "Don't worry. Not everyone gave up." The girl smiled slyly at us. "Your boyfriends have been to every district looking for you. They've been begging people to help, and there are rewards for information." Peeta was still looking for me. I knew he wouldn't give up, but I guess the better question was why was President Snow keeping this a secret? I would think that he would be gloating about his capture, but apparently the only people who knew we were here were the guards.

She had said boyfriends. That meant Gale was out looking for Sydney too. If Peeta wasn't enough, I knew Gale would be. Nothing could stop him when he was determined. "I'm Lexie, by the way." She said to us. Sydney took the opportunity to introduce herself to the group, and more people came up and joined us. There was Omega from district six, and and old woman named Silvia from district eight. A dark skinned man with an extremely deep laugh was sitting next to Sydney. He said he was from district eleven, but he only introduced himself as Pain. I saw Sydney raise her eyebrows, and she seemed to regret the giant comment she had made when he sat down.

We talked for a while. They asked me about what was happening on the inside with the war. They asked me about Peeta, and Sydney told them stories of our training and the progress that was being made in the rebellion. I thought the Peacekeeper's would care about us discussing the rebellion, but they just stood there like statues, making sure that no one got too rowdy.

By the end of dinner, I had met at least twenty people from varying districts. Sydney and I said goodbye to our new friends and headed back to our cell. "Well that was interesting." Sydney said once the door closed.

"I still don't understand why they're doing this. The last time I was presented to the public, I started a rebellion."

"There's nothing we can do about it." She said. "We don't really have a choice but to go along with whatever they're planning, so we might as well just cooperate. For now at least."

I sighed and climbed up onto my bed. I was really close to the ceiling, so I laid on my side. "They were looking for us." She said. I could hear the smile in her voice. "Gale and Peeta. They didn't give up on us, even when my mother did."

"I knew they wouldn't." I said. A sadness overwhelmed me. "Can I tell you something?" I asked.

"You know you can." Sydney answered.

"We're engaged. Peeta and I." I whispered. "No one knows. He proposed to me the night of the ball. Well I guess…I sort of proposed to him. We just didn't want to wait anymore." I sighed. "Now we're going to be lucky if we ever see each other again."

"Wow…congratulations." She laughed. "I guess. The circumstances kind of suck, but I'm happy for you. Especially now that I know all those adorable stories about his undying devotion to you."

I laughed a little, but I felt the tears start to roll down my cheek. Now that I had said it out loud, it was more of a reality. I was never going to see Peeta again. I was never going to be married to him. I didn't have a future.

"Katniss…" I tried to stifle my tears so she wouldn't hear me. I heard her bed squeak. She stood up and leaned her elbow on my bed.

"We're going to get through this." She said, putting her hand on my shoulder. "I promise. We're going to make it out of this alive. We're going to make it back to them. You're going to marry Peeta and everything is going to be wonderful again." I tried to smile, but my lips shook. "And I am definitely going to be in your wedding, but only if I don't have to wear yellow." She looked down at her prison clothes. "Its definitely not my color."

I rolled onto my back and laughed. I laughed so hard that I kept on crying. She realized how ridiculous it was, and laughed with me. Eventually, I calmed down and let out a final chuckle. "You're unbelievable." I said. I hugged her. I was so happy I had Sydney. I would have gone insane by now without her. "Thank you."

"For what?" She asked.

"For keeping me alive. For keeping me sane. For helping me survive this."

"We help each other." She said. "If you've got my back." She sat back down on her bed. "Then I've got yours." She repeated the words she had said the first day we met. I realized that we had been a team ever since then. As much as I was unwilling to accept it back then, I had formed an unbreakable bond in that combat simulator.

The next day, we were sent off to work in the factories Caitlin had talked about. I got stationed next to James, and he nervously talked to me all day long. I got used to his stutter after a while, and he was really a nice kid. He talked about his dogs and his sister, and how if his eye sight was better he would have joined the army. He told me that he worked in the technology department instead because he was more brain than brawn.

"I work with electronics." He said, while we sorted clothing into piles by size.

"Do you know Beetee?" I asked quickly.

"Yeah! He's my boss. We work on developing new technology. Weapons, shields you name it. He's a really great guy. I've never spoken to him, but he's my hero. You should see the stuff he comes up with. He's a genius." James rambled. I had to laugh at him. I didn't think Beetee would ever be anyone's hero, but there was no arguing that he's a genius.

"Maybe when we get back I'll introduce you to him." Beetee would love that. He didn't have many admirers. James reminded me of him, what with the twitch and the obsession with technology.

"That'd be amazing!" He exclaimed. "You know him?"

I stared at him, confused. Had he not seen the games? Sydney had told me she watched them every year. "Yeah. We competed together in the Quarter Quell."

"O. I wouldn't know. I've never seen the Hunger Games. I've heard tales of it of course, including how you almost swallowed those berries and killed yourself and that boy. Only the superiors in district thirteen watch the games. They keep the rest of us away from the horror."

So none of them had to go through it. I would say they were privileged, but I had to remember that they lived underground like moles and most of their district was destroyed by the Capitol, so I guess they didn't live the most amazing of lives, but James seemed satisfied enough with his. I let him talk. It was nice to not have to answer. He just babbled on and on, and was content with me listening in silence.

This was my new routine. Wake up, work, eat, sleep, repeat. It was better than sitting in a cell all day, but they punished us more here. If you made one mistake, they beat you or whipped you. I ended up accumulating so many bruises that I stopped keeping count. Sometimes it wasn't even for doing something wrong. Sometimes it was just because you looked at them the wrong way, or they just didn't like you.

The blond girl, Lexie, from district nine also worked with us in the factories. I discovered that she was actually thirteen, and she had quite the attitude. She said she had been put in solitary confinement twice since she got here. Since she had only been here for about a week, she felt it was an achievement. Sydney got along with her particularly well, and they spent most of the day making fun of the Peacekeeper's behind their backs.

I discovered that Pain, the man I had met from district eleven, had a son who was also working at the prison. He worked in shipping zone, where packages came in from around the Capitol. It was mostly lifting extremely heavy boxes and crates, so because Pain's son was lean and strong, he got to stay here. I ran into him when I brought a package that had to be delivered to the outskirts of the Capitol. They had to be taken by armored truck because the rebel forces were pushing the border, and it was a constant danger zone.

"Thanks." I said as he took the box from my arms. It wasn't too heavy, put it felt good when he relieved me of the weight. He nodded at me and took the package to the truck. I followed him. "You're Pain's son right?" It was hard to keep up with him because he had such long legs.

"Yeah. So?" He said harshly.

"I've just…I work with him, and he mentioned you, so I just thought I would say hello and introduce myself—"

"I don't need an introduction." He spat at me. "You're Katniss Everdeen. The champion of Panem. Everyone's hero. Trust me. I know who you are."

Why did he seem so angry? I had offended a lot of people, but district eleven was on our side. Shouldn't he support me? "Did I do something to offend you?"

"I'm not your biggest fan is all." He answered. "Sorry if that offends you your highness, but not all of us are here to kiss your ass."

"Ok…sorry. I don't expect you to—"

"Thresh was my best friend." I looked at him, stunned. Thresh saved my life in the first hunger games, and had paid for it with his own when Cato took out his revenge on him. "O Thresh?" I must have looked confused, even though I wasn't. "Maybe you don't remember him. He saved your life in the seventy fourth hunger games, then he died. You probably can't keep track of all the people that sacrifice themselves for you though. I mean, they practically trip over each other to try and save your life."

"Look, I didn't forget Thresh. In case you don't remember, I thanked him and Rue when I visited your district. I'll never forget their sacrifice. I couldn't."

"Of course I remember your fake apology. You survived. What do you have to apologize for? You got to live, and in exchange my best friend died. Does it affect you? No. You just keep getting yourself back into trouble. You don't care who sacrifices themselves for you. Well someday, there won't be anyone there for you, and your recklessness will get you killed." He brushed past me and walked over to the next truck. I just stood there in silence. During the Victory Tour, I had dreaded going to district two because I had killed both of their tributes, but I had never considered the indirect deaths that I caused for the tributes from other districts.

That night, when I was trying to fall asleep, I couldn't stop thinking about what Pain's son had said. "Sydney." I hissed. I didn't know if she was asleep. She usually fell asleep after me and woke up before me, so I didn't know if she was a light sleeper or not.

"Yeah?" She asked. She answered right away, so I knew I didn't wake her.

"Would you die for me?" I asked honestly. I didn't know what I was expecting her to say. I figured she would say yes, but part of me didn't want her to. I thought of all of the people whose deaths I had caused. Rue, Thresh, Clove, Marvel, Cato, Glimmer, Foxface, Wiress, Mags, Craig. All of their deaths were on my hands. I don't know what I would do if one more person died for me.

"Of course I would, Katniss." She answered like my question was ridiculous. "And I know you'd do the same for me. What's bothering you?" I told her about Pain's son, and how I knew what he said was true. It had to be. I was disappointing everyone who had sacrificed their lives for me.

"Yeah. That's Emanuel. I talked to him a few times. He seemed opinionated, and he was talked with a lot of anger. Don't take it too hard. Yeah, people have died for you, but you didn't kill them. You can't see it that way, or you'll go insane. You can't convince everyone to love you."

"You do." I answered. "Everyone we meet loves you. They love me because I'm the Mockingjay. They love who they think I am, but people love you because of who you actually are."

She laughed. "You just don't see it." She said. "You inspire them. You give them hope. They think you're going to lead them in some sort of riot and break us all out of here."

I just sighed. I couldn't lead a riot. I wouldn't know where to start. After three weeks in this prison, I still had no idea if I was going to get out. President Snow hadn't called on me again, and I hadn't received any more information from Peacekeepers or guards. Maybe I should start a riot. At least it would get his attention and remind him that I was still here. I wondered if Peeta was still looking for me, or if Snow had finally come out and said he had me as his captive. I had no connection with the outside world, and after Sydney and I got here, they hadn't brought in any new prisoners who could possibly give us information.

"I don't know what to do." I said finally.

"Well whatever you decide, I'm with you. I think sleep is a good start though." I heard her roll over, and decided not to say anything. She was right. I was exhausted. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep again. Being beaten by guards and spending twelve hours a day doing slave labor had taken its toll on me. Sydney's words had made me feel better. She was like Peeta in that sense. They both had a way with words that I knew I would never develop. I closed my eyes and fell into a restless sleep.

When I woke up, light was streaming through the bars in our cell door. I found that odd, because usually the guards woke us up before lights on in the morning so we could get ready and go to work. "Hey Sydney, did the guards come by and say we didn't have to work today?" I asked. She didn't answer me. "Sydney?" I said again. Still silence.

I hopped out of bed, and realized that she wasn't in the bunk below me. I was alone. I panicked. I went to the door and banged on it. "Anyone out there?" I yelled. Silence. I tried to look out the barred window, but there was no one on the other side. I punched the wall in frustration. Why did it always seem like I was the last one to know what was happening?

I tried to weigh the possibilities. They could have taken Sydney again to torture her, but then why was I still here? That wouldn't stop me from working. They could have sent her off to work and were going to torture me, but they why was no one coming for me? My stomach was in knots. Nothing about this situation was good. Something was about to happen.

I paced the room for hours. I tried to lay back down on my bed, but I could sit still. I sat on the floor against the wall, but the anxiousness made me pace again. Finally, someone opened the door.

"What's happening?" I asked the guard who entered the room. "Where's Sydney?" He didn't answer me, he only grabbed my shoulder and pulled me out of the room. We marched down the hallway, and I noticed it was eerily quiet. I figured everyone was at work, but when the guard led me past the factory, it was completely empty. No one roamed the hallways going from place to place. For the first time since I had arrived here, everything was still.

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"Its time. President Snow has decided what he wants with you." My heart dropped. So here was the moment of truth. I didn't ask any more questions. I didn't want to know. I had known it would happen eventually, but I had pushed it out of my mind in fear. As I walked down the hallway, I knew I was most likely marching to my death. I expected to feel afraid. I expected to panic again, but I didn't. I only felt determined. In that moment, I knew what I had to do. I had to stand up to President Snow, even if it meant my life.

We reached the end of a hallway, and the Peacekeeper pointed through a door. "Shower and dress." He said. "Then come back out here. Be quick."

I walked through the door. This was no disgusting prison shower like the one I had used when Sydney and I had gotten out of the bottom cell. This was similar to the shower I had in the tribute building. When I stepped out, I smelled like flowers and apples. It was weird to be clean after all this time. I looked around for the clothes I was supposed to wear, and found a bright red, strapless dress with shiny silver detailing hanging on a hook by the door. I dried myself with a fluffy towel that sat next to the shower, and slipped the silk dress over my head.

It felt strange against my skin. It was so different than the rough prison clothes I was used to. Snow was dressing me up, but for what? No doubt I would be on camera. But what would I be doing? I sighed and slipped on the heels that had been sitting below the dress. There was no use guessing. It would only give me a headache.

I headed back into the hallway and the Peacekeeper led me into an elevator. When we immerged at the top floor of this building, he immediately handed me off to a group of people decked out in the typical insane Capitol clothing. They put my hair in a half up/ half down braid. It looked good, but it was nothing compared to what my prep team could do. They plucked my eyebrows and smeared my face with makeup. It all felt eerily familiar, and I hated it now just as much as I always did, if not more.

"Time to go!" I heard the Peacekeeper say. The prep team scoffed and put some finishing touches on my face before I was pulled out of the chair and led towards some sort of balcony that overlooked a huge runway, lined on either side by long rows of seats filled with people. "Thirty seconds." I heard a voice say hurriedly. The Peacekeeper shoved me into the first plain silver chair next to a larger ornate one that was in the center of the balcony. The people who had been standing around chatting on the balcony took their seats in the row to my right and left.

'Twenty seconds." The voice said. What was happening? Was I about to be on some television show? Was I going to be paraded around like Peeta had? I looked behind the curtain that I had come through, and President Snow walked out onto stage. He sat down next to me in the fancily decorated throne.

"Hello, Ms. Everdeen." He said coldly.

"What are you going to do with me?" I asked him. What game was he playing?

"I'm going to let you experience a very familiar event from a very different point of view." He answered. What was that supposed to mean? A very familiar aevent?

"Ten seconds!" The voice shouted. I looked around me, trying to see if any of this rang a bell. It was all familiar, but I was used to being dressed up and thrown in front of a camera. Something was different. It was all too eery, like I was having an extreme case of déjà vu. I gasped. I felt like I was going to be sick. I knew what was happening. The bright lights. The cameras. The long runway that looked like it was meant for cars. _No. Not cars_. I realized, my heart filling with dread. _Chariots_.

"We're live!" The voice from behind the curtain shouted. I heard a speaker crackle, and the audience in the bleachers cheered.

"Citizens of the Panem!" I heard a Caesar Flickerman's voice boom out over us. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't be back here. Not again. I had stopped this. "Welcome to the seventy-sixth annual Hunger Games!"


	20. Chapter 20

Note: I was going to break this into two chapters, but it didn't work out that way. For those of you who want more Peeta, he'll either be in the next chapter or the one after that. I was thinking of doing a POV chapter from him, but I wanted to stick with just Katniss for consistency.

I couldn't breath. I couldn't formulate a thought. I didn't know what was happening. This had to be a nightmare. I was asleep in the in a bunk bed above Sydney. I would wake up and go to work and wait for Peeta to rescue me. The Hunger Games were over. I had stopped them. This couldn't be real.

"Now let's welcome our tributes!" I heard Caesar Flickerman say in his overly hyper announcer voice. As much as I didn't want to believe it, it was real, and it was happening. Right now. But what was my role in all of this? I was sitting on the balcony, not in a chariot waiting to be shown off to the world, so I definitely wasn't a tribute. Maybe I was here as a punishment. They would force me to watch the games and relive my nightmares.

"What is going on?" I hissed at President Snow as the first few chariots began to roll down the runway. There were no fancy costumes or specifics from the district this year. Each district just had a color. One was gold. Two was silver. Three was green. They were dressed up, but it wasn't as much of a spectacle. The chariot parade lacked its usual luster and fervor.

"You see Ms. Everdeen." He whispered back to me. "The people in District Thirteen have never had the privilege to experience the Hunger Games. They haven't had the chance to see just how much control we can have over our subjects, so we decided to give them a Hunger Games. If they want to rejoin this society, they'll rejoin it fully."

I clenched my fists. It seemed like all the effort I had made was for nothing. "So what am I doing here? I'm assuming I'm not going to be a tribute for the third year in a row." He couldn't do that to me. It would be ridiculous and the people wouldn't stand for it.

He smiled. "Of course not. I said you would get a new perspective on things didn't I? You will find out soon enough what your role is in all of this."

"So you just expect me to go along with your games? You obviously have learned nothing President Snow. I'm not going to assist you in any way." Seven, blue. Eight, purple. Nine, orange. The girl looked familiar. Her blond hair flapped in the wind, and I realized I knew her. It was Lexie. The girl from the factories. Ten came by…brown. Eleven, yellow. Was that Emanuel? I suddenly realized that I recognized all of the tributes. They were all prisoners who had lived and worked with me for the past three weeks. That explained why he had moved us. He wanted me to make friends with these people, so he could kill them in front of my eyes. "You're delusional if you think I'm going to sit by and watch this happen."

He turned and looked straight into my eyes. "I think you'll find that you don't have much of a choice." He gazed back at the chariots, and I tried to decipher what he said. I slowly swiveled back to the chariot parade, dreading what I would find. What I saw was worse than I could possibly imagine. The next chariot was district twelve, decked out in red. Inside stood a boy who I recognized from school. He was two years younger than I was, so I didn't really know him. It wasn't him I cared about though. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I stood up from my seat and ran to the edge of the balcony. "Prim!" I shouted. I could hear the panic in my voice. I no longer cared about being calm. They had my sister. "Prim!"

I felt a Peacekeeper grab me around the waist and pull me away from the edge. I fought against him, but he was too strong. He forced me back into the chair and held me down. I heard President Snow chuckle. "I'm afraid there is no volunteering in these games." He said, a smile spreading across his thing lips. "O wait! It gets even better."

I forced myself to look back at the chariots. My breath came in quick gasps. I was so shocked I couldn't cry. One more chariot pulled out onto the runway. The boy was James, and to my horror, the girl standing next to him was Sydney. They were clothed in black. The tributes from district thirteen. "How…how…how."

"All in good time my dear." Snow said, adjusting his color.

"Snow in three…two…one…" I saw the camera-man point at him. He got up and approached the podium. I realized that you must have been able to see me on screen now, but I couldn't pull myself together. I just stared at the ground, mouth agape. I couldn't look at my little sister or my best friend, because then I would have to face the fact that only one of them could make it out of this alive.

"Welcome citizens of Panem!" President Snow said, raising his hands to calm the cheers. "We weren't planning on having a Hunger Games this year, but at the last moment, we decided that wouldn't be fair to the people of district thirteen!" His voice boomed out over the crowd. "They have decided to graciously rejoin us, so we need to give them a proper introduction to life in Panem! District Thirteen, welcome to the Hunger Games!" The crowd cheered and whooped. I could feel their excitement, and it sickened me.

"We have another surprise for you." He said with a wicked grin. "You may have noticed a very special guest on stage with me. This year, our preparation was quiet hasty, so the selection of a head game maker had to be delayed. I created the arena myself, but I figured we could use someone more…experienced…as our head game maker this year. Someone who has been there. Someone who has survived it. No. Not this. It couldn't be. "Ladies and gentlemen, help me welcome the winner of the seventy-fourth annual hunger games and your new head game maker, Katniss Everdeen!" My head jerked up and I glared at President Snow. I couldn't process what was happening. Head game maker? It couldn't be. I wouldn't do this. I heard the crowd cheer, but I didn't look at them. I didn't take my eyes off of him.

Eventually, he turned the crowd back to himself. "This years games will have to be more hurried than usual! The tributes will get two days to train, and will be evaluated in their private sessions on the second evening. Scores will be given out the next morning. Interviews will be conducted that afternoon. On the morning of the fourth day, the tributes will enter the arena! District Thirteen, welcome back. And to everyone else, Happy Hunger Games!" There was a final cheer, and the anthem of Panem played over the loud speakers. Everyone else had stood up, but I couldn't. I just sat there in stunned silence, unable to process what was happening to me.

The camera's turned off, and the show was over, but the nightmare was only beginning. I saw President Snow start to walk off the stage. I thought about running up and tackling him. Trying to kill him with my bare hands right now, but what would that do? The Peacekeepers would be on me, and I would just be forced to do what I had always done. Obey.

"How did you get my sister?" I demanded, running after him.

"O it was simple enough. I actually didn't ask for your sister directly. I was going to rely on the fact that your friend was here to gain leverage over you, but imagine my delight when Primrose Everdeen turned up on my doorstep." His voice was cold as ice and sharp as knives.

"You didn't answer my question."

"I asked your lovely President for volunteers. I offered her an exchange. One boy and girl between the ages of twelve and eighteen who were originally from district twelve, in exchange for fifty prisoners of war to be released from custody. There was a meeting. The prisoners were exchanged. It was all very neat." Coin had done this. She had given him Prim. It could have been anyone. There were dozens of girls from district twelve, but she had chosen Prim. Of course she had. She was sending me a message.

"And you expect me to be head gamemaker? You expect me to kill these innocent people? Not a chance President Snow." I wouldn't do this. I wasn't evil like he was.

He turned on his heel and sighed in frustration. "You don't seem to understand me Ms. Everdeen. I think you'll want to agree with whatever I say, because if you don't, I will kill your sister as soon as she steps one foot off of that platform, but if you listen to me and become game maker, you'll have a chance to save her."

"And Sydney?" I didn't want her to die. He said she was leverage over me, and he was right. I wouldn't let her suffer. I would do everything to protect her.

"Well as we know, there can only be one winner, so I guess you'll have to choose who it is. Either way works for me. Learn to play nice Katniss, it'll end better for you." He walked away from me without another word. I tried to find a staircase and make my way down to the tributes. I had to see Prim and Sydney. I had to talk to them.

Unfortunately, it didn't seem like I would be able to. Another Peacekeeper was at my side in moments, and he led me to my room. I stepped inside and heard the door shut behind me. It was a smaller room than the other one I had stayed in as a tribute, but it was just as decorated and fanciful. I slipped my dress off over my head and walked to what I assumed was the bathroom. I pulled the shower door open, and turned the water on as hot as it would go. I washed myself off. Everything was a blur. I wasn't exactly sure how I got here. It felt like some bizarre dream, like I was watching this happen to someone else. All of a sudden, the emotions I had been pushing away hit me all at once, and I began to sob.

I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. Tears mixed with water and flowed down my face. It would never end. Every time I thought I was safe or thought I knew what was happening, some thing blew by me and changed all of that. I hadn't made any progress at all. Here I was, one year later, back in the Hunger Games. Only this time. I was the person who I had despised for my whole life. I was a game maker. I was being forced to become my biggest nightmare.

Suddenly, something snapped inside of me. Maybe it was the anger, maybe it was the fact that I was so tired of being controlled by these people, but I knew I had to suck it up. He was trying to break me, but I wouldn't give him that satisfaction. I would go along with his game. I would keep Prim and Sydney alive.

I got up and shut the water off, then I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I walked over to the bed and dropped the towel, slipping between the covers naked. The soft sheets felt good against my bare skin, and I was too emotionally exhausted to put effort into dressing myself. I thought about what Sydney must be doing right now. Probably laying in bed trying to figure a way out of this. I was glad we had talked about the games. It would give her a leg up on the competition.

Prim, on the other hand, had no chance. That was the reason I volunteered for her wasn't it? She couldn't fight. She wouldn't. It was up to me to keep her alive. Sydney could at least fend for herself. I wouldn't be surprised if she was part of whatever career pack was formed. I sighed. I had to start planning tomorrow. Planning out what I was going to do to save the people I loved.

When I woke up the next morning, breakfast and clothes were waiting for me. I put on the casual green dress they had set up for me, and put my hair into its signature braid. I slipped on a pair of flats, and quickly ate the food they set out for me. This was no prison food. It was pure Capitol excellence.

I heard a knock on my door, and I opened it to find one of my fellow game makers that I recognized from last night standing outside. His eyes were a strange purple color, and his hair and lips matched them. His face was as white as a sheet, and he was dressed in an odd suite that was cut in a mismatched pattern. Capitol fashion trends, I assumed. "Ms. Everdeen." His voice was soft and cat-like. "The training is about to begin." He held his arm out, but I refused it, and he led the way down the hall, taken aback. Manners were a huge deal here, and he was offended. I didn't really care. I was only putting up with this for Prim.

We stepped onto the platform that rested slightly above the training center. There was a buffet with more delicious food, and our fellow game makers stood around chatting. Everyone stopped when we entered, and greeted me with the fakest set of smiles I had ever seen. I returned the favor, gritting my teeth behind my tight smile.

The tributes slowly started to show up. Emanuel was the first to arrive. He had a hard look on his face, and he didn't look at us when he entered. He just stood at the front of the room and waited for instructions. The tributes from three were next, then four and seven. The girl from eleven arrived after that, and behind her, Prim stepped off of the elevator.

My eyes widened and I started to step towards her. "Prim…" I said. I needed to go to her. I needed to see her, and assure her that everything was ok. I felt a hand on my forearm.

"I wouldn't." The man from this morning said. I wrenched free of him and started to walk towards Prim, but he pulled me back again. "The force-field." He said, pointing in front of me. It was invisible, so I had forgotten it was there. I had caused it to be put up after all, and now that he pointed it out, I heard the dull thrum coming off of it. I just stared at Prim, and she gazed back at me with wide eyes. She looked so small dressed in the black clothes of a tribute and standing next to Emanuel. I felt like I was going to throw up. I hated Coin for putting her into this. She was just a child.

The rest of the tributes filed in one by one and finally, Sydney stepped off of the elevator. Her jaw was clenched, and she glared at the ground. I couldn't tell if she was angry or determined or both. Anger was good. It would give her drive. Eventually, the woman who was in charge of training got their attention and told them the rules. The training would be compacted because we had such a brief period of time. She told them about the different stations, and gave them the all-important reminder to make sure you hit the survival skills. Then, the tributes spread out and began their training.

A wall of Peacekeepers stood between us and the tributes, and I noticed Sydney kept glancing over at me. She looked like she wanted to try to talk to me, but she didn't want to risk going against all of the guards. We made eye contact, and her look seemed to say '_I'll be fine.'_ I nodded at her and she turned back to her training. She did this often, looking at me for approval or suggestions, and I would nod in one direction or another, reminding her which stations were most important to visit. She already had the combat skills, so I made sure she hit each survival station.

Prim on the other hand, had to try her hand at every one. She didn't have the combat background that Sydney did, so she had to try and cram everything in. She wasn't very good at it the sword, spear, or bow and arrow stations, and I wasn't surprised. Prim couldn't hurt a fly, and I cringed when I watched her try to throw a spear at a dummy. She excelled at the survival stations though, and she was quick and agile, so at least it wasn't totally hopeless.

She was struggling at the knife throwing station. She had no idea what she was doing, and I could see her getting frustrated with herself. That wasn't good. One of the worst things you could do when trying to learn something new was put yourself down. She missed the target completely for the fifth time ina row, and I could see the other tributes looking at her like a piece of meat. She was an easy target for them. I wanted to tell her what I told Peeta, that she had to show off her strong points, but I knew that wasn't much. She could heal, but that didn't really help in a situation where the tributes were trying to kill each other.

I noticed Sydney put down the bow and arrows she was working with and head over to Prim, ignoring the stares of the other tributes. She knelt down next to my sister and picked up a knife. "You have to get the balance right." Sydney instructed, pointing to the weapon in her hands. "Hold it by the handle, and feel where the center is, then when you throw, its all in the wrist. Just give it a flick and let it fly." She pulled her arm back and let the knife go. It sliced through the air and stuck right in the center of the dummy target. "Try it."

I saw Prim pick up a knife and weigh it in her hands. Then she reared her arm back and threw. It didn't rotate as cleanly as Sydney's had, but it hit the target with a clean thud. Sydney smiled approvingly, and led Prim over to the next station. They stuck with each other for the rest of the day. Sydney forgot her own training and focused on helping Prim. I didn't know if they would team up in the arena, but Sydney's attention had driven away the other tributes. They were smart enough to know Sydney was the biggest threat in the arena.

James was also struggling. Sydney tried to help him too, but his twitch prevented him from doing much of anything combat related. He tried his hand at plant recognition, but his memory was shot. I knew that he wouldn't last long, and the thought made me upset. James was such a nice kid. I remembered our conversations in the factory. How I had promised he would meet Beetee, but I knew that wouldn't happen now. James was going to die in the arena, and there was nothing I could do. He had to die if Prim was going to win.

But didn't they all? As I looked around, I saw Emanuel hefting a spear straight through a wooden target. Lexie was learning to set traps and tie knots. These were people I knew. I didn't want to watch them die. I looked back at Sydney, who was teaching Prim how to handle a short sword. How could I let her die? _If you've got my back, I've got yours._ Her words echoed in my head. I thought how she had made me laugh even when I wanted to cry. I thought about how she had become my closest friend and greatest ally in a matter of weeks. I couldn't let her down. I wouldn't. Peeta and I had both made it out hadn't we? So I would make sure the same happened for Sydney and Prim.

That night, the game makers had dinner with President Snow. They all droned on about the strengths and weaknesses of each tribute, who they thought was going to win, their preliminary scores, and other things like that. They talked about who they thought the career pack would be this year, and it seemed to be a consensus that it would consist of Sydney, Emanuel, a boy from district four, and both tributes from districts one and two. I got to see what happened behind closed doors, and it was just as disgusting as I always pictured. The worst part was that they didn't seem to think they were doing anything wrong. They talked about the tributes like they were horses lined up for a race. These people weren't human beings to them. They were objects to be played with.

I couldn't blame them, just like I couldn't blame James for never having to deal with the Hunger Games. This is how they were raised. This was the only life they knew. They were all being brainwashed by President Snow. He was the puppeteer pulling on the strings of every single one of their heads. They danced below his fingers and did as he pleased. I heard him laughing and talking with the rest of them, but I just stared at my plate. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't look up. I didn't want to participate in this conversation. I was a game maker in front of the cameras, but that didn't mean I had to like it behind the scenes.

I walked back to my room with the same man as earlier, and I found out his name was Bartimaeus. He seemed kind enough, but he kept trying to talk to me about the tributes, and the only thing I could add to the conversation is how I thought it was disgusting to watch them train. It was like watching pigs being prepared for the slaughter. He stopped trying to talk to me after that, seeming to realize that I didn't think this was quite as much fun as he did.

The next day was more of the same, only this time, Sydney didn't follow Prim around as much. They were together sometimes, but Sydney eventually left Prim to fend for herself. Prim and James hung around the same stations, and I saw them begin to form a friendship. I was happy for that, even though I knew that James wasn't much of a fighter. Prim wasn't good on her own. She had gotten stronger over the past few years, but her old fears still hung with her. Having a friend in the arena would certainly help.

I saw Sydney mingle with the other tributes. She seemed to be making small talk, but I could tell she was carefully evaluating each person and choosing who she wanted as an ally. As predicted, Emanuel, the boy from four, and the tributes from one and two formed an alliance. Sydney was with them too, and while they believed they had her won over, I saw through her act. She made friends easily, but she also manipulated them well. I thought Sydney and I had pretty much everything in common, but this was one way we differed. When I had made my few alliances, they had been for good. I would protect the people with my life if they did they same. I could tell that Sydney was ready to be their friend until it was no longer in her best interest, then she would kill them at the first opportunity. She was playing the game, which is exactly what she was supposed to do.

At the end of the long day of training, the tributes were escorted out of the room, and then led back in one by one. We sat in our seats and watched each tribute try to show us how good they were. The boy from one, whose name was Alexei, could throw a spear thirty yards, and lift a three hundred pound barrel above his head. He was a huge hulk of a thing, and I was afraid for whoever had to face him in the arena. The girl from two was vicious. Her specialty was with a sword, which was unusual for a girl. She cut a dummy to ribbons, and demonstrated her abilities with grace.

They went by one by one. I took notes, but eventually I realized I didn't need to. I wouldn't forget these people. Their faces would be burned into my mind for all of eternity. These were the people I was sending off to die. As they walked past us and tried their hardest to impress us, I noticed my colleagues giggle at some, and guffaw at others. The tributes were often embarrassed. The girl from district seven actually broke into tears. I knew the stress, but I guess I dealt with it by shooting the game makers with an arrow as opposed to cracking under the pressure.

After the boy from nine, it was Lexie's turn. She nodded at me, then walked over to the knot tying station. She showed us some intricate knots that I didn't fully understand, but they looked impressive enough. Then, she went to the trapper station and showed how she could shoot a bow and arrow. When she was done at the bow station, she looked at me for approval. I smiled at her and gave her a secret thumbs up. She reminded me of Prim. They were the same age, but Lexie had something Prim didn't: the will to fight and the strength to survive.

The tributes from ten were nothing special, and I knew that neither of them would be a major threat. I realized now that I judged each persons performance based off of how they would size up against Sydney or Prim. Most of them could crush Prim with their bare hands, but she was smarter than they were. Some could fight with a sword or club, but most of them were about as intelligent as the plastic dummies they were swinging at. I hoped Prim found a way to show the rest of the game makers how smart she was. It would definitely help her score.

Of course none of them held a candle to Sydney. One boy tried to do hand to hand combat, and he was ok, but I knew she could kill him in a matter of seconds. She wouldn't have any trouble dealing with these people. I was happy about that, until it was Emanuel's turn.

When he stepped into the room, he warmed up a little, then threw around some spears and some heavy barrels. He was strong, but we could tell that just by looking at him. Finally, he asked for a partner to show us some combat sparring. He hadn't done any of that during the training, and once he started, I realized it was so that he didn't give away how good he was.

He took down his opponent in a matter of seconds. He was as fast as a snake, and just as ruthless. Every time the man came at him, he lashed back and took him down in some sort of complicated choke-hold. I was afraid for Sydney. I knew she would eventually have to fight him, and he was the only person that could stand up to her. It made me uneasy to think that if she got into a fight with him, she might not come out with her life.

The boy from district twelve came in. He was only thirteen years old, and was clearly intimidated. He tried to shoot a bow, but the arrow missed wide right. He threw a few knives, and they missed as well. Eventually he nodded his head and just walked out of the room before we could dismiss him. I sighed, thinking about how he wouldn't survive either. It killed me to sit here and evaluate these people, knowing that they would be dead in a matter of days.

Prim came next. I stood up when she entered the room and got as close to the force field as I dared. She waved at me, and she looked younger than ever. She was trying so hard to be strong, but all I could see is the little girl who I had volunteered for two long years ago.

She headed to the knife station first. She balanced the first one in her hand like Sydney had taught her, and threw it straight on target. Another one followed, and another. She wasn't as good as Clove, but when I looked around at my fellow game makers, they were nodding their heads in approval. My heart swelled with pride. Prim had a chance. Next, she went over to the healing station, and showed how she knew the right herbs to heal burns and cuts. She showed how to make a splint using two sticks and some leaves.

When she bowed and left the room, the game maker's clapped for her. Maybe I had a chance to convince them to give her a good score. I noticed that the hum of the force field had stopped, and I looked back at the other game maker's. Bartimaeus was standing against the wall, his hand on a small blue button. "What happens in here is a secret." He said quietly. "Go see your little sister." I didn't bother to thank him, there would be time for that later.

I ran down the steps and over to Prim. I hugged her to my chest and stroked her hair. "It's going to be ok Prim. I promise. Everything is going to be ok." She looked at me with wide eyes, and I could tell she was fighting back tears. "You've been brave Prim."

"I'm trying Katniss." She whispered. "I'm trying to be like you. You wouldn't give up, and neither will I."

"I promise I'm going to do whatever I can to help you, ok?" She nodded and buried her head in my shoulder. "Listen," I said, pulling her away and looking her in the eyes, "when you get into the arena, find water. Its most important. There is no one to promote you, so it'll be hard to get sponsors." Snow had decided not to have mentors this year, so a set of workers from the Capitol taught them the basic rules of the games. "You have to fend for yourself. Water is your best friend. Try to stick with James if you can, I think you can team up with him."

"What about Sydney?" She asked expectantly. "Do you think she'll team up with me?"

"I…I don't know Prim. She might. We'll see. She definitely won't try to kill you. She's my friend now." I stroked her hair again, and the Peacekeepers came for her. They pulled her away from me.

"Katniss!" She yelled, and it sounded so familiar to when I had been the one who was being led away.

"It'll be ok Prim. Be strong!" I said as she was being led out the door. "Find water! I love you." I shouted as the elevator door closed. I heard a muffled shout from behind the door, but I didn't get to hear what she said. I tried to pull myself together as I walked back to the game maker's stage.

I looked at the faces around me, and I could see that my love for Prim had won them over yet again. I sighed and sat down in my chair, resting my head in my hands. I would rather go back into the arena a hundred times before I had to watch my sister fight for her life against these people.

I looked up when James came in. He introduced himself, then went immediately to the camouflage station. He was actually pretty good. Not as good as Peeta, but I was slightly impressed. When he tried to throw a spear, his arm twitched violently, and the spear clattered to the ground about two feet away from him. He tried to get his limbs under control and show us a few traps, but his neck was twitching and his legs wouldn't stay still. A Peacekeeper grabbed him and half led, half carried him out of the room. I tried to comment on his good points, but the other game makers just scoffed at me.

I began to panic again. I liked James, but there was no way he would get a good score. The scores were everything when it came to sponsors, and without mentors, they would be one of the biggest selling points for the competitors. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath when the elevator door closed behind him. James didn't deserve this. None of them did.

My attention was pulled back to the training stage when the elevator doors opened again. It was time for the last tribute. Usually it was the girl from district twelve, but because of thirteen joining the pack, it would be their female tribute. It would be Sydney.

I remembered when it had been my turn, the game makers had barely paid attention until I shot them with an arrow, but this year, they were completely silent as she made her way across the floor to present herself to us. I heard footsteps behind me, and I snapped my head around. President Snow was lurking behind us. It was clear that Sydney was the tribute to watch. She was the enemy President's daughter after all, so I'm sure that Snow was planning something special for her demise, but I was head game maker, wasn't I? I had a chance to change that.

She stood in front of us and raised her head, her eyes glancing from game maker to game maker. She gave each of them an icy stare. Her gaze was cold and unyielding, and I knew that they were trembling in their seats. Sydney was frightening when she wanted to be, because she gave off that vibe that she would kill you in an instant without a second thought. Danger. That's what it was. Sydney was dangerous.

"Sydney Harper." She announced. "District Thirteen." Finally, her eyes rested on me. I could see the fear hidden deep beneath her hard outer mask, but I also saw something else, something far more important. I saw courage, and I saw the will to live. She walked over to the spear station and picked one up, weighing it in her hands. "Hey Katniss." She said, speaking like there was no one else in the room.

"Hey Syd." I tried to smile at her, but I couldn't. It suddenly hit me. The reality of Sydney's impending death. I had needed her. I had promised to keep her safe. I said I would have her back, but didn't she have to die to save Prim? I hoped to get them both out, but in the back of my mind, I knew what Peeta and I had done was a fluke. President Snow wouldn't let that happen again. I didn't want her to die. I put it out of my mind. I wouldn't think about that. Not now. Not while she was alive, standing right in front of me.

"So…long time no see." She said, hefting the spear at a dummy target. She hit it so hard that it broke the rope attaching it to the ceiling, and the dummy crashed to the ground. "How're you doing?"

The question was so nonchalant. I couldn't help but laugh. I could practically hear President Snow grinding his teeth. Small talk between game makers and tributes was not a normal thing, and I knew he hated every second of it. "I'm alright. Maybe a little bit stressed. How are you?" She chuckled at the sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"O I've been better. Counting down the hours until you die can really get to you." She answered. She threw a few more spears, and shot a bow and arrow. It was silent for a long time. No one dared to move. I could hear President Snow pacing behind us. Sydney requested a sparring partner, and showed off just how good she was at hand to hand combat. I had never seen someone move so quickly. It was like she could anticipate what he was going to do, and she had the perfect counter for it. I could see the game makers looking on with awe, and I knew it would take no convincing from me for them to give her a high school.

When she was done sparring, she went over to set up some traps. She was proving that she could do more than just fight. It was a good strategy. It showed she was well rounded. Suddenly, she stopped what she was doing, and her face got sad. I saw her clench her jaw and stare hard at the table in front of her. "Do you remember when I said that we were going to get out of this alive?" She said, once again speaking to me like I was the only person in the room. I felt tears come to my eyes. I couldn't have this conversation with her. "I don't think that's going to happen." She said. I saw her swallow hard, and try to hold back her own tears.

"Don't say that. You don't know—"

"I think we've seen enough Ms. Harper." President Snow said. "You can leave now." She looked like she was going to say something else, but she just nodded her head at me.

"Take care Katniss." She said in a near whisper. Then she turned on her heel and started to walk back to the elevator, her head hung. 

"You know Sydney." President Snow spoke again. I knew this tone. It wasn't good. I saw Sydney freeze. She didn't look back at us, she just stopped moving. "I spoke with your wonderful mother. I offered her a deal. I would cancel the games and save the lives of all of the tributes in them if she surrendered to us, and swore fealty to the true rulers of Panem, but she refused.I told her that we would be very forgiving in our punishment, and I reminded her that she could never win this war. I tried to use these games to show her that I always had control, but she wasn't having it."

He scoffed and I could hear the disdain in his voice. "I reminded her you were here. Her own daughter." At this, Sydney turned around and glared at him, eyes narrowed. "I told her that I could return you back safely, and you know what she did? She laughed at me. She told me she would turn you over to me and let you die a thousand times before she would give up her power. Those were her exact words. Not before she let the Capitol win. Before she gave up HER power. Interesting woman, President Coin. I truly feel for you, being raised by a woman who really doesn't care for you at all." Sydney's head had dropped. She was just staring at the ground. She didn't speak or nod her head or move. I hated President Coin in that moment. I hated her for how she had treated Sydney, and I hated President Snow for doing this to her.

She raised her eyes back up and to my surprise, she laughed. "You think I'm surprised?" She asked. "Shocked at her bluntness, maybe, but surprised? Not in the slightest. No one has ever given things up to save me, and I wouldn't expect them too. If I'm going to survive, I'm going to do it myself. And don't doubt for one second that I will fight every booby trap you set for me and every mutt that you send after me. If you think I'm afraid of you, Snow, you've made a grave mistake. I'm not afraid of anyone. Look at who I grew up with." She stared at him defiantly, and I could help but smirk. President Snow didn't look phased, but I knew this wasn't the reaction he was expecting. He didn't know Sydney, but I did.

"And Katniss," she said, walking backwards towards the exit, "if I don't survive this, give him" she pointed at President Snow, "hell. Make sure he remembers who I am." Then she did a grand bow for all the game makers. "Thanks for your…consideration." She said, winking at me. I remembered telling her about that. I didn't know what I felt for her at that moment. It was a mixture of pride and appreciation. I could never go back to who I was before I met her. Sydney had made me stronger, and I would fight just as hard as she was.

Immediately after she exited, the game makers were escorted into a long room with one rectangular table set in the middle. Large, cushioned chairs surrounded it, and I was pointed towards the head of the table. I sat down, and the rest of them followed me. I could tell that Sydney's attitude and performance had affected them because they were silent. You could hear a pin drop in that room. "Well, let's get started. The boy from one?" I said. Their moves improved when the scoring began, and soon enough they were just as loud and boisterous as ever.

The scoring process was unlike anything I had seen before. It was basically just a giant shouting match, with each person trying to convince the others to go for their score. One game maker with extremely long eye lashes and a shaved head kept arguing that the boy from district two should get at least a ten, but another game maker wearing leopard print clothing with nails sharpened into claws said that she thought he didn't deserve higher than an eight because he lacked survival skills and hunting training.

Any hopes I had of just sitting back and letting them fight it out were dashed immediately. I had to solve every dispute. As head game maker, my opinion mattered more than anything else, and if it was between two numbers, it was me who got to make the decision. I found out that there were more factors that went into these scores than I had previously discussed. The game makers talked about looks and personality. They fought over whether or not the person seemed "well put together" or whether they were beautiful enough to be a victor.

It disgusted me to hear them talk. They ruthlessly tore apart each and every contestant, pulling out weaknesses that I never would have noticed. I remembered that some of them had been doing this for years, so they had it down to an art. It took hours, but eventually we sorted it all out.

The tributes from one and two each got between and eight and a ten. The kid from four got a nine. Lexie ended up scoring a seven. Emanuel got an eleven. It wasn't even an argument. Everyone agreed that he was deadly, and he was one of, if not the, strongest tribute in the arena. When it came to Prim, they all looked at me hesitantly.

"Look." I said honestly. "I know she isn't going to get a ten. She's a fourteen year old girl who I've never seen fight before yesterday. So let's just be honest with each other. "

No one spoke. They either didn't know what to say, or they were taken aback by my willingness to give Prim a low score. I knew she needed sponsors, but I didn't want it to seem like she got her score based purely on the fact that she was my sister. "How about a seven?" The game maker with the claws suggested. "The knife throwing was impressive, and anyone would be lucky to have her on their team with her healing skills. She's a useful ally." Everyone seemed to agree, so I was happy when I stamped the number seven over Prim's name. It wasn't perfect, but it was good enough.

Everyone came to the consensus that James deserved a three. They had no sympathy for his condition, and I tried to argue, but they wouldn't budge on this one. I could have given him a higher score, but I didn't. I sighed when I stamped the number over his name.

Finally, the topic of Sydney came up. "We should give her a one." The man with the eyelashes exclaimed in a huff. "She disrespected President Snow. He'll never forgive us if we acknowledge her."

"Come on Naria." One of the women said. "The people of Panem might me gullible, but they aren't stupid. Everyone knows she's a threat, and giving her a one would just make this year's Games a huge joke. I think she deserves a ten. She's better than Emanuel, but she should be punished for being disrespectful." This started a full out war. They yelled across the table and screamed at each other. My head was pounding from the long day, and I just wanted to sleep. I knew there was only one score that would do for Sydney, and I was finally going to assert my power.

"Twelve." I said loudly. They quickly quieted down. "She gets a twelve. End of discussion. You know in your hearts she deserves it. I'm not arguing with you." I picked up the twelve stamp and slammed it down on her name, closing the booklet. "Goodnight." I finished sarcastically, walking out the door. I could hear them muttering behind my back, but I didn't care. I had told the truth.

I had another terrible night's sleep, and I woke up with deep bags under my eyes the next morning. We had argued through half the night, so I hadn't gotten to sleep until almost four in the morning, then I had to get up at eight to be ready for the score announcements. People cheered when Prim was given a seven, but they roared when Sydney was given a twelve. I could tell they were outraged, and I was glad. Let them be angry. I was subtly asserting the strength of district thirteen, and the grimace on Snow's face made me satisfied.

We were ushered into another room, this one with stadium style seating and a giant screen on one side. We spent two hours discussing the placement of the supplies around the cornucopia, then it was time for the interviews, and I guessed we watched from here. They played all the usual strategies. The guys from the career districts tried to be tough. Lexie played the cunning stealth strategy, much like Foxface had, but the interviews weren't the same. None of it had the same bravado as it did in the past. It was too quick. It wasn't fancy enough. The games were dying, and I think that the citizens of the Capitol were realizing that.

It was Emanuel's turn. He sat next to Caesar Flickerman, cold and unsmiling. When Flickerman asked what his strategy was in the games, he grunted. "I'll do whatever is necessary to win. I don't care who I have to kill. I won't have mercy for anyone, it doesn't matter whose sister they are." I gasped and gripped the arms of my chair. I could hear the audience murmuring behind him. Prim wasn't safe. I knew that much for sure. "Or whose friend for that matter." He stared right into the camera with his cool black eyes. "Katniss Everdeen killed my best friend, and I will gladly do the same for her." Caesar Flickerman tried to turn it into a joke, but you could tell that the tone of this games was not fun and playful. This was going to be a ruthless killing fest.

When it was Prim's turn, she played the innocent, but tough girl. She showed her bravery, and the people loved her. "So Primrose!" Caesar said in between the audience's guffaws at the story of Prim's goat. "Your sister is the head game maker. She was also on the games before you. How has that affected you and your strategy?"

She looked straight into his eyes. "I'm going to be brave like she was. Everyone says that I only have a chance because she'll do things to save me, but I want them to know that I won't just sit back and let her be responsible for my survival. I'm going to fight for my life, just as hard as she did." With that, she was dismissed from the stage, the audience's cheers erupting throughout the auditorium.

When Sydney's turn came, she played it off like she was a celebrity on some television show. She joked with Caesar about how she was a Hunger Games newbie, and she was so surprised that they got to live in such nice quarters. It reminded me of Peeta. Her natural chemistry with Flickerman was the same as his. They were both sly and likeable, and she won over the audience despite the fact that she was the enemy. "So…how has your experience in the Capitol been Sydney?"

She laughed. "Well, it was good. If you count being tortured to near death, thrown in a cell with barely any food, then forced to work in a factory twelve hours a day as good."

Caesar tried to play it off, but I could tell that the audience's curiosity was getting the better of them. "O you didn't know?" She said, addressing them directly. "I was kept hostage here for a long time. I was cell mates with Katniss Everdeen. You didn't know that either? You thought she was here voluntarily?" She rolled her eyes and looked into the camera. "I'm surprised that any of you are stupid enough to think that someone as great as Katniss Everdeen would ever work with someone as cruel as your 'President'-." She spit out the words with disgust, but the last part of her sentence was cut off. They immediately cut to the national anthem of Panem. It was another small victory for district thirteen, brought to us by Sydney.

What she said meant more to me than she would ever know. I didn't know if it was just for the cameras, but her opinion of me mattered more than anyone else's, except for Peeta. I didn't know what it was, but I wanted to do her justice. I didn't want to let her down. I would be strong for her and Prim and Peeta and my family, but most importantly for me. I had to prove to myself that I could be brave for them.

I walked back to my room alone tonight. The real test would begin tomorrow. I knew that I would have to make decisions that would mean life or death for some of these tributes. More deaths on my hands. More lives lost on my account. I don't know how, but I was able to sleep that night. I dreamt about Peeta. We were standing on the roof the night before the games. I hugged my knees to my chest and looked at him. "I just want to show them that they don't own me." I heard him say. He looked at me with those huge blue eyes, and I wanted to kiss him. I moved him and touched my lips against his. He wound his hands through my hair and pulled me towards him. Our kisses were feverish and urgent. "I love—" I started to say, but when I opened my eyes he was gone. My arms were empty. I fell to the ground and sobbed.

When I woke up, my eyes were dry. The pillowcase next to me was wet, and I assumed that I was crying in my sleep. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to face the harsh reality that my friends would die today, but I had to. I rolled out of bed and got dressed. My clothes were a pair of tight black pants and a red shirt with a black leather jacket that went over it. No more dresses and frills. It was time for the games to begin.

I was led to what I assumed to be the control room. It was a large, circular room, decked out in white so bright it blinded me. My fellow game makers were dressed in all white clothing as opposed to their usual colorful attire. They sat behind their desks, hands busily typing away commands. I stepped up to the chair that sat in the middle of the room overlooking a control panel. In front of me was a giant screen that I assumed would show me all of the action. It was split into a bunch of different pictures at the moment, showing each tribute arriving at the hovercraft. I looked to my left, and a similar screen decorated that wall, only this one had a picture of each tribute. They were all outlined in green circles.

"Green for good. Yellow for injured. Red with an X for eliminated." Bartimaeus said. He taught me the layout of the controls and what I was to be responsible for. "You can create whatever you want. There are no limits to what the arena can do. Your wish is our command, head game maker." He smiled at me, and I tried to squeak out a return smile, although I hated how he called me head game maker. All of these people were mine to control, but I didn't want them. I wasn't Coin or Snow. I didn't have the knack for manipulation, nor did I take pleasure in making people suffer, so this game maker job was not for me. Snow had done it to show his control over me, but Sydney had done a pretty good job of showing that it was completely involuntary, and I couldn't thank her enough for that.

Finally, it was almost time to begin. I watched the tributes make their way to the rooms that held the tubes. One giant picture at the center of the screen showed the Cornucopia, surrounded by the twenty six platforms. I noticed that they had just reused the arena from my games. I couldn't tell if it was to make it easier on me or because they didn't have time to make a new one, but either way I was glad. I knew this arena for the most part, but Bartimaeus told me there were some changes, so I was on the lookout.

I saw Prim walk over and step into her tube. I remembered being exactly where she was two years ago. I remembered saying goodbye to Cinna, and trembling as the tube had closed in around me and I was raised into the arena. Then, the counter started. "Sixty seconds." A mechanical voice bleeped over the loud speaker.

"Begin preparations." I announced. I had to show my authority. It was the only way they would take me seriously or listen to me. They typed away and began the initiation sequence for the tubes, simultaneously arming the mines that punished anyone for an early start.

"Forty seconds." The voice rang out.

"Raise them up." I heard President Snow's voice from behind me. "Let the games begin." I saw the tubes start to move, and the panicked faces of the contestants as they realized fully what was happening. Suddenly, I was no longer in the control room. I was in a tube, being raised onto that platform. I could see the Cornucopia so clearly. I could see Cato across from me, poised to charge as soon as the counter reached zero. I looked around for supplies, trying to decide whether or not to snatch the bow and arrow in front of me. I saw Peeta shake his head, and I knew that I would just run. I could feel my heart beating in my throat. I wasn't ready for this. I wanted to go home. I wasn't a tribute, I wasn't the Mockingjay, I wasn't a game maker. I was just Katniss Everdeen. The girl from district twelve. Gale's friend and Prim's sister. I didn't want to be special. I wanted to rewind to before any of this happened.

But I couldn't. What would I do without Peeta? I probably never would have met him. And without me, the rebellion wouldn't have happened. People would still be starving, and no one would have the courage to rise against the Capitol. I never would've met Sydney or Craig or Finnick. I never would have become the person I was today. I couldn't go back. I had too much to fight for.

"Twenty seconds." The voice said. I looked at the screen in front of me, my gaze jumping from tribute to tribute. A noise brought my attention over to the left side of the circle, and I saw James' leg buckle. His head twitched violently, and I saw his other leg jerk out from underneath him. _No_. I didn't realize what was happening until the ground exploded underneath him, and he was shredded into a million pieces before my eyes. James, with his kind words and his soft smile. I thought about Caitlin. Was she watching this? How did she react when her son didn't make it past the first minute?

I had strategically placed him next to Prim, hoping they would band together, but that was a poor decision. She stood there in shock, dirt covering her face and uniform. It was rare for a tribute to step off the platform before the buzzer went off, and everyone was taken aback, unsure of what to do. I was still stunned, trying to process that James was dead.

"Ten seconds." I thought about the prisoners who had shared his cell block. Would they miss him when he was gone.

"Nine." Would the people in district thirteen miss him? Did they even know him? What about President Coin?

"Eight." What would she do if Sydney died? Most likely nothing. She would fake like she was a grieving mother to win sympathy, but deep down she really didn't care.

"Seven." They were equally terrible. Coin and Snow. I hated both of them. I hated the control they had over me, and the cruelty they dealt out to Panem.

"Six." I hated the games most of all. I hated what they did to people. They took people's brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, and friends, and killed them in front of the entire nation.

"Five." It was more than a sick game. They couldn't go on. Snow would be stopped. I would make sure of that.

"Four." I wonder if my squad is watching this. Surely thirteen didn't block out this broadcast.

"Three." Gale must be sick with grief. He and Sydney had just found each other, and now she was the second girl he loved to be thrust into the games.

"Two." I hoped Peeta didn't hate me for this. I knew he wouldn't, but I was ashamed. I hope he knew that I had to go along with it. That I didn't have a choice. He would forgive me, that much I knew. It wasn't my fault after all. I wished he was here.

"One." What were their thoughts? In that final second. What was the last thing to run through their minds? I knew what mine had been.

The buzzer sounded, and they were off. Mine had been a decision. A decision to survive at all costs, no matter what. As I watched Prim sprint towards a backpack close to her platform, I knew what her last thought had been. To be brave like me, but in reality, it was me who had to be brave like her.


	21. Chapter 21

Note: I decided to recant my previous statement and put in some Peeta, because I missed him too. Read on, it starts in the middle of this chapter. Review review!

The Cornucopia was a bloodbath. When the buzzer sounded, twenty-six tributes ran head first into the battle. The careers were there first, picking out positions and taking down everyone who came at them. The boy from district ten got his head cut off while he tried to pick up a spear. The girl from eight got a knife to the throat while she tried to get a food pack towards the middle of the circle.

I had watched seventeen years worth of games, and I had never seen anything like this. The tributes hadn't had mentors to warn them against going straight for the supplies, so most of them tried to rush the Cornucopia at the same time. I mainly focused on Prim, and I was glad that she was smart enough to realize the Cornucopia was not a good place to be. She had picked up a backpack from the outskirts and sprinted into the forest, running as fast as she could to get away from the carnage. I also noticed that Lexie had run, but she went towards the fields that Thresh had hidden in.

Everyone else decided to fight it out. They were no match for the careers, and most of them quickly realized that and fled for the hills. I watched Emanuel kick one of the boys so hard that it broke his spine. He layed there paralyzed, and Emanuel drove a spear through his heart. He killed five people by himself during the initial struggle.

I saw Sydney grab a sword and easily take down the girl from six who tried to attack her. It looked like she had decided to team up with the careers despite the fact that Emanuel had announced to world that he was going to kill her. I was worried, but she seemed to think the pros outweighed the cons in being with the careers. In the end, eleven tributes were killed in the Cornucopia struggle. Sydney, the two tributes from one and two, and Emanuel were left standing by all of the supplies. The boy from four had been killed by a stray arrow, but I was almost positive that it had been Alexei who had shot it, and it definitely didn't look like an accident.

Zane, the male tribute from district two, let out a loud yell in triumph, and they began to pick through the supplies that were left for them. I saw Sydney grab the most intricate sword she could find, and the bow and sheath of arrows. I knew she didn't like distance weapons, but I assumed she had seen Alexei shoot, and she didn't want him to have them. "Give me a view of everyone." I said to the game maker who sat to my left. He placed several screens in front of me.

The middle one was a view of the Cornucopia. There were nine more screens, each showing the camera closest to the tributes who had gone out on their own. I looked to my left at the tribute board. The eleven people who had died had red x's covering their faces. The two tributes from three, the boy from four, the girl from six, both tributes from seven, the girl from eight, both tributes from ten, the girl from eleven and James. Those were the tributes who hadn't survived the first day. "Time to shoot the canons." I said. I heard a small beep, and the eleven cannon shots went off in quick succession.

I heard the game makers remarking on the events that had passed. Most of them hadn't been surprised at all, and one man even had the gall to make fun of James. I rolled my eyes and glared at him. This was just some sick fantasy for them. I stopped listening and turned my attention back to the screen, checking in on Prim, who was still running through the forest, then focusing on the careers.

They were taking inventory of their supplies, counting up the amount of food and piling everything together. Emanuel took lead of the pack, and Alexei, Katrina (the girl from one), Zane, and Zahara (the girl from two) followed him without question. Sydney begrudgingly worked along with them, but I could tell that it was killing her inside. It was safer for her this way. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, wasn't that the saying?

After they were done, the sun was falling behind the trees. They built a fire and sat around it, bragging about their kills for the day. "Did you see the look on his face?" Alexei said, laughing. "Please, have mercy, please! Then pow. I hit him so hard it broke his neck!" The other careers laughed. All of them except for Sydney. 

"I saw you slice that girl in half Harper, don't act like your so above it all." Zane said when Sydney didn't join in on their laughter. "You kill just like we do, so stop fighting it. Embrace the animal!" He howled again, and punched her in the arm. She grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back, lifting him up off the log he was sitting on. He screamed in pain. It looked like she was going to break it, but she let him go and shoved him to the ground.

"Don't test me." She said angrily. "It won't end well for you." The other careers just looked amongst themselves, and Zahara went over to see if Zane was ok. Eventually things settled down, and the conversation resumed. Even though they had all been prisoners of the Capitol, the career tributes were the same as they always had been. They were cocky and arrogant, and they all thought they were going to win. Emanuel mostly kept quiet, but he would smirk on occasion and add in a story of his own.

"So what's our next move?" Alexei asked him. "Who dies first?" The grin on his face was disgusting.

Emanuel thought for a moment, and they all waited in silence for him to speak. They respected him, or maybe it was fear, either way, they would wait to do as he said. "The girl from twelve. Primrose. We have to kill her first." Not Prim. I immediately checked in on her screen and found her building a camouflaged shelter in a hole beneath some tangled tree roots. It was almost dark outside, but she still had time. Not Prim. They couldn't go after Prim. I saw Sydney's head snap up, and she stared intensely at Emanuel.

"You want to target a child? She's our worst enemy? Public enemy number one? Come on, she's fourteen years old." I could tell she was trying to be coy. She wanted to make it seem like Prim wasn't a threat so that the careers would stay away from her.

"Don't give me that bullshit Harper. You know she's the game makers sister. We should go now. The more time we give her, the more booby traps and tricks Katniss will be able to come up with to protect. I say we kill her now. Make it quick." He stood up. "I think she went this way." He pointed through a bushel of trees.

The others stood up as well, and they started to walk, but Sydney jumped up and stood in front of them, blocking their way. "So you want to murder a child? That's your first move, is it, o highest leader?" She spat out sarcastically. "I'm so impressed by your bravery."

Emanuel got in her face. "Why are you protecting her? Come to your senses Sydney. If it came down to being between you and the little Everdeen, who do you think Katniss is going to choose? Its not you, I can assure you of that. She doesn't give a damn about you, and you're an idiot if you think she does." He pushed Sydney aside. "Now come with us. Help us kill the girl. Then maybe you'll actually survive this."

Deep down, I knew he was right, but I couldn't help it. I had to protect Prim, but I had promised myself I would get them both out. I saw Sydney staring at the ground. It looked like she was trying to weigh her options, and I knew that if she chose to go with them, I would have to kill her. That wasn't the Sydney I knew. She wouldn't kill Prim. If she went after my sister, I would stop her. I saw her take a step towards the careers, then she stopped, lifted her head up, and laughed.

They turned around to look at her. Emanuel stared at her quizzically, clearly thinking she had gone insane. "So…you're coming?" He asked hesitantly. Sydney started to back up.

"First of all, she went that way." Sydney said, pointing in the direction she was headed. "So it looks like you're the idiot, not me. And second of all," She stared at him with her fierce green eyes, "I wouldn't come after her if I were you." She smirked at them and laughed again. "Because if you do, you'll have to fight me, and I really don't think you want to do that. So do yourself a favor, go find someone else to pick on, before you come and get yourselves killed." She nodded her head at them and turned away, grabbing her pack from the ground and slinging it over her shoulder. He grabbed the sword and bow and arrow and began to make her way to the forest.

Suddenly, Zane charged at her. "Zane no!" I heard Emanuel shout, but he didn't listen. He took out a knife and hurled it at her as he was running, and it sliced open her side. She cried out in pain and whirred around just as he was on her. He tackled her to the ground and tried to put his arms around her throat, but I knew before he even got to her that he was a dead man.

She flipped him over and rolled off of him. He stood up and tried to charge her again, but she pushed him away from her and got him in a headlock. "What…did…I…say?" She panted. Then she gave his head a twist. I heard his neck break with a sickening snap, and I forced myself to look away from the screen. I heard the cannon fire without my orders, and I was grateful for that. I looked back in time to see Sydney give the careers a menacing last look, then turn on her heels and run in the direction of Prim.

I saw Emanuel think it over in his head, then he waved at Sydney's back. "Let her go." He said finally. "If she wants a little girl as an ally, she can have her. She'll be back, and I'll just kill her then." They went back to their fire and sat down, roasting some of the food they found in their pack. The hovercraft came down over Zane's body, and he was beamed up into the sky.

Meanwhile, Sydney was bolting through the forest. "Prim!" She yelled, crashing through some bushes and running as fast as she could. "Prim come out. I'm here to help you!" She kept running and running, shouting Prim's name and waiting for an answer. Then, she stopped in the middle of the forest and leaned against a tree. I could see her panting, and she clutched her side where Zane's knife had hit her. She pulled her hand away, and it was covered in blood. She ripped off a part of her jacket and tied it around the area, grimacing in pain. Then, she shook her head and stood back up.

She looked around the forest, trying to determine which direction to go next. She was lost. She started to walk in the wrong direction, and my heart sank. The arena was huge, and it was going to be impossible for her to find Prim on her own. Then I realized she wasn't on her own. "Bartimaeus." I barked at him. "Knock down a tree to block her path." He nodded at me and input a series of codes. I heard the tree cracking and saw it begin to fall, and Sydney skidded to a stop just before it would have fallen on her head. I would have to work on my timing.

"Jesus Katniss are you trying to kill me?" She yelled into the forest. "I'm trying to help your sister and this is what I get." She tried to climb over the tree, but it was too high and there were no footholds.

"Another tree, to the left." That was the direction Prim had gone in. The tree boomed as it hit the forest floor, and Sydney whirled around to face it. She looked confused at first, then a broad smile crossed her lips.

"I knew we were a team." She muttered, sprinting off in the direction of the fallen tree. I smiled to myself and set out the path for Bartimaeus to follow. I turned around to look at President Snow, and he only glared at me. That was good. I liked to make him angry.

Eventually, Sydney got extremely close to Prim's hiding spot. When she didn't hear another tree fall, she stopped running. "Prim!" She hissed. "Prim I'm here to help you. Your sister and I are friends. I'm here to protect you." She listened closely for a response, and I looked at Prim's screen. She was huddled in her shelter, afraid to move. _Please Prim. Please just let her know where you are._ It was dark by now, so Sydney would never be able to see the shelter clearly. I saw her punch a nearby tree in frustration and grab her side. "Come on Katniss, help me out here." I thought hard about a way to lead her to Prim's hiding place, but I couldn't think of anything. Then I heard a subtle whistle. Four notes, strung together in a specific succession. It was the signal to let you know that everything was ok. The signal Rue and I had used to find each other.

To any other competitor that could possibly be around them, it would mean nothing, but I knew that Prim remembered it. I had talked about Rue a lot with Sydney, and had explained to her why sometimes I whistled to tune absentmindedly while I worked. Sydney turned towards the noise, and repeated it verbatim. They went back and forth like that until Sydney was right next to Prim's tree. She was in the middle of whistling the notes again, when Prim popped out from her hiding place. "Sydney." She whispered.

Sydney turned around and saw Prim, then she grinned and went over to her. She hugged her tightly. "I can't believe I found you." She laughed at the impossibility of it all. "I guess we have your sister to thank for that. She smiled and tossled Prim's hair. Then looked to the sky and nodded slightly, acknowledging my help. I couldn't stop from beaming ear to ear. They were together now, and they had a chance to survive this.

I turned around again and smiled at President Snow. He shook his head and scoffed, leaving the room in disgust. I looked over at Bartimaeus, and he held his hand below the table. I slapped it, and he winked at me. "Good job kid. Now we can keep our good eye on both of them." It felt nice to have an ally in the control room. I knew Bartimaeus was a Capitol citizen, but he was helping me, and he had opened the force field to let me see Prim. He was supposed to be my enemy, but I kind of liked this man with the purple hair.

I looked back at the screens as Sydney and Prim were making their way inside Prim's shelter. It looked pretty secure, and Sydney complimented Prim on her handy work. Prim noticed Sydney's injury for the first time.

"What happned?" She asked, concerned.

"Knife wound. They can only get me when my back's turned." She tried to laugh, but I saw her grimace. Sprinting through the forest had taken its toll on her, and she had clearly lost a lot of blood.

"Luckily," Prim said with a smile, "I know just how to cure that." She went to the corner of her hut and pulled out some herbs and some medicine from her pack. "I collected these on my way through the forest. They help heal skin wounds. The medicine I found in my pack. It helps fight infection." She gave Sydney the medicine to swallow, and put the herbs over her cut. Sydney inhaled sharply, and I could almost hear her skin sizzle. She grabbed Prim's arm, attempting to stop her from continuing, but Prim just raised her eyebrows. Sydney reluctantly pulled her arm away and let Prim do her thing. Prim took out a clean piece of cloth that she said was from a blanket also in her pack, and wrapped it around the wound.

"Better?" She asked. Sydney shifted a little bit, but nodded.

"I guess we'll find out for sure in the morning." She said, settling into a corner of the hut.

"Make it rain." I announced to the game maker who controlled weather. "I want the footsteps gone. Besides, I think we've seen enough carnage for today." He nodded at me and pressed a button, and the thunder boomed in the sky. To my relief, Prim's shelter held up and her and Sydney were kept dry. They huddled together for warmth and decided to fall asleep.

"Sydney?" Prim asked with a yawn.

"Yes Primrose?" Sydney answered, her eyes still closed.

"What do we do now?" She sounded afraid when she said it, and I knew Prim was thinking the same thing I was. Sure they were together, and that would keep them safe, but there could only be one victor. The thought tugged on the back of my mind as I watched them lay together.

"We pray for a miracle." Sydney answered, and I knew she realized it too. As I typed in the code to flash the pictures of those who had died in the arena today, I sighed at the bleakness of the situation. We would need one hell of a miracle to make our way out of this one.

I slammed my fist against the table and let out a frustrated yell. "So you're just going to sit here and do nothing while the Capitol murders them?" I said, looking up at President Coin. She was one hell of a terrible leader, and I was tired of putting up with her bullshit.

"What do you suggest we do Mr. Mellark? I know you have your personal concerns, but there is a bigger picture we have to look at here. Not all of us are so self-centered as to put one person above an entire rebellion. I know you care for Ms. Everdeen, but she isn't more important than our entire cause." She answered me, cold and unyielding.

I rarely spoke directly with President Coin, but each time I did, I hated her more and more. This wasn't just about Katniss, it was about all of the remaining tributes. I had been there, I had lived through the games. No one deserved to go through that, and wasn't it our job to stop the evils of the Capitol? "Your daughter's in there!" I shouted angrily. "I know you're a cold heartless bitch, but surely you care about her."

"So you suggest that I take up the surrender that President Snow offered? You're saying that I should give everything up to save a few lives?" She spoke with such disdain that it sickened me. A few lives? One of those people was her child.

"You're showing your weakness." I answered darkly. "You're letting President Snow play his sick little games, and you aren't doing a thing to try and stop him. You think the people of Panem are still going to love us if we let them put on a Hunger Games in the middle of a rebellion? We need to do something."

"Peeta, calm down." Haymitch said, putting his hand on my arm. I looked past him at the screen that was broadcasting the games. The anthem of Panem had just finished, and Caesar Flickerman was on to recap the day's events. I was happy that Sydney and Prim had both made it out alive and were on a team together. I knew it was probably killing Katniss to see them go through this, but I also knew she was strong enough to keep her head clear and do everything that she could to help them.

I thought back to the day when Katniss had volunteered for Prim at the reaping. I had seen the panic in her eyes as Prim's name got called. I watched her as she walked bravely up the stairs to meet Effie Trinket, and my heart ached at what I thought would be the last time I saw her alive. Of course I had no idea that my name would be called next.

She had been so strong then. I had fallen in love with her all over again. Her devotion to her family and her strong will were two of her most attractive qualities. My heart hurt thinking about Katniss. I missed her so much that it tore a little piece of my heart out each day. I needed her to bring it back together, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do to save her. When she had first gone missing, I had gone crazy. I destroyed my room in the apartment, and I had a mental break and just sat on my bed and stared at the floor for almost an entire day. I didn't move. I didn't acknowledge the people who had tried to talk to me. None of it mattered without Katniss. I had worked so hard to keep her safe, and now she was gone.

It was Haymitch who had finally snapped me out of it. I was just sitting in the same spot, not knowing how I would function without her, when I felt something hit me hard in the face. I was knocked off the bed and sprawled onto the floor, clutching my jaw. Pain racked my head and I felt my skull pounding. Then, someone pushed me up against the wall, and Haymitch's face came into focus.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He yelled, slapping me again. "You think moping around here is gonna help? Wake up Peeta. She's gone, but she isn't lost. Snap out of this stupid depression and go find her." He slapped me one more time, then let me go. As he was walking out the door he paused. "You're the only one who can save her Peeta. We need you."

That had brought my head back into the game. I threw myself into the search. I went into the woods that very same day, teaming up with Furman and Finnick to comb out each section of the forest around thirteen. When they got tired and went back underground, I kept going. I wouldn't rest until I found her. I canvased every inch of woods personally, and that's when I ran into Gale.

I heard a noise coming towards me from the distance. I ducked behind a tree and froze. It was the middle of the night, so there shouldn't have been anyone else out here. I thought I was alone. I took a deep breath and launched myself out from cover, raising my rifle. "Don't move!" I yelled at what I assumed to be a Capitol soldier. I saw his gun raised back at me, and it took me a second to register that it wasn't an enemy soldier.

"Gale?" I asked, lowering my gun. "What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night. Everyone's given up by now." I knew that Coin had called off the search. It had been three days, and she assumed Katniss and Sydney had either run away or died, so she figured she would put her focus back on the war and the invasion of the Capitol.

"Same thing you are." He answered, lowering his rifle until it pointed at the ground. I rolled my eyes. His undying love for Katniss got on my nerves. "Don't worry." He said, shaking his head. "Its not Katniss I'm looking for." He stared at his boots, and I could see the sadness in his eyes, then I remembered what Katniss had told me about Gale and Sydney, and I felt bad for judging him.

"I'm sorry. I forgot that you—"

"Its fine. I'm sorry I bumped into you." He turned and started to walk away. I felt like such an asshole. I was still mad over the whole him trying to kill me thing, but he had more than made up for it, and we were just starting to be able to stand each other.

"It'd be more effective if we worked together." I shouted out to him. He stopped and turned back to face me. His eyes narrowed like he was trying to figure out if I was sincere. "Look, we've both lost someone we love. If you care about Sydney half as much as I care about Katniss, you'll do anything to find her. Coin may have given up, but we don't have to." I offered my hand out to shake, showing that I meant it. He thought for a moment, then reached out and grabbed it, nodding his head.

From that day on, we barely rested. We visited every single district one by one. We started in the ruins of twelve, checking to see if something had gone wrong and they had to escape somewhere. We knew they hadn't run. They wouldn't abandon us like that. When we didn't find them, we moved on. We searched Capitol bases, and invaded every Capitol prison we knew of because eventually we came to the conclusion that they had been captured. It was either that or dead, and I didn't even want to consider that possibility.

At first, we mostly just kept quiet. Gale wasn't a big talker. He reminded me of Katniss in that way. We traveled in an armored truck that we borrowed from thirteen, and we took turns sleeping in the back. He was a good traveling companion. He never complained and he always had my back when we went into a dangerous district. We never really talked about more than our plans for the next day until one night when we had stopped to make camp on the side of the road in district ten. We could have stayed with the army or in the home of a rebellion sympathizer because these were our districts, but we came to a silent consensus that we were better off alone. I set up a fire and we cooked the rabbits that Gale had caught in the woods. We were just eating in our traditional comfortable silence until he spoke up.

"What do you miss most?" He asked, looking down at his food. "About Katniss." I was kind of stunned. I figured Katniss was an awkward topic considering he had basically tried to kill me for sleeping with her, so I didn't know what he was playing at.

"I miss Sydney's smile." He said when I didn't respond. "I miss the way that it was infectious. Like you couldn't help but smile when she was. I didn't realize how much the little things mattered until they weren't there any more. I don't think I've smiled once since she's been gone."

I stared at the ground, pondering whether or not to answer his question. Talking about Katniss made my heart ache, and I always felt like I wanted to cry, but Gale had been so honest with me, I felt like I owed it to him to answer. "I just miss her being there. Even if it was quiet, with her there, I never felt alone. Sleeping alone is the worst. Its like something is missing from my body, and I can't rest without getting it back. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and panic, then when I realize she's not next to me, I try to remember where she went, and when I realize I don't know, I get up and go hit something. Eventually I just stopped sleeping in my bed when we were still in thirteen. She's such a huge part of my life that living without her is like torture."

I knew I had been rambling, but when I looked up I saw that Gale had been listening the whole time. "You really love her don't you?" He asked, staring hard at me.

"More than anything." I answered honestly. I didn't think it made him angry anymore, my love for Katniss. He had apologized for being an asshole, and ever since then he had been nothing but friendly to both of us. I didn't know if he realized she would never love him or if he had just fallen really hard for Sydney. Either way, he was moving on from her.

"I thought I did." He said with a chuckle. "I honestly thought I was in love with her. That's why I was so angry about…what happened with you two. But lately, I know that wasn't real love. Real love has to be reciprocated, and it wasn't. Not at all." He sighed. "I know what I have with Sydney is real. That's another reason why I doubt my true feelings for Katniss. When I look at Sydney or think about her, its unlike anything I've felt before. I did love Katniss in a way, but it was nothing like that feeling I get when Sydney's around. I'm not really good with words, so I can't describe it to you, but it's like when she's there—"

"Nothing else matters. She ignites every good feeling in your body. It feels like you're on fire when she's around, and you believe that you can do anything as long as she's there. You know that you don't need anyone or anything else, and that if you only had her by your side for the rest of your life, you would be a very happy man." I finished his sentence for him. He laughed and nodded his head.

"Exactly." We finished eating in silence, but it was different. There was an understanding between us now. We put out the fire and got back into the truck, ready to make our way to the next district. It was my turn to drive, and Gale climbed into the back to get some sleep. "We're going to find them Peeta." He said firmly. "We're going to bring them back with us." I nodded my head. We had to. I couldn't live without Katniss, and from what we had just talked about, Gale felt the same way about Sydney.

But we didn't. We searched every district. We combed through each city center and each outlying village, and still we didn't find them. When we finished with district one, we considered going in to the Capitol. We knew their largest prison was there, so it was very possible Sydney and Katniss were being held captive in it. Eventually, we decided that was a poor decision, and we headed back to thirteen empty-handed.

Ever since we had talked that night outside district ten, our travels weren't so quiet. Most of the time one of us was sleeping, but when we were both awake we talked more. We discussed what we thought our next move should be in the war, how evil we thought Coin was. I told him about the games and my experiences inside the Capitol, and he talked about living in the Seam and working in the mines. I found out that I had more in common with Gale than I could have ever imagined, but I also discovered that we were different in more ways than I though.

Gale ranted about the evils of the Capitol. He was so passionate about his hatred for absolute power and his willingness to do anything to destroy it. I was more laid back. Sure I hated them, but I bided my time and tried to use their mistakes to my advantage. His methods for getting information were also different from mine. Gale's temper flared up at the slightest provocation, and once I had to stop him from killing someone with his bare hands. We had been in district two, and we were asking the mayor if he knew anything about Katniss and Sydney. The mayor refused to assist us with our search, and Gale got frustrated.

"Do you know anything?" I asked again, sighing. "We just want to find them. If they're being held captive, we need to know." This man was one of the most self-absorbed, ignorant people I had ever met. He laughed in our faces when we asked for his help, and it was only after Gale forced the door open that we got in. "Please, just help us."

"I don't associate with rebels." He answered in his uppity voice. We had almost won over district two, but this Capitol controlled mayor was still in charge here, so it was clear we weren't welcome. "I don't know where those girls are, and if I did, I wouldn't tell you, I don't—" Gale was on him before he could get the words out. He pushed him up against a wall and held his hand around the man's throat, the other one pushing on his chest. The mayor was a small, squirly man, so he didn't stand a chance to fight against Gale.

"Tell us what you know!" He yelled, tightening his grip. I saw the mayor claw at his throat, but Gale wouldn't back down. "I know you know something, now tell us." I heard the man choking, trying everything he could to get fresh air. His face turned purple, and I saw his eyes begin to roll into his head.

"Gale!" I pulled on his shoulder. "Get off of him! He doesn't know anything." I tried to pull him off, but he brushed me away. He was going to murder this innocent man. "That's enough Gale!" I said, shoving him hard. His grip on the mayor loosened, and he let go of his throat. The mayor fell to the floor, coughing and gasping for air. I pushed Gale's shoulder and yelled in his face. "Don't stoop to their level, man. We don't murder innocent people to get what we want. Use your head once in a while." He pushed me away and walked out the door back to our car. I apologized to the mayor, and followed him.

After that day, I had to be on guard for any lashing out that Gale could do. I did most of the talking with mayors and professionals, while Gale combed the streets and spoke to the common people. It worked better that way, because Gale sympathized with them, and they liked him. When he wasn't being a raving lunatic, Gale was a really cool guy. He was laid back, and he joked around a lot. He often commented on my terrible driving, which I knew was true. It had been the only part of military training that I was bad at. He was someone I could trust and confide in. It was almost like having my brothers back again, and I liked that feeling.

I thought the pain of my family would go away after a while, but it never did. Every time I thought of them, my head throbbed and my heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. I just wish I could see them, one more time. I missed them so much. When I looked at Katniss interacting with her sister and mother, or Gale playing with his younger siblings, I couldn't help but be angry. I knew it wasn't their fault, but it wasn't fair that they got to keep their families while mine had died. I wasn't angry with them, I was angry with the Capitol. I wanted to make sure that they never did that to anyone else. That they never made anyone feel like I felt every single day. That's why I'll never forget the moment that I found out President Coin had traded Prim over to the Capitol in a deal with President Snow.

Prim and I had become extremely close over the past few months. Katniss and I often had dinner with her family, and it was one of the highlights of my week. Being around her family was like having my own back, and I came to love Prim as my own sister. She was a hilarious and fun-loving kid, and her heart was so pure that it made me believe in the goodness in people again. After Katniss had disappeared, I had gone to her and her mother and we had spent some time together, and I had promised Prim that I would save her sister.

When I came back from my search with Gale, I was already feeling angry for finding nothing. I went to Katniss' family's apartment, and when I knocked on the door, there was no answer. I stood outside for a long time, until finally I decided to just go in. I found Mrs. Everdeen lying on the couch, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. Something wasn't right. I ran over to her and shook her shoulder. "Mrs. Everdeen." I said. "Mrs. Everdeen what happened? Where's Prim?" She didn't say anything, so I picked her up and carried her to the medical wing. I brought her in to the emergency sector and asked if there was anything they could do to help. The nurse looked up her file, and her friendly smile faded.

"You didn't hear?" She asked in a sympathetic whisper. "They took her daughter." I shook my head. Of course I knew about Katniss.

"I know, Katniss disappeared, but I saw her before and she wasn't like this. She was trying to find her, she was trying to fight." There had to be some mistake. Maybe Mrs. Everdeen had a stroke or something.

"No, not her. They took her other daughter. President Coin traded little Primrose in a deal with the Capitol." I backed out of the hospital, stunned at what I had just heard. Not Prim. Why had she done that? I knew President Coin was evil, but this was just sick. I turned around and sprinted to the command room. I threw open the doors, and it took everything in me to not attack Coin.

"How could you do this!" I yelled at her, slamming my fist on the table. "Prim? Why the hell would you hand her over to the Capitol? She's just a kid!" Her expression didn't change. There was no remorse. No sympathy. It was like she actually thought she had done the right thing.

"It needed to be done. Two kids who could do nothing for the war in exchange for POWs who could help us fight. It was a small price to pay really. He asked for one boy and one girl from district twelve, so I obliged. Those were good men he had captured, and I figured that it was worth it."

"But you had to choose Prim?" I said, fuming. "Katniss' sister? You had to choose her? There are at least fifty girls here from district twelve."

"It was random." Coin said, matter-of-factly. "I guess little Ms. Everdeen doesn't have much luck with random drawings does she?" The reaping. Coin was cruel. I knew it wasn't random, but it wouldn't be hard for her to fake that it was. The public didn't know about Coin's personal vendetta against Katniss, so they would never suspect she had done it on purpose. She could probably even convince them that trading children wasn't a cruel, inhumane thing to do.

When the games were announced, it got worse. We received a message from the Capitol to tune into a special program that night at precisely seven o'clock, so we all gathered in the command room and awaited the message on the screen. When seven rolled around, we held our breath as the anthem of Panem played in the speakers above our heads. When the chariots started to roll down the runway, the horror that we felt at that moment was quadrupled as soon as Prim appeared, then when Sydney rolled onto the screen, I looked over at Gale, and he balled his hand into a fist and thrust it into the wall at his left. He punched it over and over and over again until blood ran down his knuckles and his face was red. We were all just quiet, letting the shock of the moment set in. 

Then, President Snow and the game makers were flashed onto the screen, and I gasped when I saw Katniss was up there with them. It had been so long since I had seen her face, and I felt my heart drop when I looked at her. The makeup professionals in the Capitol had tried to hide it, but I could see that she had suffered during her time there. Parts of her face were yellower than others, and there were dark bags under her eyes that no makeup could cover. I could also see how confused and angry she was over what was happening. I wanted to strangle every single citizen of the Capitol for hurting her. I wanted to be with her now and help her if I could. I wanted to hold her and protect her and make everything ok, but I could only stand here and watch the painful expression on her face.

She was announced as head game maker, and I heard Coin talk of treason and betrayal. "You think she did this on purpose?" I spat at her. I was sick of her unnecessary hatred for Katniss. It was clear that this was against her will. "Are you really that stupid? I know you hate her, but you honestly think she would work with the Capitol? After all she's been through?" Coin glared at me, but backed down. It was clear that Katniss and Sydney had been in Snow's clutches the whole time, and now he had pulled Prim into it as well. He had outsmarted Coin, and that made her angry.

For a few days, we just watched and waited. There was nothing to see during the training, so we all went back to our normal activities. Then, the scores were assigned and the interviews were conducted, and we all gathered nervously around the screen the morning the games were supposed to begin. Beetee had tried to jam the television signals, but the Capitol had rigged it so that was impossible. They were one step ahead of us in everye way.

I didn't get to see Katniss on camera again. I guess the Capitol decided it was in their best interest to not interview her this year, so she was kept behind the scenes. When the buzzer sounded and the games begin, I got to watch in horror while children slaughtered each other left and right. I had thought the games were gone for good, but I was wrong.

I held my breath while Prim made her harrowing escape from the Cornucopia. She was smart enough to run away, but it wasn't her intelligence that I doubted. She picked up a small pack and fled into the woods as fast as she could. She would survive today. That was one small victory.

Sydney on the other hand, had decided to fight. I watched Gale's face as she fiercely defended her territory and destroyed anyone who came within feet of her. When the day was over, she was left with the careers, but I suspected it wouldn't be for long. I saw her growing more and more angry with them, and I could tell she despised their leader, Emanuel. When they threatened Prim, I was surprised when Sydney came to her defense. Then I remembered what Emanuel had said in the interviews about killing Katniss' best friend. I didn't know whom he was referring to, because as far as I knew Katniss didn't have any friends. Then I saw Sydney defend Katniss' honor when it was her turn for an interview, and she mentioned that they were cell-mates, so I made the connection that they had become friends. It made me feel a little better about Katniss' time as a captive. At least she hadn't been totally alone.

The boy from district two had tried to attack Sydney when her back was turned, and I thought it was over her when the knife sliced her side, but she was too quick for him, and she killed him like it was nothing. I had always known Sydney was ruthless, but watching her snap his neck made me wary. I was glad I wasn't on her bad side.

I saw the tension in Gale's forehead. I knew every second she was out there was killing him, and I was grateful that at least Katniss wasn't in the games, but I knew she was dealing with a whole different set of problems. I could only imagine the torture she was going through having to become the thing she hated most. I knew that Snow was holding something over her head, so she had no choice but to obey. My heart ached for the pain she was going through, and I knew how bad it was to watch Prim compete for myself, so I couldn't bear to think about how bad it was for her. Then on top of that, she had to watch her friend fight as well.

I couldn't help but smile when Katniss felled the trees to lead Sydney to Prim. They worked well as a team, even when they weren't together. I looked at Gale again, and while he was still grimacing, I could see that he was proud of her. They finally found each other, and our worries were done for the day. When I heard their conversation about staying alive, I knew we had to do something, so I had asked the powers around me if there was anything we could do to help. And here we were, arguing about what our next move should be

"Listen, the boy's right." Haymitch said to Coin. "We need to do something to prove we haven't given up. We can win them over right now, I know we can." He looked around the room at the generals and leaders of district thirteen. "Any suggestions?" He asked dryly.

"The Capitol is weak right now." It was Commander Jacobs who finally spoke up. "All of their focus is on the games. I have reports from our troops that the Peacekeeper force on the outskirts of the city has diminished. Several of our spies have been able to get through enemy lines undetected."

"So what are we supposed to do about it?" Coin asked suspiciously. I hoped her anger over being shown up by President Snow was enough to push her into action.

Haymitch grinned. "We've been waiting for this moment for a long time, ladies and gentleman. I think its time we take our chances. I think its time we end this war, in one foul swoop." I could see Coin weighing the options in her head, and I knew she knew he was right. We had to attack the Capitol now. She nodded.

"Wait!" I said as they began to disperse and prepare for the upcoming battle. "That could take days to get ready for. What about Sydney and Prim? What about the Games?"

Haymitch sighed. "We can send a craft to the arena. Jam their systems and pull the force field away. Rescue who ever is left when we get there." He looked up at me. "Let's just hope your girlfriend can keep them alive until then."


	22. Chapter 22

Note: The climax of the story! I hope you enjoy. Remember to review!

After being up for one hundred and twenty straight hours, I was surprised I had the energy to stand up straight, let alone think about how to protect my little sister from the people who were trying to kill her. Every time I felt like just falling over and sleeping in the middle of the control room, they gave me another shot, and my eyes shot open again. I found out what the syringe in the bag they had given Sydney and I was, adrenaline mixed with a strange batch of chemicals meant to wake you up and keep you there.

I didn't know that the game makers didn't get to sleep. Every one of us had to get these injections because the arena demanded our constant attention. I had seen more pain and suffering in the past few days than I could endure. The emotional toll was just as big as the physical one, and I was close to my breaking point.

It started the morning after Sydney had found Prim. They went out to see if they could find something to eat, and I saw that there was no one within five miles of them, so I turned my attention to the other tributes. The careers were up, and they were ready to hunt. They went out in the forest to search for their first victim, and it only took them about an hour to find her.

The girl from district four was trying to fish in the lake that stood in the middle of the woods. Emanuel tapped her on the shoulder, and she didn't even turn around. She just put her hands together and asked for mercy, but Emanuel only grunted and snapped her neck like a twig beneath his hands. She had been praying, but whatever god she pleading with didn't seem to care. I hadn't realize he was this brutal when I met him in prison, but he was a cold-hearted killer. He didn't even smile or laugh when he got his kills like Cato had. There was no emotion in his face. He was doing what needed to be done, and like he said in his interview, he didn't care who had to die.

The boy from nine was next. He was still asleep in what he thought was a well-camouflaged shelter, but Katrina had spotted it easily, and Zahara had thrown a spear straight through his heart. They also killed the girl from five that day, so at the end of the second day of the games there were twelve tributes left in the arena. I sighed and flashed their pictures in the sky, thinking about their families and the lives that were being ruined as I tapped away at the keyboard in front of me.

I thought about what would happen if Prim died. My mother would never recover, and neither would I. I could never live my normal life without Prim. I would fall into a deep hole and never come out. She had to survive this. I needed her pureness to keep me sane. I had protected her for so long, and I wouldn't stop now. I tried to set up some traps that would protect Sydney and Prim if anyone came around them, but the first time I tried, President Snow came up and undid my work.

"We can't give anyone and unfair advantage, now can we?" He said coldly. I was going to have to be more creative about keeping them alive. There wasn't any action on the third day, so President Snow was not happy. "Mix it up Ms. Everdeen." He glared at me. "Its your job to keep the people entertained." I knew what that meant. Death. The careers couldn't find anyone in the vast forest of the arena, so there was nothing interesting happening. All of the tributes were staying put, and the action was dull. I thought of the least destructive way I could mix it up, but nothing came to mind. Someone was going to have to die today.

Wolves. That's what I chose. I sent them after the boy from district five and the boy from district eight who had decided to team up. They had eaten raw rabbit because neither of them wanted to make a fire and alert the careers. It was a good plan, but both of them got extremely ill, and they were weak. I sighed as I told the proper game maker my plan, and he smiled to himself as he made it happen. The wolves materialized on the screen out of nowhere, and the two were caught off guard. They ended up running up a tree where the wolves couldn't reach them, and I was relieved. I had done my job and no one had died.

"Not good enough." Snow said from behind me. "One of them will die. Use your imagination!" I groaned in frustration. What did he want me to do? I knew I had to be cruel and unusual, so I tried to think like Coin. What would she do? She would pit them against each other. I input a few commands, and made the wolf speak. They were mutts after all, they could do whatever we wanted them to.

"We only need one." It said in a deep warped voice. "We only ask for one." The boy from eight shook his head.

"We're a team, we won't—" But he couldn't even finish his sentence before the boy from five shoved him off the branch he was standing on. I watched the wolves devour him, and grimaced as I sounded the cannon. I hated the boy from five. He had allied with this kid, and then killed him at the first opportunity.

"Kill him." I ordered Bartimaeus. He nodded at me, and typed in a command to knock the tree over. The boy from eight was startled, and he tried to jump, but it was too late. The tree fell over on top of him, and I watched his picture get covered over with a red x. I was disgusted with myself. I was becoming one of them, but I had to save Prim. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to continue on. I felt another needle in my arm. Another injection to help me continue the torture.

So at the end of the third day, there were nine tributes left. Sydney and Prim had spent the day hunting peacefully in the woods, and I had watched them bond in my free time. They became close instantly. I guess it was because Sydney and Prim both had the same effect on people. They were both so likeable, that their personalities just clicked. Sydney became fiercely protective of Prim. She seemed to adopt her as her own sister, and every time there was a possible threat, Sydney jumped out of her skin in her attempts to protect Prim.

I expected it to be totally one sided, but Prim turned out to be a pretty good team mate. Sydney had eaten a poisonous berry, not nightlock to my relief, and became violently ill, but Prim knew the precise cure for it, and Sydney made a full recovery in a matter of hours. They worked perfectly like that. Sydney was the hunter and the fighter, and Prim was the gatherer and the healer. There was a surprising peace around them for a while, and I was happy for that, but I knew it wouldn't last long.

The careers were getting by, but their lack of survival skills was apparent. They also didn't ration the food very well, and I knew they would run out soon. By this time, they only had enough food to feed the four of them for another day, and there were still five other tributes left for them to kill.

On the fourth day in the arena, someone finally found Prim and Sydney. They were out hunting, and when they returned to their shelter, they found that someone had been there. There were footprints around the outside, and I saw the alarm on Sydney's face. She put her hand over Prim's mouth before she could speak, and pointed up a tree. Prim nodded and began to climb, going as high as she dared. Sydney trod carefully around the tree, and held her sword up in a fighting position. She turned around a bush adjacent to their shelter, and swung viciously at the girl who popped out from it.

"Lexie?" She said, dropping her sword to the ground. Luckily she had missed the girl, so Lexie was just standing with her arms up, ready to fight. "What are you doing here?"

"I've been running from the careers. They're on the hunt again, trying to find their next victim." Lexie looked awful. She was covered in scrapes and bruises, and she looked so exhausted. She had been alone, so she probably hadn't slept much. "What are you doing here?"

"This is our shelter." Sydney answered. "We've been here the whole time, hiding from the careers."

"We?" Lexie asked carefully, and at that moment Prim jumped down from her tree. She looked from Lexie to Sydney. Sydney narrowed her eyes, evaluating Lexie carefully. They had been good friends in the factory, but out here it was a different game. Lexie's eyes widened. She eyed the food that Prim held in her hands hungrily, and Sydney noticed.

"You want some food?" She asked. It was a peace offering. She seemed to want to protect Lexie too, so she was welcoming her into their little group. Lexie nodded, trying to be nonchalant, but as soon as they roasted the rabbit over a small fire, Lexie jumped on it like she had never seen food before.

They were enjoying their meal in silence, and I was forced to turn my attention back to the action. My stomach twisted into a knot when I found out the careers had found another victim. Alexei got to her this time. He lifted the girl from four up off the ground, and slammed her head into a rock until she bled to death. He exchanged high fives with Zahara and Katrina, while Emanuel leaned against a tree sullenly. Just then, out of nowhere, the girl from nine bursted through the trees, and before Emanuel could yell out a warning, she stabbed Zahara straight through the heart. She pulled her sword back out and sliced Katrna's back. I saw Katrina buckle over, and fall to the ground, but before the girl from nine could deliver a fatal strike, a spear rammed through her stomach. It all happened so fast, I barely had time to process it.

Three more cannons. Three more deaths. There were six of them left. I saw Alexei run over to Katrina and yelled her name. "Katrina! Wake up!" He shook her limp body back and forth, but blood spewed form her wound, and I looked away from the gruesome scene. I turned my head to the picture board and watched the red x flicker over Katrina's face. The final cannon shot rang through the air, and I looked at the horror written on Alexei's face as he held Katrina's limp form in his arms. He was finally realizing this wasn't just a game. Emanuel pulled him up off the ground, and they walked towards the lake. The hovercraft picked up the bodies, and just like that they were another whisper in the wind. Alexei washed the blood off of his hands, and it was like Katrina had never existed.

That was the worst part of the games. Even when someone you cared about died, you had to keep going. You couldn't rest for a second. There was no time to mourn the dead because you could be next if you lingered for too long. Emanuel and Alexei stared at the ground and didn't say anything as Alexei changed his bloody clothes for a change they found from a pack. Finally, Emanuel spoke. "Three more to go." He said coldly. They gave each other another look, and set off into the forest to find their final victims.

It was almost dusk, so Prim, Lexie and Sydney put out there fire and headed into the shelter to get some sleep. "I'm glad you found us Lexie." Sydney said as they drifted off. "I was beginning to worry about you." Lexie smiled and punched Sydney on the arm, and I could their old comradery was back. Lexie had always been Sydney's closest friend other than me in the prison, so she seemed relieved that Lexie hadn't died yet, but in my mind, it was just another problem I would have to face when it came down to choosing who got to live. Obviously Lexie wouldn't be a option, but if Sydney refused to kill her, I would have to do it. I didn't want to risk that. I sighed nervously and fretted over killing Lexie all night.

It turned out that I wouldn't have to worry about that. It was in mid-morning on the sixth day that became the beginning of the end. Lexie had volunteered to go hunt, and Prim and Sydney stayed behind to relax in the shelter. Sydney tried to insist on going with her, but Lexie said that she had survived five days without them, so she would be fine on her own.

Sydney paced restlessly around the tree that supported their shelter. Her and Prim told each other riddles and ran through combat situations while they waited, but it did no good. It was mid-afternoon and Lexie still wasn't back. I could tell Sydney was worried, and Prim finally spoke up. "Do you think something happened?" She asked softly.

"We would have heard the cannon if she had died. She'll be back." She was trying to convince herself more than Prim, so when they exchanged a look and Prim raised her eyebrows, Sydney grunted and picked up her sword and the bow and arrows. "Let's go. We need to move on anyway. We've been here too long." They destroyed the shelter and smothered the remains of the fire. Then, they set off into the forest. They didn't dare say Lexie's name for fear of alerting enemies, so they relied on their tracking skills to attempt to find her.

I looked over to her screen and saw her casually picking berries, her catch for the day slung over her shoulder. She seemed to have gotten lost, which was a relief for me because she was safe. She was still a little ways away from Sydney and Prim, and when I realized they were headed in the wrong direction, I had a bird call out the four note tune from behind them. Sydney looked at Prim. "I think we should follow it." Prim said. "It's a sign from Katniss." Sydney nodded in agreement and they headed towards my bird call. I smiled to myself, and looked back at Lexie. To my horror, I found that someone else had caught up with her before Sydney could. 

She was walking towards a large oak tree when Emanuel and Alexei appeared out of nowhere. "Well, well, well, looks like we found one of them." Alexei said. "Not the one we wanted, but still, I feel like she'll be of help to us." He didn't grin like he had before. It seemed like Katrina's death had taken the fun out of killing for him.

"What are you talking about?" Lexie asked, trying to sound brave. The fear crept into her voice, and she started to back away from them.

"Just tell us where they are." Emanuel said. "If you tell us, we'll kill you quickly, I promise." He said it like he was making an actual deal, like he thought he was doing her a favor. The realization of her death hit Lexie like a brick. She looked at the ground and tears started to fall down her face.

"I won't tell you." She said defiantly. "I won't tell you where Sydney and Prim are. Yes I know that's who you're looking for. We're the only ones left." Emanuel sneered at her. He was becoming impatient.

"You'll tell us." He pointed at Alexei to hold her arms, and Lexie tried to squirm away, but it was no good. She screamed loudly, and I looked at Sydney's screen. She had heard, and she started sprinting towards the sound. Alexei clamped a hand over her mouth, and Emanuel took out his knife. "Where are they?" He said, slowly running the knife across her stomach. It cut her skin deeply, and blood ran down her abdomen. She screamed again through Alexei's fist. When she still didn't reply, he cut her again.

I saw her eyes open wide. Sydney and Prim were standing behind a tree, just feet away from them. Alexei was too busy turning his head away from the blood and trying not to puke, so he didn't see them, and Emanuel had his back to the tree. Lexie raised her hand shakily and pointed, in the opposite direction of where they were standing. I put my hand over my mouth. I could feel tears of gratitude well in my eyes, and I saw the same look reflected in Sydney's. Then Emanuel stepped up to her. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" He asked kindly, running a hand down her cheek. Then he grabbed her head and snapped her neck.

I let out a gasping moan. I saw Sydney's mouth open in a fit of rage, but Prim clamped her hand over it. She wouldn't let Lexie's sacrifice be in vain. When the time came, Sydney and Prim had to catch the boys by surprise, and Lexie had sacrificed her life to give them that opportunity. Emanuel let Lexie's body fall to the ground, and a hand touched the button next to me to fire the cannon. He pulled Alexei away and they started walking in the direction Lexie had pointed.

Sydney and Prim stayed put for fifteen minutes, waiting until they were sure the careers had disappeared. I didn't send in the hovercraft. I wanted to give Sydney time. She ran out and knelt down to Lexie's body. I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks in waves. She didn't sob, she didn't yell, she just silently cried, the water droplets falling onto Lexie's body. Prim stood at a distance, waiting to see if Sydney moved or how she should react.

Sydney just sat still for a long time, not moving or making a sound. She reached up and tried to touch Lexie's face, even though it was twisted from the violent twist Emanuel had given it. In that moment, as she held Lexie in her lap and saw her lifeless face, Sydney changed. I knew that moment. I had it when Rue had been shot with the spear. It's the moment where the games no longer matter. It's not about you or them or anything else. Its about the Capitol, and how this is all their fault. It's the moment when you realize that there is no such thing as purity. No soul, no heart is pure. Everyone is greedy and out to save themselves, and the Capitol plays on that. Sydney clenched her fists and looked up into the canopy of trees.

Then, she let go of Lexie's hand, and stood up slowly. She was covered in blood, but she didn't move to wipe it off. She just turned to Prim with this cold, determined look in her eyes. "It ends now." She said. "They're gonna pay for this." Prim nodded. I knew she wasn't talking about just Emanuel and Alexei. She was talking about all of them. The Capitol, Snow, and even Coin. She had hated them before, but now it was more than that. They had just made a very dangerous personal enemy.

She started walking without another word. She knew where they were, and she was going to find them. Prim followed behind her in silence. I couldn't tell if she was afraid that Sydney was going to kill her too, or if she was just respecting Sydney's space. I stepped back from the controls. I had to let her finish this herself. This was her battle.

Sydney walked out onto the field that surrounded the Cornucopia. I wasn't sure exactly what her plan was, and I was nervous to find out. She waited, still as a statue, for what felt like hours. The sky began to turn dark, and finally, Emanuel and Alexei stepped out of the trees. They walked toward the Cornucopia, clearly angry about not finding Sydney and Prim. Sydney raised her bow and knocked an arrow. She pulled back and took a deep breath, fierce determination written in her eyes. Her nostrils flared and she let the arrow fly.

I remembered how she had never been a good shot while we were together on the squad, but I guess anger made her arrow fly perfectly straight. It buried itself in Alexei's chest, and he stopped moving. He clutched at the end that stuck out in front of him, and Emanuel turned around to face him. His eyes widened, and Alexei's mouth gaped open and closed. He fell straight forward, and I sounded the cannon as soon as his heart stopped. Emanuel walked over and closed his eyes. Alexei had been his partner after all, and while Emanuel was a ruthless killer, he seemed to acknowledge that silent respect that came with a fallen comrade.

He stood up slowly, and turned towards Sydney's position. "I see you've decided not to shoot me too." He said, nodding. Sydney threw the bow on the ground and ripped the sheath of arrows off of her back.

"Stay here Prim. Don't move until I say so." She whispered, placing a light kiss on Prim's forehead. "That would be too easy wouldn't it?" She said to Emanuel, walking towards him. She unsheathed her sword, smirking at him. "Besides, I think we both know I couldn't hit a target like that again." He took the longsword he had slung around his back and drew it out. Sydney stopped about ten feet away fromm him. The look in her eyes was pure hatred. I held my breath, waiting for one of them to make the first move. The wind blew through the field, and the grass whipped at their ankles. It blew Sydney's hair across her face, but she just continued to stare at Emanuel.

Finally, Sydney swung at him. She moved like a snake, her blade slicing through the air, but Emanuel was just as fast. He parried the blow like it was nothing, and knocked her sword to the side. He tried to swing down at her back, but she twisted around and side-stepped the strike. They dueled like this for a long time, both anticipating the others movements. Waiting out to see if their endurance would help them, but they were too evenly matched. Their strikes got slower and their arms got heavier. I could see the fatigue building up inside of them.

It was Emanuel who got the upper hand first. He moved in on Sydney, and when she blocked his strike, he dropped his sword and elbowed her under her rib cage, then he used his free hand to twist her sword away, and it flew through the air and landed too far away for Sydney to reach it. Emanuel stabbed his sword out, and I couldn't help but yell. I thought Sydney was a goner, but her reflexes came to the rescue and she moved out of the way quickly enough. Sydney lashed out with her leg and hit Emanuel's wrist with a vicious kick. He cried out in pain and let his sword go, and Sydney kicked it away. He fell to the ground and clutched his hand.

She moved away from him, doubled over. She coughed up blood, and sweat dripped down her forehead and into her eyes. She grimaced in pain, struggling with each breath. Emanuel staggered back to his feet and clenched and unclenched his fist, gritting his teeth in pain.

"Just let me kill her." Emanuel snarled, nodding at Prim. "You know what's going to happen, and I warned you of it before. If by some miracle you can kill me, it'll be down to you and her, and then you're a dead woman. You think Katniss Everdeen loves you more than her sister? You're naïve Harper. Friends mean nothing to her. Thresh saved her life, and she didn't give a damn about him. She didn't try to save him after all he did for her, so what makes you think you're any different?"

"You're disgusting." Sydney answered. "This is what they want! They want us to be animals, Emanuel. They want to turn us into killers. The Capitol wants us to forget our humanity, but we can't let them. We have to stand up to them, or we'll turn into one of them."

"Give me a break Sydney. We can't do anything to them. Everdeen tried, and they blew up her district. You think this stupid rebellion is going to work? You're a fool." He snarled. "So just listen to me. Step aside and let me kill Primrose, then you and I can finish duking it out and decide who is the real winner of these games."

Sydney looked back at Prim with dark eyes and shook her head. This was her moment. She was going to defy the Capitol here and now, or she was going to give in and let Emanuel kill my little sister. I gripped the table in front of me so hard I thought the metal would bend under my fingers. Prim's life was totally in Sydney's hands. The fate of the rebellion was too. If she gave in to the Capitol, it would give them all the power they needed to fuel their support. "You know I'm right." Emanuel shouted from across the field.

Sydney slowly turned her head back to him and narrowed her eyes. "You are right. At least about one thing. You and I are going to fight it out, but I will never let you murder that girl as long as I'm still breathing." Emanuel shook his head at her. Then he charged.

He lashed a kick out at her head, but she ducked underneath his leg and struck back, kneeing him in the stomach. She tried to lock him, but he undercut her and pushed her away. His fist thrust out and hit her square across the face, and she staggered back. He tried to punch again, but she blocked it and kicked him in the stomach. He grabbed her foot in his hands and twisted her around, throwing her to the ground.

He climbed on top of her and she punched him in the side. I could hear the crunch from the microphones, and Emanuel grimaced and grunted at the pain of his own ribs breaking. He didn't stop thought. He held Sydney's arms down with his knees and hit her repeatedly in the face, then, he put his hands around her throat. I jumped up from my chair and started frantically pushing buttons, trying everything I could to stop what was happening. Nothing I did worked. All of my commands were being short-circuited. I punched the table over and over again. "No!" I yelled, looking at Bartimaeus for help, but he only shrugged at me. I could see Sydney's face turning blue as she struggled to breath under Emanuel's strong grip. His face was screwed up into a maniacal grin, and I knew she was going to die. I didn't want that. I couldn't let that happen.

"There's nothing you can do." A voice said from behind me. I didn't want to hear Snow. Not now. "She will die. When it comes down to this, the game makers are no longer necessary. Its better to watch them fight it out on their own." I could hear the smile in his voice, but I wouldn't accept what he said.

"Let me help her!" I screamed, fighting with the controls. I started slamming my hands down on the control board, attempting to force the buttons and knobs to work again. Sydney couldn't die. I looked up at the screen and watched in horror as she squirmed underneath Emanuel. I could feel the scream building in my throat, but all of a sudden, Emanuel's hands dropped. Blood spurted from his mouth, and he put his hands to his chest. He rolled off of Sydney and layed on his side. The red x appeared over his face, and I noticed the knife sticking out of his back. Behind him was Prim, shaking where she stood, two more knives in her hands, poised to be thrown. "Give it a flick and let it fly." She said, repeating the instructions Sydney had given her in training.

Sydney rolled over onto her hands and knees and took huge gasping breaths. She coughed and sputtered, but she was going to be ok. Prim made her way over to her friend, and tried to help her up. "Sydney, are you ok?" Sydney raised her eyes up to meet Prim's, and they were watering from the strain of being unable to breath. She didn't say a word. She just threw her arms around Prim's neck and hugged her.

"And all this time it was supposed to be me who saved you." Sydney said, laughing. She pulled Prim away and held her at arm's length. "We're ok." She looked over at Emanuel's lifeless body, and I saw the fear creep into her eyes. Blood dripped down her forehead and ran down the side of her face.

"What happens now?" Prim asked warily. They looked back at each other, and I knew that neither of them knew what to do. They wouldn't kill each other, that much I knew. So maybe the games would be over. I would make sure they wouldn't be harmed, so they would survive in the arena, and eventually President Snow would have to let them leave. Everything was going to be ok. For the first time since these games had started, I felt happy.

I didn't realize what was going on until I felt the Peacekeeper's hands clutch my arms. I was still standing at the control panel, and they pulled me back to let President Snow by. I struggled against them to get free, unsure why I was being restrained. Snow frowned when he saw that I had destroyed the panel with my pounding when Sydney was about to die, so he nodded to a Peacekeeper, who plucked Bartimaeus out of his chair and dragged him from the room. "No…what are you going to do to him?" I said to Snow.

"I'm afraid, there is no room for rebel sympathizers in the Capitol." He answered. I watched in horror as they carried him from the room, and he reached out to me in his final gesture, but there was nothing I could do. He was a dead man. His sympathy for me had killed him.

Snow stood at his station and punched in a few codes. I looked back at the screen, worriedly awaiting whatever twist he had decided to throw into the arena. I saw Sydney's eyebrows raise. "Do you hear that?" She asked Prim slowly. She backed away and cocked her head to the left, trying to identify the sound. "It sounds like wind, or something. Like something is coming towards us." She looked back at my sister, who was also listening intently. I noticed it then. A huge wall of fire was bearing down on them. Sydney yelled as it swept in a circle around them. They were surrounded by a circle of orange and yellow flames. Prim started to move towards Sydney for protection, but suddenly, another jet of fire sliced across the middle of the circle, cutting them off from one another.

"What are you doing?" I asked Snow incredulously. "How is someone supposed to win if they can't even get near each other?" I dreaded what he was going to say next. Part of me didn't want to know the gruesome end he had in mind.

"You see, Ms. Everdeen, this year, its not so much about winning. This year, the games are less about them," he said, pointing at Sydney and Prim, "and more about you." He looked at me with his sharp blue eyes. "I don't care if we have a winner this year. Everyone knows these games are a joke. They were to show our power, but your district didn't take the bait and surrender like we hoped, so I had to think of a new way to use them to our advantage, and I knew you were the key."

He paced across the room in front of me. "See, I was going to just use you as game maker to torture you. Make you become the person you loath with all of you heart. I thought that would be a good punishment for your insolence, but then I got a genius idea. I decided the moment that buzzer started that Sydney and little Primrose would be the last two competitors standing. I decided I wouldn't let them kill each other. I would make someone else choose who won, and that someone is you."

My eyes widened and I gasped. I shook my head repeatedly. "I won't." I answered him. "I can't. I can't kill one of them."

He laughed at me coldly. "Well, if you don't choose one, I'll just kill them both." His hand hovered over the keyboard. "I don't care who survives."

"No!" I shouted at him. "No…don't. Please." I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes. This couldn't be happening to me. How did he expect me to choose between Sydney and Prim. I blinked them away, trying not to show my weakness.

"You have five minutes to decide." He said. I had been pushing the thought to the back of my mind ever since the chariot parade, hoping that I would find a way to save them both. Some part of me always thought that it would be obvious. Of course I would choose Prim, but that part of me also thought along the way, Sydney would do something to make the choice easier, like going with the careers or turning Prim over to Emanuel, but she didn't.

Every time her loyalty to me or to thirteen was tested, she proved herself. She held her ground and refused to give in. She protected my sister from killers and animals and everything else that could have gotten her in the arena. Sydney had hunted for her and helped insulate the shelter. They had shared stories about their lives to pass the time, and she had been there for Prim the whole time, comforting her and assuring her that everything was going to be ok.

I also thought about everything Sydney had done for me. She had stood up for me when guards tried to beat me for no reason. I remembered the story of her father, and how she told me she just wanted to make him proud. She had definitely made him proud. She was the strongest person I had ever known. I couldn't kill Sydney Harper. I wouldn't know what to do without her.

But Prim was Prim. She was my little sister. I had been protecting her for my whole life. This had all started because I volunteered for her at the reaping, so wouldn't it be a waste if I let her die now? She was my family, the only thing that kept me going when I felt like giving up. I wouldn't kill her either. It was an impossible choice, but I couldn't let them both die. How was I supposed to choose? The clock was ticking. I knew I had to choose.

"You have the power now, Katniss." Snow said to me. "You get to choose who lives and who dies." And I did. It was my time to show my strength. To stand up to President Snow and all of his oppression, but how? By killing my family member or my best friend? That sounded a lot like just giving in to me.

"I don't understand." I heard Prim say, shouting over the noise of the fire. "What is Katniss doing? Trying to set us on fire?"

Sydney shook her head. "It's not Katniss. It can't be. At first I thought it was her. I thought she was trying to separate us and stop either of us from doing something rash, but I don't think that's it. I don't think she's in control anymore." The fire started creeping closer and closer to them. Prim backed away from it, afraid.

"What are we supposed to do?" She asked. "How can there be a winner if neither of us will kill each other?" Sydney looked up at Prim, and a look of realization spread across her face. She knew what was happening.

"We don't get to choose the winner." She said slowly. "It's about Katniss. This whole thing has been about her. She's not in the arena because Snow decided to do something much more cruel." Prim looked at her quizzically. "She has to choose Prim. Don't you see it? She has to choose who lives and who dies."

Prim shook her head violently. "She won't choose. She'll let both of us live." The flames closed in on them even more. "She'll save us Sydney, I know she will."

"I don't think it works that way Prim." Sydney shouted. Her eyes fixed on the ground. She looked to her left, and I saw her jaw clench. "They're evil." She shouted. I couldn't tell if she was talking to Prim or me or herself. "They can't do this to her. They can't turn her into a monster. I won't let them." Her hands turned to fists at her sides. "You're better than them Katniss!" She shouted into the air.

"Choose Katniss." I heard Snow whisper from across the room. "Choose." I couldn't choose. How was I supposed to do that? I started to panic. I looked from Prim to Sydney to Prim to Sydney, my head whipping back and forth. I was a monster. I was a murderer if I killed one of them.

"I won't let them." Sydney whispered again.

"Choose!" I heard Snow repeat. His voice beginning to rise. He stared at the screen, his face angry.

"Prim…I need you to turn around." Sydney said. Prim started to protest, but Sydney quieted her. "Turn around Prim, and don't turn back until you hear the cannon."

"What do you mean?" Prim answered, her voice a panicked scream. "Are you going to kill me?"

"Just turn Prim." Sydney demanded. Prim turned around slowly. I could see her shaking. Sydney knelt down and pulled something out of her boot. It was a small knife. She examined it carefully, and held it in her right hand. "I need you to be strong Prim. I need you to be strong for Katniss." She said bravely. Not a single tear touched her cheeks. Not in this moment. "She's going to need you. You have to tell her that its not her fault. Remind her that I did this for all of us. That I did this to help destroy them."

"CHOOSE!" Snow yelled. His fist slammed down onto the table. "Dammit you will choose who dies!"

"Goodbye Prim." Sydney said, before plunging the knife into her stomach.

Time seemed to move very slowly. I felt my jaw drop and a gasp fall from my lips. I watched the pain spread across Sydney's face. I saw Prim turn on her heels. I vaguely heard her scream, but it was so far away. Snow was shouting some angry words to a few guards, but I didn't understand him. The noises of the world seemed so far away. All I could hear was the wind in the arena. All I could see was Sydney, still clutching the handle of the knife. Her head turned upwards slightly, and she fell onto her knees. Her eyes looked so far away, like she was looking beyond the fire and out into the wilderness. I heard a banging noise from behind me, but I didn't turn. I could only watch Sydney. I saw the blood running down her stomach. She fell onto her hands, and I could see her struggling to breath. I heard the muffled sound of Prim yelling her name. The screen went fuzzy, and it was like I couldn't see anymore.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, tugging at me. I vaguely registered that the pressure from the Peacekeeper's grip on my arms were no longer there. I looked down at my hands, and saw them shaking. Why had they let me go? I felt the hand tugging my shoulder again, and I turned around, tearing my eyes from the screen. The room was blurry. I couldn't make anything out. Tears and confusion and pain blocked my vision. Someone was yelling at me. I saw the figure standing right in front me, looking at my face and yelling, but I couldn't tell who it was. I tried to refocus myself. I tried to zone back in on the real world. I heard shouts and bangs and gunfire around my head. Then I heard a familiar name say my voice. "Katniss! What are you doing?" He yelled frantically. "Katniss, run. We have to go now!"

The world suddenly snapped back into focus, and I saw Peeta standing in front of me, a worried look on his face. I could feel myself just staring at him, but I couldn't speak. He waited for me to say something and when I didn't, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the control room. As we ran out the door, I took one last look at the control room. It was being torn apart by thirteen soldiers. The Peacekeepers were either surrendering or being shot. The screen had gone completely blank, but a large red light was beeping on the control board. The Capitol was being invaded.

I whipped my head around and made my feet move. Peeta had been dragging me, but I forced myself to run. We sprinted out the door and down the hallway. I hadn't set foot outside the control room for six days, and my legs were stiff from lack of use. Peeta kept looking back at me nervously, but I didn't say anything. I was still trying to process Sydney's death.

She had sacrificed herself for me. Not directly, but it had been on my account. It was so I didn't have to suffer, so I didn't have to choose. As we ran through the corridors of the central building, I saw thirteen soldiers everywhere. Most were chasing down Peacekeepers or clearing out rooms. Peeta pulled me down several flights of stairs, and we stepped out into the blazing sun. 

It had been nearly two months since I had been outside. First solitary confinement, then the prison, then the games and the control room. The sunlight nearly blinded me, and I doubled over and shielded my eyes. I blinked a couple of times and stared at the ground, waiting for the colors to come back to me. I squinted and looked up at Peeta. He looked terrified, like he was unsure if I would make it. I still didn't have words, but I leaned into him and closed my eyes, my lips pressing against his.

It was unlike any other kiss we had ever shared. This kiss was hungry and passionate and needy. It was full of longing and loss and love. I had thought I was never going to see him again, and yet here I was in his arms, kissing him again. His lips were just as soft and strong as I remembered. He put his hand on my cheek and his tongue pushed against mine. I grabbed his hips and pulled him closer to me. It had been so long. I was here with him again. I was with Peeta again and everything was going to be ok. It had all been a dream. I would open my eyes and we would be standing in the bedroom, getting ready to go to the ball. He would bring me back. He would save me.

"You got her!" It was Gale's voice that broke us apart. He ran up to us, a smile spread across his face. I pulled away from Peeta and turned to Gale. He looked so happy. He must not know about her. Of course they wouldn't know. If they had been invading the Capitol they wouldn't have seen the end of the games. They wouldn't have seen Sydney take her own life. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to watch the pain sink in. He hugged me tightly. "Welcome back Kat!" He laughed. "We're going to be ok! But we have to get out of here now." Peeta nodded at him and placed a rifle in my hands, kissing me one more time. I loaded the gun and flipped the safety. It looked like we were going to have to fight our way out.

I could feel the exhaustion catching up to me. I hadn't slept in six days, and I was beginning to feel delusional. I pushed myself forward, forcing myself to keep up with Gale and Peeta. I stumbled a few times, but I kept my gun ahead of me and managed to take down a few Peacekeepers. We ducked behind a building for cover as a bomb exploded to our left. "What's going on?" I yelled to Peeta over the gunfire.

"We're ending this war." He yelled back, rising up and firing at a Peacekeeper across the alley. "As soon as we saw the games start to heat up with the death of Lexie, we headed in. We figured the Capitol would be distracted, so it was our best opportunity. It worked! They don't know what hit them." He pointed across the alley to a tall building. "That's our extraction point. We have to get to the roof and there will be a hover craft waiting for us." I nodded, and Peeta signaled to Gale that it was time to go. He ran out from cover and fired across the road, mowing down the Capitol soldiers that were in our way. Peeta and I sprinted after him, and we squeezed through the door just as another bomb exploded behind us.

Gale laughed. "They're trying to retaliate. They don't realize it's too late for them." He waved at us to follow him, and we started up the stairs. As we climbed, I could feel my legs giving out. I knew we had to reach the top, but I was so tired. I just wanted to stay and rest, but I knew I couldn't. I stumbled on the top step of one of the landings and fell hard on my knee. My breath came in shallow rasping gasps. The floor was spinning beneath my feet. I couldn't go on. I was too exhausted. They had to get out of here without me.

I felt myself being lifted off of my feet, and Peeta's arms were around me. Gale was next to him, asking if he needed help, but Peeta shook his head. "We have to go now!" He yelled. They sprinted up the stairs. I tried to focus on Peeta's face, but I couldn't. It was like every muscle in my body had gone limp. All I could feel were Peeta's strong arms around me, carrying me home. Peeta Mellark, saving my life once again. I would never stop owing him.

We reached the roof and the hovercraft was waiting for us. Haymitch stood on the ramp and waved his arms, screaming at us to hurry. Why was he here? I guess command came out for this one. This was our moment of triumph after all. They wanted to be here to soak it all in, and so they could accurately gloat about it later.

Peeta carried me up the ramp and the coolness of the helicopter air conditioning hit me. I tapped him on the shoulder, signaling that I could stand. He kept his arm around my waist and I kept one around his shoulders. We walked to the center of the craft, where the flight deck was. I looked up, and President Coin was standing there staring at me. The generals were around her. I felt the craft lift up from under us, and we were in the air. 

The rest of my team was there as well. Johanna was nursing a small stab wound, but the look of victory was spread across her face, and she waved to me excitedly. Furman and Finnick were both wrapping up bruises and cuts that covered their arms. They looked up and smiled when we walked in. They were congratulating each other on a job well done, and everyone came over to clap Peeta and Gale on the back. "I guess you did get them out alive after all." Finnick said with a chuckle. "And here we thought they were goners! I'll never doubt the power of love again." He said sarcastically. Them. He meant me and Sydney. So none of them knew. They had all been in the field. I looked up at Coin and stared her in the eyes.

She looked at me knowingly. She had to have been watching. She had to have seen Sydney die, but she didn't tell them. She would leave that for me. "What's the status of the other craft?" Gale ran up to the pilot. "The one from the arena. Did it make it out ok?" The pilot nodded at him and reassured him that its status was good, and it was headed back to the Capitol. 

I watched the smile spread across Gale's face. I had to tell him. I couldn't let him believe he was going to see Sydney again, then have him watch her body being laid out in before his eyes. I wanted him to hear it from a friend, from someone who was in just as much pain as he was. "It doesn't matter." I choked out, staring at the floor. I felt the tears start to flow. I hadn't cried before out of shock, but it was all hitting me now.

Gale looked at me, confused. "What do you mean?" He asked. I took a deep breath in, I was about to break his heart for the second time. I looked him in the eyes. Trying to hold back the sobs.

"She won't be there Gale." He shook his head in disbelief.

"We saw her. She was fine. Her and Prim and those two guys were in the arena. They were fine. That girl had just saved her. The careers walked away from her, they were headed in the other directon."

"She went after them." I held onto Peeta even more tightly. I looked at the faces of my team. Their eyes were all fixed on me. "She went after them and fought with Emanuel. He tried to strangle her, but Prim saved her life."

"Then it was just the two of them left, and our craft got there. They got there and pulled them out. There's no way one of them killed the other." He was in denial. He wouldn't believe what I said.

"Snow…he made me chose. He was going to kill them both if I didn't get pick which one I wanted to survive, but I couldn't pick one. Sydney….Sydney killed herself to save me from that. She didn't want me to have to make the choice, so she made it herself. She wanted to defy them one last time." Saying it out loud made it real. The best friend I had ever had was dead, and it was my fault.

I looked back at Gale. I watched him fall into a million pieces before my eyes. His face contorted, and a snarl crossed his lips. He looked at Coin for answers, like she would tell him that I was wrong. "Katniss is right. My daughter…is dead." She said coldly. Gale went crazy. He flipped a table over and threw his gun against the wall. Then he slammed his hand repeatedly into the desk and fell to the floor. I could feel his heart snap in two. It was the only time I had really seen Gale cry. When we were in the woods before the mission in district seven, he had teared up, but it was nothing like this. He buried his head in his hands and sobbed, saying her name over and over again.

Coin sighed. "Give him some tranquilizers." She said to the guards who stood by the door.

"She's your daughter." I spat out. "Shouldn't you need tranquilizers?" I couldn't believe her nonchalance. She really didn't give a damn about Sydney. She was heartless. I looked into her grey eyes, searching for any sign of remorse or pain, but I couldn't find any.

"I have more important things to do." She turned to the man on the right of the pilot.

"We're at the proper distance." The man said, typing away on his keyboard.

"Blow them away." Coin said slyly. "Let's end this damn war." The man nodded to her and pressed a few buttons. A timer appeared on the screens in front of us, counting down from sixty.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"We're destroying the Capitol." She answered frankly. "Once and for all."

"You can't!" I yelled. "Our soldiers are in there. There's no way you got them all out. They weren't even close to being evacuated when we got up here. We have to get them out of there before they get caught in the explosions."

"There's no time." She said. "We have to surprise them. If we give them a chance, Capitol citizens will get out, and we wouldn't want that."

"Some of them are just people." I argued, thinking of Bartimaeus. "It's just Snow and the keepers you want to kill. Don't punish the citizens."

"O we have Snow. He will die a slow, painful death." A wicked smile crossed her lips. "As far as the Capitol citizens, they're all evil as far as I'm concerned. And those soldiers will have sacrificed their lives for a good cause. We will remember them as heroes." She turned her back on me and stared out the window of the hovercraft. I watched the counter click down to thirty seconds.

Those men probably didn't know what was about to happen. They were about to be blown to pieces, and they didn't even realize it. They probably didn't think their President would lead them in to die, but they didn't know Coin. She was evil, and she didn't care about anyone but herself.

I don't know if it was the death of Sydney or the exhaustion I felt or the look on Gale's face, but something inside me snapped. I thought about everything Coin had done. How she had sent Prim over to the Capitol. How she had slapped Sydney and put her down at every opportunity. How she had constantly bullied me and everyone else so she could get what she wanted. She had tried to kill Peeta. She had threatened my family. She had controlled Gale to the point where he went insane. She was the epitome of cruel. I hated her. This was all her fault in the end. She hadn't even cared when Sydney had died. No. Worse than that. She hadn't even pretended to care.

The timer hit zero, and the hovercraft shook as the Capitol was blown into bits behind us. I had enough of her. Of her lies and her betrayals and her control. I was done being owned by her. Snow had said I got to choose who lived and who died, so I was choosing. I raised my rifle up and aimed it carefully at the back of her head. Before anyone could stop me, I pulled the trigger.


	23. Chapter 23

Note: Ok SO! This is the last official chapter. It's jus kind of a wrap up. There will be an epilogue to follow shortly. It has been a blast writing this, and I cried when I finished this chapter. Thank you so much for you support, I couldn't have done it without you cheering me on. It has been an honor to write for you, and I hope you really enjoyed the story. Leave me your final reviews, and check back for the epilogue!

I was so exhausted at first that I didn't even dream. I didn't remember fainting. The last thing I recall seeing is the back of President Coin's head. After I pulled the trigger on my rifle, everything was just kind of a blur. I didn't feel happy or triumphant. I didn't feel glorious. I felt relieved. I dropped the rifle to the ground by my side, and after that, everything was blank.

I felt like I was floating through some world that was halfway between reality and delusion. I didn't see shapes or people, only colors and flashes of light. I didn't have to think about anything that had occurred in the last two years. I didn't have to remember the pain and suffering I had gone through. I just relaxed and floated on, dreaming of nothing. Thinking of nothing.

But the peace didn't last. Eventually, the nightmares started. I replayed the last two years over in my mind. It was like my brain had taken a video of it, and had waited until now to show it to me. It started with the games, then went on to the Victory Tour, then the Quell, then my time in thirteen. In between each scene, I would go back to floating and flashing colors. It showed me all of our missions in excruciating detail, and I was forced to relieve Craig's death. I saw myself kneeling over her body, her head in my lap. I heard myself screaming, then I fainted. The picture materialized in front of me, and I was floating again. It was a terrible, surreal experience, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't wake up. I was too tired. I needed the sleep.

The next nightmare was the worst. It was also the most detailed. It started with me walking into the training center and watching Sydney fight Gale. It flashed to us getting ready to go into the combat simulator. I watched her smile and laugh, promising to watch my back. I saw myself judging her. I saw myself wasting so much time I could have spent getting to know her. I saw her repeated attempts to make friends with me. She would ask me questions about my life and try to make small talk with me, but I repeatedly shut her down.

Re-watching it made me feel terrible. It was more than just wasting time. I realized how awful I had been to her. Haymitch was right. I had no place judging her. I was being selfish and cruel, and I hated it. I wanted the nightmare to end, but it wouldn't. It flashed forward to woods. We hugged, and started to move back to thirteen. The soldiers were behind us. I wanted to scream at us to run, but I couldn't. The scene faded out, and I was waking up in prison. I was kneeling over Sydney's lifeless form, trying everything I could to heal her wounds.

Next, she was telling me the story of her father. She was announcing her hatred for Coin, and I found myself telling her my life story. This was worse than the cruelness, because this is what it would have been like in thirteen if she hadn't died. We would have been friends. She would have been in my wedding, as long as she didn't have to wear yellow. I laughed at the memory. I could see her lips moving, and I watched myself laughing at her story. I missed her more than anything. I didn't want to believe that she was dead. She couldn't be gone forever.

I relived the entirety of the games. I watched her stand up to the careers when they tried to kill Prim. She took care of my little sister like she was her own, and I could feel the gratitude welling up in my chest. I saw her kneel over Lexie's body, and watched the determination in her eyes as she shot Alexei. This is the girl I wanted to remember. I didn't want to think about her death, I wanted to remember what she was like when she was fighting back.

I knew I couldn't escape it. It was coming. Prim killed Emanuel, and I watched the fire sweep around them. Then, Sydney drove the knife into her stomach. I thought it was over, but it wasn't. It was like the tape in my head had skipped, and it replayed that scene over and over again. I watched her tell Prim to turn around, heard myself screaming at her to stop. I was even next to her at one point, trying to grab her hands and pull the knife out of them, but I couldn't touch her. My hands just went right through hers. So I watched her stab herself, over and over again. She was dead. She was never coming back. I would never see that sarcastic smirk cross her lips or hear that voice that was wise beyond its years. Sydney was gone forever.

I fell to the ground as I watched her die for the hundredth time. I could feel the hot wind blowing around my face, but all of a sudden, the fire went out. The world around us turned into a murky grey mist. I looked at Prim, and she slowly disappeared into the fog, her mouth still moving in a hopeless cry for Sydney's life. Then, it was just me and Sydney. She stared at me, eyes watering. "Katniss. Why didn't you help me?" She asked.

"I couldn't…I'm sorry…. I wanted to, but there was nothing I could do. I wanted to save you." I saw her shake her head, and she slowly began to fade away. "Don't leave Sydney. Don't make it start over again. I can't watch it again. Please, just come back."

"I forgive you." She said, her green eyes shining in the mist. I just stared into them, and they were the last thing to disappear. I tried to blink my tears away, and when I opened my eyes, she was gone. I thought I would float again, but I felt different. I felt like I was rising, like something was lifting me upwards, through the sky and out of the arena. I came back into my body, and finally, I was awake.

I didn't dare open my eyes. Everything I had done rushed back to me, and my heart filled with fear. I had killed President Coin. I had shot her in the back of the head. I would probably be executed. I thought about Peeta. I didn't want to leave him, and I knew he couldn't handle it. He would go insane without me. Why had I been so selfish? Why hadn't I just thought before I acted for once? Sure I wanted her dead, but now I was going to pay the price. I should have just waited until we were back in thirteen. I should have staged a political rebellion, instead of assassinating her.

The room around me was silent. There was probably a guard outside the door, making sure I didn't escape. I wouldn't do that. The only person in the world who I cared about or wanted was in thirteen, so running away would do nothing. I still didn't open my eyes, but I could feel the sunlight burning against my eyelids. There shouldn't have been sunlight. Thirteen was underground. So we were in some other district. I exhaled slowly. It was time to open my eyes. It was time to face what I had done and the losses I had suffered. I had to be strong.

My eyelids fluttered open, and the room came into focus. The natural light was bright, but I could see a shadowy figure leaning against the wall. I blinked a few times, trying to clear my head. My eyes adjusted to the light, and I squinted across the room. The figure turned towards me, and I could hear the smile that spread across her lips, "Have a nice sleep princess?" The voice was too familiar. I had heard that sentence before. Five weeks ago, in a cell deep below some Capitol prison.

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to come back to reality. I was still dreaming. I had to be. There was no way Sydney Harper was standing in my room. She had died. I had watched her die. I opened my eyes again, and she was still standing there, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, a smile playing at her lips. "Well, don't look TOO happy to see me alive. I wouldn't want you to get all worked up or anything." I stuttered, trying to speak, but I couldn't. I tried to jump up, to pull myself off of the bed and run over to her. I jerked my arm forward, but something restrained me. I looked down, and noticed I was handcuffed to the bed. Right. I was an assassin.

"Yeah…" She said, making her way towards me slowly. Her face came into focus and I saw that she still had several large bruises over her eyes from where Emanuel had punched her, and a large white bandage covered her head. So it was real. Dream Sydney hadn't been covered in bandages like that. It also meant that I hadn't been asleep for too long. "You did a very bad thing. From what I've heard, killing the President is probably a crime."

She sat down slowly in the chair next to me, grimacing. I saw that she was wearing a hospital gown and slippers, and there was a band around her wrist. She crossed her legs carefully and leaned back into the chair, folding her hands in her lap. It was so casual, so normal, but she shouldn't even be breathing right now. "You're dead." I finally got out. "You should be dead."

"Ahhh. Yes. I should be, and yet…here I am." She spread her hands out and crossed them behind her head. "I guess I have your sister to thank for that."

"What do you mean?" I didn't understand. Prim had just been standing there. When Sydney fell to the ground and passed out, Prim had just stood there and watched, blocked by the flames.

"Apparently, she jumped through the middle of the fire to try and save me. She covered herself in the blanket that was left in her backpack and just ran through the flames. I don't know what she did, but somehow she kept me breathing until the thirteen hovercraft got there. That's the real miracle. Thank god they invaded when they did." She shook her head and her face got serious. "I was dead. For a few minutes. I don't really remember it. I just know one minute I was in so much pain from the knife, then the next, it was gone. Everything was just black, there were no feelings, only peace. It was kind of nice."

She turned her head and looked out the window, her eyes were far away. I knew she was back in the arena. She was remembering. That would never go away. There were some moments where I would be doing something totally normal, and all of a sudden I would get these flashbacks. It was like I wasn't standing in the kitchen or lying on the couch anymore. I was back there, fighting for my life and watching people die around me.

"The nightmares are the worst part." She said without turning her head. "I relive the deaths every day. I watch myself kill Zane and Alexei and Emanuel. I stand over Lexie's body and just cry. I wake up in the middle of the night sweating and screaming, and it feels like I'm still trapped in there. Part of me will always remain in that arena."

"It doesn't stop." I said softly. "The nightmares get better eventually, but that panicked feeling will never go away. You're constantly on alert. You always feel like you have to watch your back. You can suppress it, but it will always be there." She looked back at me with sad eyes. Eyes that had seen too much. Sydney had changed. She wasn't the same person I had left in the prison. She had been to hell and back, and part of her was still there. "But, you're alive. That's a miracle in itself. I never thought I would see you again. I didn't think that—"

"Who would you have chosen?" She interrupted me. Her eyes bore into my skull, and the question caught me off guard. I never did make a decision, but in the back of my mind I knew it was Prim. My gaze dropped to the sheets in front of me. It wasn't that I had wanted Sydney to die, but Prim was my sister. She would always be my sister, but I felt the same way about Sydney as I did about Prim. There was no way I could choose between them. I didn't look back up at her. She seemed to take my silence as a clear choice.

"I understand." I heard the chair scrape on the ground and my head snapped up. "Trust me. I mean, I picked her too after all." She let out a small laugh. It was full of pain. She made her way to the door, a hurt look on her face.

"Don't leave!" I shouted after her. "Please…I thought you were dead Don't leave me now."

"I'm not even supposed to be here." She answered, pulling open the door. "No one is. You're in solitary confinement, but hell, when have I ever followed the rules?" She turned her back on me and stepped out the door. She turned back. "Goodbye Katniss." She said quietly, and then she was gone.

I looked at the door. I waited for her to come back. Waited for her to run back in and give me a hug. Waited for her to be happy she was still alive, but the door stayed closed. Somehow I always managed to do this. I always pushed people away even if I was trying so hard to keep them close to me. It didn't matter that Sydney had made it out of the arena alive, she didn't want to be my friend. It sounded pathetic, but it was true. The only real friend I had ever had, and I had let her down. I would have let her die. What kind of person was I?

I didn't deserve to survive. Not while all of these people were dying around me. I wasn't worthy of their sacrifice. They were all so good, and what was I? A self-centered, self-righteous girl who would do anything necessary to get her way. I would have let my best friend die at the hands of the Capitol. I would have sat back and done nothing. I wouldn't have tried to find a loophole or to fight Snow off. All of this time I talked about how much of a rebel I was, but didn't I just play along with their games?

I had done it for Prim. That's what I told myself. But I could have gotten her out of there. Sydney would have. Peeta would have. I didn't deserve Peeta. He was so much better than me. He did everything he could to try and save me, and I just sat there and did nothing. I didn't try to break out or lead the prison in a rebellion. I wasn't strong enough. He was better off without me. They all were. I was poison to their lives. A thorn in their side. I had suddenly lost the will to survive.

I knew what would happen when I got out of here. It would be easy. I wanted it to be painless, but I was going to be dead, so did it really matter? I knew I was a disappointment. I was just giving up after all they had done for me, but I didn't care anymore. They would mourn me for a while, but they would move on. I hoped Peeta would find someone who was good enough for him. I loved him more than life itself, but I couldn't bring myself to hurt him anymore.

I laid in bed, ready to be executed. I knew that's what would happen, and I wasn't going to fight them. I didn't want to live anyway. I rested every once in a while, but sleep didn't come easily. I never shed a tear. It wasn't sad really. The world would work better without me in it. I should be happy that so many lives would be improved by this.

Suddenly, the door swung open. Peeta stepped into the room and saw I was awake. A smile grew on his lips and he walked over to me. He wrapped his arms around me, and held me close to him. I breathed in the unique smell of bread and spices that only belonged to Peeta, and I felt so good. Being close to him was the only thing that mattered to me. I tried to hug him back, but I remembered that my wrist was still cuffed to the bed. He looked at me, confused, then saw the cuffs and laughed. He turned to a Peacekeeper and pointed.

They came over and unlatched me from the bedrails. I rubbed my wrists and exhaled, finally relieved of the restraints. I looked at Peeta and tried my best to muster up a fake smile. I assumed the guard was here to march me off to my death, but he stepped back from the bed and walked out of the room. I looked after him, and my confusion must have been clear. "You're free Kat." Peeta said, hugging me again. "They let you go."

He kissed me on the neck, then on the cheek, then laughed as he kissed my lips. I was too stunned to respond. I was free? I had assassinated the President, and now I was free? "How?" I muttered against his lips.

"_President_ Harper of course." Peeta said, rolling his eyes. I looked at him, shocked. "You must be confused. I'll start after the hovercraft. We made an emergency landing in district eight. Coin had to be rushed to the hospital, although she was clearly already dead. The craft from the arena met us there because thirteen's best doctors were on it. That's when Sydney got off and they rushed her to the emergency room.

So they carried you to this room I guess. They wouldn't tell me where they had taken you, so I pulled a Gale and went crazy on them, and they decided to sedate me. They woke me up a day later, and Sydney was alive again. We had a command meeting. Everyone was shouting and arguing, and no one really knew what to do with you. The generals wanted to execute you, but then Haymitch brought them the evidence."

"The evidence?" I asked him incredulously. What evidence was there?

"Beetee taped everything that Coin did to us. Your encounter in the hospital room, her moment in the hallway with Gale where she said she was going to kill us, even her encounter with Sydney in the hallways at the ball. They got everything on tape, and people realized how awful she was to you. Haymitch made a great case, claiming that on top of exhaustion and post-traumatic stress, she was destroying your life, and you were being a hero for the greater good. They were all convinced, but only the President can pardon criminals.

That brought us to our next problem. There was no line of succession. There were the generals, but they didn't have a desire or a claim for leadership. Coin had never appointed a vice president, so no one knew who was supposed to lead the new government of Panem. It was mass confusion. We had just won the war, but now we didn't have a leader or a voice. Jacobs brought up Sydney. She was still on life support, but Prim's actions had saved her life, and they could wake her up at any time. Jacobs pointed out that she was the daughter of the true father of the rebellion. If there was no line of succession, he said they should treat it like an inheritance, at least until someone came up with a better plan."

"So Sydney is President of Panem?" I laughed. The world had gone mad. There was no way this was going to last. Sydney was a good fighter and teammate, but she was no president.

"She WAS President. It was just a placeholder. We didn't want the generals distracted trying to fight over who was going to lead Panem, so we put a face to the President's position and went back to figuring out what to do now that the war was over. Sometime later, they brought Sydney back to consciousness, and we waited for her to be ready to make a few decisions, but when the guards went to collect her, she wasn't there. About an hour later, she turned up in the command room and demanded your release. The generals began to argue that you should at least have a trial, but she asserted her authority. I don't think they expected to deal with that when they gave her the fake title, but she used it to her advantage. I don't know what happened, but she was determined for you to get off scotch free."

"She came here." I said quietly. "To the room. She must've convinced some sympathetic nurse to bring her here. We talked. I thought I upset her, but I guess not." She had saved me.

"You definitely didn't. So anyway, they all agreed for you to be released unconditionally, and Sydney immediately handed off her power." So the façade was over, but who was our wondrous leader now?

"So whose President?" I asked Peeta, nervously playing with his hands. I hoped it was someone good. Someone honest. We needed that after Coin and Snow.

Peeta laughed. "Its…Haymitch." 

I bolted upright and squeezed Peeta's hand so hard he grimaced in pain. "Haymitch? What are they thinking?" Haymitch wasn't a President. Sure he had kept me alive and saved me numerous times, but he was a drunkard. He wasn't sane enough to lead a country.

"Don't worry," He said, running his hand through my hair and laughing lightly at my surprise. "This is only temporary to, but you have to admit Haymitch will do a little better than Sydney. There are going to be elections within the year, and a new President will be instated. We could do worse, Kat."

I leaned back in the bed and exhaled. This was too much for me to handle. Haymitch was President, Sydney had saved my life when I thought she hated me, I was a hero for assassinating Coin. "Shouldn't you be happy?" Peeta asked. He was right. Everything was backwards, but it had turned out just like I wanted it to, so why did I feel so wrong? I thought about how ready I was to die. The feeling lingered, and my chest felt heavy.

"What's wrong Katniss?" He whispered, pressing his forehead up against mine. I wanted to shut him out, but I couldn't. Not Peeta. I couldn't keep this from him.

"I was just…I was so ready to die Peeta. I wanted to even." I couldn't look into his eyes. I knew the pain I would find there. I didn't want to hurt him. "You'd all be better off without me. You know its true. I'm like an infection. I just hurt everyone around me. No one is safe as long as I'm their friend. I'm a selfish, rash, thoughtless person who only puts everyone in danger. I don't deserve this Peeta. I don't deserve you."

He was quiet for a while. "Don't…don't ever say that. Don't you understand that I can't live without you?" He stood up from the bed and paced around the room. "Can't you see that I need you? You are my everything Katniss. You are my heart and my soul and the only thing that keeps me going. You're the reason that I get up every day. You're the reason that I keep fighting."

I sat up carefully, my toes dangling over the edge of the bed. "Peeta… I—" 

"You can't just give up Katniss." He looked like he was about to cry, and I went to him. I felt like an idiot. How could I ever even imagine that I would leave Peeta? He was facing away from me, staring out the window. I wrapped my arms around his stomach and leaned my head against his back. I kissed the nape of his neck. I didn't want to die, not if Peeta wasn't going to be there. I didn't want to be anywhere he wasn't.

"I'm sorry." I whispered in between kisses. I felt him try to silence a sob, but his chest shook. I turned him towards me. "Peeta, look at me. I'm not going anywhere. Ok? I'm not going to die, I promise. I can't be where you aren't. I know that. I've always known that. I thought I was going to be executed. I thought that you would do better without me."

"I could never do better without you. I am who I am because of you Katniss. You make me strong. You hold me up when I can't do it myself. You support me in whatever I do. You make the nightmares go away and the dreams come back to me. Its ok that I don't have anyone else because you're all I need. You're stubborn and crazy and you think before you act and you constantly put yourself in life and death situations. You drive me crazy when we argue, but it just makes me want to push you up against a wall and rip your clothes off. That's what love is. It's arguments and its fights and its longing and its wanting and its missing, but its also that feeling like you're finally whole. Like you've been missing something for your entire life, but all of a sudden when that one person is around, you feel complete. Everything I do, I do for you, Katniss Everdeen. You are a part of me, and there is no possible way that I would ever even think of doing better without you."

He leaned in and locked his lips with mine. This kiss was full of all of those things, and I knew he was right. We belonged together. One of us couldn't survive without the other. He turned me around and pushed me against the wall. His hips thrusted into mine and I grabbed his hair and twisted it in my hands. Our lips crashed together and I forgot about everything else. There was no pain and no hurt. There was only Peeta and me. The only feeling I had was want for him. I didn't need anything else.

I reached my hands underneath his shirt and pulled it up over his head. It had been so long since I had been this close to him. I had been suppressing the aching need I felt for him in the pit of my stomach, and it was all coming out now. I kissed his neck and his collarbone, my hands pushing against his chest. I felt his chest vibrate as he let out a deep moan. His hands went to my pants and he unzipped them feverishly. "Peeta." I ripped my lips away from his chest and my head rested against the wall behind me as he slipped his finger inside of me. My eyelids fluttered as I moved my hips against his hand. I looked up at him, and he grinned back at me slyly. The coy look on his face only made me want him more, and I groaned and pushed him off of me.

I lifted my own shirt off over my head and pulled him over to the bed. I pushed him down onto it and climbed on top of him, grinding my body against his. I reached my hands down and ripped his pants open. I could feel him smiling at my eagerness and I pulled away from him, grinning. I looked into his deep blue eyes, and just stopped. A few days ago, I didn't think moments like this would ever come again. I wanted to savor it. I wanted to stay here forever and gaze into his eyes.

"Katniss?" He asked breathily. His cheeks were flushed and he stared intensely at me. "Do you not want to do this?"

I rested my nose against his. "There is nothing that I want more than this." I whispered, forcing our lips back together. He laughed against my kiss, and rolled me over. He put his hands on my hips and thrust into me. I had forgotten how good it felt, and I cried out in pleasure. Our hips rose and fell together, our bodies moving as one. I felt so connected to him. There was no one else in the world. Only me and Peeta Mellark, and that was the only thing that mattered.

When we finished, Peeta and I just laid under the covers in the bed, refusing to get up. It was finally over. What had started two years ago in the seventy-fourth hunger games had finally finished. There was no more war, no more Snow, no more games. I was finally free, and I had no idea what I was going to do. I traced circles into Peeta's chest and sighed happily. "What?" He said, kissing the top of my head.

"It's a good feeling." I laughed. "Having nothing to do. For the first time in a very long time, there is no weight on my chest, no evil hovering over my head. I can finally get on with my life."

"Yes, yes you can." He said. "Will you still marry me, Katniss Everdeen?" His voice was so full of love and hope, I smiled against his chest.

"I would love to. Only this time, let's hope I make it to the second day of our engagement." He wrapped his arms around me and chuckled. He pulled something out of his pocket. It was the ring he had given me all those weeks ago.

"I kept it with me." He said. "It was like a little piece of you that I always got to hold. It reminded me to never give up, even when it seemed hopeless." He slipped the ring on my finger. "Perfect. Now everything it right again." He kissed me again and looked lovingly into my eyes. Everything was right. No, not everything. Suddenly, I stopped smiling. There was still something I had to do. Someone I had to see.

"I have to go." I said solemnly. I looked into his eyes, and they were full of worry. "I'll be back, I promise. There's just…someone I have to talk to. I have unfinished business that I have to resolve." I kissed him on the lips and climbed out of bed, throwing my clothes back on. He laid back in the bed and sighed, grinning again.

"You'll fix it." He said as I kissed his forehead. "Everything will be ok." I nodded. Of course he knew what I was going to do. Peeta always knew what was running through my mind. I smiled at him one more time and walked out the door.

I walked through the halls in the hospital, trying to find my way to the exit. I decided that I wanted to check in on Prim because I hadn't seen her since she got out of the games. I needed to make sure she was ok. I asked the nurse where she would be, and she pointed me down a long hallway and told me a room number to look for. As I passed through the double doors, I noticed the label to the side: burn wing. Sydney had said that Prim walked through fire, but I didn't realize she had been hurt. I quickened my pace until I found the room the nurse had told me about. I stopped outside the door, watching Prim sit upright on a bed and be examined by a nurse. Her back was to me, but I saw that she had a white bandage covering her head. How badly was she injured?

"Ok Primrose." The nurse said, pulling the needle away from Prim's arm and throwing it into the biohazard trash behind her. "You're free to go for now, but once you get back to district thirteen you'll have to stay in the hospital for a while." I walked into the room as the nurse gingerly picked Prim up and set her into a wheelchair that was sitting next to the bed. Prim rolled herself around and towards the door. I had to stop myself from gasping or bursting into tears.

"Hey Katniss!" She said in a cheerful voice. It was Prim's voice, that was certain, but this wasn't Prim. The skin on her face was blackened and cracked. Her left eye was completely covered by the bandage around her head. Similar wrappings covered her arms and legs, and to my horror, I saw that her left foot had been amputated. I didn't understand. She looked at me quizzically through her one eye, and I forced myself to smile at her. I couldn't let her see how bad it was. I had to be strong for her.

"Hey little duck." I choked out. The nurse brushed past me and walked out of the room. Prim just sat there, smiling at me through her cracked lips like she didn't have a care in the world, while I felt like falling to the floor and sobbing. Just then, there was a slight tap on the doorway. I turned around and saw Peeta standing there, sorrow in his eyes.

"The hovercraft are about to leave." He said softly. "We have to be on one so we can get back to thirteen." The plan had been for me to go find Sydney and make up with her, but I didn't even want to look at her after seeing Prim. Of course it wasn't her fault, but Prim had jumped through those flames to save her. My little sister was a going to be crippled for the rest of her life because of Sydney.

"Well I guess we should go then." Prim answered. She pressed a knob on the handle of her chair and glided past us out the door. I heard her whimper in pain as she ran over a bump near the doorway, but she reassured us she was fine, and just kept going to the exit of the hospital. I couldn't move. I stood in the room, watching her roll down the hallway. How could I let this happen? Wasn't I supposed to be protecting her? I dropped my head to the floor and let out a gasping sob. Peeta came over to me and wrapped his arms around me protectively.

"What happened to her?" I asked him in between sobs.

He sighed and rubbed my back. "She saw Sydney dying, and I guess she panicked. She covered herself in a blanket from the pack and jumped across the flames. Apparently there was an adrenaline needle in there as well, so she shoved it in Sydney's arm to keep her alive. It was quick thinking really, and it would have been fine if her clothes hadn't caught on fire. The blanket had protected her, but while she was trying to save Sydney's life, she didn't realize that her pant leg had caught on fire. She tried to put it out, but it consumed her. By the time the medics from the hovercraft got there, they were barely able to keep her alive. They brought her here and did some skin grafting, but her foot became infected and they had to amputate it. I'm so sorry Kat." He pulled me closer to him and I buried my face in his chest.

"How could I let this happen Peeta? She'll never have a moment of peace. She'll never be a normal child again."

"You can't blame yourself. Prim made a decision. She wanted to save Sydney's life, and she did, but she paid the price. She was brave Katniss. She's a hero, and in case you couldn't tell, she's taking it all in stride. The nurses all love her, and they say that with an attitude like hers there's no knowing how much she could recover."

I sighed and didn't answer him. I knew he was trying to be optimistic, but I didn't feel like pretending Prim would be ok. She would never be ok, and it was naïve to have hope. "Did you find Sydney?" Peeta asked.

"No." I snapped at him. "And I don't want to. I can't look at her Peeta. I know that's not right of me, but I just can't." I stepped back from him and wiped my eyes. "We should go." He nodded and put an arm around my shoulders. We walked together to the hovercrafts. People patted me on the back and told me how brave I was, but I just nodded politely or ignored them. I wasn't brave. I hadn't jumped through fire. Prim was the real hero, but none of them would acknowledge that. No matter what I did, people would always love me, even when I hated myself so much.

Haymitch waved us over to the first hovercraft, and when we stepped on Prim was already there, talking to Finnick. "They've become friends." Peeta said with a small chuckle. "Finnick says Prim is his hero." I stared at them for a while, and Finnick noticed and waved at me. I didn't wave back, I just kept looking at Prim. Fate was so cruel, to punish her for saving a life. It was funny how that worked. It was the innocent ones that always got hurt. Eventually, our last passengers got on. Gale walked in first, and gave Peeta and I a curt nod, then Sydney stepped on behind him, clutching his hand for support. My eyes narrowed as she scanned the room and people welcomed her. Her gaze landed on me for a moment, and she looked confused at the angry look that must have been written all over my face, then she looked past me, and I saw the shock slowly enter her features.

She let go of Gale's hand and walked over to Prim slowly. She knelt down in front of my sister, and looked into her good eye. Prim smiled at her, and Sydney turned around to look at me. Her eyes dropped to the floor, and she clutched her chest with her other hand. "Hey, Syd." Prim said, pulling her attention back. Sydney didn't say anything, she just shook her head. "Guess my fool proof plan almost killed us both." She tried to joke, but Sydney just kept shaking her head back and forth.

"I'm so sorry, Prim. I didn't know…I would've come and seen you. They didn't tell me how badly you were hurt." Prim reached out and touched Sydney, wincing slightly at the pain it brought her. Sydney's head snapped up.

"It's ok. We're partners remember? It was worth it to save you." Sydney nodded and stood up.

"No it wasn't." She whispered as she walked away, but I think I was the only one who heard her. She went and stood by Gale, unable to take her eyes off Prim.

"Well, let's take her up." Haymitch said, and the hovercraft lifted off the ground under our feet, carrying us back to district thirteen.

I moved back into the compartment with my mother to take care of Prim. Peeta came and stayed with us too, and it was nice to not have to stay with the squad. I still hadn't spoken to Sydney. I knew I had things to apologize for, but I no longer felt the need to say them. I didn't want to be around her, because I got so angry when I thought about Prim. She barely ever slept through the night. After the first week back at thirteen, she moved back in with us, and every night she would wake up screaming in pain. My mother soothed her with salves while I held her hand and sang to her, but it was barely a relief. It got a little bit better over the time, and Prim never gave up, but the doctors said she would live with this pain for the rest of her life.

Peeta and I went back to training after a while when we realized there was nothing we could do for Prim. It was just like it had always been with Sydney and I in training, but this time it was hard. It was hard to just ignore her and pretend like we had never been friends, because we had been. She tried to talk to me a few times, but I walked away from her and blew her off, and she stopped trying.

One night, I was helping Prim take a bath in salve and cool water when the subject of my former friend came up. "I saw Sydney today." Prim said eagerly. "She was eating at the same time I was. I went over and sat with her. She's getting better about being able to be around me. I know she feels guilty, but I reassure her."

"Why?" I asked, dropping my hands to the floor. "Why do you do that? Just don't talk to her Prim. She made you like this. She did this to you." Prim frowned and moved away from me. 

"No she didn't Katniss." She snapped. Prim was angry. She never got angry with me. "She didn't do anything. She didn't put me in that arena or force me to fight. That was the Capitol. She didn't put up a wall of flames and try to kill me, that was Snow. All Sydney did was keep me alive for that arena and shove a knife into her stomach to try and keep me alive. It was my decision to jump through the flames. I didn't want to see her die, not for me. I don't blame her Katniss. So why do you?"

I stared at the tiles on the bathroom floor. I knew Prim was right. Somehow she always was. "I…I don't know. I just need to blame someone."

"Then blame Snow. Blame Coin. Blame the Capitol, but don't blame Sydney." She reached her hand out and touched my shoulder. "Sydney talks about you a lot. She tells me about your time in prison, and it seems like you guys were really good friends, otherwise why would she have tried to sacrifice her life for me? She misses you, and I know somewhere deep down you miss her too." I sighed and nodded. Right again. It was hard to remember that Prim was only fourteen. "Go." She whispered, taking the sponge from me. "I think I can finish bathing myself."

I laughed and planted a light kiss on her forehead. I walked out of the bathroom and down the hallway, running into Peeta. He looked at me curiously. "Where are you going at this time of night?" He asked as I grabbed my jacket off the hook and slipped on my boots.

"I'm fixing it." I answered, kissing his cheek. It's what I was supposed to do back in district eight. I went to the apartment and said hi to the squad, hoping that she would be there, but Gale told me she had left a while ago, saying she needed to think. I clenched my jaw. I needed to talk to her now, I couldn't wait for her to come back, but where was she? Thinking. Then I knew. I thanked Gale and went out into the hallway, making my way up to the surface.

I found her standing on the edge of the forest, gazing off into the distance. She didn't turn around when I approached, and I realized that I didn't have a speech prepared or anything. I didn't really know what to say to her. We just stood there in silence until finally, she spoke up.

"I look out at that forest and think about what would have happened if I just stopped when you called my name. If I hadn't run away, we would have stayed in thirteen. We never would have been captured, and the games probably never would have happened. Twenty-four lives could have been saved. It's my fault they're dead Katniss." I looked at her silhouette and a single tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm sorry Katniss. I'm sorry for what happened to Prim. I know it's my fault. She's crippled because of me, and I'll never forgive myself for it. I told her to turn around and not look back at me, but she didn't listen. I owe her my life, but I wish she had just let me die so she would be ok."

I sighed and looked away, hoping to find my words somewhere in the trees. "I don't blame you, and I was wrong to be mad at you. You couldn't have done anything, and it wasn't your decision to send Prim into that fire, it was hers. You shouldn't feel guilty, and it was cruel of me to hold that over you. After all that we went through, I should be better to you. If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't be standing here."

She nodded her head and glanced down at her arm. I noticed she was looking down at the numbers that were tattooed over her forearm. I looked down at my own, remembering everything that had happened to us in that prison. "I told them not to take it off." She said slowly. "I don't want to forget what happened to me. I told them to leave the scar there too, from the knife wound. I want to remember every day in the prison, and I want to remember every moment in the games."

"Trust me when I say that you will never forget the games. They hang over you like some dark cloud that's just wanting to block out a good thought. As soon as you think you're over it, you have another nightmare, but you're not alone." I turned towards her and put my arms on her shoulders. "I know that you think I would have chosen Prim over you in that final moment, but in reality, I couldn't have chosen. That was an impossible decision for me to make."

She scoffed at me and looked at the ground. "Come on Katniss, she's you sister."

"But so are you." Her head slowly lifted up and she stared at me. "You're as much my sister as Prim is. What we went through in that prison, I'll never forget it either. You helped me survive. You're someone I can talk to and someone I can trust with anything. I know we've been through a lot, but we can recover together. If you've got my back, I've got yours, remember?

I saw her eyes well up with tears, she threw her arms around me and pulled me in close to her. I hugged her back, and she laughed through the tears. She pulled away from me and I looked at her, slightly confused by the change of mood. "I don't understand." I laughed nervously.

"No one has ever called me that before." She said. "Family. Katniss, I've never been anyone's sister, and I'm honored that you think of me like that. I was someone's daughter once, but that was a long time ago."

"Sydney." I said, putting my hands on her shoulders. "You're still someone's daughter. I saw you in the arena. I saw how you stood up to the careers and the Capitol and how brave you were. I didn't know your father, but if he's as good of a man as you make him out to be, he would have been very proud of you." She nodded and laughed at me. I slung my arm around her shoulders.

"So..clean slate?" She asked me warily.

I looked down at the numbers written in my arm and shook my head. "No, because then you might lose all the credit you got in prison, and I could go back to hating you again." She cracked a smile and pushed me away, playfully.

"We should probably go back." I said, giggling. "They're going to think we got kidnapped again." She rolled her eyes and nodded feverishly. She started catching me up on everything her and Gale related as we walked back, and as I tread through those fields above district thirteen, the feeling of freedom returned. I felt the wind ripple through my hair, and I knew that the worst was behind me. As I looked at my best friend standing at my side, I knew that it didn't matter what I was going to do in the future. As long as I had Peeta and Sydney and Gale and my family, I could face anything. This was the beginning of the rest of my life, and I was ready to take it head on. I was ready to keep fighting, for the people I loved, for my home, but most importantly, for myself. I was Katniss Everydeen, victor, Mockingjay, girl on fire, but more importantly, I was just Katniss, fiancée, sister, friend, and fighter.


	24. Epilogue

Note: Ok here it is! First, to explain a little think about Prim. She may get a prosthesis, but she will still be crippled, so that's why I described her as being a cripple for the rest of her life. So anyway, I'm thinking of doing a Sydney story as a follow up, so in your reviews mention whether or not you would read it, and check back for more from me! I'm also doing some original work because I really like this writing thing. Thanks again for reading, and enjoy the epilogue.

I walked slowly up the dirt path back to the Victor's Village. It had only been about three months since we arrived here, but district twelve was up and running again. People were milling about on the street and trading with each other, just casually making small talk while their world was being rebuilt around them. I was just coming from Greasy Sae's, where I had traded a squirrel for a delicious bowl of hot soup that I knew Peeta would love. I smiled at the thought and picked up the pace, eager to get back to my husband.

We had left district thirteen two weeks after Sydney and I had made up. My mother decided it would be better for Prim if we moved away and got back out into the open air. There was a great doctor who had been stationed in district twelve, and they could use our help rebuilding it. I got an honorable discharge from the thirteen militia, and said my goodbyes to my team.

"We're going to miss you Katniss." Finnick said, as he pulled me into a bear hug. He kissed my cheek and twirled me around, then pulled Peeta in for a hug. He was coming with my family, of course, and we would make our wedding preparations there. I was sad to be leaving my team, but thirteen wasn't that far away, and they were disbanning anyway. Finnick was being made a commander, and was going to be given his own squad to look after. Furman was becoming a tactical specialist, so he would be transferring divisions entirely. Johanna had decided to travel around Panem and help rebuild the districts after all of the damage that the war had done. Gale was going to teach weapons and arms training at the academy where all of thirteen's future leaders attended.

Sydney was being trained to become a leader. She was given an official position in the general's squad, and it was thought she would probably run for President in the future. Jacobs was grooming her for leadership, so she would stay here and make sure everything ran smoothly. She had command in her blood, and everyone could see that she would make a great leader some day.

I walked over to Gale and gave him a long hug. "Thank you for everything." I whispered to him. "You deserve to be happy Gale, and I'm glad you finally are." He smiled at me and kissed my cheek. "Take care of her." I nodded to Sydney and she shot me a look. "You never know what she'll get into."

He laughed and hugged me one last time. "Take care of yourself Katniss. And tell Prim I said hello." I nodded and walked over to Sydney. Gale and Peeta shook hands and gave each other a curt nod. There was a silent recognition between them, of friendship and of peace. Peeta touched my shoulder and said he would meet me outside, and I nodded at him, dreading my last goodbye. The squad dispersed, giving Sydney and I our space. Gale kissed her forehead and gave me a final wave, disappearing down the hallway.

"So…you're going to call me everyday right?" She laughed and hugged me.

"Of course. I have to call and talk about wedding things and complain about how boring my life is without you." I rolled my eyes sarcastically, but I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I was really going to miss Sydney. I wished she could come with us, but her place was here in thirteen.

"You deserve to relax Katniss." I shrugged my shoulders and nodded. "Besides, we'll see each other soon. You'll always be my pseudo-sister. No matter how much distance is between us." I smiled and hugged her one last time. I turned and walked out the door. "Take care of Peeta!" She yelled after me. "Make sure he doesn't bake too much!" I shook my head and giggled, closing the door behind me. The wedding would be in a few months. I would see her then. I tried to use that thought to reassure myself, but the heaviness in my chest didn't go away. Peeta had been waiting outside the door, and he put is arms around me soothingly. He and I made our way to the hovercraft that would transport us home.

Haymitch was standing on the landing platform, waiting for us. "You didn't honestly think you could leave without saying goodbye. I'm the President after all." He said mockingly.

We both embraced him and thanked him for all his help. "You kids gave me hope. You gave all of us hope. I sure am glad I decided to stop drinking so much and help you. Thanks for almost stabbing me in the hand Katniss." He said, turning to me. I grinned at the memory of that day on the train. "Check on my house for me, would you? I'll be back there once this is all over, so I don't want it to be a mess." Peeta rolled his eyes at Haymitch and gave him a pat on the back. As we got into the hovercraft and rose above district thirteen, I felt a mixture of sadness and relief. This had been a place of refuge for so many people, but for me, it was also a place of fear. I had been under the control of President Coin since the day I got here, so I never got a chance to just relax and see what thirteen could be like during a time of peace.

Over the past two weeks, that had changed. I had hung out with Sydney and made dinner with Peeta and even hunted in the woods with Gale. I had watched two people who I cared very much about fall in love, and it made me happy to see that everyone was moving on after the war. Of course we would never forget those who had fallen around us, but life was going back to how it should be. But I had to leave. I had to go home.

I sighed happily as I got to the front door of our house in the Victor's Village I had moved in with Peeta immediately upon our return, and it felt good to call it our house. My mother and Prim lived in my old house in the village, and the new mayor and his family had set up camp in the one adjacent to Haymitch's. Peeta and I had kept our promise and checked on his house from time to time. The Presidential race was beginning, and once the new leader was elected, Haymitch would be free to move back here.

I noticed a familiar car parked outside and my heart dropped into my stomach. It was the head doctor of district twelve, the one who was in charge of Prim. I wiped my boots off on the mat in front of the door and opened it, throwing my game bag down by the door and hanging up my jacket. She was doing well, but there was always a chance for a relapse, and the fear of an infection or some other ailment was always in the back of my mind. I walked into the kitchen the see Dr. Kimono speaking with Peeta. When I walked into the door, they were silent. "What's wrong?" I asked hurriedly. "Is it Prim? Did something happen to her?"

He must have sensed the panic in my voice, and he chuckled. "No, your sister is doing wonderfully. I'm here about you Katniss." Me? What could he want with me? I got regular check-ups because I had been so malnourished as a POW, but other than that, I didn't interact much with him. I felt fine, so what did he want with me?

"Your regular blood checks for this month came back, and you have extremely high levels of the human chorionic gonadotropin hormone." I looked at him like he was speaking a different language. My eyes shifted to Peeta, hoping he could make sense of it for me. He looked at me nervously.

"So…am I going to die?" I asked suspiciously. "I seriously feel fine. I don't understand."

Dr. Kimono chuckled. "Of course not. It's quite the opposite. hCG is a hormone that only appears in women when they're with child." I looked at him in disbelief. I couldn't fully process his words. I stared at him blankly, blinking my eyes repeatedly. How could this have happened? I didn't even take it into account, didn't even realize that it was a possibility. Having children just seemed like it was so far in the future for me. I sat down in the wooden kitchen chair and put my elbows on my knees. I rested my head in my hands and exhaled, trying to keep my breathing steady.

I heard Peeta lead the doctor out the door and thank him for his time. He came back and knelt down next to me. "Katniss…" I just stared past him at the floor beneath his feet. I didn't want to face this. If I didn't talk about it, it wasn't real. "Katniss look at me." He was so calm, and his voice so full of love. I could tell that he was happy, but he was suppressing it for my expense. I looked up at him. "We could do something about it. It doesn't have to happen right now. If you aren't ready or you never want to have kids we can take care of it. Dr. Kimono said it was an option." He said quickly.

I still didn't speak. I just looked into Peeta's eyes. I thought back to the day we got married. Had that only been a month ago? It had been a simple ceremony, as is tradition in district twelve. Sydney, Gale, Haymitch and the rest of my former team had made their way to twelve for the ceremony. The justice building hadn't been rebuilt yet, so the ceremony was performed in the woods by the lake that my father and I used to go to. I had asked Peeta if we could have it here, so my father would be with us. He, of course, obliged, and it was a beautiful summer day when we decided to officially tie the knot.

There were no cameras or reporters or crazy people screaming at us. It was just our family and friends, gathered together for a peaceful ceremony. As I looked into his eyes and made the promise to stay with him forever, I got the same feeling that I got right now. I knew that as long as I had him here next to me, there was nothing to be afraid of. I shook my head at his statement. "No. I don't want to do that Peeta. Everything is finally peaceful, and I love you so much. I want to have a family with you. Yes, I'm scared and confused and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, but I know that we'll figure it out, together." The smiled returned to his face brighter and bigger than ever. He kissed me and held me at arms length, looking to my eyes as we both laughed in nervous excitement.

There was the feeling again. He had these deep, blue eyes that held my heart inside of them. They represented strength and hope and love and courage. They were the reason I woke up in the morning, the thing that kept me going even in the darkest of times. They had rescued me from an evil dictator, pulled me out of a damp, dark prison cell, and kept me calm when I felt like I was going to break. They were the reason I had married him, the reason I was going to have this child, and they were always going to be the reason for me to keep fighting.


	25. Announcement!

Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know that the sequel for this fic called "Stay Strong" is currently up and on chapter two. It follows Sydney on her life during and after the epilogue, and is sure to be just as epic and action packed as "Keep Fighting". Thank you so much for your support and check out the sequel! There will be some POV chapters from Katniss in there as well, and possibly even Gale. You never know what I have in store for you. Enjoy.


	26. One Year!

Hey guys! So its been a year since I finished this fic. Just wanted to thank everyone again for reading, and hopefully get it seen by some new people. I'm thinking of starting something new...who knows! Just wanted to drop back in and maybe get you to reread! If you're a new reader, make sure you rate and review.


End file.
